| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:39:30 PM | I've noticed that some guys mention women they've dated in passing early on. Do you do this? If so, what is the motivation behind it?
I almost get the feeling that they're trying to let me know that they're desirable (which seems really odd to me if that is in fact what's driving it)--but can't work out other motivation (doesn't seem like they're still hung up on the exes). Any insights here? Thanks! | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:45:53 PM | How was it mentioned?
Did he say something like, "My X used to do this thing with her tounge..."
If thats the case, he is hopeing that you will learn to do that thing with your tounge too.
If he said "My X and I used to...." Either it was good, and he wants to do it with you, or it was bad, and he hopes that you NEVER make him do it.
Unless its long the lines of... "I used to date this really super hot girl that made an assload of cash..." He wants you to know he is desirable, and how lucky you are to havve him.
Other than that, or as a basis for a funny story, I have no idea.
I try to avoid the topic right off the bat. There X's for a reason.
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:49:57 PM | I never understood that either. I avoid talking about past relationships, honestly who cares, the past relationship didn’t work and now it’s time to move on. I’ve dated women that have done the same thing.
I’ve always thought they have done it to show me that other men think they are hot. To me it just means our conversation has bottomed out. To me it’s a personal failure if I’ve let the conversation get to this point. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:53:21 PM | It depends.
I had a boyfriend for a while that discussed his ex simply because he didnt have much sexual experience and that was his reference point. In that case, it didnt bother me because we had a deep level of communication and we used the information to further our own relationship. He was very young. We were learning.
I find it really unattractive in an older, experienced man. At that point, he should be able to communicate his wants and desires without mentioning his past. If he's doing it to prove his desirability, then he's just not the one for me.
The one exception to that would be a friend who was hurting over a woman. I say friend because, even if he wants to take me out, if he is hurting over another woman he's still just a friend to me. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:57:54 PM | | I do if I have reason to be reminded of them but if they leave me alone and let me forget about them I really don't have reason to bring them up. Unfortunately I seem to find the ones who want to contact me every so often for some reason. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:04:01 PM | At our age, I'd be more concerned if the woman I was with DIDN'T mention her ex's.
I mean, we all have history, and usually by the mid-30's hopefully at least a few long term kind of relationships. That means that the ex's will be people that we cared about - probably deeply - at one time, that helped shape who we are.
A normal, well adjusted person that has made peace with it won't think twice mentioning an ex. Now, if they're going on and on about them, that may be an issue, or if you notice that they *never* have anything to say about any of their ex's that's nice, then that's an issue.
But in passing? Like "Oh man, that reminds me of when Carole and I went to Six Flags, there was this guy that fell off the bridge into the water, and they had to shut down the log flume for an hour!" then I'd say that's pretty normal. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:21:58 PM |
At our age, I'd be more concerned if the woman I was with DIDN'T mention her ex's.
I mean, we all have history, and usually by the mid-30's hopefully at least a few long term kind of relationships. That means that the ex's will be people that we cared about - probably deeply - at one time, that helped shape who we are.
A normal, well adjusted person that has made peace with it won't think twice mentioning an ex. Now, if they're going on and on about them, that may be an issue, or if you notice that they *never* have anything to say about any of their ex's that's nice, then that's an issue.
But in passing? Like "Oh man, that reminds me of when Carole and I went to Six Flags, there was this guy that fell off the bridge into the water, and they had to shut down the log flume for an hour!" then I'd say that's pretty normal.
Yep, exactly. I don't try to mention ex-'s in a conversation w/ someone I'm dating, but neither do I try to avoid it. It's part of my collection of experiences that make me who I am. To me, saying, "I once dated this girl who..." is the same as saying, "I once worked w/ this guy who...." or "I once fished in this pond that...". If I have to watch what I say or worry that the woman I'm with will read more into it than what it is, than that's just going to hurt our ability to communicate with one another. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:41:28 PM | I talk about my past relationships IF ASKED by the lady I'm getting to know. My life's an open book, no shame in it, I'll gladly fork over the dirt if she really feels the need to know. Some people like to hear it to try and "gauge your relationship work ethic", the funny thing being that exercise is a total crock.  | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:53:04 PM | | I go with if asked tell........... it gives more insight into you are your life! also if like me you have children they alway's crop up as well | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:42:31 PM | | It wouldn't be a smart think to mention other woman on a date to my belief. Are you dating complete idiots or morons? | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:56:07 PM | | I don't recall that I ever have. I have arraigned to make certain that a girl I dated saw me at a club dancing and apparently on a date with a very pretty girl. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:57:50 PM | | men treat or ex gfs like our old cars.if there is a problem with a friends car we will say"oh ya my 76 nova did the same thing".we have as less emotional attachment to our ex gfs then we do our old car.when a man brings up his ex he is simply using that experience as a referance point.you have to understand that we didnt start thinking of relationships until we started having them.we did however think of cars and such as long as we can remember. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:47:39 PM | | Well to be honest, I always took it as a reference, sort of let me know what THEY did that made him mad, or something that I can do to make him more happy, but then agian, I have also felt like I was being compared to the ex so it goes both ways. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:58:27 PM | My most recent ex wanted to talk to other past girlfriends of mine if she could. Now I'm kinda wishing she had since one of them just told me that she would say "Its none of your damned business". | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:38:16 PM | Sometimes, there's no meaning.
It's just a story, for the sake of telling a story. That's it. No meaning, no message to convey. Just filling the gap to prevent silence. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:06:10 PM | Is there a thread, "Why do gals mention other men?"?...I bet there is.
ALMOST ALWAYS, women who I happen to chat with online, write about there ex's.
I don't want to read about them! | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:39:07 PM | | Why do women do it? I have yet to understand this. Like I really want to hear about billy joel and bobby jim. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:01:41 PM |
Well to be honest, I always took it as a reference, sort of let me know what THEY did that made him mad, or something that I can do to make him more happy, but then agian, I have also felt like I was being compared to the ex so it goes both ways.
I guess it depends on what the guy is saying about his ex. I try to make it a point to never complain about an ex. If he's doing that, then yeah I could see it being a problem for you and/or revealing a problem he still has. Mentioning an ex in casual conversation shouldn't be threatening though. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:15:22 PM | Men talk about women? Well they were born from one
Men don't exist apart from women they have known. Moms, sisters, aunts, daughters.
Why do men mention other women? Why not?
Get the exes # and call her. Pretty simple, but not the norm.
Get the mom's # and call her. Sure
Guys mention other women so get used to it.
My 2 cents | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:21:39 PM | I was talking to some friends awhile back, and they mentioned how often I mention my ex...
That got me to thinking, and what I realized is that for the last 10 years, everything involved my ex... so if you want to talk about something that I've done recently, chances are it involves my ex to some degree...
Its been over 2 years since my divorce, so I've been slowly building up new experiences, but if pushed, I have to drop back to stuff I've done in the past.
I don't really have a motive, its just something to talk about. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:55:03 PM | | Probably so that the girl he is with maybe thinks "oh well, if he's been with other girls he must be OK". I can't see that it's that great a tactic myself. | |
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| Why do guys mention other women?
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:59:28 PM | | Women do the same thing. It's a total turn-off, for sure. And a big red flag to boot: the possibility that they are playing head games, still focused on old lovers, or simply self-centered and inconsiderate. Any of the above is a good reason for there not to be more dates, in my book. Stop looking for insight and run!!! | |
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