| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:22:29 PM | We have been dating for about a month and he just keeps blowing hot an then cold.
One minute he wants me and talks about forever, the next he is blowing me off and has no time for me.
When I ask him about it he got very defensive and said I was causing drama and he didn't want that.
He has his own small business he is trying to get off the ground and works constantly, I mean day and night and he frequently uses work as an excuse (a good one) as to why he can't see me.
Then he says he is afraid to lose me and really cares about me. We see each other and have a great time together. We talk on the phone and e-mail a lot too.
I care about him and I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet.
But in the back of my mind I am wondering why is he doing this?
I know the typical reply is gonna be...he really isnt that into you, bah, blah,blah........
But I think there is more to it than that.
Fear of failure...... Maybe, for he is coming out of a nasty divorce.
TC
Sapphire | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:32:06 PM | There is no nice way to say it my dear. Well maybe I can give it a try...Hmmmm
Knock knock.....( you ask who's there?) Your a.. (your a who you ask?)
YOUR A BOOTY CALL!!!!!!!
Play second best to nothing and no one!
~Belly~ | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:52:22 PM | ...sigh...how many shoeprints do you need on your face before you realize you're a carpet and he's walking all over you?! 
You already sound like the victim of abuse. You're already making excuses for HIM.
Sure....he's not so bad except the times when he's NO GOOD. He already blames YOU for creating drama. If his business fails, he will blame YOU. If he's got so much time to email all night, why can't he spend that time with you? Oh, yeah....working ALL THE TIME.
Save this guy for afternoon lunches and matinee movies --- do not take him seriously. I'm sure he's already forbidden you to come to his job. Gee, I wonder why....maybe you should ask his secretary when she isn't bent over his desk taking "dicktation".
Run. Run far and fast. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/8/2008 10:15:20 PM | It depends on what you mean when you say he "blows you off".
Does that mean that he tells you it's over? Or he doesn't show up for dates?
Or do you mean that he doesn't have the time to see you as much as you would like, and you don't want to accept that and so you nag him about it, and he doesn't want to feel pressured about it.
Big difference. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:06:42 PM |
how many shoeprints do you need on your face before you realize you're a carpet and he's walking all over you?!
Now that is funny!
And sadly so true. He does it because you allow him to and even say "thank you sir may I have another" by defending his behavior. Move on for your own sake. I can tell you what you want to hear but it doesn't make it so. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:20:10 PM | | Best thing for you to do is get your own life and stop worrying about him. Don't allow him to be your center of attention. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:21:40 AM | | its not that he just want you for sex...my guess is that you have never had sex with him..somtimes people just want someone people want some one to talk to.. if you really like him keep talkin to him, but dont put all your heart into it. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:23:56 AM | | Get on with your life. He's starting a business and does not have the time necessary to be there for you. His business comes first and if you can't deal with that, find someone else who will make time for you. It's only been a month, how invested could you possibly be? Get out before that shoe print on your face (as desert bro so aptly put it) becomes indelible. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:26:38 AM | ya he should stop working on his business and start working on getting to know the real you | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:41:53 AM | With some men you gotta hit the mute button.
Dont pay any attention to what he says. Pay very close attention to what he does.
If you can be honest with yourself, you'll see it. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:01:56 AM | | One month ??? Get a life.How can you even think that anything you have with someone for a month could last forever.You don`t even know this person ,unless it doesn`t matter as long as you have a man in your life.... | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:15:01 AM | | He's just not that into you. He's busy and doesn't need the drama of a relationship, as he's had enough of that with his nasty divorce. That's why he's doing it. If he were afraid to lose you, he'd treat you like you mattered to him. So why are you doing it? | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:17:19 AM | It is what it is... by trying to make it more, force him to hang a label on it, or whatever, you just need to decide if you want to keep the relationship the way it is now or to end it.
Don't hang in there in hopes that it will improve, that is almost always a big mistake and a waste of energy  | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:30:50 AM | | I think that he is playing you to keep you unsure of things. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:51:51 AM | Well he may be into you but for all the wrong reasons...If he is just coming out of a nasty divorce perhaps one day he wants to be with you and then the next thinks maybe he needs some time to figure things out.
I would probably back off and let him spend some time alone....jumping from one relationship to the next is not good b/c really you are the "Rebound Gal"....and sorry to say but those don't usually end up being the long term relationships.
I think this guy likes you but only wants you around when he has the time...and also I feel he needs time to get his head together. We all go through the grieving process differently...but I would suspect at times he feels like he is on his way to being in another relationship when it sounds to me like he hasn't finished the last one completely. Physically he is not with her anymore but the mental stress is still present...
I figure you should come right out and ask him what is going on and if he feels like he needs more time to figure things out...Also don't like the fact that he said he does not need the drama...that only signifies to me that he has enough stress in his life right now and does not want anymore. It might be that he cares about you but just doesn't have the mind set to really talk about what it is that is bothering him....
Seems to me if you keep quiet then things are okay with him and I don't know if that is such a good way to start a relationship...bottom line is this guy needs time to figure out what he wants....b/c remember it is not your problem...it is his.
We all need time alone to figure out what we really want..
