| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:35:13 AM | I had a bad experience with this. I dated a man who was a single father of two children. The children lived with him full-time since their mother was bi-polar, was having a hard time, living with another man, had another child with the other man, etc. I did not meet the children until several months into the relationship. The hard part is that he never had time for me. I understood that the children came first, but I wanted something other than a 10:30 p.m. call every night. I was very patient for a long time, but it became apparent that this man had no time to date. He eventually broke up with me because he met another woman. I was hurt, but now I see that we weren't a good fit. Maybe this woman had small children and his arrangement worked well for her.
Every since that time, I have pretty much refused to date any single fathers. Not because I don't think these men can be great guys, but because I don't want to never be able to go out, etc. This guy and I never were able to go out except a day here and there (and only during the day). I always was last place in his life. Is this always the case with single dads? Should only women with small children date single dads? | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:00:14 AM | | You're young. Why on earth would you want to add an extra layer of potential problems to a relationship? A relationship w/o step kids and an ex wife is hard enough, you don't actually want to have to deal with it, so don't. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:09:26 AM | That's what "know his character" is all about. Partners come with all sorts of issues; the good ones know how to handle them. You're pretty young. Be careful and ask questions. Just make sure you don't throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak. Putting general limitations on yourself (I won't date single dads) can keep you safe and it can make you miss some good ones, too.
Know each one as an individual. And talk to your dad.
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:08:00 AM | With all due respect to the OP, she has a choice to make and is able to make that choice. I had a very bad long term experience with an immigrant (someone not from the US), so now I do not want to go out with anyone who is not American.
Also, you say she is "still young". I think her profile said 29. At what point does she stop being "young"? 30? 35? I dont think that small time difference is proof of that much change anyway. She is old enough to know what her desires are and what will or wont work for her. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:14:24 AM | | Only date single fathers with part-time custody rather than full-time. Eliminating fathers from the dating pool will greatly decrease the # of dates. But try to find someone of quality without kids, if you can. Fathers should be a last resort since you don't have any kids. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:14:25 AM | [Also, you say she is "still young". I think her profile said 29. At what point does she stop being "young"? 30? 35?]
Upper 30's. That's when she'll have significant trouble finding someone her age w/o kids.
[She is old enough to know what her desires are and what will or wont work for her. ]
Then why is she on here asking the question?? | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:22:24 AM | Upper 30"s??? WooohoooO!!!! I thought I had hit the "old" age!! YAY!! 
Wait?? Does that mean I can make a few more mistakes and blame it on my "youth" 
To the OP- it's just a choice you have to make but I think it's sad to rule out an entire population based on one person. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:25:19 AM | well,
I never answer forums but this caught my eye.
I am a single dad that divorced my ex-wife when mu son was 3 1/2, she passed away when he was 7, he is now 9 1/2. He is the love of my life and we are very close.
It doesn't matter if I were to date someone with kids or not, I can get-a-way when ever needed with either Grandma or Grandpa allways to take and spoil him. My last relationship was 4 years and we did things on the weekends and with my son and with out. It sounds like this guy was dating on the side and giving you the excuse he was with his kids? I do not constantly date, with my Son obviously around I do not want women coming in and out of his life. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:27:14 AM | It's not based on ONE person. If the OP wants to see the mess she will encounter with dating people w/children, all she has to do is look at the Single Parents Forum! | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:33:17 AM | blah blah blah.
There are plenty of us single parents that can balance a relationship with a significant other and our children. As I've said before I have never had a man complain that he felt he was "second" in my list of priorities even though he very much was.
This man seemed to be making excuses and using his children to avoid dating. Or at least to avoid dating the OP. (No offense meant OP) | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:48:32 AM | [As I've said before I have never had a man complain that he felt he was "second" in my list of priorities even though he very much was.]
Actually you've said before that men were 6th in your list of priorities. You're really proving my point for me. Oh, and also, just because a guy doesn't complain doesn't mean he ain't happy. We just leave-- and last time I checked you're on a singles site with a rocky relationship. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:49:59 AM | No, I don't think he was using the kids to avoid dating me. His ex-wife never had the kids and his parents lived out of state. When they would come into town, we would go out. I would text and talk to him in the evenings. He had to pick them up after school, he had to take them to their evening classes (gymnastics, etc.). Then he had to cook dinner and get them ready for bed. I knew that he met the other women about 2 weeks before we broke up because he started acting different. But he was always running wild with the kids.
I don't like judging others based on one person, but I have seen friends go through the same things with guys with kids. Actually, I've met a lot of guys in their 30s without kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with single fathers - I just can't deal with all of that again. Oh and having to deal with the crazy ex, that's another story that I'm not talking about here. But that was a mess that I wasn't ready for either. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:56:32 AM | | That's why i put second in quotations. I was QUOTING someone else. And my man knows where he is in my list and the only reason it's rocky is because of me. He'd marry me tomorrow if I let him. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:59:26 AM | LOL. Yeah. Crazy ex's can be awful.
