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 wildandcrazy
Joined: 2/4/2007
Msg: 1
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Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his spacePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I would like to know what to do if a guy needs his space. I am in a relationship and now he wants his space and was told by others to give him as much time as he wants and needs. My question is what a girl suppose to do in the meantime? Should I go back at the dating game again?
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 2
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:03:11 PM
What if you asked him Why do you need space... and he answered.... this is for MY OWN SANITY! Would you continue to haunt him? Would you want to keep him insane, or would you give him some space!
 ScantScandal
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 3
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:05:42 PM
Give him his space.

Date. Enjoy life. Don't torture yourself by waiting for him.

If he comes back you can take a look at things in a better frame of mind (meaning NOT desperate and lonely).

If it's meant to be it will be. If not, you haven't given him any more time than you have up to now.

Good luck.

 outtamycave
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 4
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:11:06 PM


My question is what a girl suppose to do in the meantime? Should I go back at the dating game again?


If going back to dating is what you want to do, then go for it. Do what ever makes you happy, see where that takes you. You might find that giving the situation "some space" was the best thing that could have happened.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 5
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Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:20:02 PM
OP...very elementary, if he wants his space... then just give the man his space. We all need our space from time to time. It is normal and human to want to have your own space from time to time.

So I would say just wait, if you are in a relationship, do not date someone else, because that I would be cheating!! , but just wait on him!!, if you really care about him , you would wait!!!!, because by dating (unless he ok's it) that would make things harder for yourself. Just be loyal to him and respect the fact that he needs his space.

I hope this helps.!!

Tell him I wish him luck.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:44:00 PM
Give him what he needs......and search for what you need........if meant to be, it will happen.......

Just my opinion.......
 cihccihtog
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 7
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Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:03:53 PM
Ask him what the "wants space" rules are, does this mean dating others is ok? or is it just time to cool down so to speak. Then just do your thing. Normally when I've heard that dating is a go and hey if you feel like it go for it. If you don't take your time and spend it with friends. Give it some time but don't sit around waiting for something that may never work. (I think I need to take my own advice on that one.)
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 8
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Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:07:17 PM
If you are not overly clingy, needy, calling him or texting him 10 times a day then give him all the space he wants and find a new guy. This is never a good sign.
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:49:45 PM
"Need space" is too vague to work with... If you are a "clinging vine" and suffocating him with your endless needs for attention then yeah, give him a couple of days off... If that is not the case get him to explain what that means. Should we both see other people, how many hours, days, weeks, months, or years of space do you think you need, etc., etc.
 m409998m1
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 10
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:15:53 PM
I know the term as most of us do. It usually means he or she is saying good bye in a way that's easy for them, and it's not necessarily the polite way. He or she is really saying I'm done, but doesn't have the courage to face the facts with you honestly.

I'd go back to dating if I were you. At this point what have you to loose? If he is serious and really has a need to sort things out, he will. It may take some time for him to do so. But in my experience, if you share something special with someone, space is not the answer. It's saying I don't really care all that much about you, and I don't like you or love you as much as I thought.
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 11
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Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:16:20 PM
I'm seeing someone who is going through a bit of a personal tragedy at the moment and has, in essence, asked for his own space...we didn't discuss it, but I'm lookng at it this way...I'll be happy to let him be completely free of me for 3 or 4 days, but after that time I deserve some contact. It doesn't have to be anything huge...a quick email or text to say he's ok and he'll ring later will suffice. If I don't get anything then I'll probably start rethinking things...I don't want to be involved with someone who ducks out when things are difficult...if that were the case there wouldn't be any need to be a couple.

It's difficult and it's very personal, but you have to make sure that you're protected and ok while he's in 'his space'.
 UniqueManinSoCal
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 12
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:24:19 PM
If he needs space, give it to him.

Unless I misunderstood the definition of needing space, it never constituted ending the relationship so I am a bit confused on why you would want to date again. Unless you two have defined it as the ending of your commitments in your relationship to be exclusive then the answer would be no.

