| How far is "too far" for a relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:22:27 PM | Hi there - I'm just wondering how people figure out how far is "too far" for dating. The "Seattle" area seems to include Tacoma, Everett and apparently, even Bellingham! So, how do you decide whether you are geographically compatible or geographically undesirable? In my situation, I live and work in downtown Seattle and don't own a vehicle. I usually tell them that in the initial email because almost all travelling would be on their end! But how do you decide how far is too far?
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:21:36 PM | Seems to me that'd be up to them! I'm a driver, and don't mind doing the driving, but that's me. I'm choosing my situation so I don't have to drive for my daily activities, but I'm not against it so much as I'm trying to avoid it for most things to try to be a better person. I'll be living and working in downtown as well, but I'm perfectly fine taking ferries, riding my bike, riding buses or walking places. I actually relish the opportunity to do just that in such an amazing place as Seattle. Currently, such options are impractical at best.
I've taken a bus from Everett into King Street Station and that only took an hour or so and 2.50. Amtrak goes both ways for dirt cheap, fast and frequent.
Distance is defined by those who have to travel it. "Too far" is really something you have to define for yourself and he has to define for himself.
I'd like to stay within an hour's travel time, but that's totally open to negotiation for me. And I really like the attitude my new company shared with me: "For the right person, we'll make it work." | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2008 10:13:35 PM | I have thought long and hard about this, as I have talked to many great ladies who lived in Tacoma and also know of ppl who do see their boy or girlfriends at least once a week and travel from even Mt Vernon to Tacoma! I think it depends oh how much you like this person and if you know you both are serious and mature about the issue at hand. I personally am one for meeting half way, which often means ME, meeting half way in Seattle and the other person, most likely wouldn't even have travel half the distance I travel to meet her as I live on the fringes of civilization lol.
I think halfway points are good for meet ups and dates at first, but would agree that when the relationship changes, so does the traveling requirements and I wouldn't mind traveling 45 mins to an hour see my girlfriend if it means I get to spend the weekend with her, or I come pick her up and then she buys drinks or dessert. I dont think anyone should foot the bill completely. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:00:42 PM | Haha, I've done back and forth to San Francisco and a brief stint with Albuquerque. I'm done with that business.
I'll tell ya what, if I met a guy I really dig that lives in the "area" I'd travel.
Now the guy I really dig and "gets" me is somewhat elusive. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/17/2008 2:37:56 AM | | well i dunno... judging by the lack of response I ve got on here anything past Tacoma is too far it seems, even though im willing to drive (love a good road trip) | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:20:02 PM | Geography is not an issue for me. I've lived here in Washington and dated someone in St Louis. Back in college I was in Santa Barbara and seeing someone in Humboldt. Compared to that, as far as I'm concerned, even Spokane, Victoria, or Portland is nearby.
That said, walking distance is ideal.  Like you OP, I have no car. But it's not been a deathknell so far. I agree with so many who said that no one person should foot the bill for travel, but there's always a way to works around distance.
And, in theory, distance is a temporary problem. I have yet to remain at the same address for more than 2 years (never in my entire life so far). Not everyone moves as often as me, but still, eventually one of the two of you will. So as far as I'm concerned, distance is temporary and thus not an issue. | |
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Mulva
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 7 | |
| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/17/2008 4:56:12 PM | I see you captioned your photos, Khamya - that's a fun feature
I only drive around the south end so it's not practicle for me to see someone too far | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:50:33 PM | | I'm actually confronting this same issue right now. I started seeing a guy and we're definitely clicking, quite unexpectedly on my part. And I'm moving from just north of Portland to Seattle. I think we may continue seeing eachother, and actually probably just as frequently as we have been, since he works 12 hour shifts on swing and I work day shifts here, it may as well be distance that separates us. Who knows what will happen in the future. :) | |
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RodNut
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Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 10 | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:54:40 AM | I had a friend who had a boyfriend in Spain that she was serious with. She'd fly every other weekend. Not for me! I need to be touched so txt'ing, email, phone just doesn't work for me. Too much communication is non-verbal.
I'm looking for someone who is potentially going to be part of my life, which means they have similar interests and run in adjoining life circles so distance is pretty much a killer for me.
With friends it's a different story though, I have long term friends that I've been able to stay close with even though they live on different continents. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/20/2008 1:59:04 PM | [I'm looking for someone who is potentially going to be part of my life, which means they have similar interests and run in adjoining life circles so distance is pretty much a killer for me.]
I tend to agree with you on this one. So many people think that IM and email and phone calls are a relationship. I would prefer to have that special someone in my life, actually be in my life. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:33:07 AM | | mostly when its some woman who is addicted to her cell phone and the man secretly cringes every time the thing jingles. they don't get down much and don't make much noise. it'll last forever and it hopes it is as self righteous as it feels but they are downgrading their own and other peoples existance. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/26/2008 12:36:56 AM | An individual must decide what is too far for them, and then hope they can find someone who feels the same way. What is too far for one person may not necessarily be too far for another person.
