| Have YOU "never felt it"? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:52:28 AM | it's not ALL it is cracked up to be. I am sure I am not the only one who one who often "feels sorry" for the many here who said they have NEVER felt the spark, lust, magic, chemistry or whatever you want to call it... when meeting another person.
In fact, I am starting to become envious of you folks because you are not burdened with that NEED when meeting others. Trouble is, ONCE you have had that with another, it is extremely difficult to want to see someone again, a second time even if they have model good looks, a swimsuit model body and every desireable compatibility and personality trait that you could hope for... without that "feeling" in your heart/head.
And here is the Downer or Catch to all this. In my experience, I DID have that "something" with ALL 4 of my LTR's. But I AM here searching like everyone else. I do not think having "that" with someone right off the bat has ANY effect at all on how long a relationaship will last. I often think it is a curse more than anything...
Thoughts ???
EDIT Aw geez people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am talking about when you meet someone and you "KNOW" within those first few minutes that unless the one sitting across from you makes a complete ass of themselves you WANT to see them again. They might not even be dressed well and may be average looking at best... but you KNOW... | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cheer UP cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:58:07 AM | Sometimes that spark is delayed. Sometimes you have to give it a chance to develop.
Many first dates do not show the real person, as they are being on their best first date behavior. After repeated dates, the truth of a person can be revealed, and suddenly..BAM, there is that spark.
Ya gotta give people, and yourself, a chance. | |
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fay98
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 5 | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cheer UP cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:59:26 AM |
I DID have that "something" with ALL 4 of my LTR's.
Ideally, it would be great to have that "something" with one LTR; the current one.
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cheer UP cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:00:44 AM | I know exactly what the OP is saying.
And my take is that chemistry and that spark is mutually exclusive to all other traits of a relationship that are needed to hold them together. I had that chemistry with a gal who happened to be an alcoholic/bipolar. So don't believe it if I tell you that the spark and chemistry won out over the alcoholism and mental instability... | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cheer UP cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:07:20 AM | | I would have to agree. Maybe I’m in the same boat! Can’t say I ever been in “Love.” But then again, What is Love? Most people that are asked said willing to die for someone. I hate to say it, but I think I could die for a perfect stranger faster then the women I have been with. And if “wedding bells” happened, I would have been faithful and there for her at every turn in life. So there again: What Is Love? | |
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| Have YOU
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:18:49 AM | Yes I have felt it, been there done that. It is something so wonderful and I to often feel sorry for some who have never felt it. It is something you know immediately and are drawn to each other like a magnet. I have friends who fall in love or think they are and get married and yet never have experienced that feeling. I feel so blessed.
It is very difficult to get back into dating after that, You have to be ready to leave those feelings behind and not take them into another relationship or it just doesn't work, You are always looking for those qualities in the next love.
It took me a long time to get over those feelings and the last one was over a yr. ago I am now ready and excepting love again.
Until you are, it isn't fair to the person you are trying to start a new relationship.
I dated this same guy about 7 months ago I am dating now. The feelings weren't there, I am not sure why. maybe my heart wasn't ready, I am now falling in love with him, Does it make sence, I don't know.
Hope he doesn't read this as I havn't went that far yet. I want to take it slow and know it is the real thing.
Sometimes that spark is delayed. Sometimes you have to give it a chance to develop.
Maybe what Domin818 .. posted. maybe I was afraid to give it that chance as well as he was..... | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:21:46 AM | generally, the instant "knowing" you get ... is knowing you want to DO them. that's all it's worth.
if that's all you are looking for, then keep looking for that on a first date ... and you'll probably end up with a 5th ex.
what's that saying? "keep doing what you're doing, and you'll keep getting what you're getting". i think it applies here. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cheer UP cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:32:01 AM | There's the initial spark, and there's the delayed spark.
To me, the initial spark is based purely on the fantasy about the other person, because on the first meeting, neither person knows the other, so any 'feelings' you might experience are just projected from one's own fantasy. This is what it seems most people expect and seek in their pursuit of relationships.
The delayed spark, if it happens, depends on truth and comfort. Most people don't like to risk their emotions on such a gamble so they keep looking for the initial spark.
The delayed spark tends to endure. Those are the little old couples you see wearing matching jackets, holding hands in the park.
..... awwww, they're so cute.
