| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 5:48:12 PM | alright, so I work with this guy. We've always had really strong chemistry, and he drives me crazy. I decided at the beginning that it could never be more than sex and maybe companionship because he's a bit younger than me (23, I'm 25, and not my type (listens to rap, smokes weed, etc). I have learned from the past that chemistry does not equal a relationship. So we began texting a few months ago, and the texts got pretty intense and... well.... graphic.... seemed he was on the same page as I. After making plans a few times for him to come hang out and him cancelling cuz he was "too tired" or "fell asleep" we finally got together. Spent an incredible night (and morning) together and I was left thinking that this was something we could continue. He planned to come back that night, then cancelled, same with the next night, cancelled. So then the next weekend comes and we have plans, he cancels..... So for the past month and a half he has done this to me more times than I can count.
So at work... he stares at me, gets crazy nervous when I'm near, shoulder checks me all cute... makes flirty comments, ppl come to me and say that he seems like hes crazy about me...
I find it hard to get past this because of how he acts. And because I have to see him every day at work. I can't help but think that it happened once, it could happen again... (on a side note, his dad left when he was 6 and his mom died when he was a teenager) Anyways, I know I'm being dumb, I know I deserve more than this, but.... I heard a quote... "we can close our eyes to the things we don't want to see but we can't close our hearts to the things we don't want to feel" I can't stop being crazy about him, and I can't talk to him really at work and I can't get his ass over to my place for a conversation.... so in the mean time, I'd love someone to pick his brain for me :D | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 6:19:22 PM | well, i'm not a boy... or even male, lol.. but i'll offer a couple of pennys here 
the way you describe him as liking you still, even though he keeps breaking off dates, plus what you said about his history with his parents, make me wonder if maybe he's concerned about getting too close to you emotionally and the pain that that would cause him, if you were to stick to your "never be more than sex" outlook, toward him... maybe he's worried about falling for you and then your leaving him...
you could ask him out for a "non-threatening" date (like a coffee during lunch) and then really talk to him about what's going on... let him know how you're feeling too
(or is it possible that he has a g/friend already and although he's drawn to you intensely, he's not wanting to break up with her?) | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 6:45:56 PM | | Why not just ask him what the deal is? What do you have to lose? Nothing. What do you have to gain? Everything. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:01:01 PM | I'd be up front and ask him why.. LOL What's the big deal? If you see him every day, and he's making these little plays...call him on it. Tell him to put up, or shut up... pretty easy really... Sounds harsh, but at this stage of the game, it's really down to is there anything, or is this b/s....
*edit.. Right, I'm not a 'boy' either... but really?* | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:19:11 PM | He is titilated by the sex and that is all. The fact that you have plans and then he cancels says he has doubts about you. But, when he sees you he wants sex and wants to flurt. That is all it is. He doesn't particlarly like you and that is evidenced by his actions. If he really liked you he wouldn't cancel. I would have nothing to do with him.
It is very common among females to start romantizing about a man they had sex with. Even if it was intended you would just have sex. But, his actions are telling you something. The fact he keeps canceling on you tells you he has little respect or any type of regard for you what so ever. You need to just end it all together, don't fantasize about him and don't sleep with him again. It will just make matters worse.
Don't believe these posts about he is scared to get close to you. If a man likes you he does not cancel on you over and over again. If a man likes you he typically doesn't have the foresight to say...hey I am getting too close. If a man likes you he will see you (period). It sounds like he is playing with you. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:21:14 PM | | He's afraid of you. He really likes you and now he's chickening out because he can't handle it emotionally. Ask him out for something simple, like lunch or coffee. I bet he'd be tongue tied, he'll agree to go and then won't know what to say. You're gonna have to work at making him feel relaxed around you. Back off the flirting for a bit, relax and be yourself. Pretend like the sex part never happened and I bet he loses his shyness. He probably wants more than sex...young men fall in love easily. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:21:33 PM | Not a boy, but I'll answer. You are being played. Seriously, this is Player 101 stuff. Quit *bleep*ing the bad boys, and start looking for real relationships, and maybe you won't be so miserable. Cheers,
DPR | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:27:26 PM | "He's afraid of you. He really likes you and now he's chickening out because he can't handle it emotionally."
That is BS. Don't fall for it. I did my part and told you what it sounds like to me. That is all I can do. If you do "confront" him ....don't believe everything he tells you. Most would rather keep you on a back burner than ruin a sure thing. If he is making plans and then canceling, I wouldn't put it past him to just tell you what you want to hear. It does sound like a lot of game playing and I doubt he is the straightforward type. Good Luck
I hope you run. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:31:07 PM | | Why run? Why not confront? He's there every day, playing it up... have a backbone and do something about it. Put him on the hotseat. I doubt it will turn out in your favour, but you'll feel good for having taken control of the situation, and not turning tail and running. To me? That advice is just b/s. Be a woman, be proud, and stand up for you.... Sheesh. I'm not saying go overboard and freak out... simply confront him and say.. It seems you have issues keeping a date, should I move on? Plain and simple... | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:39:14 PM | alright, this is my take on it ... from a man's perspective.
First of all, unless your job is something that you can live without, you should probably NEVER engage yourself with someone that you work with ... it can lead to some pretty dire circumstances, affecting not only your personal life but your professional integrity, as well, and can negatively impact those aspects of your life that revolve around your getting a regular paycheck. No employer or boss wants to deal with all of the crap that can come down as a result of this type of behavior.
