| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:33:01 PM | A question to people of both genders…. How common is to have a following development? You meet someone and date very casually, a person is originally very clearly attracted and chemistry obvious, you hit it off right away.... However, no frequent dates, no intorducing to each other friends, no consistency in communication, and etc.
A person indicates that he/she is not ready for anything significant at that moment…. In addition, the person tells you that he/she feels that you are not the one. He/she states that there is no compatibility or whtever and basically breaks up with you. No further involvement.
I had a vivid discussion with one of my friends on this subject it is NOT her or my case in any way but sure we had some disagreeements on this matter that is why additional opinions would be appreciated.
How possible is it that let’s say a 1 year or 2 years later that person comes back with clear serious intentions? | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:36:49 PM | Well, I have only one gender--not both-- but I'll answer, anyway. (I'm so funny)
How possible is it that let’s say a 1 year or 2 years later that person comes back with clear serious intentions? Very unlikely. He probably was just using you as a "place holder" until someone better came along. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:36:52 PM | Slim to none. I have dated men in the past and made it clear there was no connection. I have never contacted them since. If it's not there,why would it rear it's ugly head a year or so from now?  | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:37:33 PM | Are they sleeping together?
I think there are a lot of people, probably more guys, who date a woman for a few weeks, enjoy the intimacy , but then find it isn't all they want, or know that from the start, they may quite like you, but know you are not the one.... it is inevitable that they will move on.
I think this scenario is good in that the person was honest.... i doubt they will be back. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:44:24 PM | | if your not the one now ,your not the one later.any reason for someone to do this would be a red flag.either they were already in a relationship when they met you,our they are looking for a little short term companionship. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:47:03 PM | Why would you even give him the chance to think about it- hey mull it
over, weigh it out- he would know with that first look or that first word
instantly that you were the one for him.
No- if he comes back in a year or two then he is settling- or maybe you are.
You are the one there because nothing better has happened for him.
Look at it this way- even if your Not looking, if you see what is good for
you- all that "Im not looking right now for something" crap goes right
out the window. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:58:25 PM | Assuming you have gotten past the initial get to know you stage, if things don't develop further it is a clear indication that the initial interest was just that, initial interest. On the worst side, like someone else has said, just a placeholder in time.
It is very unfortunate that this sort of thing happens and happens as often as it does. I think if we all could better communicate, and do it honestly there would be far fewer issues. JMHO | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 4:05:23 PM | | .....i would say not very possible.....and if they did.....you just say sorry, but i'm not going to be sloppy seconds....if that person did not see all the right stuff the first go around.....it's not likely they would be coming back for anything more than seconds.....everybody deserves to be first in a good relationship.....adored and loved like no other .....and not have to have questions and doubts in their head...... | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:13:34 PM | | Not possible, if the person is interested in long term and finds you attractive/interesting he /she will at least try for a while ... the only way someone would come back is you had some great connection (for at least few months) but he/she wasnt ready for commitment and at some later points is | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 10:21:40 PM | If someone is respectful and say they just aren’t ready ‘right now’ and they enter you’re life later it COULD be possible they needed to get some crap in their life taken care of but I find it highly unlikely….
By online dating you have a chance to meet many more people than in the ‘real world’ so I say this without being ‘jaded’, however a handful of guys have blown me off (acted like they had a great time, we went on several dates and they vanished off the planet) and THEN called me out of the blue or wrote me online a year or so later as if nothing happened and tried to just pick up where they ‘ditched me’ ! LOL
One person I had a date planned with was supposed to call me back in a couple of hours with the exact time; I never heard from him. Almost 9 months later he called me and left a voicemail about us meeting up for that dinner and asked if was I available “that evening?”…I’m not kidding when I say it took me days to go back through old emails I’d never deleted, in an attempt to find out who he was! LOL Then he was annoyed when I called him back and told him I was no longer interested…
If a guy (or woman) just vanishes without the guts to tell you they are no longer interested and they clearly left you the impression they were and they were going to go out again, I say think TWICE before seeing them again. Personally, I have no desire to be someone’s SECOND choice when the person they ditched me for didn’t work out…but that happens a lot online unfortunately; I call it the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome!
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/18/2008 10:53:44 PM | RE: First post.
Well this whole thing is rather nice and straightforward. I see no deceit at all. If we're talking about a guy here, Im floored that he was that honest. Good for him.
