| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:14:23 PM | | I am really confused now. From what I am reading and hearing - being boyfriend and girlfriend these days doesn't mean that you are exclusive.........can someone help me out here?????????????????????? So are you supposed to ask a guy if you are exclusive or what? It appears trying to date is getting harder and harder. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:16:30 PM | RE: First post.
Its pure manners and common sense that if a relationship ISNT going to be exclusive than the person has to let the other know BEFORE hand. Dont worry hun, the world is still sane. Being bf and gf means being exclusive. UNLESS they say it isnt. You dont have to ask. But the person who is going to date someone else should let you know for sure. Otherwise they are a person of low character and you're better off without them. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:19:18 PM | | I'm getting the same vibe from some of the posts that I read on here. If I were to get into a relationship with someone, then I want to make it clear that I don't do the open relationship thing and if they want to be with me, then it's only with me. It sucks that we now have to discuss those things before dating, but it's what needs to be done apparently. Better to be safe than sorry. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:34:38 PM | No poinr or safety in making any assumptions as to the meanings of BF/GF. I'm getting specific.
Hey, I was so naive about changing society that I was shocked that since Clinton young teens do not consider blowing a guy to be having sexual relations. I've never wrapped my mind around how that is safe non-sex.
Not only physically but emotionally monogamous needs clear boundaries.
oldie but goodie assume= a** of you and me | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:38:20 PM | | lmao If anyone ever says that they thought blowing a guy was sexual relations then they are making excuses and trying to get out of trouble, almost NO ONE is that stupid. Hahahaha. Some women/men will believe anything though... so I guess its a useful excuse | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:39:20 PM | | if you need to clarify something in a relationship, don't be afraid to ask. its better than not knowing. but generally, bf/gf means exclusive. if you are told that your partner doesn't want to be exclusive, then you're not only risking your sanity, you're also risking your health. these days, not being exclusive is getting more dangerous every day. i wouldn't sleep with a chick that was sleeping around, too many people out there have stds. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:40:16 PM | After going on a few dates with a man,I make sure I have a talk with him,to see how he is feeling.
I rather date someone exclusively,but I have dated men who wanted to keep their
"options open".
But when a man tells me he wants to keep his options open,this is indicates he is not that into me.
I guess it really depends on what you are looking for.
Yes,when someone is your boyfriend,this generally means that you are an exclusive couple. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:54:59 PM | I think the last time I asked someone, " Do you want to be my girlfriend?" I was 12.
For me it's always just...well......it's just never come to that. Funny that I can remember about talking about the possibilty of getting married, and then one day she set a date!! Hmmff, always wondered how thast happened!! | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:06:56 AM | mustanglove,
From what I am reading and hearing - being boyfriend and girlfriend these days doesn't mean that you are exclusive
I have been hearing this for years, especially the "he's/she's fair game" and never could understand it. But luckily, I started looking and going for things MY way....meaning that in my eyes, bf/gf relationships are exclusive.... and I always seek someone who believes the same. I don't believe in "open bf/gf relationships" nor the "fair game" crap....if I wanted to keep my options open or wasn't ready for a bf/gf (committed) relationship, I would casual date.
So are you supposed to ask a guy if you are exclusive or what?
My take on this is to never assume anything! Before I even take it to exclusive level, I usually discuss it with that particular person. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:14:04 AM | Perhaps instead of 'asking' a guy if he wants to be exclusive, you should determine if you do. Maybe state such on your profile.
In my experience, failed relationships are almost never "he was just a jerk" or "she was just a ****", but rather the result of breakdowns in- or the complete absence of- communication. If both people both know what they want and can clearly and concisely relay that information to their partner, things tend to go much more smoothly.
So my advice?
Step 1: determine if eclusivity is what you want.
Step 2: make sure to let dates/potential bf's know what it is, precisely, you want.
Step 3: if someone cannot, or will not, provide what it is you seek, end it, inform them that you are endig it, and move on. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:26:04 AM | tangleme,
Your thread seems to be saying something a little different. What I'm getting from this poster's thread is that there is already an establishment of a bf/gf relationship rather than just going on 3 or 4 dates with someone as you're thread states. In my opinion, this is not the same...you can't conclude (or assume) just because you have went out on a couple of dates, you're now exclusive...but to even get to a bf/gf status, it would seem to me that it's in agreement with both parties. You are more speaking of dating and to most people, dating is not the same as a bf/gf relationship UNLESS it is agreed upon by both parties. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:26:36 AM | wow.. I would have to say that is just crazy. Maybe im old fashion as it seems, but for me if im a relationship that means im committed to that relationship. How can anyone have any hopes to have a more meaningful, respectful, caring relationship that would aspire to the next level if you are not even committed enough to being monogomous in that relationship. I see that as just leading to cheating during marriage if that relationship was to get to that level.
Also if your not monogomous then was constitutes as cheating? I have been in a relationship where the other party involved did not believe in monogomy but didn't say so, just did it behind my back. I felt betrayed and it hurt, I guess that is something that each couple would have to discuss amoungst each other for me it will always be the same answer. If you are committed enough to say your my girlfriend then you should be committed enough to make it a monogomous relationship. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:15:48 AM | | I am curious to understand what and when determine the bf/gf status. If you feel you are in this type of relationship than to me that in itself means exclusivity. This is something you can't guess at, assume, or take for granted. It has to be vocalized. I prefer to be in an exclusive relationship, especially if sex is involved, but I do not want to be the only one in the relationship that is being exclusive. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:39:48 AM | | I agree w/firstlight. I suspect that there would only be confusion if you are making some kind of assumption. bf/gf should mean exclusive. However, dating, even regularly, doesn't mean exclusive, and doesn't mean bf/gf. If you haven't specifically said it, don't assume it. How did you decide you were bf/gf? If it was a verbal agreement, did you define it to make sure you both had the same idea? | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:09:01 AM | As everyone else has already said: communication eliminates assumptions and potential misunderstandings.
Personally I'm Old School where if I introduce a woman to my friends/family as a "girlfriend", in my mind that means exclusive. I've never done the "open-relationship" deal so I can't comment on how prevalent it may be...
Please note though that just because one has had sex with someone does not necessarily mean they are now "a couple". I've had sex with women that weren't my girlfriend, some that became my girlfriend after, and some that were already my girlfriend before we fooled around. So if that's what you've been basing your exclusivity assumption on, then you should have the chat with your dates early to ensure you're on the same page.  | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:28:33 AM | when we're dating and things start getting serious, i would definitely ask him if he'll be seeing other women, so i knew where i stood.. i've no desire to be one of several women playing touchie-feely with him at the same time.. no "bachelor" tv. type adventure for me, ta
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:36:47 AM | I hate all these classifications and rules and titles and so forth.
I've given up trying to figure out what is meeting, dating, goingn out, friends, friends with benefits, relationship, boy friend, lover, and so forth.
I spend my time with people I enjoy the company of. Friends are those who help you and who you help and that is a test that comes through living and knowing each other. Sex and love need not be related, but I must have an emotional connection to a person I have in my bed. Sometimes cuddling and sleeping together is more intimate that the most exhausting sex.
If you want a relationship to have sex, you should say so. If you want the relationship to be exclusive you should say so. If you want the sex to be exclusive you should say so.
Notice that I've made that two questions. | |
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