| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:31:49 PM | I recently had a first date with a woman and we agreed on a restaurant which she picked to meet for an informal dinner. I didn't realize it when I agreed to this, but the place didn't server alcohol. After we ate, I suggested we could to a place I knew for a drink.
She agreed so we did. I ordered a beer and she had a sprite. I enjoyed meeting her and felt the date went very well. We kissed goodnight and agreed to see each other again and I told her I would call her.
Later, we talked on the phone she seemed dissapointed that we went to the bar.
It bothered her that I knew the bartender and that I had two drinks rather quickly.
She used this as a reason not to see me again.
I don't feel I'm an alcoholic, but I think it's nice to have a drink or two when I'm on a first date.
It helps me relax a bit and be muself.
Anyway, what opinions do any of you have about this? Any good or bad experiences with drinks on a first date? | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:38:00 PM | I agree with you, I am all about having a****ail somewhere to unwind, and it's something I enjoy (and apparently you do too).
If the idea was so unappealing to her, she should have declined in the first place (or at least made an alternative suggestion).
You two obviously aren't compatible, and I would be inclined to comment that-if the story is exactly as you told it-she was a little judgmental as well.
To answer your specific question-some of my worst dates involved no alcohol. I personally don't see it as being a factor. If a girl was so uptight that having a few drinks bothered her, then I would be happy I found out early on, so as not to waste any more of each others time. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:42:12 PM | One or two drinks is no biggie,but most women would not want to go to a bar on a first date.
And if you knew the bartender,she might have got the impression that you were a
bar star.
Just an opinion. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:42:29 PM |
I didn't realize it when I agreed to this, but the place didn't server alcohol. After we ate, I suggested we could to a place I knew for a drink.
I could see it coming across as "Oh no, I cannot go a night without alcohol." Depends how the situation played out.
Did you actually say, "Darn. I thought this place had alcohol, let's go somewhere and get some?"
I don't like the atmosphere of most bars for a date. I would rather just sit at the restaurant and talk some more over sodas or dessert. Or, even better, go for a walk in the neighborhood. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:47:15 PM |
She used this as a reason not to see me again.
OP, she didn't "use" anything as a reason not to see you. She had a reason, it was a valid reason to her and she told you what it was. She didn't like what she perceived to be your drinking habits.
Would you rather she had strung you along, not answering her phone, putting you off & finally suggesting you just be friends?
I doubt it, cause then we'd see a thread about why women say they want honesty, but they can't be honest themselves.
This woman obviously doesn't drink, she doesn't want to be around people who drink & you are a people who drink.
Carry on. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:48:21 PM | Meeting for a drink for the 1st date is definitely the way to go,if you ask me...
If you dont feel any chemistry,you can leave after the 1st drink,but if you do,you can stay for another......................
Nothing like champagne bubbles straight into the bloodstream to settle any nerves,LOL !
Sounds as though she has something against alcohol & those that enjoy it.... ...(she had a sprite?)...
Tiz easier to linger & chat over a few drinks,too......thats why ive mentioned it as my idea for a date on my profile..
OP,move on-- best of luck! | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:50:05 PM | There is also the possibility that this woman is a recovering alcoholic herself ...
Or is being overly cautious because she has been in a relationship with a heavy drinker ... | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:54:03 PM | Just about every time i went out on a date i had a drink. Sounds like she is a prude to me. If the date was going well, i would have maybe just a beer and or a glass of wine. If the date was going badly, i would up the antee. Straight Jim Beam. Make it a double. And then i would give her a REAL reason not to date me again.   | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:59:00 PM | OP, she didn't "use" anything as a reason not to see you. She had a reason, it was a valid reason to her and she told you what it was. She didn't like what she perceived to be your drinking habits. I agree. I don't drink. I don't particularly care if other people drink or not but "needing" to go to a bar to knock back TWO drinks in rapid succession is a little different than having an aperitif or a glass of wine with dinner. If you need booze to "relax" or "be yourself" then I'd consider that a problem. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:10:32 PM | "It helps me relax a bit and be muself."
I am curious...were you drinking when you posted?
I agree that the woman was a bit too "stuffy" to chastise you about having two drinks after dinner. We all need to be a bit more accepting of others if we want to explore the numerous opportunies and the possibilities of meeting truly great people!  | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:15:10 PM | i have typically met somewhere we can order a drink if its a dinner date, no problem there necessarily. just dont get buzzed if she isnt. if you like her, you gotta feel and follow her energy and read the signposts.
