| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:54:58 AM | here's the whole story. my fiance have a step mom and she have a daughter. they aren't blood related. a few years before his step mom married his dad i suspect he and her daughter had something going on. when he describes her, he: "see, when she and I first met when my step mom was dating my dad, she was actually flirting with me. She was very, very pretty back then" then after loooon pause "i mean, she is still very very pretty." then convo. ends and he drifts into his own world. he gets this excited look about him when he talks about her a few times, and he doesn't look that way when he talks about his step mom or dad. I'm worried that he have feelings for her.
should i be concerned?? did anybody go thru the same? would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman but you dont think he'll go cheating on ya? please please help...i'm so troubled  | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:14:34 AM | That is not only wrong but very creepy!
The only reason he probably won't act on it is because the consequences are too high. If he could, we would and he would have already even before you two met.
If it were me I would find someone who doesn't do the dueling banjos thing and fall for family members. The creepy factor alone would send me packing. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:17:03 AM | If I'm reading this correctly...and I'm really not sure because of the incomplete sentences, missing words and misused words...you're concerned that your fiance' may have the hots for his stepsister.
Answer to your questions....yes, no, no.
You're an attractive 20 y.o. Exactly why should you live your life wondering why feeling insecure and troubled by your partner's feeling towards one other person? And it's not like she is going to go away at any time soon.
Of course, the real difficult thing is, how do you explain your feeling about him and this situation without it soundling too weird. And how does he resolve it? Does he explore his feeling about and with his stepsister?
But in the meantime, I'd suggest you give the ring back and tell him you need some time to think about things.
And Jestrada~...it's only creepy in your mind because it happens that this mom and her dad happened to meet first and get married. He could have just as easily met her at a H.S. dance or something. Then they could have got married...but would you have said the same thing if after they got married the parents met and started dating?
Now...if she'd said "....they've lived together since they were 6 and 7....", I might be inclined to feel a tad more like you as they'd had developed different emotional bonds. Who knows...from the OPie's not, her b/f could be 23 and the sister 28. Decisions without details...what an odd concept.
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:23:28 AM | actually it ain't that creepy because they ain't blood relations at all. and i admit she is very very pretty and adorable. and i don't think she likes me or wants to be a friend after we met a few times for some reason *shrugs*
sorry for the poor grammar eazk. it's a relief u understand tho. yeah i'm concerned my fiance likes his now stepsister and im afraid he's more fond of her than he's of me. no she's not going away any time soon, which is double the trouble. i don't know if i should tell him my concerns as i cant trust him to be honest. he'll just tell me im paranoid and insecure, which i probably am, only that my uneasy feelings just won't go away.
it's probably selfish but i don't feel comfortable if he have feelings for someone else who's going to be around for a long time. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:33:46 AM | Sure he'll tell you that...because the alternative is you exit his life...not a good answer. The point is, he can either man-up and be the leader in your relationship and instill in you confidence, good feelings and an genuine perception of love...or he can continue to be a jerk. If he's roughly your age, you've got about 10-20 years or jerkdom ahead of you.
Plus...even though he never actually beds his sister...if his eyes are glazing over, his lips are getting dry, his voice changes when he thinks about her...and aren't those the same things that happen right before orgasm...what's to stop him from trying to push down this fantasy with someone else. I mean...after all, he's already cleared the idea in his mind.
I'm guessing you don't have the self confidence to sit him down and talk this out as adults. Also, you started waving the red flag really high, then backed it down to just 'being troubled'. Now you're saying 'uneasy'. Will it next be '...couldn't sleep so I started contriving this scenario'? Understand what is bothering you and if it is sufficient, address it with him.
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:38:21 AM | He was honest enough to tell you his thoughts..."If only....." but if he keeps bringing it up.......I would ask him why he keeps bringing up his HALF SISTER to you all the time and why he is lusting after his sis?
He probably already knows that it's not healthy ....but bring it up to you is ...creepy. | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:41:43 AM | I wouldn't stay under those circumstances or any others if I was looking for an exclusive relationship if the man came into my life telling me things that indicated feelings for soemone else...don't matter who she is or was.
I can see how these things happen tho because long before it was legally equivalent to marriage to live commonlaw with someone, I had a slightly older second cousin who used to play house with a slightly older boy...in the closet which is an ironic touch if nothing else.
I said "no way are you going to marry him, I am" when I was seven. She was about nine. A few years later my father 'shacked up' with his mother -- and in those days they could have lived commonlaw forever and we'd have been no more related than flying over the moon. (The laws didn't change until Pierre Elliot Trudeau came into power.)
The we had to lie and pretend we were brother and sister to keep up appearances with the neighbours. But it took some encouragement to keep me from shutting up about how that wasn't fair because now I couldn't ever marry him yet my cousin was going to...[oh what tangled webs we weave indeed]...which of course by then she wasn't either.