How good are the odds of him coming back with serious intentions? lol 1 in a million maybe. How good are the odds of him coming back and TELLING you he has serious intentions, or implying it? Id say a good chance depending on the last time he had sex, how hot you are, how gullible you are, how depesperate you are and if the sex was good. Thats my professional opinion anyways. ^_^ Hope it helped. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 12:36:18 AM | Two Hawks takes the Talking Stick.
The chances of his coming back in a year, or two are slim to none. If he's gone that long....walk on and find someone else. Don't waste your time on someone like that. This serves no purpose.
Two Hawks passes the Talking Stick | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:00:57 AM | Post 19
Are you talking about yourself in the classic stereotype of native american third person? Cause if you are... wow.
************************************************************************
Uh.....could you explain that a little farther? I speak on these forums as I would speak with the elders of my people. The Talking Stick is a "speaking tool". When in council with the elders or in general council, no one speaks unless he is holding the Talking Stick. This eliminates a lot of useless jabber and it also puts the kibosh on arguements.
I am one quarter Northern Arapaho. I have lived and worked among my people and I
Respect my Indian teachings and the tribal ways. MY tribal name is Two Hawks. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:12:04 AM | OP, I've done this, as the one who couldn't keep going and came back later.
I had every intention of giving the relationship a chance, but before it could really get going it became long distance and I had a MAJOR professional whammy thrown into my life. I really needed to take a step back and recover from that emotionally before I could focus on dating and exploring a romantic relationship with anyone else. I don't date unless I bring a version of myself who is stable and happy into that relationship. I wasn't stable and I wasn't happy. Starting a relationship that way just ensures co-dependence and I prefer to be confident and stable when I start relationships. He let me step back and I did so, stabilized myself again and resumed the romantic relationship. Unfortunately he and I had very different views on dating, ostensibly because he is five years younger than I am and quite a bit less experienced in dating due to his choice of places to live on the globe. The combined long distance and lack of ability to get on the same page proved insurmountable and the romance failed, though the friendship survived.
I don't think they're always out getting it somewhere else, but sometimes life deals us blows that need to be handled and building a new relationship while dealing with a major life event is often too much. Major life event trumps new relationship, but that doesn't mean the interest in the person wanes. It just means it needs to be put on hold. The last thing I want to put someone through at the start of a new relationship is a major life trauma that's going to take awhile to recover from. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:44:18 AM | I think many of you might be missing this one point..
a person is originally very clearly attracted and chemistry obvious, you hit it off right away
When I first met my ex, there was NOTHING. No attraction, no chemistry, nothing. He was just a guy a friend of mine worked with. Couple of years later we met again under different circumstances and it was a completely different story. Ok, I know, not the same as what the OP first posted. Just illustrating that things can change with time.
The last guy I was seeing was instant chemistry. We talked all the time. Even when we ended things there was still lots of chemistry between us. We've agreed to keep communication open, but explore other things and reevaluate where we are in time. I'm not holding my breath on this one, but I'd be open to pursuing a relationship if he wanted it too. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:00:31 AM | | Do the words "bus stop" come to mind? You always know where they are if you need them and you know not much is going to change if you come back....no matter how many times you come back. | |
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:54:56 AM | The first scenario: You have chemistry, but no consistency. Chances of him coming back: probably strong.
Would I date him? It depends whether I was looking for casual and inconsistent at that time. I don't think he would have changed significantly in that time.
The second scenario: He says he's not looking for anything serious at that time, but has stated you are not the one. Hmmm, methinks he WAS looking for serious, even though he said the opposite.
Chances of him coming back? He doesn't seem to know what he wants so he may come back. He may have come to see things in a different light. I would hear him out before deciding how willing I was to get involved again.
People change, learn and grow.
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| What is your experience with this one?
Posted: 1/19/2008 9:08:08 AM |
How possible is it that let’s say a 1 year or 2 years later that person comes back with clear serious intentions?
Quite simply;
A) When someone has just suffered a breakup, they grab their little Black Book and connect with anyone from their past. It keeps them from feeling the pain and dealing with their own culpability. ( ie: If someone from the past still has feelings for him/her, then the breakup must be the other person's fault.)
B) When someone stubs their toe, they run to Momma, then start to CRY.
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