| | Always on the defensive.Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I think alot of people find it thrilling to try and "steal" someonelses lover/date away from them. It is an ego boost for both women and men with low self-esteem, they feel like if they can steal someone away this shows their attractiveness. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:55:07 AM |
I havent been on this site for very long. But I have friends that recomended I try P.o.f.
It was days before I dated the the one I am with now. 4 dates in and still going strong, hence no pic.
However, I was warned time and time again about guys that cant take no for an answer and though my profile states very clearly that I think Iv found someone special. They insist that they must be friends with me and more. Is it the thrill of taking what is potentially someone elses? Or is it to find out if women in a relationship can be faithful? What really is the point in trying for the unavailable? Is it a test or a real play by the saddos of the dating world who are too afraid to find someone that is truely free to date?
The obvious answer may be...wait for it...this is a DATING site.
When you post a profile on a dating site...the general idea given to others is that you are...seeking dates.
And I'm sure past experiences has taught many on here that people who just put "unavailable" or something else on their profile (and don't hide or delete their profiles) are still looking...
No amount complaining on your part is going to change that fact.
But I'm sure that you already know this.
Bottom Line...if you are dating and you think it'll go somewhere...take your profile off the site or delete it.
Simple questions sometimes DO have simple answers. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 9:05:01 AM | | What Cocytus said; if you really aren't interested in meeting anyone else, then you might want to consider hiding your profile from prying eyes. That lets you stick around to post in the forums, but doesn't leave you out there and available for searches. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 9:10:26 AM | Seems the better question is why would someone who is in a relationship be on a dating site?
Could it be they are not really able to make a committment? Are they stroking their egos? Do they enjoy being hit on? Are they really free and just playing a game? Are they keeping their options open?
We get what we give.
Best of luck with your new fellow. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 9:47:56 AM | just-a-dream....there is an option to "hide" your profile. This will keep you from being found in the basic searches, but still allow you to participate in the forums.
I think the option is at the top of the "edit" or "view" profile pages. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:05:01 AM | Jolie, I think it's deeper than that.
I honestly believe that there is no thinking involved. These people see something (not someone) they want and it's instantly their's sight-on-seen.
It's on the same wave-length that the Enron Executives, for instance, acquire money ans possessions that weren't otherwise theirs. "It's mine and that's that." | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:11:10 AM |
Someone has suggested that I change my profile to single not looking... Maybe there should be a just found someone still not certain button huh?
Ah...that implies to me that you are still hoping something better comes along. You could hide your profile with one click if you wanted...I don't think you want to. | |
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rune3
| | Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 10 | |
| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:11:23 AM |
However, I was warned time and time again about guys that cant take no for an answer and though my profile states very clearly that I think Iv found someone special. They insist that they must be friends with me and more. Is it the thrill of taking what is potentially someone elses? Or is it to find out if women in a relationship can be faithful? What really is the point in trying for the unavailable? Is it a test or a real play by the saddos of the dating world who are too afraid to find someone that is truely free to date? I'm curious to know whether or not you have actually experienced any inappropriate approaches.
I have been on the site and unavailable for over a year now and not one person has expressed an inappropriate interest in me: everyone who has contacted me in the last year has been extremely polite, respectful and pleasant (with the possibly exception of one woman who was simply on an emotional rollercoaster). Likewise, my partner has had no inappropriate contacts. Certainly both of us have found that our relationship status has been respected by all who have contacted us.
I think that some people, when they are attached, don't actually stop looking for sexually based attention, whatever they may claim and I think that people respond to this. I think that some people see shows of interest and flirting as an ego boost and as harmless and therefore invite this kind of dynamic into their lives whether they are attached or not. I don't believe that the majority of people (male or female) have any interest in pursuing a person (male or female) who genuinely makes it clear that they are unavailable and not interested in relating on that kind of level. Most people do not behave like this when they are in relationships, however: they still show interest in flirting and in appearing sexually attractive to others.