I want one o' those. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:02:45 AM | "Felt the spark, lust, magic, chemistry or whatever you want to call it... when meeting another person"....
And I want to feel that again...soon | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:13:15 AM |
they say men who have had a good woman will keep searching for another women where women if they have had a good man will stop searching.
Men who have had bad women, won't seek a woman.....
but women who have had bad men will keep looking and going from man to man. Interesting. Somewhat true, too.
Sorry OP, got thinking about that and now I forget your original post. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:14:36 AM | | As others have said: sparks needn't be there from the first moment. In my case they have always developed after getting to know the person in a neutral way without any expectation or even any idea of relating to them romantically. Why you'd get into an actual relationship without feeling that spark though, is rather beyond me, but I suppose when you haven't ever felt something your normality is differently defined and you don't miss it because you don't know anything "better". | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:23:27 AM | rune3...Why you'd get into an actual relationship without feeling that spark though, is rather beyond me, but I suppose when you haven't ever felt something
for me I think maybe it is because you have seen something in that person that kind of draws you to him. rather it be something about his pic, personality, not sure.
You feel if you take the time to get to know him, really know what is on the inside there could be more to it than you expected.
Just speaking from experience.
I think often people are in lust or infatuated with the outer core and it takes going deeper to know the real person and fall in love, if I am making any sense. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:23:33 AM | People often put instant spark, instant chemistry above all else. They think if it isn't there immediately then all bets are off because they don't want to waste their time. They search the world looking for spark not realizing that the instant spark is usually based on someone's initial presentation of the absolute best of them while hiding their warts and bad attributes. And they wonder why 2 years later they are divorced saying "they changed" well duh it wasn't the real them in the first place.
People lose site of the true gold standard which is love. They put chemistry or spark in front of love and wonder why they can't find it or it is so fleeting. Spark is just that a spark...it is fleeting by nature. People wonder why they can't find love, well duh, they are not looking for it, they are looking for spark thinking it is love.
But that is just my 2 cents. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:24:36 AM | I am still confused about what your question is. As many others have said, the spark is physical attraction and can happen when you first meet or it can grow.
Yes it is frustrating to meet nice, interesting, intelligent, perhaps good looking people that you know you "should" be with but you really can't continue to see them because there is no physical attraction.
You either keep trying to find someone that has most of what you want as well as the attraction or give up. Like most things in life, it is a choice.
Lil Angel I think if you reread Rune's post she was talking about continuing into a relationship, not just dating, when the spark is missing, which is fairly incomprehensible to most people.
I went on a couple of dates with a guy whose company I honestly enjoyed hoping that an attraction would develop on my end. By the end of the 2nd date it was pretty obvious it wasn't going to happen and I didn't make a 3rd date because I felt it was unfair. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 10:32:56 AM | | honestly i havent felt it yet.ironically i have been married 6 years.that special spark was misinterpited by both lust and ignorance.because of that i agree first site sparks are false.like everything else in life it takes work from both people. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 12:08:50 PM | | ...you can be attracted to someone you have never even seen , simply by the scent of there body,....it's called pheremones...and it has been proven scientifically......they are a very strong sexual attractant, if you are also physically attracted to someone who has the correct pheremones for you ...that's a double plus....if you can fall in love with said person, YOU ARE IN HEAVEN......AND THAT UNION CAN LAST AND LAST IF TAKEN CARE OF PROPERLY.....i have stayed in relationships that did not have all of the above and they failed early on.....i have had all three in a relationship and i am still not over her....and i can only pray she comes back to me....or i am screwed.....i'm ready to forgive her for everything just to feel that good again....not sure i'll ever find another in this lifetime.....when you just want to breathe your lover in ?????.....that's good pheremones.....they are hypnotic..!!!! | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 12:18:00 PM | | I have felt "that feeling" with a special man. I believe there has to be that certain spark. I have also become more selective. I see too many comprimise and settle just to be in a relationship and end up being unhappy. I would rather be happy alone than to be be unhappy with someone whom I don't have that "magic" with. | |
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| Have YOU never felt it? Cuzz...
Posted: 1/23/2008 12:28:49 PM | | Anyone that can't turn a spark into a long lasting fire, is out of flint or fuel. It's easy to do. All you have to do is stop being a whiney little bitch. That goes for you guys too. | |
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