I suspect the reason the guy needs space is contained in the below statement by you.

My question is what a girl suppose to do in the meantime?

If you don't have anything else to do other than be with your man then there is your problem. You are suffocating the poor guy! Get your own life. Do your own things. Find your own passions. NO ONE wants someone around every second of every day. We all need our own time and our own space no matter how much we love each other.

This is your opportunity to find your own thing and find your own individual things you love to do aside from your man. You need balance and this is the opportunity to find it. That will help you to avoid the guy asking for space in the future.

Just my 2 cents.
 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 13
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:27:02 PM
Yeah, needs space is not start dating necessarily coz you might just mess up what you've got bigtime.

My last boyfriend and I had a monogamous relationship where we lived apart. About 2 weekends out of the month we'd stay at each other's place for the first year or so because my son was away at a special school.

[One weekend I'd go up and visit my son the whole time and another he'd have a home weekend. When he came home for good we re-arranged things a bit but still....]

My boyfriend and I were big Scrabble and card players. Either that or we'd watch his movie collection but some were so funny/good we'd often watch the same ones again and again. So in that way we were very compatible.

If we spent Friday night to Sunday night together - even if he'd want me to meet him at the bar and I didn't drink (brought a book...it was a guy's type place) - one of us would wind up saying we needed space with no offence taken.

If he had phoned me through the week only to find out I was now dating someone else (or vice versa) all Hell would have broken loose. Clarify. THEN give it to him. It's a little to late if he needs space for a while to tell him "I thought 'ya meant go f^ck somebody else and I was so p!ssed off I did."
 Woodstar
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 14
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/13/2008 1:51:12 PM
I agree with jestrada71.

I'm a big fan of "space". It doesn't mean I don't care for the guy...it just means I have some things I want to do and not with him. Always thought I'd make an excellent wife for a long haul trucker!
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 15
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/13/2008 1:58:57 PM
I believe that this statement has totally different meaning
coming from a man then from a women.

When a women says this, it's all but over.

When a man says this, that is what he means (strange concept, eh women?)

Read the Mars and Venus books to fully appreciate and understand this.
 Fefe_FXDL
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 16
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/13/2008 2:09:51 PM

My question is what a girl suppose to do in the meantime?


To be blunt, you should go get a life.

If he is asking for his space, then I would assume it is because he feels like he is becoming (or has already become) the center of your universe, your whole world, your life. And it's not where he wants to be, because he may want to be spending time pursuing other interests. This may be his way of pushing you to find other interests of your own.

If dating other guys is all you can think of to occupy yourself, then sure, do that. But I doubt he is trying to push you into that. After all, you didn't get the, "I think we should start seeing other people" speech.
 Woodstar
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 17
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/14/2008 9:05:35 PM
PlasticSurgeon....I protest!

I am female and I mean what I say...I know, wow what a concept.

It simply means "I love you but I gotta go hang with my girls for awhile. You need to go hang with your guys for awhile."

This could be one night. It could be for a weekend.

Then we return to each other loving arms...refreshed.

Pretty simple.

Now, if I'm with some clingy guy....it COULD mean something else. But I usually say something else like..."you need to back off. I can't breathe."
 beauty_marked
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 18
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/14/2008 9:46:37 PM
Back off and in the meantime, go enjoy yourself, date around and dont wait around for him.
 True_Image
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 19
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/14/2008 9:58:46 PM
while some ppl have brought up a good point- he might literally want some breathing room... I would say- move on. Don't wait around. Sorry. I'm guessing it's his way of getting out of the relationship in a cowardly kind of way. Live, love, laugh. But don't wait around for him.
 rjb888
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 20
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/14/2008 11:51:47 PM
I had someone tell me that. I gave him all the space he needed, permanently. A few months later he calls, "I was so stupid". Yes he was. The answer is NO, not now, not ever.