Personally, I do not mind driving a distance to see someone. I've driven down to Portland (two hours drive for me) to see someone, and I'm frequently in Seattle (an hour drive for me). However it seems that women I have met outside of Olympia (or messaged on online dating sites) are not willing to date me when I tell them that I live in Olympia. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/28/2008 3:02:39 PM | | hi i find it a litle hard - i really love this girl in delaware and she loves me we havnt dated as i live in england lol but we listened to our voices we chat average6 hours most nights we want to be together but i guess i need to take grip of reality its frustraing- i belive in fate though :) | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/29/2008 9:11:59 AM | Personally, if it takes over an hour to get to someone, it's on the edge of 'too far'. Sadly, while I can nearly SEE Seattle from my house, having a 30-minute 'coffee' with someone in Seattle takes about 4 hours and $20 in ferry fares ($12 if I take my motorcycle) or a 120 mile round-trip to drive around.
That leaves a creative, atheistic, artist looking at a pool of blue-collar, NASCAR-loving, Bud-swilling FISHES. Of course there are exceptions, and Tacoma is within 'convenience' range, but by not including the Seattle Fishies, my fishing pond is a bit shallow. WEST Seattle is nice in that I can walk down to the Southworth ferry, and I think I would travel for the right woman who touched my heart.
As for 100's (or 1,000's) of miles away.... forget that crap. I'm not looking for an email / phone relationship. I have a busy life and can't take DAYS off every week to go 'visit' a relationship.
James, Port Orchard, Washington, USA, Earth | |
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Mulva
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 17 | |
| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/29/2008 10:05:22 AM | I told my friend in Canada about this site - she and this Welsh gentleman started corresponding, then visiting each other. Last I heard he's going to be moving to Canada
I'm happy for her  | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/29/2008 9:26:58 PM | It's interesting to me to see how few people will tolerate a long-distance relationship, or even consider moving. In my experience, living conditions are very temporary anyhow. Eventually everyone moves. That makes distance a temporary problem.
But, I guess many fewer people think that way than I assumed. Interesting. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:31:24 AM | How far is too far?
For me there is no distance too far. I am lucky enough to have met my future wife on this site. I live in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia and she lives in Seattle. She will be here in Sydney in April for a vacation and we will be celebrating her birthday. She then flies back to Seattle and I will be doing an island hopping cruise with some friends across the pacific to Seattle to stay with her and help her pack to return to Sydney where we intend to settle at least initially. All I can say is for both me and her we see each other as only an ocean away. Is there hope fo long distance relationships?
My answer obviously is a definitive YES.
My friends who are sailing with me have also changed their minds and are going to try and form relationships while over in Seattle. Both of them have had no luck at all with Australian Women so have decided to see if they can find women they click with in the Northwestern United States as I have. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:57:03 AM | theres 2 people who have known it too work - the pioneering spirit lives on - yeah i would love to live in america with my love - moving is a formailty- i mean otherwise if we didnt feel it was worth it i would hang out locally- sure it aint the normal thing but ive been chaating to this girl since aug 07 - these decisions take time and trust to each other b4 going forward - as regard to people not wanting internet /emails relationships well why are you here lol -how long do you chat b4 you meet i think you gotta take things slowly- im glad for you colin -sounds like you and your girl are living your dreams -nice one 
i think people like mulva are openminded sure it may not be for you -but none of us know our fate and for me knowing it happens makes me more determined  | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:33:38 PM | | Hi Collin good luck on your future, would have been nice to have let me know what you was doing , other then just ignoring my emails.your forgotten friend Marion | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:38:03 PM | | Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, Colin was being a bad boy. Did he have more than one lady on the hook? Sounds like that may have been the case. | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:51:20 PM | Hi Marion
Many Apologies for the tardiness of my replies. Still have a massive pile of unanswered emails needing replies.
Hope we will still remain friends.
Will be offline again as of tomorrow due to a trip to Brisbane but once I have returned I hope I will get time to get up to Walcha to visit you and your family
Cheers
Collin | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:54:43 AM | There is a conversation in the movie The Fisher King that sums up how I feel about this subject:
"Two people could be across from each other and never find each other.
Two others could be on opposite sides of the world and nothing could keep them apart. " | |
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| How far is too far for a relationship?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:46:01 PM | I've had several great friendships of distance, even met a great lady up north and traveled 3 hrs, and longer during snow storms, to see her. We spent hours online and phone getting acquainted. The drive seemed endless but was well worth the time. Her transportation would never have made it this far. She used commercial bus once, and many times I picked her up and we drove further to get her away from the routine. It was a wonderful time for us both. Eventually things changed and we ended friends for a while. Would I do it again... yes!
It doesn't work for everyone, but, Nik has it so right for many of us... had I avoided sending an opening note because of geography, nationality or other imposed restriction I'd have missed knowing some great friends and some wonderful times. | |
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