| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:44:44 AM | | You have a partner and enjoy great sex together. You can get along pretty well, but you know it's never going to be a marriage. do you break it off? Or do you look for someone else and then break off. Both partners are having a good time now....does it make sense to split up just because marriage wont be the outcome? | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:54:06 AM | So you're on the Sex & Dating site but asking about marriage? I don't understand.........
I have wondered my whole life WHY marrige seems to be the one and only "goal" many women have once they engage in sex with someone. The question is do you have sex thinking it will lead to marriage? Can't you enjoy the time together with this great sex partner for what it is and not be trapped into thinking it needs to lead somewhere?
I'm not against marriage or jaded by the two wonderful experiences I had with them but I do notice so many here who complain about lackluster sex lives while married. Of course most of those failed situations always started out with great sex but once "real life" sets in that seems to be the first thing to disappear. Don't get me wrong--great sex won't save a bad marriage but no sex will certainly kill one quite quickly.
Your question might be better answered by you once you figure out what you're really looking for in life with men. I do bet if you break it off with this guy for this reason alone you'll regret it----unless of course this being married thing is you one and only goal. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:56:18 AM | If you get along why change it?
Why does it have to end in marriage?
I have never wanted to get married..if I feel like it one day I might though..but it's not life the universe and everything. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:09:10 AM | | I'm not looking to get married so the guys I date, I enjoy the time that we spend together and just enjoy the journey - its not always about the destination. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:31:10 AM |
Can't you enjoy the time together with this great sex partner for what it is and not be trapped into thinking it needs to lead somewhere?
Wow, I thought OP'd be blasted for being dishonest or misleading the guy's emotions...I can enjoy the time together, but sometimes in the back of my mind I wonder if I'm being selfish. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:40:24 AM | | My question is, is that all your after a husband? if so thats really sad you both get along right? you both have a connection so why split if everything is ok! that just seems wrong to me | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:41:02 AM | | It seems that the answer to your question depends on you and how you feel about things.I personally think that you should keep on seeing this guy and see other men too and not be exclusive to any of them. If you develop strong feelings for another man and he feels the same towards you, at that point, you may want to consider being exculsive. You are single so take advantage of it. Just make sure that this guy you see now is not misled into thinking that you two will have a life together someday. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:42:24 AM | | One thing you have to remember is that - if your ultimate goal is to marry and you are spending your time 'sexually' with another partner - who does not have the same desire - you could be staving off any potential mates to come! Potential life partners may not be pleased with someone who is in a recreational sexual partnership. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:46:13 AM | Kinda split on this!
If i get along well with someone and enjoy there company, why would i move on from them. but the otherside of me thinks if there is going to be nothing their, then maybe move on and find the one you can see yourself with
Can you not keep the person as a freind?? | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:59:47 AM | My question would be then......would you rather be alone and not experiencing something with another?
So, let me get this straight.......You enjoy each other, the sex is good, and you are having fun with life, just not the real potential for marriage.....is that about right????? And your point is?......
Maybe you need to define for yourself what marriage really means for you, and those that are potentials? Maybe you need to analyze, along with the one you are with, just why they might not see or be a marriage partner for you, or you them. Maybe you need to ask yourself, is that my end goal, to have that ring on my finger, and marriage contract, or is it to be with another, enjoying the experience, and living life before life lives you?
OT.......I see no reason to make marriage the end goal while having dating or having a relationship, as long as children are not wanted or involved because of their age, and as long as the both are you are monogamous, open, honest, and willing to try to be good for each other.
What is the point of that contract, if it ends up being a deal breaker for all other enjoyment, if the other does not feel the same about it as you do?
Just my opinion........   | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:17:57 AM | I think your question is totally valid. Didn't check your profile, but if I were younger and didn't have children, I wouldn't want to waste too much time.
Also, I can't totally cut loose and enjoy sex unless I'm married. In the back of my mind it bothers me, because I was taught that it was a sin. I've tried and tried, but can't overcome this. I can't stand that about myself. Same thing happens if I try to live with someone. I feel guilty in the back of my mind.
Even though I'm at an age where I don't feel like I "need" to be married, I wouldn't terminally date someone. Being single is far more expensive, harder in other ways, and the sex makes me feel guilty in the back of my mind.
Weird, I know.
Edit: I must note that when I finally did get married, it was to a guy who wasn't that good in bed. Miserable. Finally felt like it was "legal" to do it, and it was pretty sucky. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:43:48 AM |
You have a partner and enjoy great sex together. You can get along pretty well, but you know it's never going to be a marriage. do you break it off? Or do you look for someone else and then break off. Both partners are having a good time now....does it make sense to split up just because marriage wont be the outcome?
In other words... you're friends with benefits.
I'd be concerned about trust. Could you trust the other person not to engage, sexually, elsewhere and not transmit a disease to you?