Keep up with the no picture + declaration of non-singleness + hidden profile (so only forum readers will find your profile and you won't appear on any searches) and I suspect that you'll have no trouble. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:16:45 AM | | I think you will find men that are mass mailing on here and contact every woman in sight regardless of whether you are available or not. If you have a profile up most likely they think you are available. This is a dating site and guys are trying to date. There are all kinds on here. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:37:07 AM | To be truthful I dont think even in marrage anyone belongs to anybody.
Just-a-dream, don't take this the wrong way, but if you felt that way before you were married, it might explain a few things. However, if you're feeling hurt and jaded as a result of divorce that statement makes more sense.
Truth is, when married, you should belong to each other--not one dominating the other. Also, what do you mean by "hav(ing) new friends in our lives"? A new buddy or husband/wife? Should I give you the benefit of the doubt that you meant the former? | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:41:44 AM | | if I may be so inquistive as to ask;is this just an attempt for creative drama?or r u so dillusional about ur own ability to know when u have something good that creating drama is ur only way to be sure?as u wrote--life gets boring as we get older--maybe for drama queens and even drama kings but not for everyone.u say u have an emotional bond but u went on to write " life gets boring" | |
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rune3
| | Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:42:13 AM | Given the additional information I think Desi has hit the nail on the head here.
Ah...that implies to me that you are still hoping something better comes along. You could hide your profile with one click if you wanted...I don't think you want to. I wonder if this thread will get the OP the kind of attention she is hoping for. Is she hoping to be fought over, one wonders. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:19:37 AM | well then that explains it for me and ty,have a nice day and God bless  | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:25:08 AM | Is it possible to disable your profile from views then and just continue going on the forum while doing what you have to do with the person you found now?
Not sure myself but it sounds like a good bet. Some people don't bother to read profiles so that could be it they just send out messages with hopes of getting a response. Anyways who cares as long as your happy with the person your with and things are going good all that matters right? Who cares about the rest, go with the flow and enjoy your happiness!!  | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 3:58:29 PM | | Thats true....I do agree with that but it does have to do with something being wrong with them to begin with. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 4:17:12 PM | Complaining about men contacting you .. on a Dating Site??!!! No .. say it isn't so!
Your profile doesn't really 'clearly' state anything. On one hand you say you've met some guy but then you're also saying you're open to "friendly" messages. You say you were warned that "some" guys don't take no for an answer, yet you expected different?
What really is the point in trying for the unavailable? Is it a test or a real play by the saddos of the dating world who are too afraid to find someone that is truely free to date?
What really is the point? Have you heard, there are people who don't honor Any marraige vows!! OMG - yup, there are people who would actually cheat! And there are people who lie about their marital status, for whatever reason. Your profile really does read like you're available. I mean 4 dates does not an s/o make - right?
And "saddos" - wow. You are new here. You do realize that Anyone who might think you're interesting (when you become available again) has access to all your posts, not too many men would appreciate being referred to as saddos!!
If you don't want to get notes you have options. You can pull your profile, you can hide your profile , you could just delete the notes OR you could ignore them. You do know that you are under no obligation to respond to anyones advances - in person or in letter. ** You could just give it a little time. As you said - you're new here. You will find that once the novelty wears off those who sit in wait of newbies will be onto fresh game. Then you'll be free of all those men looking for a date! Nasty men tsk tsk tsk .. lol
Yeah, I figured you knew that! lol - so really OP .. how many more letters have you received as a result of this thread? | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 5:35:53 PM |
Age between 34 and 57
Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex.
Must not be looking for Hang Out
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not be looking for Activity Partner
Must not do drugs
Must not be married
Might want to change your restrictions too. If you are only looking for friends, why would it matter what age they are? Or whether they're married or not? You're in a "relationship" and looking for friends, why can't a married guy be as well? Why can't they be looking to hang out? What would you care if your friends are looking for an intimate encounter or activity partner?