If she has issues with alcohol, she is entitled. you dont know her personal or family history well enough on a 1st date to judge this, so dont do it.
But going to a place where you are on a 1st name basis with the bartender is probably a bad move. It is by definition no longer "neutral turf." She is now at a disadvantage. You are now 'showing her off to your compadres' whether you are conscious of it or not. Go somewhere where she will be safe and where you are largely anonymous. That way you can focus on her and she can tell there is no alterior motive. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:38:50 PM | original poster,
i do not opt for drinks on a first meeting. i believe it sends the wrong message. i prefer midday meetings in a neutral quiet setting, which, if things go swimmingly, can progress to dinner or some other pastime or sit just fine on its own. i would agree to drinks in a lounge atmosphere on a formal date, or a second or third; but in your case, she sent a clear signal to you that you apparently missed.
when i am entertaining someone over drinks, i always pay attention to her pace and adjust mine accordingly. in your case, you ordered a beer, and she, a sprite. that should have been a clear signal to you, that she does not drink and having a second beer probably would not go over well. in my opinion you ran the red light and earned your demerit.
that said, i have to take exception to the point made about the barkeep calling you by name. i once spent a couple hours at a local pub and did not return for another two weeks. on my second ever visit to the same pub, the hostess remembered my name. take note, this is what theyre paid to do. if you dont want your name remembered, dont give it. but as i said, taking the second drink without a go-ahead from her was in my view, the dealbreaker. regrets. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:48:33 PM | I never order a drink on a first date and usually don't on a second. I want a clear head to absorb everything about the other person. It also gages for me if he can entertain /go out without alcohol. I drink socially, but can go weeks without a drink or I might have a glass of wine a couple of nights in a row. I do enjoy wine and even have a small portable wine cellar. It is not a necessary part of every day life.
I had a first date where he drank 4 glasses of wine. It really bothered me. A glass of wine or two with dinner might not be so bad, but leaving to go to the bar after dinner--because the restaurant did not sell alcohol would have sent a message to me also. Sorry. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:49:39 PM | I wouldn't have a problem with it, even though I am a non-drinker. I would just order a soda or coffee. With that said, someone who gets sloshed, or gets behind the wheel of a car after even one drink, will not impress me.
But two drinks doesn't sound bad...and you did take a cab or get a ride right? | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:58:12 PM |
when i am entertaining someone over drinks, i always pay attention to her pace and adjust mine accordingly. in your case, you ordered a beer, and she, a sprite. that should have been a clear signal to you, that she does not drink and having a second beer probably would not go over well. in my opinion you ran the red light and earned your demerit.
While I understand the spirit of your post in terms of not overdoing things on the first date, I certainly would not be going to these lengths to model my dates behavior. This sounds dangerously close to pretending to be something your not. By the same token, I would argue he sent his clear signal too... he likes to have a few beers while out on date. And many people feel there is nothing wrong with that.
My point is don't be chided into thinking you did anything "wrong" here, OP. You were being yourself, and like one of the other posters mentioned, it's hard enough to find someone out here without tossing someone away because they had two drinks. But there was obviously some type of incompatibility issue there, which is all you really need to know.
I wasn't there, but if everything is as you described it, I am inclined to believe as you do-that this was more of an excuse for her, as opposed to not listing the real reasons she wasn't interest. If you got drunk or became obnoxious, that would be a different story. But if she knew that you drank before you guys went out, and she certainly knew you wanted to have a drink when she agreed to go to the bar (which she did willingly), I am doubting that she was truly offended by your having two beers. She knew that going to the bar you would be having at least one drink, but now that you had two you're out of control? LOL. No matter, it all amounts to the same thing, no woman, no problem :) I would not lose any sleep over it. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:04:11 PM | | I notice somewhat of a contradiction Mr. OP . You say you like to have a drink to be yourself and relax on a first date. That is an unbelievable sentence when you analyze it. You basically are lying to yourself. If you need a drink to relax to be yourself than WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ???? You really need to answer that question. I think I would like to hear the ladies side of this sordid first date story . HMMMM | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:06:13 PM | kevinmach,
as/re this comment, "I certainly would not be going to these lengths to model my dates behavior. This sounds dangerously close to pretending to be something your not." i completely disagree. it is exactly what i am. i drink socially, and usually have one or two when i am finished work, but i would give up drinking completely if a woman i was dating insisted on it. i am not in love with alcohol.
that said, i am not averse to getting silly with a partner if we are both comfortable with it. getting silly in front of someone who does not enjoy drinking on the other hand, is in my view, disrespectful. regards. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:13:59 PM | One more problem solved when I quit drinking.
