| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:32:08 PM | | I really need some good practical advice here. I have been single now for over two years. I have two children, teenage girls, 15 and 12. I work fulltime and I am also studying my masters degree at university. I feel at a stage where I am ready to meet someone and that i really miss the companionship. But how do you make the time to meet people? I find that after i get home from work i just am exhausted and have so many other things to do. I no longer get time without the kids because they refuse to go to their fathers because of his own poor behaviours. I am on a few dating sites and get contacts that sound interesting to me, but i just cant co-ordinate my time. I also feel guilty taking time from the kids. How do other working mothers out there do it??? | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:53:07 PM | | You could ask some friends if they know any good single men to get the ball rolling. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:09:32 PM | Well, as a single, custodial father of 4 and whose ex lives out of state I can really understand your position as I have soooo walked in your shoes.
Here's my advice:
1) If you dont take care of yourself you cant take care of your kids... learn to take care of yourself. Set aside one night a week where the girls fix dinner for you, you eat, go into your room and take a nice long soak in the tub. Make it a rule for NO interruptions. Not only will this help you but it sets a good example for your kids.
2) Set aside one night a week for dating. Arrange coffee dates until you find someone worth dating. If your coffee dates dont work out either go to the movies by your self or call a gf and go with them.
3) Have your girls help you get ready for your date... you'd be surprised about how much they will appreciate that time with you and how much you will learn about them and how much they will learn from you.
Eventually you will find a decent guy. In the mean time you wont feel guilty about shorting everyone else because you are not asking for a lot for yourself... just make it a hard and fast plan and stick to it.
I found other single parents and we'd swap off on "heavy" date nights, my kids would stay there or theirs would stay at my place... or find other single parents and swap baby sitting to save money. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:10:35 PM | | You should be commended for your full day & choice of how to fill it. It's difficult giving a suggestion not knowing all of the facts, I am amazed you haven't been asked out during school hours.... The numbers of individuals there, I would guess you would be able find someone who shares your same interests. One thing is learned you can become the best in any field to only end up lonely... Try a little harder on shifting your time around, & the Father does have some responsibility I assume? Take care & Be safe ~Jr_Senator~ | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:13:20 PM | | you gotta find a guy desperate enough to get some puntang that he will act like he wants to be around your kids which are attached to your hip. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:14:34 PM | | Taking a leap of faith here and assuming you want someone in your life not just for boinky boinky companionship, but someone who will come to care about you and your kids. If that's the case, and you find someone who understands the concept of a package deal, I think you'll find sharing time with him and with your kids allows for more time with just the two of you together. First off, the kids are waaaay to cool to want to hang with you guys and will seek their own fun with their friends. And secondly, you get the opportunity to observe if he has the potential to become a part of your life and family down the pike. I'd just suggest you hold off a bit before you bring him into the fold until you're sure you want him around. A steady stream of incoming dudes around children can lead to psychologists putting bullets through their couches a few years down the pike. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:26:22 PM | I don't know if they have this in Australia but Parents Without Partners is a wonderful organization for single parents. Based on just that, not just for people to find someone to date, but single parents that have activites and meetings planned not just for adults but activities you can take your children to.
I was involved in that years ago when my parents were younger, and we ALL had a fabulous time. Also, lots of parents took turns babysitting for each others' kids so they could have a "night out" every now and then.
It'll take some creativity and planning but "me" time is essential for your sanity. I was where you were years ago, and thinking back, I honestly don't know or remember how I did it, but I did manage to have some sort of social life. You will, too. Best of luck, hon!! 
Also, there is a single parents forum here, may want to scan that to see if there's any other similar threads with some other suggestions. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:34:18 PM | aprincelyfrog..
I think your contribution to this thread is awsome..
Kudos for you Sir!! | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:37:59 PM | You should check out Parents without partners,it's an organization that has singles
dances,and other activities where you can meet people that are in the same boat as you. | |
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soxxs
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Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 10 | |
| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:34:13 PM | | Try giving up some of your online time and go out some where. And I doubt you're finding it hard that men are not flirting with you. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:34:20 PM | thanks everyone for your advice, all of it is welcomed..
I will have to see if they have such an organisation such as parents without partners here in australia. I am lucky in the sense that the girls are getting older and are becoming more independent which means more time left for me.
Would be nice if their father was more involved but he hasnt been for the last 8 years that we have split so I dont think that will change.. have never been able to rely upon him in the past so not going to expect that too happen...
Daytime meets are not practical for me during school hours, as that is when i work and i dont have a job where i can meet someone for lunch.. i would be just happy to get a lunch break! (but that is an entirely different thread!)..
I do like the idea of setting one night a week though and just using it purely for my own time. Thank you for that.. think that is on the agenda for this year....
thanks guys.. your input is fantastic .. | |
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| how do you do it??
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:09:22 PM | I think you should schedule your fun time into your week. For instance at 6pm on Friday you will do X that is really fun for you that you normally do not have time for.
I also think that until you are done with your degree you will probably not find the time to successfully date. I will tell you from experience of trying to date while just having a full time job and getting my MBA that people are put off my busy people. They think they should be the center of any persons universe.
So maybe a friendship or an activity around more people than your kids and coworkers might do you well in the meantime.
Once you are done, I know I felt like I had my nights and weekends back. Fill those then open times with fun activities and fun people. Believe me you will feel like you have two lives time available to you when you are done. I know I did.
Good luck!
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