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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why does a he say he's "busy" instead of saying "not interested"      Home login  
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 tigercat3
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 1
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Why does a he say he's "busy" instead of saying "not interested" Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Why does a guy not return phone calls or emails and then when you eventually do connect say he is "busy" rather than saying he is " not interested" ? I was reading a "thread" commenting on a book "He's is really not that into you" and "The rules'. Communication is so important... most people assume when someone says they are just "busy" that it is what it is. I am told by some... that may not be the case. ..it may be a mans why of avoiding conversation. Is that true? If so why?
 Luv Karla
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 2
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:53:45 AM
LOL.Good question.

I think for some men,they just don't have a way with words.

And for others,they are cowards.
 socal_Tom
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 3
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:54:54 AM
well I think it just might be a polite way of not trying to hurt someones feelings , women do it to
 *Tee*
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 4
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:55:53 AM
Because being "busy" is code for not interested, didn't you get that memo??
 James P.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 5
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:01:56 AM
Why does a guy not return phone calls or emails and then when you eventually do connect say he is "busy" rather than saying he is " not interested" ?

To lead you on. He's either getting back at you for something, or he's interested in someone else but wants to keep you on the backburner. Or, he's actually busy.

It's unlikely that he's just too scared to reject you directly.


Because being "busy" is code for not interested, didn't you get that memo??

That's girl code. Most guys are miles above that sort of thing.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
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Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:03:35 AM
Just say "OK", and tell them to find you when they're not busy. Then write them off and move on to someone else. If they do call you then it's a bonus. If they don't - you won't notice because you'll be talking to new guys. I always take busy, as not 100% interested...because I know when I really want to get to know someone, I make the time.

No matter what they say, if they're not actively trying to make plans with you - even if they do like you, you don't really want to bother anyway. Uninterested, or not motivated enough to be present in the dating process as you are - no good either way.
 James P.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 7
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:05:39 AM
Just say "OK", and tell them to find you when they're not busy. Then write them off and move on to someone else. If they do call you then it's a bonus. If they don't - you won't notice because you'll be talking to new guys. I always take busy, as not 100% interested...because I know when I really want to get to know someone, I make the time.

No matter what they say, if they're not actively trying to make plans with you - even if they do like you, you don't really want to bother anyway. Uninterested, or not motivated enough to be present in the dating process as you are - no good either way.

Spot on, betty.

This is all you need to know when it comes to dating - everything else you already know by instinct.
 walcimer
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 8
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Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:07:41 AM
It may or may not be. Ditto for the "why?".

What these books try to teach is how to avoid situations like that. Such as, phone calls and emails until eventually and so on and so forth. Instead of the plural, go for the singular. If it don't happen there....walk.
 sugahmagnolia
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 9
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:21:15 AM
**Because being "busy" is code for not interested, didn't you get that memo??

That's girl code. Most guys are miles above that sort of thing.**

where are these guys?
 soxxs
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 10
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:28:08 AM
If a man could just say " sorry i am not interested " and it would be left at that we would do it. But it does'nt work that way. Women would hear that and then come the questions that would put us on the spot and make us feel like being a total jerk. |Such as,|" why are you not interested?"
well gee let me be honest then,
" you smack when you chew,
you are heavier then i was lead to believe,
you're older then you look
you're not a good kisser
you sux in bed (as in not good)
your kids are rude
you are rude
you look nothing like your picture

and more others i am sure.

jmo
 James P.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 11
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:29:01 AM

where are these guys?

All over these forums, and all around Nova Scotia, Canada.
 McLovin359
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 12
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 12:49:37 PM
I can only give my opinion OP but sometimes my work can get a little crazy and before I know it 5 days have past and I have not touched base with family, friends or even someone I am interested in. I will then try to make it up to them but sometimes it is too late and they have moved on thinking I was not bothered, but my work is important to me.
 Hiromi
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 13
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Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 12:55:28 PM
Like what 4dexter said, work gets crazy sometimes...depends on what does he do.
He may be really busy!
 Syl1973
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 14
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Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 1:13:43 PM
It's not tricky. Send a couple of messages. After that, it's their responsibility to contact you.

Get on with life, and look for other people. If they call you back, that's a bonus.
 hardclimber
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 15
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 1:35:57 PM
Is this a problem you have encountered before ? Or are you looking for quick answers?
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 16
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 1:42:20 PM

Because being "busy" is code for not interested, didn't you get that memo??

That's girl code.

Crap.
If I tell a guy I'm busy, than that's exactly what it means.
If I am not interested I say so.

However, there are guys out there that *choose* to misunderstand "busy" for "not interested". And if they rather listen to the screwed-up little voice inside their heads than to what I am actually saying then, I have to admit that, I *do* lose interest immediately. So "I'm busy" can indeed *turn* into "I'm not interested".
 icartb
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 17
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 1/13/2008 5:38:23 PM
If a guy is really into you, he will make time. I had to learn that. I've never been one to call and call a guy because I'm just too proud but I learned that if he can't even call or get together with you, it's "Hasta La Vista, Baby."

Now why doesn't he tell the truth by only saying he's busy? Like one person said, he may very well hope you are a backup. Another reason is that he's a chicken and doesn't have the cahunas to be honest that he isn't interested. Yet he may not be sure he isn't interested OR disinterested. He's still on the fence.

Men are very mysterious creatures.
 ml456
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 18
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 1:37:01 PM
Sometimes it's code for "not interested". Other times the person really is busy. I have ended things with a few men because I was busy with school, work, family, or other things. Not because I wasn't interested in them.
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 19
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:05:41 PM
People often have a hard time dismissing other peoples interest!
Maybe it's because most of us know how much emotional energy
we often put into liking another!

So if you must lie, then lying with a grain of truth is second best!
 bsg789
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 20
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:17:23 PM
If a man states that he is too busy to date me, I could care less if he is actually being with honest with me or if he is making an excuse to hide the actual reason. Either way he is ending things.
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 21
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Busy.
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:16:35 PM
If a person tells me they are busy I take them at their word and assume they are busy doing things that they either:
1) want to do, or...
2) must do.
That's a very short list and if I'm not on it, I don't need a codebook or a memo to tell me what they mean.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
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Busy.
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:21:30 PM
~OP~ Busy is synonymous with " I'm really not interested." to some (maybe many.) Why do some men and women find this easier than the truth? Because it is easier than the truth.
 maggiedoyle
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 23
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:46:41 PM
To spare your feelings. It's always easier to hear that someone is busy than to hear that they think you are an ugly cow or just not their type, etc.
 Glock22shooter
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 24
Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:47:51 PM
Then there are guys like me, that tell women they're busy, simply because, they're busy
 stacks42
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 25
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Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:27:35 PM
It's called being tactful. If we told you we weren't interested, you'd probably ask why then you'd either cry or call us an ***hole or both, whereas if we said we're busy you'll just say oh ok, and get a hold of us some other time until you get the picture that we're always "busy"

It's a guys way of lettin you down easy. Appreciate it for what it is.
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