When someone says they need space, or need time to think about things, or need to take it slower after the fact, they pretty much are done. Not ALL people but most.

Is it cowardly? YES. Some people just lack character, and integrity.
 SassySky
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 21
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/15/2008 10:17:45 AM
OP..there is some vital information missing here. We can all jump to conclusions but. Here is some key questions Are you exclusive? Are you smothering him? Is he just asking for some down time and not asking to date anyone else. With out those answers kind of hard to give great advice.


My question is what a girl suppose to do in the meantime?


Now, If I am an exclusive relationship and either one of us need down time. I see no problem with it. I mean it could be as little as a few days to a month. Just some time to get my head sorted out. doesn't mean I am going to be dating someone else. etc. Just some breathing room. If you are exclusive you give him the time he needs and wait it out. That to me is the caring part, I find that the more a person tries to cling to someone the more that person needs to be free. They may end up resenting you for it.


Should I go back at the dating game again?


Only you can decide if you want to go back into the dating game. I personally take time out inbetween relationships to deal with my emotions. So I am not bringing baggage from one to another. I try to figure out if anything I did was a key factor etc. I then turn the relationship into a learning experience. But the bottom line is only you can decide what to do. You are the one that has to say I am okay with this or I am not okay..
Good luck,
 TROUBLE7
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 22
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/15/2008 11:57:45 AM
Love on Fire Said"So I would say just wait, if you are in a relationship, do not date someone else, because that I would be cheating!! , but just wait on him!!, if you really care about him , you would wait!!!!, because by dating (unless he ok's it) that would make things harder for yourself. Just be loyal to him and respect the fact that he needs his space."

This guy hit the nail on the head..don't listen to all who says to keep dating..if you do don't plan on seeing this guy again. Sometimes guys are asking for space due to the relationship getting to emotional, feelings. Give him time he'll come around.
 lonelynlooking15701
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 23
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/15/2008 12:26:54 PM
Okay, here is MY 2c, some will want change.... As some others have said, you need to POLITELY (not confrontationally) ask for clarification of "space". You might be surprised.

I dated a lady who was very sweet, but insecure. If she wanted to cuddle but I was busy doing something else, then I was "neglecting" her. If a friend (male or female) IM'ed or called me and I responded while she was around, she ALWAYS asked "conversationally"-- "Who was it?"..."What did they want?" followed by "What did you say?". I don't keep secrets, but too much is more than enough...about the only peace I got was when she or I was at work, then she'd usually text me anyway. The nights she wasn't here I usually got a dozen text messages and two or three phone calls...because she "missed" me.

Smothered is a good word, and I'm not sure she realised that she was doing it. When I'm dating someone, I do like to be with them, but if a lady wants me to spend every waking minute being with her, talking to her, and/or thinking about her, then it just isn't gonna happen.
 KinkyBastard
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 24
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/15/2008 12:32:19 PM
Errr... OP, how long has he been in his cave?

If we're talking a few days... Then don't sweat it.

If we're talking say a week... Then talk to him... Find out what's going on (yes hound him LOL!)

If he's man enough, he'll communicate with you, and you guys can move on from there... Whatever the outcome. If he's NOT man enough and still continues to shut you out... Then leave him be and move on... Don't hang around.

Tough, I know, but there's space and then there’s shutting people out and if he's shutting you out then that could mean he WANTS out.

I hope things work out anyway. Good Luck!
 naeco
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 25
Advice on what a girl should do when a guy wants his space
Posted: 1/15/2008 12:39:10 PM

This could be one night. It could be for a weekend.


Maybe, but if her friends are saying "give him all the time that he needs", then that's a little different. An open-ended amount of space is just not acceptable in my opinion. If you need weeks or a month of space, then I don't feel you belong in a serious relationship.

OP, what would I do? I'd break it off and find someone else. Having space means not being with you, and I don't want someone who doesn't want to be with me.
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