| Getting over it
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:05:18 PM | | We've all had broken hearts before, I've had my share, but this particular time around it's not so easy. I was with her for a year and a half, and 3 weeks after she left me she was already settled in with a new "boyfriend". We had some trust issues and we were approaching the "i need a break" time, but it's different when it's gone and she's moved on so quickly. I'm having trouble getting over this particular instance, and it's been almost 2 months now. She contacted me recently to tell me she isn't happy and misses me and doesn't know what to do, and cried a whole lot, but when I asked her why it was so hard for her to just come back to me, if all these feelings were true, she said she needed to find herself. I know this girl like the back of my hand, and thats a crock. But why bother me with false hope? I'll never get over this if it continues. I've been on dates since, I've had a good time, started enjoying myself, but still realize there is something missing and I can't bring myself to even consider any of these dates as something that may turn serious. So much for proposing in 08. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:06:50 PM | Your ex is one of the flaky individuals who on a good day couldn't find her ass with both hands, I love the " needed to find herself" excuse, if she needs to find her self tell her to hire a private eye to find herself or get therapy to resolve her issues, its her problem not yours, she's attempting to drag her into her web and keep you as a back up plan while she searches and searches. Is that fair to you???? ahhh no, she's selfish.
Time to relegate the ex to the past tense, you're a big dawg now, time to let the balls drop and wave to her buh byeeeeee | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:35:21 PM | | It is very hard when someone hurts you so bad. You can't expect to just get up and be over it after only 2 months. You are still very hurt and she is still in your life. It is hard to get over someone when they are still popping in and out of your life. I was with someone for ten years and lived with him for 3 years. He always said he was afraid to get married, meanwhile he was with someone else 3 months before he walked out on me one day. A year later he was married to the girl he was seeing. He took forever to come and get his stuff out of our apartment and kept dragging it on. He kept lying to me over and over even when I had proof that he had cheated on me. It is really hard when someone does that to you because you think you are not good enough or there is something wrong with you. I have had other boyfriends since but have not been able to trust anyone completely so I put up a wall and end up getting hurt again because others can't handle it so they decide to leave. What ever happens in a relationship it is up to you if you want to cheat on someone or not. In my books if you cheat you are done because you can never fully trust someone again who has done that to you. It's hard because no matter what has happened you are still in love with the person she used to be. You need to realize that she is not the person you loved anymore. She has crossed the line and can't go back. She has realized now that it was a mistake but some mistakes you can't take back. You need to get her out of your life completely and then you can start healing and get on with your life. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:40:55 PM | | Sounds like she still doesnt know what she wants. If you do take her back, 99% sure she'll do the exact same thing. Until she grows up. Which may be a long time | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:45:35 PM | Fgomes, two months is barley enough time to heal tourself before jumping out in the dating society. my opinion, sounds like your trying to get over her with other woman, wont work, it will only trigger your emotions. hang out with friends instead, discover yourself again.
I dont feel its a crock when one says they need to find themselves, its true, everyone should do this, it benefits us in the end. From my personal experience in my marriage, i totally lost myself, I was to young and didnt know any better then but i do now. it took me very long time to be stable again and discover who i really am as a person and now I know what i want in life.
hope this helps you. ...good luck
Days | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:48:19 PM | Been there, done that and might go back.
My ex dumped me after a 5 year relationship. My life was over. Then a Hurricane hit. Ok, maybe my life IS over...
2 serious months of pain.....horrible pain.
It was bad after that, but it got a little better. the calendar turned the page and it was a new year and I felt kind of free.
And then......they always know when to call. She called me back. But that's another story.
I suggest to go out and enjoy the company of other women. Build of a reserve of "Why, yes, there ARE nice girls out there. They arent XXXXXX, but they're out there," | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:08:08 AM | | ive been divorced a yr now. i ran into her yesterday with her new husband.she only knew for a month. it hurts still but i think of the hell i went through with her. its probably not the right forum for this. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:44:58 AM | Never mind her reasons, we can all sit here and make excuses and to me as your the one that's posted so your the one we need to address. I'm not one bit bothered about her.