The issue comes down to comfort levels. If both of you are certain things have plateaued, then what will happen if other encounters are shared without your knowledge?
Being sexually active presents concerns many seem to take lightly. More frequently, we are hearing of others deliberately hiding their STD in order to have sex with someone... only to transmit it to others.
It's a gamble. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:37:01 AM | | ^^^^ Those are very good points. I guess I don't know that FWB is what I planned or what this is.... So far as trust, that's a good point too. However, we discussed that and supposedly neither or us is going to be with another person w/o discussing it beforehand. I've lived up to my word, but how does one know if the other one is being true to their word... | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:44:59 AM | | I did,,because every time he slept with someone else I got hurt,,,if you can deal with it then fine,,,but I could not share,,,and now we are good friends without the benefits of sex,,,eventhough the sex was awesome,,,and yes I miss it,,,I just cant share him with all the other women,,,I am glad we can be friends,, | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:29:11 AM | OK, OPie...how would you "End the fun"? How would that discussion start?
Funny thing is, we tend to fall in love with people we have fun with. So either you're not having that much fun...or the fun you're having isn't worth the rest of the price of the relationship.
Love develops from fun. Fun doesn't develop from love.
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:32:55 AM | To the OP, I say it depends on your goals.
If you're anxious to get married and really want to prioritize it for whatever reason, then you should probably end it. Of course, wanting marriage too badly is a good way not to achieve it!
If you're interested in getting married within the "next couple of years," then by all means enjoy the fun! | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:35:05 AM |
does it make sense to split up just because marriage wont be the outcome?
Why should marriage be the only goal? Grow the relationship, that should be the goal. Then as you see fit, move the bar, change the goal. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:38:06 AM |
Love develops from fun. Fun doesn't develop from love.
Dude, you're batting a thousand today. This is the second time I just have to quote you. Awesome statement. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:52:07 AM | | not all relationships have to end in marriage. if you enjoy eachother i see no problem in continuing. but, you do need to be honest with your partner. let him or her know that you are not interested in marriage or anything long term. that might end the relationship. however, then at least you know he/she was looking for something more and just having a good time was not what they intended. i know if my partner was expecting more, and all i wanted was a good time, i would not want to continue and waste their time anyways. that is not right to do that to people. so, you should talk things over and make sure both people are in agreement. it might be a difficult conversation...i know if i was interested in something more with someone, and they told me they just wanted a good time...i could be a little insulted. i think you would need to use tact. but, the bottom line being honesty is key. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:17:06 AM | Only if that's what you really want in the long run. If you aren't really "set" on marriage, just enjoy the moment, but if the husband and kids are what you are after, you might not want to waste any more time , and just move on.
kayfaye ...you aren't weird, just in the minority hon, I was raised the same way and feel very much like you do about the issue. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:55:13 PM | Why does there have to be marriage?
you should'nt have to marry someone to "prove" how much you love/care for them
if ya having a good time, would be silly to end it,
go with the flow and enjoy!
Serenity~ | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 1:49:19 PM | | If your looking for a husband then I'd be completely upfront about it. After 3 or 4 dates or after you have the 'exclusive' conversation. But if you don't wish to be some one's FB then don't. I think most men appreciate plain honest talk and no games. If they are not interested then they will scatter, but if they are also looking for marriage, kids etc. then they will be happy to know you are too. And don't bother dating anyone you would not consider husband material, they won't change and you'll drive yourself crazy. | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:58:05 PM | OP, is this the same man that you've been dating for over 6 months, that may have BPD and gave you a ring for Christmas according to other threads you've posted in?
The following is another thread...
'don;t want sex or a date!' Posted: 1/20/2008 6  19 AM Is it weird to just seek friendship? That thrill of getting to know one person deeply and intimately? Becoming best friends? With great physical chemistry? And pure honesty and trust? I don't want to meet just anyone? Is this achievable?
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OP, you replied with...
I think it's a great idea. Seems there's such a difference between how most men and women hear you differently.
Like some others have said - it's your life and you should live it the way you want. There are times you want that deep closeness before the physical act and other times you might feel the reverse. There's nothing wrong either way. It's up to you to know what you want and not settle.
OP, you're giving advice that perhaps you need to follow yourself.
If you're happy with this man in your current situation, then by all means stay with him. If you're only problem is concerning marriage, then that's no reason to part ways.
It seems there is more to this than what you're stating; however, "it's up to you to know what you want and not settle."
Good luck.
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:57:55 PM |
You have a partner and enjoy great sex together. You can get along pretty well, but you know it's never going to be a marriage.
OP, you came here just to brag, didn't you ?  | |
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| End the fun?
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:58:20 PM | | depends what you're looking for. i have no intentions of getting married in the next decade (maybe more) so it wouldn't bother me at all. bring on the great sex and decent conversation! | |
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