| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:16:37 PM | If a guy or girl has a disability do you think they should list it on their profile? Or do you think they should spring it on you later?
What is significant enough to be disclosed? Should all health issues be disclosed such as....I have auto immune disorder
I am diabetic
I am deaf
I am in a wheel chair.
I lost a limb.
What is your opinion...full disclosure or not? | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:26:51 PM | imaginery, i'm sorry but i would rather not see something like that on my profile or anyone else's profile....the disabilities list that is. it's up to the person to talk about their disability either in here (forums), their profile, or in email. not everyone feels comfy with listing their disability since at some point it tends to deny them their chance if any of meeting someone.
i can tell you from past experience.....i have a physical problem but i'm not completely going into it right now. when i talked to a few men on this site and other sites immediately they dismissed me because they feel as if i'm not able to full fill their needs and expectations. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:30:30 PM | | I dont know if you need to spell out any disabilities in a profile, but I think definitely, before you meet a person face to face, its only fair to let them know. Lets say you have Herpes for instance. There isnt a need to tell the whole world about it, but it defintely should be mentioned to someone you may want to start a relationship with. If the guy balks at the disability, move on, he aint the one. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:31:44 PM | This is a difficult question to answer. I would think that if one did have some sort of problem it would be up front honest to list it. The problem with that is....those who read the profile may not want to get involved with that person. It's kind of a toss up...list or not list. I am a diabetic and I will tell that on my profile if I remember to do so. I also have a steel plate in my right leg (a little souvenir from Vietnam), but that doesn't cause any problems with walking, or dancing. So it's not considered a disability.
I think it would be an individual choice to list a disability, or not. One must keep in mind that a disability listed MAY lessen the chances of meeting someone. There are many who are seeking "Mr. Perfect", or "Ms. Perfect", but unfortunately none of us are that.
So i would say it's totally up to each individual to list, or not list. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:42:04 PM | | I agree with most of the above...on a profile, one is telling the world...no need for that...however, once a specific contact has occurred, it seems common courtesy to address it... | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:52:04 PM | I put that I am disabled on mine. At least that way if they have a problem with it then they know before they reply. You would be amazed at how many small minded people there are out there. Ladies say they are not looking for money but sometimes you wonder how true that is. Learned that the hard way. They also say they want trust but they have to be honest themselves too.
At least I am not hiding anything on my profile. Lying by omission in my book.
Dale
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:54:41 PM | I agree with most who have posted, who say dont list it on your profile if you really don't want to, but definitely disclose it prior to meeting.
As for the observations that it may limit your dating choices and success - of course it will - but so will being overweight, older and other things. Most everyone says its dishonest to not disclose those things, and as a matter of fact, profiles here MAKE you disclose them - or lie about them. So "it will limit my dating choices" isn't a valid argument for non-disclosure - already not disclosing in the profile itself is more than those with who are overweight are allowed to do. Hope that makes sense. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:06:50 PM | Would being an idiot fall under the term disability?
Or would that be classified under having "something" missing??
Or perhaps it's more of an affliction or a life altering condition or something...don't know for sure, but...
Regardless of what it is or where it belongs, I think that it should definitely be written on the person's profile in BIG HUGE LETTERS!
Rant/off
*sigh*
As far as disabilities, medical conditions...etc...being listed on our profile, I truly believe that is up to each individual person to
decide if and when they wish to disclose that information. I mean, where does it end? Should I write on my profile that I have ADHD?? It is a bona fide condition. What about my fear and complete refusal of flying? That is certainly a life long affliction. 
In my opinion, that's all stuff that can be disclosed after a first contact has been made and there's a mutual interest to continue corresponding. Until then, it's no one's business, unless the person chooses to put it right on their profile for the whole world to see, then it's all good...but to each their own ;)
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:08:32 PM | I just think it should come down to honesty about yourself BEFORE you meet up.
I met up with one guy that had one leg shorter than the other. Now if he'd have said something before hand I could have been prepared for it, as he literally hobbled everywhere behind me. I've met with another who's photos must have been about 10 years old and 10 stone lighter!
