| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:59:14 PM | especially if other spouse is not present..
Say if a man has a female friend who is like a sister to him. He has known her since college, high school or even further back to early childhood. On occassions the two of them want to go out for a movie and grab something to eat without the wife being present...is this appropriate 'hang time' for someone who is married? | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:36:23 PM | | Its ok to still have male or female friends but to go out with them on a date when you are married hell no, i am not saying that they are cheaters but that is a sure way to start cheating. If you weant to take a close friend out take the spouse allso if you dont feel comfortable with that it tells you that you shouldnt be out with a friend of the oppsite sex. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:35:05 AM | Even if it's work-related, I would avoid starting an opposite-sex friendship out of respect to my spouse, and would prefer husband, wife & friend get-togethers. As a widow, I'm often included in parties that mostly couples attend ... but I can sense the 'uncomfortability' with some women who don't know me well (or my ethics). When that happens, I'll go out of my way to either include her or tactfully dismiss myself and chat with someone else.
Trust takes too long to build, and can sometimes be destroyed in an instant. At my age, that's a risk I don't want to take.
By the way, I know how it feels to be 'excluded' by petty, jealous women ... but that's their problem. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:44:16 AM | | well if you really want to take your intimate conversations to a higher plane with your significant other- Go for it!! - hang out with your married friend of the opposite sex. Now after the intimate conversations " heat " up, about your involvement , with your married friend , what do you prefer??? A BLACK EYE FROM THE SPOUSE OF YOUR MARRIED FRIEND, OR A BLACK AND BLUE FROM YOUR HONEY??????????? ouch!!... You go girl.....! | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:11:51 PM | | this is not a problem as long as your spouse doesn't see it as a problem. if you have opposite sex friends who you have lunch with during a work day is different than meting at night for dinner and bar hopping. of course in my opinion if someone wants to do that without their spouse...just do it for a while and you will be able to go and do whatever you want because you will no longer have a spouse. unless the spouse is an extremely jealous person (and if so why would you marry) then out of love and respect i would not see my opposite sex friend without my spouse present. why make trouble for the marriage which should take precedence over the friendship. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:28:05 PM | | I have a male friend from college who got married a little over a year ago. While I know his wife (she went to school with us as well) we aren't what I would consider friends. We're cordial and that's about it. When I go home to visit I spend time with him without his wife present. She knows that we hang out and has no problem with it. Nothing inappropriate is going on. We hang out the same way we did when we were in college. Him getting married hasn't changed the nature of our interacation. No reason for it to. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:38:18 PM | | This is a very delicate question, but here's the experienced answer. It's ok as long as the spouse or significate other are told, in advance about going to the movies. Bar's and clubs are for groups, so you two don't have that intimate time. Lunches are ok if you work together if not advise your other in advance so their aware. Perception is usually stronger then reality, so don't give them a reason to doubt. Also never night meetings between just the two of you. Think about how you'd feel stopping by a restaurant with friends to see your spouse, having a candle night dinner with his or her friend of the opposite sex, and you didn't know. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:16:03 PM | I know I'm a weirdo and loyalty is hugely important to me, but I wouldn't participate in anything in which my partner wasn't welcome.
Neither would I. An open invitation should always be there for it to work for me. And the whole catching a movie thing doesn't sit well either. I have one male friend who I dated a very long time ago [more than 15 years] and we are still friends. We may drop by each other's place for a coffee, but any having dinner at one another's place would stop if someone was seriously on the scene. Asking if I or he wants a sandwich or something while catching up on gossip doesn't count. Anything resembling a date does tho.
There isn't a chance in Hell of us ever getting together as a couple. That's not the point. Appearances are important -- especially to people in our age group who've either done it all themselves before, had it done to them, or a bit of both. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:51:10 PM | I have to admit that if I were seeing someone or married, his warmth toward another woman, no matter how 'innocent', would bother me. It would be less about trusting him than about what she might have in mind.
The only time it wouldn't bug me at all is if my guy and I are BOTH friends with her, but at the same time I have to gauge her character as to how likely a blurred line could occur.
Also, different people have varied versions of what constitutes 'just a friend'. Some see nothing wrong with a kiss and a big hug; others may be wary of just a handshake. Each person must decide what they're okay with, and have a heartfelt talk about it before anything else.
As far as what type of friendship is appropriate, I'd say anything that you'd publicly do with a sibling, younger or elder relative. Coffee/tea, meet with groups, play cards or whatever .. just, I think, avoid getting too emotionally attached if you have to be alone at any time with that person. It clouds judgement, and even just a sympathy hug can provoke a rush of hormones, even if it was never planned. Stuff happens. If you even have even the tiniest red flag, talk about it with your partner before spending time with the friend. Make sure in advance that your partner/spouse is aware of the way you relate to your friend. To downplay it is dangerous.
I used to be friends with a woman long before she met my ex-husband(and is now his wife). He had major issues with her keeping in touch with me, and made it clear he did not want her to continue any socializing with me again. He said it was because past partners should not, on principle, be brought into the present relationship as it causes old wounds to be hurt again.
Bunk.
He just didn't trust me to not tell her what a creep he was. For the record, I never did, and she brought it up first. I don't like him, but that doesn't give me the right to smear him. I say move on and be happy. Just don't dictate who another adult's friends should be.
Now, if I had a boyfriend and he used to be great pals with my ex-husband, long before my boyfriend and I met, would I say they shouldn't hang out with each other any more just because one of them happens to be my ex? Never mind that they were friends before I met the current guy?