But I can see why he won't come clean with you -- blood relative or not. In his case whether the attraction was prior or not, he's probably already paid dearly from his friends and family for it...and in his case it was probably genuine feelings and not a case of never getting a turn in the closet to play with the older kids.
As long as he's still hung up on her, this one is just too much for anyone to take on. In my case I have no qualms mentioning it because he wasn't my first 'love' -- that happened at six and he moved away.
By twelve I didn't want to marry ANYONE! [although that changed when I wanted to leave them all and their f^cking problems behind on the first Saturday I didn't need their consent...but he was not, I repeat not, my relative in a way...even a pretend one]
The 'now-he's-your-brother-got-it!' thing was more about exclusionin in a kids game, new rules, having no script for deception handed to me ahead of time, and either I or the other kids in the family disclosing too much in the neighbourhood because kids can be cruel. I was dubbed the retard.
Although, in a small scale sense we shared the same social burden of a mess our parents created for their kids to deal with. And he probably heard a lot about how it was his parents' happiness that mattered...he was selfish and sabotaging the grand plan etc. Cant' say I don't feel sorry for him -- just would NEVER date him.
And BTW, even if both are legally and morally wrong the girl is not his half sister (that's blood), she's a step-sister (that's marriage or commonlaw). I also wasn't born in Tennessee -- I was born in Westmount, P.Q. where good breeding was imperitive. LOL | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:50:38 AM | Could it be that he has never had a sister before and all this is new to him and so he's excited and dealing with the new family dimensions? Just a thought.
Actually what concerns me more is that you feel that if you tried to have a real conversation with him about you concerns, you feel he would just say you are insecure, or some other put down. That would make me want to walk away even before the new sister problem arrived.
A man who loves you will listen to what you have to say, and look within himself to see if maybe there is some truth to your concerns. | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:52:44 AM |
i don't know if i should tell him my concerns as i cant trust him to be honest. he'll just tell me im paranoid and insecure, Red Alert.
Why are you involved with someone you have these opinions and feelings about????
You don't trust him.
You expect him to not care about your feelings.
You expect him to react to you expressing your concern by belittling you.
Not much of a partner in my opinion.
I think you'd be better off alone than with this man.
And I think you could definitely find someone more trustworthy and supportive. | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:04:04 AM | ok what is that guys name oh yea woody allen wonder why his name popped into my head when i read this thread.I got to get a pop up stopper for my mind or not and call it intuition--works for me lol.also i am getting a picture  | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:25:41 AM | I would straight out ask him, if him and his step -sister had anything to do with each other, if he has any feelings for her still if they had anything to do ... It's better to be honest and straight out forward then to have to be insecure about it through out your relationship.
I am an honest person and would like that same from my partner. Why not your entitle to. At the risk of sounding weird after all him and his step sister aren't blood relation ship , but there is a thing known as respect. If I were you can't come out and ask him , I let him go.. (from the sounds of your words , I gather you can't come out and ask him I believe). I wish you the best there are other men who are more worthy to be with...  | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:46:00 AM |
here's the whole story. my fiance have a step mom and she have a daughter. they aren't blood related. a few years before his step mom married his dad i suspect he and her daughter had something going on. when he describes her, he: "see, when she and I first met when my step mom was dating my dad, she was actually flirting with me. She was very, very pretty back then" then after loooon pause "i mean, she is still very very pretty." then convo. ends and he drifts into his own world. he gets this excited look about him when he talks about her a few times, and he doesn't look that way when he talks about his step mom or dad. I'm worried that he have feelings for her.
should i be concerned?? did anybody go thru the same? would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman but you dont think he'll go cheating on ya? please please help...i'm so troubled
Here's an idea...ask HIM about it.
See if you can live w/ the answer if he gives you an honest one.
If not...move on w/ your life.
PS: The proper form of the verb "to have" would have been "has" | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:48:17 AM | This sounds like a nationally syndicated talk show, which shall remain nameless.
I say do not ever stay with a man who you think would cheat on you. That "ain't" cool.
Now if you say the sis is cute and wants to be your friend, there is nothing wrong with having cute friends.. but only if she is nice. Dump the guy and go shopping with the sis.
~T~ | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:35:16 AM | | I think you may be reading something that isn't really there. If he hasn't did anything wrong, I am unsure why you are threatened. Even if he acts wierd, so what. People act wierd all the time. In time his wierd mannerisms will grow on you, and it will probably be the thing you love most. | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:44:01 AM | | i think we can often sense when someone's romantically interested in someone else.. if your instinct is telling you that he has more than brotherly feelings for his step sister, then i'd say listen to them.. as has been said, she's not going anywhere...so i would.. go, that is | |
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| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:51:26 AM | OP.. I think you have a right to be concerned, it sounds a bit creepy to me,....
I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.... My 2 cents, what do I know.. I actually lived it....
he keeps bringing it up, (guilt, guilt, guilty. | |
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