I hope you find your answer and find your man...... | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:02:55 AM |
He's busy and doesn't need the drama of a relationship, as he's had enough of that with his nasty divorce. That's why he's doing it. If he were afraid to lose you, he'd treat you like you mattered to him. So why are you doing it? So why is she doing it... let me hazard a guess: If you've been intimate ~the sex is amazing.. what say you OP?
He's not afraid of losing her because: (and these all suck btw)
1. He knows she's hooked and will wait for him at his convenience
2. He's not afraid of losing her, but once he thinks he might be, he'll come around until she's hooked again... and make you question if you're over-reacting (passive aggresion)
3.
I think that he is playing you to keep you unsure of things.
If you think you're falling in love with him OP you're best to do some inner reflection on the situation. Although one month is too soon to feel true love.. It's long enough to fall in love with the way he makes you feel.
Although I think he cares for you in some capacity, you've talked to him about your concerns and he doesn't appear to care about them. So it's up to you to carry on in the hopes his "busyness" will slow down, or walk away from something that is obviously giving you cause for concern.
Either way... it's your call and you can't blame him for your ultimate decision.
I Hope that whatever decision you make that it will be a wise one for you.  | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:34:52 AM | | he's coming out of a nasty divorce and trying to get a business off the ground.. sounds to me like he might be exhausted - emotionally and physically and doesn't have time or energy for anything else.. he might really like you, but the timing stinks.. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:53:13 AM | It's hard to say, because we only have one side of the story.
But in general, when a relationship gets confusing,
focus on the others actions, not what they say,
and act accordingly.
Usually, humans will make time for that which they care about. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:06:02 PM | This has happened to me in the past and just recently. I think the behavior is very disrespectful and I call it. In my world the guy is either interested or not. I am not a yo-yo and wont be played like one. When a man does come here-go away I go away because life is too short to get caught up in games. If he was truly interested he would make being with you a priority. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:53:50 PM | The issue is.....he is in the middle of a transformation...from getting a business off the ground and his number one priority IS his business.
If you can see yourself with him in the future...you have to deal with his baggage..
This is a classic case of what we all call BAGGAGE..bringing in a new person in their life while they are knee deep with problematic equations. You ask...where do YOU fit in ..in his equation? You have to come up with a PLAN A: deal with it..sit back and when he needs you..you will be there for him.
PLAN B: I am sure there are other males online here that have been interested in you..chill out a few male friends while HE is getting his life together. You don't have to sit around and wait for him...it's HIS unfinished business ..not yours. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:09:43 PM | Hey guys thanks for the replies.
Belly, hun it's not a booty call, we haven't went there and now we never will.
I just told him not to contact me anymore.
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE A WOMAN WHO ISNT GOING TO DO EVERYTHING YOUR WAY. AS LONG AS YOU ARE RUNNING THE SHOW AND CONTROLLING WHEN AND HOW MUCH WE TALK AND SEE EACH OTHER, WELL THEN YOU ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY. BUT WHEN I SAY THAT IS NOT WORKING FOR ME, YOU FLIP OUT AND ATTACK ME AND TRY TO PUT THE BLAME BACK ON ME. YOU NEED TO GROW UP, THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. I AM SURE I'M NOT THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS TO YOU.
NO WONDER SHE LEFT YOU. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT EITHER.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE.
I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES...I AM SERIOUS" | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:37:52 PM |
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE A WOMAN WHO ISNT GOING TO DO EVERYTHING YOUR WAY. AS LONG AS YOU ARE RUNNING THE SHOW AND CONTROLLING WHEN AND HOW MUCH WE TALK AND SEE EACH OTHER, WELL THEN YOU ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY. BUT WHEN I SAY THAT IS NOT WORKING FOR ME, YOU FLIP OUT AND ATTACK ME AND TRY TO PUT THE BLAME BACK ON ME. YOU NEED TO GROW UP, THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. I AM SURE I'M NOT THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS TO YOU.
NO WONDER SHE LEFT YOU. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT EITHER.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE.
I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES...I AM SERIOUS"
I guess you told him then.
Savona | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:17:04 PM | Indeed she did!
Best wishes to you Sapphire.. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:36:48 PM | YOU CAN'T HANDLE A WOMAN WHO ISNT GOING TO DO EVERYTHING YOUR WAY. AS LONG AS YOU ARE RUNNING THE SHOW AND CONTROLLING WHEN AND HOW MUCH WE TALK AND SEE EACH OTHER, WELL THEN YOU ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY. BUT WHEN I SAY THAT IS NOT WORKING FOR ME, YOU FLIP OUT AND ATTACK ME AND TRY TO PUT THE BLAME BACK ON ME. YOU NEED TO GROW UP, THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. I AM SURE I'M NOT THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS TO YOU.
NO WONDER SHE LEFT YOU. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT EITHER.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE.
I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES...I AM SERIOUS"
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Good job. Wish you lots of luck with your future endevours.  | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:38:43 PM | BUT are you REALLY serious...If he comes knocking on your door with flowers in hand saying HONEY I WILL DO ANNNNNYYYYTHING not to loose you, will you fall for that?
I don't want to rain on your parade in the least, but flowers and I'm so sorry have been known to work. | |
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