Perhaps this man already realizes that your "fun" can affect his livelihood and is being responsible enough to put some distance between the two of you. If this isn't the case, I have to agree with the post above ... it sounds like he is playing you a bit ... making himself the unavailable flirt that will keep your interests focused on him while his ego is being stroked by playing hard to get ... either way, you mentioned that your coworkers had taken notice so just be aware that you've brought your personal stuff into the work environment ... that can sometimes get pretty damn messy ... think about it.
jeffery | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:06:44 PM | Ummm dude maybe cause hes a douche bag that smokes weed n stuff he prolly just forgot.
His brain probably isn't worth picking, but I bet we could suck a little out with a crazy straw. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:36:09 PM | | Some guys are just kind of useless and unreliable. Dope might be a factor too, but it's hard to tell. It doesn't hurt to just corner him and say "Your behaviour towards me sucks. What's the deal?" | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:37:47 PM | Your asking for a world of hurt if you continue down this path, I've seen it before and it always end up ugly. The best thing for you is to go on with your life and find what you know you want in a guy or in life in general. You've already stated that you know this guy is not good for you, so listen to your self.
As far as this guy goes, RUN, RUN, RUN as fast as you can you will only get hurt. If not ruin your life.
Trev | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:37:57 PM | This is why I have a "don't sleep with people you work with" policy-- especially if you aren't in a relationship of any kind.
The only way to pick his brain is to ask him. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:15:25 PM | | ^^^ Employers have a hard enough time with people who enter into real relationships....but, it happens. Usually those people are mature about it and don't let it become known until they are very serious, engaged and a date is set. As far as just sleeping with someone and then having all this game playing...this sort of thing can ruin you. Your employer is going to think it is nothing but a big distraction and will probably think less of you. I know it seems unfair...but hey, I didn't make the rules. There is a saying....you don't sh!t where you eat. There are other saying also...but, I don't think I need to list them all. I have said enough already. Besides, I am not a boy...but, there is my 2 cents worth. I am sure most boys will tell you that their thinking is not that complex. If they like you they keep the plans and don't cancel. They don't worry about getting hurt. I just hope this gives you a realistic perspective. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:38:50 PM | | It was a booty call and that is all it was to him. he wants to do it again bt is scared of the wierdness factor. so you catch him in and out of the way place at work and have your way with him this way he cant cancel and cant get away. he can think me for this later lol. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:47:29 PM | | ^^^ That's it...there you go. I couldn't put it into words....but, it is that wierdness factor. In my first post I mentioned he would cancel because he had doubts about you...but, what I was really looking to say, is it's that wierdness factor. I can understand now why you ask for a man's /boy's perspective. Anyways, I am done...no more posts for me. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:48:59 PM | | Don't make plans with him anymore and don't answer his texts. If he wants to have a grown-up conversation with you he can seek you out. If you continue to play games with him, you will likely get hurt and if you allow him to treat you this way, he will keep doing it. | |
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OLT4U
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Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/21/2008 10:03:02 PM |
so in the mean time, I'd love someone to pick his brain for me :D
He does his thinking with the lower head, and I'm not going to pick that. You shouldn't either. Find a guy who is past rap and weed; it's old anyway. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:58:40 AM | | If he was realy in 2u he would not be canceling dates with u just move on 2 someone with more respect 4u! Don't sell urself short 2 anyone respect urself and others around u will 2. good luck in the future. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:03:17 AM | | I have had women say to me that I am a selfish prick....that I am a hot, rich, pampered intellectual with a big **** and a marathon tongue. That I am young enough to do it right and old enough to do it often. I definitely do not have time for petty drama or emotional hysterics. I do what I want, when I want. | |
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| boys, I'd love some insight....
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:43:10 AM | I'm not a guy, but responding...
Naturally, men and women are inquisitive...
Sometimes there is chemistry.
Sometimes there is even mind blowing chemistry...
I agree with a great deal of divineadvisor's insightful-ness as well as with many of the guys.
However, for myself, I would first check out his birth chart. This will enlighten you. It is good to do this at the beginning, since if it doesn't occur to you until much later, it can just about ruin your life because of a decision made before, ummm checking more out than the obvious.
*shrugs*
See, everyone is wired differently, and although we are so alike, we are terribly different. But this is what makes the world revolve, besides other things of course...
For instance, you may have the ability to love someone and truly be there for them in every way possible, and they may have the ability to love you in return, but not what it takes within their personal makeup to actually be there for you. No matter the situation at hand for either of you. A lot of the time, the one who can love you make even be puzzled as to what it is that causes them not to be there for you...
I hope this is making sense, you can change the scenario any way you choose, however in such cases it is best to just love, and each be your own self and just accept it for what it is...
Another thing I would like to mention, and understand this is in hind site, yet a natural instinct of oh so many women...
No matter what their past has been, you cannot be their mother, nor father for that matter. Therefore it is best when you have this type of empathy play a major role in the way you feel and react, then it's time to back up and reassess the whole situation.
If you do not, you may perhaps find yourself wishing at some point or another that you had...
Just talk to him, ask him what his thoughts are. If it is just booty call and your both for it, then fine. However, when planning such adventures and he keeps going belly up...
Cut the Line!
Well, bellied up fish are dead fish, and usually not worth catching or eating.
Personally, I wouldn't have even given him another consideration after the first time being stood up.
And Crystal, as pretty as you are, you haven't got to worry about not having good bait, so make up your mind and just go with the flow. Life is too short for wasting time on some fish.
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