| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:38:51 PM | "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Sometimes, I think the above is what keeps me from fulfilling a wonderful relationship that I dream about. It's what stops me from attaining alot of my dreams. And yet, I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over.....only to know deep down inside...my ONLY problem is that somewhere I feel uncomfortable at being fully happy. I can have it. I can have it all. And yet, I seem to sabotage any potential at love.
Can anyone relate? Has anyone really overcome this before and could you share some insight? Yes, it may be deep for some, but I think this is an eyeopener to alot of us here. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:05:04 PM | First, let me say that I can totally relate to most of what you say in your first paragraph. It makes sense to me, but may seem hokey to others.
Even so, being a fairly regular forum participant, you are probably aware that that same paragraph, along with your thread title, will bring negative comments from some of the other forum participants. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:09:54 PM | OP,
So I am the only one brave or crazy enough to respond. Fair enough.
What it sounds like you are explaining is the so-called "fear of success." If I do something right, I may screw up. If I have something good, I might lose it. I totally relate. But in the end, it really doesnt matter what we feel; its what we do with those feelings, how we handle them.
Im choosing to face my fear and "do it anyway." What exactly I am doing, Im not sure. I will get back to you on that one. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:13:55 PM | There's a book by a fairly well know Psychologist named David J. Lieberman. He's authored a few titles that make for an interesting read and have some decent tidbits, even if I wouldn't call myself a huge disciple of his work or agree with everything he says. His books are usually broken down into little sections, so you can skip around if there are parts that you immediately feel don't apply to you, or that you don't find interesting.
He has a book called Instant Analysis, which basically covers a lot things we do to continually sabotage ourselves or repeat mistakes. It's not gender specific (thank god, I get enough of that here), and it goes over some of the exact types of things you're alluding to here. And with each scenario he offers some solutions in regard to correct the behavior.
Having read a lot of these books, I wouldn't say it's the best I've ever read, but there are definitely a few "wow" moments that jump out at you, like you feel he could be writing about you specifically. Guess were not all as different as we think.
It's available in paper back, and it's worth the $12. Any decent sized book store should have it in stock. I highly recommend you check it out. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:16:59 PM | I'm really not 'with' what you said.
I'm happy..I don't have inadequate feelings.
I'm not religious though..hands up..is that why???
I don't get what you are trying to put accross. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:17:20 PM | some people may not accomplish or achieve all they want to, because of lack of self confidence or insecurity; they feel uncomfortable with success because they don't feel they deserve it.. they feel they don't deserve to be happy...
i think making a list of their good qualities.. talking to friends and hearing why they like them, can all be positive things... but often, no matter what other people say, it runs off them without penetrating their consciousness at all... if they don't really love themselves they can't truly accept the truth of any positive words toward them... i think in those cases counseling can be helpful.... | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:18:37 PM | | Not sure if I will respond....but what I would like to know is why so many have deemed this a troll post? Jeez!!!! | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:29:06 PM | Fear is just the sense of insecurity facing the unknown.
Whatever the circumstances... is better to fail looking for success than not to be successful because afraid of the failure. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:43:18 PM | | Fear is fear. If it stops you from doing what you want, does it really matter if it is fear of success or fear of failure? I would focus on being fearless altogether. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:00:02 PM | Two Hawks takes the Talking Stick:
I think what is being said here is there are many people who feel inadequate about themselves, so they cover that with a superiority complex. They put on airs about being somewhat better than others and they wonder why others aren't as good as they think they are. I have, at times, felt inadequate, but rather than cover it with a superiority complex, I backed off and thought about it again and discovered where I had made the error. I wouldn't ever have an "I am better than you" complex simply because I am no better than anyone else. I might be better in some things, but overall I'm no better than anyone.
As Humans we do have a tendency to belittle ourselves at times when we encounter something we don't understand "I don't understand this so that makes me a dummy!" WRONG! Not understanding something doesn't lower your IQ! It doesn't make you any less smarter than you were yesterday! Not understanding is all part of life. Each day we learn something new. Something we didn't know yesterday. Something we may not understand, but it's there and we need to get a grip on it. As for love and romance....Good Galloping Grief! There are lots of things we don't understand about that! None of us walk into that knowing everything! Oh good heavens no! We just take it one day at a time and work with it.