It's hard to move on when we care. However you split up. You can still have feelings but the relationship just wasn't right for you both. The best thing to do is take time and heal. Dont date and confuse the issue. Take time out and have a few beers, chill out with mates and do things just for you and live for yourself and have a good cry! It may take a while to feel better but by doing this you'll have some space.
Change your numbers and cut contact. Yes it'll hurt like hell course it will, cos you still deep down wanna know she's there and shes ok but she made her choice whatever the reasons.
I know it sounds cliche but you really will grow from all this we just don't see it like that at the time its happening. What feels like heartbreak now , in the future becomes something we smile about and talk about and say cant believe I put up with all that or what was I thinking to get so upset?
I've been there and done that , and them relationships shaped who am I am and what I am. Those experiences have made me toughen up in so many ways.
I've had a situation similar to yours. Met a great guy dated, we split got back together and then he started going all funny on me. This time I'm really not having it. I sat back and reflected on my past and thought no way , thanks you aint doing it as well as the others. Dont care his reasons I'm so over it you don know lol x
I wish you luck, but dont be a fool to yourself. Dont let it become a game that cos shes with someone else you really do believe you want her back. Take a good hard look at the situation x | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:10:13 PM | | thanks for all the help everyone, I guess I'll go out and get a beer | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:15:11 AM | Beer going to change things?
Thank whatever god you believe in that you dodged this bullet. This is the kind of woman who will keep changing men because they have a nicer car or a bigger shwantz. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:19:43 AM | You know, go for a walk down by the river, have a little chat with yourself. Think of all YOUR positives, remember who you are, you need to heal yourself. You need to remember that this life is YOURS, and it will be what YOU make it. Sure it hurts, but it's not who you are as a person, it's only a fraction of who you really are on the inside. It's an ego thing, that she does't want you, so go ahead and fill your boots with your ego. Her loss, not yours, dust off and get back in the saddle. Not everyone is that cold and calous and you're not a yoyo, don't let her do that to you. You Deserve better, and I am speaking from experience. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:32:27 AM | | It will get better. Don't fall for her pity party. SHE LEFT YOU!!!! CUT THE HUZZY OUTTA YOUR LIFE. I swear one of these days you are going to look back and be so thankful that you did. Just give it a little more time. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:52:39 AM | After a year and half, she left you because it was "I need a break time", or some other nonsense, rather than sit down and discuss it like MATURE adults..? Following a short time, she starts calling you telling you that she misses you? What to do, what to do, what to do.......... Simple - STOP taking her calls. STOP reading her e-mails, STOP talking to her, and move on. Get rid of all of the crap that she left you, whether it's letters, photos, cards, your favorite sweater (ok - the 56" plasma TV stays - the playoffs are here), and find someone new. Should you get back together, it will be only a matter of time before the same stunt starts showing itself again.
You've already said that you've had other dates, had fun, etc, so you're on your way. Just put this woman out of your head and move on. That old adage that the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" is a tired old chestnut, and only played by mysoginistic, bored and boring, narcissistic people. How long do you want to associate with those?
I remember a few years ago, I had heard some FUNNY advice given from one woman to another: "The best way to get OVER a man, is to get UNDER a new one....." I see nothing that says the same couldn't hold true for a man as well. | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:59:49 AM | | alright alright! It's over! I'm gonna go out tonight and impress someone with my karaoke and see what happens! I donated blood today too, so drinking should be a blast! I've taken everyone's advice that has posted, and I appreciate it, and would always love to hear more comments to motivate me | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:47:52 PM | Fgomes...there ya go....sing your little heart out like no ones listening. you might just enjoy it...lol. there are some ghood people out there, matter of them finding you. let loose an have some fun  I'd join you..lol.
days | |
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| Getting over it
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:26:47 AM | I had heard some FUNNY advice given from one woman to another: "The best way to get OVER a man, is to get UNDER a new one....."
 (That's funny, sorry could not help it)
Well, that is the prime example of some people who look for a quick fix, "patches" to their wounded heart. How short-sighted and narrow minded ?! Sadly, rather than any kind of physical and mental h e a l i n g on agenda, more confusion sets in and more rough waters to be treaded.  | |
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