I don't mind if a date drinks but I really have little tolerance for drunks these days. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:17:42 PM | it sounds like she doesn't like bars or drinking.. like she thought you were having a good enough time without them and shouldn't have needed them (in her viewpoint - and no, i haven't a clue really, i don't know either of you, so it's all just blather of the guessing kind here, like usual  )...
however, you like bars and having a couple of drinks as part of an evening....
in other words, you're different people with different ideas.... so, if there's enough interest from both parties to reach a compromise on this, it'll have to be done.. otherwise, move on... | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:19:31 PM | Since drink is integral to your life be conversant with the amenities:wine cellar,that sort of thing.
I prefer a glass of merlot with the main course because I play myself. Knowing the wine steward,owner,and staff is indicative of my gregarious side.
When ordering a fine wine I can see how the lady feels and defer to her wishes.
If I'm driving I'll remark how my penchant for drinks is penultimate to sober driving and of course;her convictions.
If romance is secondary to drink you might try A.A. to get a roomful of reactions to your dilema.
I believed myself to be alcholic;spent eight wonderful years sober and now take a drink or two tops.
If I can't be my best self sober I'd abstain unobtrusively and without anything negative to say about responsible drinkers or pot smokers.
The white powderous mind-candy's use usually indicates concurrant mental disorder,usually mild, usually cured by caring for the lady and telling her how your hearts's hers.
I worked seven years with the addicted as my clients:get a second opinion.
Here's to your good health and may you find the"one" you seek,
 | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:22:57 PM | It's all about personal preference and my preference one day may be different than another. I'll have a drink or two on occasion but I'll go months at a time without any alcohol. It just depends on what I 'feel' like doing or what I 'choose' to do.
It has recently occured to me, I really am not interested in a 'relationship' with someone who needs alcohol to enjoy my company or even just to spend a little time with me, 'getting to know one another' so to speak. If you can't handle me sober, go away. Even on a bad day, I'm pretty easy to handle, if you need 'social lubricant' it's not a good sign. That's just my personal opinion. I'll never forget the day the wasband said, you really should drink more, we used to have so much more fun, blah, blah, blah. That should have been THE clue to run and run fast and not look back. I digress...
Frankly, knowing the bartender and downing two drinks quickly could be a bad sign. It might not be, but who knows. Some people have had bad experiences and choose to take no chances. You've got to respect that, no?
That said, be who you are and do what you do. Faking it or behaving differently than usual just to seal another date is not a good tactic.
Good luck! | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:27:39 PM | I haven't been to a bar in just over a year but I do drink from time to time. There's practically a full bottle of Baileys in my fridge from Christmas Eve...a present at that. The fact you took her out to eat is nice. I'd rather go somewhere where the guy knows a bit about the place (bartender etc.) if the date goes beyond just dinner.
I too like to watch the person and reflect on the date later when I'm at home alone. I would only be skeptical about how well we were going to 'match' in drinking habits if a guy didn't want to leave the bar. Been there, done that, boring. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:53:58 PM | I think she used drinking as an excuse and she wasn't interested in him because of some other reason. IMO it would be lame to lose interest a person just because he had a couple of beers. If he got drunk and made a fool out of himself, then that is a different story.
I wouldn't have a problem with it, even though I am a non-drinker. I would just order a soda or coffee. With that said, someone who gets sloshed, or gets behind the wheel of a car after even one drink, will not impress me.
But two drinks doesn't sound bad...and you did take a cab or get a ride right?
Most people aren't drunk after 1 or 2 beers. I can drink a couple of beers and still drive home very easily. | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:59:44 PM | ~OP~ Sounds like you got it right, she used that as excuse and a lame one at that in my opinion. So you drank quicker than she slurpped her sprite. Maybe you should have said, "Well my Dear, if you wouldn' t have been sucking through that straw, you might have been able to keep up." Seriously ~ you're better off. Be thankfuly ~ you get gals like me ~ let's skip dinner and have a couple shots of Crown and talk religion and politics ~ I see no need to judge anyone or their habits, especially on a first date. That's just too "holier than thou" for me. Sorry for you though, better luck next time!!!  | |
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| Drinks on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:05:43 PM | I personally like going for drinks on a date...or atleast having one with dinner...It loosens me up cause I get pretty shy at first.
I think if it bothered her she could have declined the invite when you suggested it on your date.
there's nothing wrong with it OP...she just made an excuse | |
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