So my point here is....NEVER feel inadequate about yourself and NEVER cover your inadequate feelings with a superiority complex. That's just asking for trouble.
Does what I have just said make any sense to anyone?
Two Hawks passes the Talking Stick. | |
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zom
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Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:09:34 PM | Problems are statements of something in the way of something else.
Example
I want to go to Rome but I have no airfare.
Being broke is in my way of going to Rome.
Solve the problem, get to your destination.
But guess what? It turns out that having problems is a way of life. What!? Yes, I am said to say, it is true.
You see, the problem is, every damn minute of every damn day somebody is being told they have a problem and the solution can be had for .99, or 9.99 or just 99.99 or if it's big problem then expect to fork over as much as 99,999.99, on sale.
Problems are what products solve. Consumer culture basic premise, that. So people adopt that view, and turn it to their lives, ednlessly comparing their situation with the better one they could have if only life was at it should be. How should it be? Like on the TV and in the movies. And it can be, if only you BUY the RIGHT PRODUCTS.
Now get out there and shop! | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:35:07 PM | Ggirl101 quoted, but gave no attribution:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
This quote is by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).
I prefer:
“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.~~ Christopher Robin to Pooh”
by A. A. Milne (English Humorist, creator of Winnie-the-Pooh, 1882-1956).
This quote has the advantage of brevity, not resorting to wordiness and a reference to God (which one?) in order to make it appear deep and smugly satisfied with its own attempted wisdom. Personally, I much prefer anything from Winnie the Pooh to any bestselling purveyor of gobbledygook. Oh bother! | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:42:23 PM | I think some are missing the point here....
For myself, I think the reason I am on this forum is that I am searching for my one true love, just like most of you.
That said, I cannot even begin to count how many times I have picked the wrong guy just so the relationship would fail. It's called self sabotage. I can't say I did this consciously, but I can say I noticed a pattern after the ohhhh....194th guy!
After some self reflecting...I realized that almost all the guys I dated were amazing and good quality guys but they always had something that I 'knew' would never lead to anything long term.
The reason I have concluded is that I was afraid, or maybe not ready is a better choice of words of finding happiness in my relationship.
I guess I am having one of the AHA moments and was hoping to gain some more insight from anyone on here that has experienced the same.
I do want to check out that book one of the above posters recommended. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:45:04 PM | Someone may know more than you.
Someone may have more than you.
Someone is not superior to you.
Eleanor Roosevelt said is best : no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:49:42 PM | Hi again Ggirl. I am glad to see this thread made it past the deleters.
Joining in with my answer. I am a fairly new "believer", having only become a Christian in my late 30s. * Just explaining my own situation here fellow forum posters, not meaning to make judgment. For nearly 4 decades of my life, I let what others thought of me determine what I thought of myself, and therefore, how I portrayed myself to others.
When I headed off to college, away from the narrowminded small town where I grew up, I adopted the mindset so popular in that decade - and immortalized in a then-popular song : here for a good time, not a long time. Had fun, did what I wanted, when I wanted, and didn't give much thought to the repercussions of my actions.
My faith has taught me not only to love myself, but to love others - not in the physical sense - but in the sense of acceptance and nonjudgment. Remember: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I am far from sinless, and even farther from perfect, but I do love myself, so much more than I did for nearly 40 years. Very few people who know me in my real life can accept my declaration that I was once selfish, self-centred and cold. All of that was simply a way for me to deal with what I then perceived as my lot in life - to be unloved, unaccepted, and unwanted.
Thankfully I have come to a place in my life where I allow myself to love, be loved, and show others that they are worth loving. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:54:50 PM | lol Marianne Williamson huh? Well... that's creepy. Anyways...
