| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:34:27 AM | | Is it weird to just seek friendship? That thrill of getting to know one person deeply and intimately? Becoming best friends? With great physical chemistry? And pure honesty and trust? I don't want to meet just anyone? Is this achievable? | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:57:40 AM | Good Question!
You are an extremely attractive woman and the one thing that will get in the way of achieving your dreams are Hormones! (the male kind!)
I cannot see that should you start to see someone , on a friendship level, that male primate instincts will take over and soon rule his head!
Such is life!
Sad, Isnt it
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:06:56 AM | It's not weird to seek just friendship. You want a new best friend? Does your current best friend know that you're looking to trade up?
Wait... you want great physical chemistry too. Well, I only ever hug my friends... well, I did kiss a few of them, but there was alcohol involved. You don't need physical chemistry for that... unless you you're talking about :gasp: sex! So... you're looking for a Friend With Benefits?
No... wait. You want pure honesty and trust. Revisit best friend and great physical chemistry... sounds like you really want is a Long Term Relationship. Now that we've actually established what you actually want, that's half the battle.
First you date. Then you fall in love. Then you live happily ever after.
It's possible I'm patronizing you just a little bit. Something about your post struck me as needy and unrealistic somehow. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:21:12 AM | I'm hardly needy, but yes your right I guess I want a solid long term relationship with a man who is my best friend.
Thanks for making it simple. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:38:44 AM | Sassi
What IS wierd is the number of girls who assume that, becasaue a guy wants sex, then he doesn't want anything else BUt sex and that he only wants it for one night. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:19:27 AM | I just changed my profile to this very thing. No, I don't think it's weird. I think you should be honest about what it is you want.
If that person is out there, they will respond .... it's that simple  | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:24:27 AM | | Women usually just want sex, so the friendship thing is difficult for them to understand. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:24:27 AM |
Sassi
What IS wierd is the number of girls who assume that, because a guy wants sex, then he doesn't want anything else but sex and that he only wants it for one night.
Ummm, his is one of the reasons I stopped dating .... LOL it's largely true, esp on these dating sites. I found most of these guys are married or attached and just looking for something on the side. Get used to it.
I am actually grateful that I no longer have the free time to even consider dating .... way too much drama for me  | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:25:16 AM | I agree with the OP. Either someone wants to go full throttle into a relationship without getting to know me, or they think that if I don't put the moves on them within the first two dates that I'm rejecting them. I have seen my share of bad relationships and I'll be damned if I get into another one. Caveat emptor.
You wouldn't make someone Sergeant their first day in the Army, so why decide if someone is life partner material within the first week? I want to know what kind of character I'm going to share a foxhole with before I extend an invitation. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:35:21 AM | | No! You do as you wish its your life. I'm the same as you. I'm on here potentially looking for a relationship but at the same time I'm not willing to date just anybody for the sake of it and I prefer to take things slow. I get messages hi you looking for a bf? I always say no not particularly lol | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:38:10 AM | Getting to know one person deeply and intimately, with great physical chemistry.
That's what you call just a friendship ?
If you ever find someone you want to marry, what are you going to do, have yourselves surgically grafted together ? | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:45:27 AM |
Sassi
What IS wierd is the number of girls who assume that, because a guy wants sex, then he doesn't want anything else but sex and that he only wants it for one night.
Ummm, his is one of the reasons I stopped dating .... LOL it's largely true, esp on these dating sites. I found most of these guys are married or attached and just looking for something on the side. Get used to it.
I am actually grateful that I no longer have the free time to even consider dating .... way too much drama for me
Please, PLEASE PLEASE do NOT fall into this jaded view of men----it's truly one of the more unattractive things any woman can exhibit. It might be true from some men but it's hardly the only thing you encounter trying to date or meet people via ithe internet.
Sassi you seem to be quite intelligent and well balanced which puts you at a slight disadvantage with SOME men but not all of us. Some will share your same enjoyment of the discovery process---once you do find him you'll both be stunned how great it can be. There's no magic forumula in finding it but it does take persistence and the strength to fight the weariness and eventual jaded outlook an unsuccessful search sometimes brings. It's almost a sad irony that the longer you do search the easier it seems to weed out those not thinking along your same lines.
You're looking for traits that are typically found more in men of a bit older age than your own BUT that doesn't mean they don't exist---I'm sure they do. Of course being older doesn't guarantee anything but in this case experience with living life does help a bit. By having perspective and being able to look back is a great way to form an idea what you'd like to encounter in the future.
Your looks might attract all sorts of undesirable men but being smart will weed the pretenders out fast enough. You're well on your way---keep up the great attitude because that will always serve you well. I hope you find that guy soon---or whenever it's really the right time. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:48:29 AM | | Would it be great to be able to narrow down the field of men down to that ONE special guy from the comfort of your home? Sure, but I don't think that it's possible. There are just to many factors that require a face to face meeting to be able to know if there is that purrrfect chemistry. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:04:20 AM | OPie~...remember that most people who are physically attractive work at it to a degree...and a dominant reason they do that is to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex for the purpose of meeting, dating and mating.