We've all got flaws, we've all got imperfections. I agree that we should be judged on the person we are, but withholding information about ourselves can also be seen as lying, and lets face it the last thing any of us want if we're serious about having a relationship with someone is a dishonest person.
People judge on here for whatever reasons, they state all the time in their profiles, looking for a slim person, or someone with their own teeth etc, or the infamous one on here who has a problem with single mothers.
But if I were disabled, I'd want to know that the person I was with took me on knowing that before we met. Yes, it may limit your choices, but I'd rather that than go through the heartache of meeting up with people, thinking it went well and then never hearing from them again. | |
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timj82
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Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 12 | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:18:07 PM | I have a horrible disfigurement but I am not about to declare it on my personals ad profile for all the world to see, I mean read about. That one lucky gal will just have to wait.
Now, whether or not someone should or not depends on whether or not they feel like it, or not. There is no universal rule about it. Because, for one thing, if we have to list physical disabilities then by rights we ought to list mental disabilities, and if we did that this site would read like the case files at your local county mental health ward. I was going to say loony bin but, damn, I should have, now that I think about it. I am too timid about offending nut jobs. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:20:32 PM | | I think it's up to the person if she /he wants to put it on or not. Lots of "disabilities" are'nt even noticable in plain view . I used to have a disability but am over it now and don't think if a person has one that it should be held against them. Some people think just because you have a disability you are'nt their type and they don't give you the time to tell them what it was you had or have. I happened to meet a few ladies who thought I was something ,and on the third date I would tell them I used to have a disability and it ended up being the last date each time. I figure it like this, If another person can't accept you for who you are ,the way you are ,they think they are perfect and better and not worth having. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:24:51 PM | Some disabilities you probably should say something about so the person reading the profile can decide wether or not they want to make contact with that person.
Being in a wheelchair, being blind, deaf - I'd like to know that up front. Those disablities are going to limit what types activities can be done on a date. Plus these types of disablities you just can't "hide" or "wait til we know each other better" so its better to be open about it at the start.
If the disablity isn't stopping you from leading a normal life and isn't immediately noticeable, then I think its better to wait til you've established some sort of contact and are comfortable sharing with that person.
Anyway thats my .02 for what its worth. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:32:22 PM | It should at least be alluded to in some way, if the condition affects mobility, comfort in public, etc .. I have osteoarthritis in both knees & lower back so I use a cane for balance and some support. Any guy expressing interest in my company would have to know we're not goin' to any dances..
If it's a 'hidden disability' like schizophrenia or diabetes, it should still not be concealed. Finding out later is more upsetting, believe me. If someone can't deal with it, they wouldn't be there for you when it counts.
If you keep it from the person in hopes of finding 'the right time', it will never come. | |
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naeco
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:34:36 PM | | I guess I'm kind of in the minority here, but I think a person SHOULD tell what disabilities they have, if they are something that affects their life. If a potential partner has a problem with your disabilities, they're going to end up saying so whenever they finally do find out, so I think it's just better to say so up front and get it out of the way. Personally, I'd never avoid someone with a disability. But if I had a disability listed (I am diabetic, BTW), I would rather the person I'm talking to just say they aren't interested up front, instead of starting to get to know them for a week or two, mentioning what's wrong with me, and THEN them telling me they aren't interested. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:42:46 PM | I think one should list a disability IF it hampers their ability to interact with WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR IN A PARTNER.
If it does not hamper them, then I am not so sure that disclosure on your profile is necessary ...however, it IS necessary before a first meet. I think it would be quite shocking to go to a first meet and have the person be in a wheelchair or minus a limb.
Diabetic matters if its out of control or if you want children. Otherwise, that really would not matter to me...it might to others, however.