I can relate hun, a long time ago (only a small matter of years really) I felt that way. It was after my first cruel and enlightening relationships but before I perfected my attitude. It was kind of a twisted subconcious reasoning. My life had never been fully happy before that, there was always some kind of seemingly insurmountable trial before me. It was quite depressing and I began to think that this was all I was capable of. One day, though, I just took a step back. Not from the world but just straight away from myself. I looked at myself objectively. Looked at my motivations and the way I thought and decided almost right away that I was a very silly creature. Half the things I thought were ridiculous. I was always measuring myself up against what people expected of me (especially women) or what my social status expected of me. But from that objective perspective I couldnt find one good or even bad reason why it should be so. When i stepped back into my body the whole axis of how I viewed my existence shifted. I've been happy ever since and every now and I again I take a step back, out of myself and perform that internal review once more just to see if I've started thinking like some sheep again. And I always find some small shoot cropping up in my spirit that I recognize as some little psychological weed trying to gain purchase and I simply remove it. My life is much better now. Im happy without even trying. Im confident and I've developed a deep love for viewing the world as it really is, not what I or someone else wants it to be. Its quite and eye opener and... at times quite beautiful. ^_^ | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:00:36 PM | Dearest Iggy -
A metaphysical bottle of Scott Super Round-Up Spiritual Weed Killer might be a good investment. I'd be more worried if I were you, that all that hopping in and out of your skin might eventually cause some stretch marks.
P.S. Do sheep think? Or is that just what you "herd"? (I know, that was ba-a-a-a-ad) | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:01:13 PM | Well 1st off, well said OP. 2nd off, U probally need to get laid pretty badly, lol. Probally shouldve have typed that. But who doesnt need to get laid ?  | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:09:31 PM | Dearest Cute Blonde woman -
Stretch marks would be worth it for this mindset. ^_^
P.S. The fact that you whipped out such a joke just endears you to me like nothing else. Congrats, you've earned the warm regard of this young pup. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:13:22 PM | You can only be fully happy some of the time, the rest of the time you're all human.
Oh yes, OP, I know I can be my own worse enemy. Doubt, fear, you name it. Try not to live in it. Self sabotaging is easy to do -- sometimes I think everyone could be totally successful if they a) figured out what they personally are good at
b) don't let themselves self sabotage themselves.
Once an awhile I even give myself permission to shine like this  | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:16:54 PM | OP and why exactly dontcha ? Tell me more, use details, lol. Im just being a dork. I liked what U posted in the OP. Plus I pretty much joke around constantly. To alleviate lifes woes. Hey I need to get laid. :D
PS, which is one of my major prob w alot of femme's. Its all about U isnt it ?! What about me ?! Still just being a dork. But there really is something to this PS, lol. | |
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:23:31 PM | For myself, I think the reason I am on this forum is that I am searching for my one true love, just like most of you.
That said, I cannot even begin to count how many times I have picked the wrong guy just so the relationship would fail. It's called self sabotage. I can't say I did this consciously, but I can say I noticed a pattern after the ohhhh....194th guy!
After some self reflecting...I realized that almost all the guys I dated were amazing and good quality guys but they always had something that I 'knew' would never lead to anything long term.
The reason I have concluded is that I was afraid, or maybe not ready is a better choice of words of finding happiness in my relationship.
I guess I am having one of the AHA moments and was hoping to gain some more insight from anyone on here that has experienced the same.
I have experienced the same. I can only relate what I found out about myself, you can decide if it relates to you or not.
At the age of 32 I met a guy I really liked ... a lot.
To that point I had never had a BF, probably never dated anyone for longer than a month. I felt like there was something wrong with me, I felt like I was unlovable, I felt like maybe I didn't even know HOW to love anyone.
So, I meet this guy .... cute, smart, handsome, European, nice-dresser... and he liked me too... yeah.
Then on our third date I found out something that caused me to say to myself that he was going to break my heart. Then I continued in a relationship with him for 5 YEARS.
WHY would I do that to myself?
If I had a reason it wouldn't work, then I never really expected it to work, therefore when it ended ... "I always knew it would end anyway".
What I have since realized... in the simplest way I can say is:
I did not trust ME.
ME = the person inside who knows no one else can truly harm me.
Sure, I might fall in love and get my heart broken again ...
so what? It's happened before and I survived.
I will survive anything. That ME knows.
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| I know what your problem is......
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:21:48 PM | Uhhhhh...yeah, I DID overcome that, I think they called it THERAPY and it costs about $100 and hour and is WELL worth it ;-) Seriously, I do agree that "your playing small does not serve the world", there is a big difference between egotism and just being honest about what you are good at.
I work in the music business, and in it one of the things that I found out was that EVERYONE is insecure about their abilities, it's just that some people keep quiet about them and act as if what they want to be true about themselves really IS true. And when you think about it, what do you have to lose by NOT doing that? That has served me well in dating as well since I've been "single again" - it might be hard to get to the point that you allow yourself to do this, but I highly recommend it for it's results. | |
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