.. what kind of a paranoid creature would that make me? | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 9:12:08 PM | | I don't know of any platonic friends who share romantic candlelit dinners. Hanging out alone with an opposite sex friend should be no different than hanging out alone with a same sex friend. Dinner can really just be dinner. A movie can just be a movie. Bowling can just be bowling. It's the intimacy of the interaction that makes an outting a date, not the outting itself. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 1/31/2008 9:52:54 PM | So many judgmental posts here !
OP you have been friends a long long time! I see no problems
with ANY type of friendship the two of you wish to share.
You want to go to see a movie periodically ? Nothing wrong with that is there ?
And after the movie you should grab a bit to eat and discuss what you have just seen.
After all, the two of you shared the movie and would not be able to share a conversation
about it with a spouse who has not seen it. That is just logical, right ? Then, if the
conversation lasts a long time, and the wine you had with dinner starts to hit harder
than you expected, it would be wise to get a room, rather than risk the long drive home.
There would be no reason to get TWO rooms, after all, you are like a sister to your freind.
Yes, one room would be just fine. Of course, if there is only one bed, it would be OK
to share it. You have known each other for years ! There is no reason the two of you
should be uncomfortable, so by all means slip out of your clothes. You will get more rest
and your clothes will look better the next day for the drive home. Those damn Motel
rooms have such poor heat, so feel free to share body heat with your friend. Get closer!
It is OK ! You have known each other since childhood! No one would object to the
logic in that ! Don’t worry about it! No reason to be so tense ! Maybe a back rub would
relax you. Feel free to ask your friend if he minds. I am sure he won’t. Afterwards i am sure
you will get a better nights sleep, and that is the important thing. Don’t forget to Thank
your friend for helping you relax. A friendly hug and an innocent kiss wont do any harm.
He was so nice while rubbing your back ! So well behaved as he straddled you and worked
those knots from your neck. He even blushed a little when he got a little hard as he slid back
under the covers. Maybe you could rub him a little to let him know it is OK. You two
have been friends so long! And if needs to relax also, perhaps you should take him out
and rub him against yourself. No harm in that. Maybe if he put it in just a little, not REAL
sex, just rubbing himself against you. He wouldn’t really f#ck you! You are like his sister !
Well, now he seems excited and will never get to sleep. Maybe just this once, so you
both could get to sleep, what harm would there be ? Ah go ahead ! Let him ! Don;t worry
No one will ever know, and THAT is what is really important | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/1/2008 2:54:26 AM | This type situation is SOLELY contingent on the character of the people involved...... You either are the type friend that men trust with their spouses, or you're NOT.
In MOST cases where a man would trust another man with his woman, it's because the man is a friend to 'the couple' and the husband as well. I have quite a few long term friendships with women who's husbands would never have a problem with their wife going to do something with me if they were out of town, or couldn't go. That's because the MAN actually knows I'm the type that would instill nothing but GUILT on the woman if she were to ever behave out of character when her husband wasn't around... And I would expect the same from the man if his wife wasn't around as well.
The best way I could ever explain this is with one of my closest and longest female friends. We have known each other since our first day of meeting each other in college. We never had a relationship other than platonic. We were musical cohorts of sorts. I was sort of 'adopted' into the whole family. Her father was murdered one night as we were studying for finals. I was the man who held her in my arms as she cried for two hours before they could take her back home. Needless to say....we have a certain bond.
We've been close ever since. But there was a period where our individual roads had us loose touch for almost ten years.
Then, just sort of like a miracle, when I was facing MY own personal 'worst time of my life', my sister ran into her and the entire family at a performance of The Nutcracker in Cincinnati. The whole family sat RIGHT IN FRONT of my sister... My sister leaned forward, cleared her throat REALLY LOUD. The first words out of my friend were...'WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER?'. Little did they know I had just rolled back into town after being fairly devistated from my divorce. The next thing I knew, they were all walking through the door of my brother's restaurant where I was hanging out that night. The entire family huddled me... We bawled our eyes out. I think life had come full circle, and I was in need of the support then...
I was then introduced to her fiance. Or rather....he was introduced to me. I guess I had been talked about a LOT. As we sat there at the table, talking about our old stories of college and the years afterward, my friend and I were holding hands the entire time. She would NOT let go. Nor would I. We kept laughing and smiling at each other. You would have thought WE were the couple to be married. But we just have a bond.... I call her mom 'mom'....
I finally looked at her fiance, who was smiling and laughing the entire time we were telling our stories, watching us carry on, and just flat out said, "YOU are the COOLEST man to put up with all of this right now....and that lets me KNOW you're the RIGHT MAN TO TOLERATE HER!!"
He said...."well, I may be the husband.....but YOU'RE the legend around here...I'm glad to meet another member of the family"....
Her husband is in POLAND right now on work assignment. And I can tell you, there would never be a shred of doubt in his mind that I acted anything other than a brother to his wife...AND to him when he is away. If anything, I'm her protector FOR him. And that's the way it SHOULD be with any man who has friendships with women who are married.... you are to be the PROTECTOR...... of not only your friend....but your friends MARRIAGE as well.... | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/1/2008 7:27:28 AM | | I am not a jealous type so my significant other having friendships with men doesn't bother me. And I feel it's wrong, and controlling, to tell her to drop her friends that she already knew before meeting me. So the answer to your question was in your question..friendship..is appropriate. I know a lot of people have the jealousy bug..too bad for them As long as she isn't having a full fledged romantic relationship with the other guy it's not my place to tell her who she can and can't have as friends. Worrying about cheating, etc..I don't have time to add another worry to my life. I already have a child, not looking to make my s.o. another one. | |
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