I am legally blind in my right eye. You can't tell it by looking at me....my eye tracks normally and is not cloudy - it IS, however, gold, while the other is hazel. I was born this way. It means that I have no depth perception so therefore cannot play hand/eye coordination sports, and cannot ski, bicycle ride, rollerblade...anything that would require you to see bumps in the ground. My eye cannot make them out unless they are a very huge different color from the rest of the ground. This is something I disclose immediately upon chatting with someone if their profile claims to be active in any of those areas. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:42:52 PM | I have an invisible illness that does affect me, I have Fibromyalgia, so I decided to have it listed on my profile so that a person will know up front instead of later. It affects my mobility at times. I have found that through my experience is that most guys I come in contact with, we talk for awhile and then I finally bring it up and all of sudden they will disappear when hearing that. So I rather just tell them ahead of time, and if they are not interested because of that then good riddance and no time is wasted.  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:43:05 PM | So, we who have disabilities should just "stick with my own kind?! " Oh, that's just brillllliant, OP - NOT. I dare you to post again and instead of the phrase "disabled people", use the phrases "racial minorities", "short people", "fat people", "Christians", "Jews" etc. Noooo, you wouldn't DARE say that, it isnt politically correct! I got news for you, dude (I won't bother using the term I am thinking of for you!) I refuse to be delegated to the "disability sites", the "special class" or any other form of segregation your measley little mind dreams up. I will NOT be the "good little gimp girl" ...
I DO mention my disability in my profile, as it is visible when I walk. Though, it doesnt limit me any area essential to a realtionship (unless you consider tightrope walking or ballet essential!) But, some online guys apparently don't bother to actually Read profiles, & have fled when they saw me walk... Oh well, I am only looking for One man...someone who is 'tougher than the rest.' Just keep in mind people , that Disabled is the only minority group that you don't have to be born into to be a member, You could become one of US at any time... | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:43:45 PM | Certainly.
Also please list colour preferences, perfume likes and dislikes, meat heater or vegetarian, pro natural fiber or pro polyester, Ford or GM, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones, ham for Xmas dinner or turkey, running shoe or high heel, IBM or Mac, blond hair or brunnette, hight owl or early bird, etc...
But will this leave anything to discover during our first date?
Doc Sage  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:48:49 PM | | I agree with most of Msg. #16. IF the disability is not specified in the person's profile, then I believe that it should be disclosed as soon as two people are interested in each other & are planning to continue communicating, or are maybe planning on meeting up. Do NOT wait until too much time has gone on or until you meet - always disclose the disability (or whatever it is) before that point. Do NOT wait until you're "comfortable" talking about it (as that can take a while) - you do it no matter how you feel or how well you know the person - disabilities, disfigurements, or any other major "problem" NEEDS to be disclosed before meeting someone AND before too much "communication" has gone on - this is more respectful & considerate than springing it on at a much later date. I personally would NOT put anything 'negative' on a profile - some things are best explained in detail anyways. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:54:46 PM | I do not think it should be listed on the profile. I believe if you have a physical disability, such as walker or wheelchair you should prepare your "date" before you meet. This way they are not shocked when they meet you.
I do not think that health issues need to be disclosed until you meet. I have a back that hurts, but it doesn't stop me from doing anything. I can go all day long and never sit down to rest. I just try not to lift big 50 pound items all day long. I am very active.
I definitely think if you have any std's that should be discussed when you meet, if their is chemistry right away. However with a lot of us we are not looking for a sexual relationship the minute we meet any way.
Diabetes and being deafness can both be controlled with hearing aids (usually) or medicine. Gee in my age group some of us would be disclosing alot, lol  I think the older we get we need to realize that we are not all perfect and it is what we think and how we act that should be taken into account. I know I don't look like I am 18 any longer, but I sure have learned more | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:02:14 PM | I don't see why not...when or if they meet ya, they'd know anyway if it was something visible, and if it isn't visible...when they do find out, they might feel as if they've been duped. I would just rather put things like that on there, if it's something that I feel is a big factor in my life, that way they can make the decision as to whether they want to take it anywhere or not. Different people feel different ways when it comes to stuff like this, and there's really no right or wrong way. I'd just prefer to have it out in the open myself. As to how much you list, I think that would be up to whatever a person is comfortable with.
lol, since I only put up a profile here at the naggin' of some pals...maybe I should go back and redo some of it and put in all the things that would run someone off, lol....but I thought I'd done a pretty good job of that already, lol. | |
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