I totally understand how you feel. And if I'm honest I've split with guys that were too involved with their work so I guess it's about the same thing except kids are fun! LOL. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:16:00 AM | Well, take a look at the threads, this has been done over and over, it's hard either single or single with kids. I can understand it's hard dating when the other isn't available as you want them to be, that' s your preference. If your ex was smart enough, he should have balanced on being a full time dad and finding time to date before going on a date. his mistake and obviulsy he's going to reap in the mistakes by dating again.
If you ever give it another chance, now you know what to ask before you date a single parent: how much time away do you have from your kids, part time/full time.?
Just don't let this one expereince bitter you to thinking single parents are aweful. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 1:47:14 PM | | Oh I definitely don't think single parents are awful. Some of my friends are single parents. They face the same issue -many men won't give the time of day for having kids. This guy really didn't have his act together. He was trying to be a good dad, but as time went on, I could see that he wasn't able to balance the kids' needs with his own. He was having a hard time paying the bills on time, cleaning the house, mowing the yard etc. I suggested he try to get some outside help with cleaning the house, etc since he made decent money, but he thought that made him weak, at least with his ex-wife. He just couldn't get it together enough to date. I never knew if he and the new woman lasted or anything, since we didn't talk after that. He even broke up with me by email because he said he couldn't take time away from his kids to tell me in person or on the phone. I was better off without him. Thanks for all the comments. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:06:58 PM | | op you are better off without him not because he was a single dad, but because he isn't on control of his life situation. i was a single dad. there was absolutely no contact from the mom or her family (long story). my boys were 5 and 2 1/2 when i got them. it was a huge adjustment. i was in sales and had to change my job because i could no longer travel. it took time to get a schedule down where everyone had their needs met. but it did happen. i was able to date buy hiring babysitters. just like married couples do. my boys are 23 and 21 now, and doing fine. i also think it is tougher for a woman to date a single father than a man to date a single mother. the reason is society has more expectations on a woman "being a natural mom with anyone's kids" while the guy just has to not be a jerk for society to approve. just my thoughts. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:49:19 PM | | sorry to hear about your experience, this hits pretty close to home . I've got 3 kids , 8,11, and 12 and when I date I prefer women with kids around their ages if possible , kind of hard though as I'm 49. I don't blame women my age for avoiding me as their kids are long gone and are just starting to enjoy some freedom. Who can blame them! The kids always come first but I think that your boyfriend could have accomedated you a little more than that , perhaps their was more to it than that | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/12/2008 5:10:29 PM | "Not because i dont think these men can be great great, but because i dont want to never be able to go out, etc"
thats what family, friends and babysitters are for.
you make it sound like a single father can never go out...while some may have difficulity with this, it is hardly true for the majority. Besides most guys do not have full time custody of their kids, so your limiting yourself to some quality people with your thinking.
For myself, i have my daughters half the time...most of my going out is done on the days i do not have my kids. I would think many single fathers do the same. This past week i have gone out to a friends bday party, had a dinner date, a hockey game and appies and a movie nite with the lady im seeing. Say it isnt so...a single dad finding time to go out. WOW. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:01:14 AM | | Hi. I am a 34 yr old single father and have been for 12 years. I think im goin to start saying my son is my brother and my mum died when i was 21 or something | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/13/2008 12:47:59 PM | | If you prefer not to date single fathers then do not do it...it is that simple. If you are not up for all the extra work it takes to make that kind of relationship work that is your choice. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/13/2008 2:07:24 PM | I could see that he wasn't able to balance the kids' needs with his own. He was having a hard time paying the bills on time, cleaning the house, mowing the yard etc.
Well, TX girl, that's why you should consider a single dad with children that are slightly older, and this is why;
1) You can have children yet save yourself all the trouble of morning sickness and the pain of childbirth, midnight feedings, diaper changes, teething and all that stuff.
2) The older they get, the more household items they can be introduced to. i.e. Dishwashers, vacuums, garbage duty, and later on, the thrill of pulling weeds and cleaning the gutters, mowing the lawn, etc.
Meanwhile, you and the slingdad love of your life can polish your supervisory skills to ensure all the above activities are completed as instructed, leaving you time alone while the oldest babysits the younger siblings.
Problem solved. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:30:22 PM | Sounds to me you are more upset that this guy dumped you.You make yourself out to be a primadona who wanted to be the be-all & end-all of this guys world.
If this was a guy writing in to say that he was going out with a woman who was a single mum & he didnt get enough time with her or to go out with her & that she wasnt organised then all the females would be outraged.Lets hope Katie that you are never on your own struggling | |
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