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 southeastromeo
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 1
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How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone NumberPage 1 of 1    
How long should I wait before asking for a woman's phone number? Is online chatting (e.g. MSN or Yahoo IM) a good idea before asking for a phone number?

Some ladies are OK to talk on the phone after 2-5 emails are exchanged on this site. Others like to go more slowly. In general, how long should I wait before considering that she may not be interested in going further w/me--or that she may have trust issues which might preclude a reasonably healthy relationship?

Thanks,

Joshua
 fay98
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 2
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:06:02 PM
After a couple of chats or emails ask her if she is comfortable enough to talk on the phone. I hate IM but other people love it. Good luck
 Luv Karla
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 3
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:23:24 PM
After a few emails,I think it's ok to ask for a ladies number.

The worst she can say is no.
 OneBeachlvr
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 4
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:26:43 PM
It depends on how the emails are going. Is she simply politely answering your emails or are you having a real conversation? I think once a person sticks out as an individual, and not just one of many profiles, because you're really getting to know them, it becomes a good time to ask for a number.
 mtigerlily
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 5
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:50:26 PM
There is no real time frame, each encounter is different. Take your time, and when you feel the time is right, go for it. Or, you can offer yours,I'm usually more comfortable with the latter.

Good Luck
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
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How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:51:02 PM
I think that when you start talking, having good conversations and all seems positive, after a couple e-mails/PMs offer your number to her in the event she would like to chat, but tell her it's not required if she's not comfortable with it yet. Tell her you'd like to talk to her in real time but you don't want to be pushy (some women want to talk but don't like to call a guy, so you want her to be aware that you would like to chat offline) and you want to give her the option of blocking her number or whatever so she feels safe about it.

If she likes you and doesn't want to call you but wants to talk to you, she'll offer her number back and ask you to call her, and you'll be off and running. If she says ok thanks but changes the subject and never calls...then you know she's not that into you.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 7
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:07:41 PM
Just ask her.
I HATE typing,so,dislike emailing,msn,etc,so i always OFFER my phone no !!
+ i think its a much better way of finding out if they have a personality, and if they're articulate,etc.
I think you can tell a lot more about a person over the phone......
 cuffs007
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 8
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:26:03 PM
It depends on where you meet her. I'm assuming you're talking about on this site.

The way I've done it in the past (mind you this was on chat, and another site, not POF)

I'd make sure you get two messages to make sure it wasn't just someone asking a question or someone just being nice.

To IM asap. IM for about 30 minutes to an hour.

Get the digits and call right then. Chat for a short bit and make plans for sometime that week during the day. No weekend stuff unless it is a Sunday afternoon.

Go for coffee or to lunch, something small and public to start. Always have a basic plan for what you're activity is going to entail.

Depending on how comfortable you are together the "date" (Never call it a date. You're hanging out or getting together) might last only 20 minutes or it might go for 3 or more hours.

Basically you want as low pressure and no commitment as possible. If it doesn't work out you're out of, what, an hour of your time. Maybe you'll even find someone at the coffee shop if the "date" goes sour. At best you hang out all day and end up at your place.
 Sabinee
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 9
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How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/14/2008 9:36:13 PM
I've found that men seldom ask for my number . After a good long chat or an email exchange, they offer me theirs.
 Saturdays_Child
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 10
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:14:36 AM
I think you should offer her your number first, so she feels she can trust you more.

Pam xx
 marahnna
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 11
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:34:06 AM
Personally, I hate talking on the phone. I don't really know why. I guess with typing, I have more time to think about what I want to say. Also, I get easily distracted. If I'm IMing someone and I have to take care of something in another room for a few minutes, I can come back and continue the IM conversation as if nothing happened. If I'm on the phone, I really have to focus on the phone conversation. It can be done, but for me it's more awkward trying to get to know someone on the phone. Granted, that's not everybody.

Otherwise, I'm with Hazel. Offer her your phone number and tell her to give you a call if she'd like to. If she's ready, she'll call you, or offer her number in return.
 cms2008
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 12
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 7:00:53 AM
I'm an advocate of open communication. When you are at a point in your communications where you'd like to talk on the phone, let her know (hopefully if she reaches that point before you she'll let you know). No harm in saying 'I'd love to talk with you on the phone, so please let me know when/if you reach a comfort level where we might can do that. Meanwhile, I'm happy to continue Email talk'.

Personally, I don't like to spend too much time in the Email cycle. And, I'm not super great on the telephone, so someone like me is going to want to brave out in person when a reasonable assurance of 'he's not creepy scarey' is reached. So there's no rule here. Just ask her where she's at with respect to tele-comms.

I, too, like being given the option of calling the guy (initially) with my number blocked. That's only a safety precaution. Good Luck!
 Tony9876
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 13
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How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 12:27:42 PM
What about a guy just sending his own phone number? Is that too forward?
 fay98
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 14
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 1:58:48 PM
Absolutely not. If you have talked enough no problem. If she still feels uncomfortable please don't be offended if she doesn't call. If not, and you are still interested, send her another email and start to chat again.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
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How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 2:00:53 PM

What about a guy just sending his own phone number? Is that too forward?

You HAVE read the whole thread, right?

YES, a few women have said that getting a number from a guy you like and want to talk to is preferred.
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 16
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 2:40:09 PM

What about a guy just sending his own phone number? Is that too forward?

Not at all, in fact that's the way I work. I never give my number out to a stranger. EVER.

If a man is serious about chatting to make a date, he'll forward his number on to me. Once I feel comfortable with him I'll pay it forward, but not until.

Double standard? Not in the least.... it's a safety factor and learning from past mistakes.

Trust no one and protect self at all costs.... that's just the way it is in the dating world now, and if true gentleman has trouble with that, he ain't no gentleman.....
 Libertine154
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 17
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 1/15/2008 2:51:47 PM
OP,

Ask her whenever you like. She can say no if she would rather not. But, if you ask for it, for heavens sake call her! I hate it when someone seems interested, asks for my number, and then blows me off. A phone number should be a treasure, not a trophy.
 TS629
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 18
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 2/2/2008 10:55:13 AM
There is no need to give you phone number for a first date. It is safer to meet at the mall, like Gloria Jean's coffee shop. It's say a the guy you where going to meet was a cop.. well an unlisted number doesn't stop him from getting your info. Why do yoiu think you are going through this server? To hide you IP and MAC number. The Cell Telephone companies are natorious for selling their info. If you really want to do the cell phone thing, sign on at Match.com. They have a spoofing service. Ya, I'm there also.

 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 19
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:08:24 AM
Emails are fine but people THINK before writing. I like IMs because a person's true personality comes out far more in instant conversation. Plus this is the forum that guys tend to use when asking for you to send ''more photos'' or to ''get on cam'' clear signs they are about one thing. Or they loosen up and get into sexual conversations. So, after a few IM conversations where I can feel him out and things are going well, then I'd move to the phone.
 giginlovey
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 20
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:33:55 AM
Sending your number isn't too forward as long as you've made your introductions, have a couple of replys. I've had men send initial emails with their number. At first I believed it to be an age issue or immaturity but turns out that was an incorrect assumption. (sorry for any misspellings) I know it's said that men are used to rejection but why set youself up for it; try to wait till you can get an idea of the person. Although after having written this I can only believe that this is what any normal man would do...
 vahbsc
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 21
How Long Should I Wait Before Asking for a Phone Number
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:27:45 AM
i'd say a week or two if you kids talk on a day or every other day basis. i really don't like giving out my number at all because people just don't get the point when they've ruined it, and continue to blow up your phone
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