I always enjoy the profiles of people who are in relationships, and are just here for "friends", yet still have restrictions such as these. Perhaps there should be an option of looking for "Friends, but only attractive friends who would be good potential matches if my current thing doesn't work out". | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 5:58:31 PM | | confused......what are you saying? After 4 dates you have found him? And if he is the one.why keep a profile where everyone can see it? Are you smoking crack? | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:20:34 PM |
" I always enjoy the profiles of people who are in relationships, and are just here for "friends", yet still have restrictions such as these. Perhaps there should be an option of looking for "Friends, but only attractive friends who would be good potential matches if my current thing doesn't work out "
Whodat--- Ba-rilliant! Never thought of it that way before, but now that you mention it... that pattern does seem pretty common. 'Course it's also possible that they're just so head-over-heels that they haven't remembered to change anything yet. I'd like to think that's the case here-- after all, 4 dates is not much of a lag time.
Like most folks, I've received my share of WTF(!)'s ------ message-in-a-bottle type emails titled "Lookin for my tru luv R U 2" ,etc, even though my profile clearly states that I'm NOT currently looking, and why. I've always assumed that they are using the search-only approach (let's face it, the site pretty much encourages this), haven't read the profile, just clicked on the thumbnail, don't participate in the forums, whatever. If they're polite and semi-literate, I'll answer them, but firmly ask them to research a bit better. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:41:00 PM | Hmm well just going by the signup date here but wooweee that boy must have been using some real special bait. 
When I first joined I fell in love ...no scratch that... I fell twitterpated with someone new just about everyday.Aww ...all you all were adorable then *sigh*
If things are going so well for you best of luck and enjoy! But hey lighten up on the saddos would ya? | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:50:25 PM | | Simply state on your profile that you're not looking. As the rest. Ignore it. You also may still get contacted but people, but mainly from the forums. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:58:32 PM | Take out "FRIENDLY MESSAGES WELCOME" out of your profile. THIS is INVITING men to communicate with you!! Geez, I can't believe you wouldn't know that! State simply that you're only on here for the forums because you have found someone & that you will no longer be communicating with anyone - which you shouldn't be since you're now dating this guy.
Really though - why not just HIDE your PROFILE since you're here for the forums now. It is so simple to do, and it's equally simple to "unhide" it. This way if the relationship with this guy does not work out, you don't have to re-do a whole new profile. This would solve all of your problems with the men on POF! SIMPLE solution!
You have no right to complain if you don't make the necessary changes, as I have suggested above, and what some others have suggested. This isn't rocket science. | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/14/2008 5:10:10 AM |
Why is it that everything you do even when it comes to making friends, there is always people that have nothing but sex in mind when they read making new friends only.
Because this is a dating site.
As I say we may well agree to hide the profiles but I think that will only happen when we begin to discuss becoming exclusive. That conversation hasnt happened yet.
What a mixed message you are sending! He's the One for you, you are only looking for friends, but you will keep your profile up until you both decide that you are exclusive? | |
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| Always on the defensive.
Posted: 1/14/2008 7:20:06 AM |
The truth is, if my relationship does not work out and I end up dating, at least I will know which guys to avoid. People that dont like the word no are quite frankly not the most stable beings on this planet and those that are looking for threesoms and wanting their wives involved, thanks but no thanks.
I betcha "some" guys will be doing their share of avoiding too! lol
If you are getting notes from people that you don't like - just delete them.
So what if someone you aren't attracted to or for whatever reason you don't want them, sends you a note - SO WHAT?? Use the features to delete and/or block - I'm sure it will be of great assistance to you when your done with this present fella. You won't have to worry about the "saddo's" sending you notes! Then we can alll address your thread: "Why dont the men on this site send me notes?" .. lol ..
That's my Only prediction today. Anyone wanna make bets? lol
I get junk mail everyday. Thats what the junk bin is for.
A.S.is
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