Saying you don't want sex or a date won't register with most guys because you uploaded attractive pics, nice smiles, and a general openess in your appearance. If you really want the 'friends only' thing, downgrade your pics...some frumpy flannel shirts, don't bother with hair and makeup...IOW, don't try to shine your best.
But keep in mind...guys are on here looking for dates...and yes, eventually that does mean sex. Platonic relationships do tend to screw up your other dating potential relationships. Exactly how does one achieve "great physical chemistry" without doing the equivalent of dating...and eventually sex. How can you have pure honesty and trust if sex isn't involved...I mean, how much more honest and trusting can you be with somebody?
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:23:22 AM | There's noting wrong with friendship all you have to do is stipulate that one intention. But in saying that with physical chemistry comes friendship, attraction and so forth sex creates feelings between men and women you just need to know what you want from it???? meaning do you want a short term relationship or long term?
I ask this because you're initial statement sounds confusing???? you say you don't want sex just friendship then you talk about ,intimacy, chemistry, honesty and trust these all sound like things you would want from the man you wish to marry? please explain I am some what intrigued to hear your response. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:36:28 AM |
Please, PLEASE PLEASE do NOT fall into this jaded view of men----it's truly one of the more unattractive things any woman can exhibit. It might be true from some men but it's hardly the only thing you encounter trying to date or meet people via ithe internet.
Sorry you feel it's jaded. Unfortunately this is the truth from where I sit, and many other ladies as well, and does seem to be more prevalent online, although it occurs alot in real life too. It has gotten very old very fast, and I no longer have any wish to become involved again. I am sure I am not the only one ...........  | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:42:22 AM |
Sorry you feel it's jaded. Unfortunately this is the truth from where I sit, and many other ladies as well, and does seem to be more prevalent online, although it occurs alot in real life too. It has gotten very old very fast, and I no longer have any wish to become involved again. I am sure I am not the only one ...........
If your discontent is sincere and you're really tired of it all why not simply remove your profile then? From where you sit this might be the way it appears which could be due the perspective formed instead of actuality. There are probably many women who don't blame the internet for people being fools----they were in abundance well before this !! | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:52:19 AM |
Is it weird to just seek friendship? That thrill of getting to know one person deeply and intimately? Becoming best friends? With great physical chemistry? And pure honesty and trust? I don't want to meet just anyone? Is this achievable?
I think it's a great idea. Seems there's such a difference between how most men and women hear you differently.
Like some others have said - it's your life and you should live it the way you want. There are times you want that deep closeness before the physical act and other times you might feel the reverse. There's nothing wrong either way. It's up to you to know what you want and not settle.
OP doesn't sound "needy".She sounds like she has thought about what she wants and realizes "just anyone" won't work. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:53:58 AM | Off -topic.........interesting on how fast this thread went right to how men just want sex...and really doesn't answer OP's question at all.
On-topic.....OP: what you want is not "weird", just difficult to obtain. What you desire is achievable with the right person......with open communication from the onset of meeting. You should however understand that eventually it will lead to being intimate with someone. There is not a man alive who would not expect it to reach that level at some point in the relationship. Now the trick here is finding the man who has the patience to work with you to reach your goals in a relationship and reap the rewards at the end point. Luck to you. | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:08:30 AM | O.P - The pressure cooker works this way:
a. Time is running out on everybody, nobody lives forever.
b. Everyone wants to enjoy life, in their own way.
c. Men are turned on mostly by what they SEE at first
d. Women are turned on by what they feel (from what I've been told) and that's not just physical at all.
e. Integrity is almost rare in people the older the population group surveyed (an assumption) since they have been through more of life's battery and difficulty.
SO
A lot of people are in a hurry to have fun their own way, men looking for the hotty, and women trying to experience feelings they haven't known (or have been robbed of in the past).
I think the way to achieve what you are asking is to NOT try to achieve it. Live, enjoy your life the way YOU enjoy life, and friends will come as you move through the circles of people interested in your similar areas of involvement. Beyond that, it's all a crap shoot...players and liars cause trust in decent people difficult at the very least, and the more exposure you get to the 'random' person that cons you, the harder it is to keep your arms open to new 'friends.' Not everyone is worthy of a persons trust or friendship.
I dunno, in the end we all do the best we can, even the worst of us. (see point b)
Personal note: If a man or woman can't be platonic at the outset, how's life gonna be with them while you both have clothes on? Sex is the most fantastic experience the right two people can ever enjoy...but to get to the right person, most of the time it has to be removed from the evaluation process entirely. (again, my opinion).
Good luck! | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:46:58 AM | | What you are seeking is the ultimate way to begin a life together - with a potential mate. However it is extremely difficult to find - since most people are thinking with their loins and not their brain - when pursuing a partnership. All you can do is stick to your ways and hope that someone will come along with the same values and desires, You will just have to have more patience than most and avoid complaining when it is more difficult for you to get 'Mr. Right!' | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:49:30 AM | I think what you want most want.......... but just give up and make do!
I think most would call it a soul mate!! | |
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| I don;t want sex or a date!
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:02:05 AM | | I think it is possible. I have a female friend that took it slow with her current boyfriend. She was upfront and honest with him about what she wanted. She held off on the sex part for awhile. They now have a great relationship that includes sex but is not the main focus of it. The enjoy each other for what they are not just tolerate each other to have someone. | |
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