| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:16:28 PM | | He contacted me first. I ignored his emails. He was persistent. I gave in and was glad I did. He is a wonderful man who is lots of fun and said all the right things...things he didn't have to say because I liked him from hello. My question is....after blowing up my cell phone, home phone and email here @ POF for a month....POOF! He has disappeared. I am not gonna chase him but I would like to know why men just cut off all contact? Why can't some men just put on their 'big boy' pants and be honest? If I am not what you were looking for why can't you men be honest? Thanx for any feedback! | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:29:59 PM | It sounds like he finally took the hint. A dog will only chase a car a little way down the road. He'd be a dumb dog indeed if he tried to chase it down the highway too. He probably just decided that he didn't like you as much as he thought, and went back to the porch.
Cheers,
DPR | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:30:06 PM | | He's never been married and I have been to his house several times. I don't get it. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:31:05 PM | | Did his breaking contact happen to coincide with his first visit to the promised land? | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:34:11 PM | That certainly could be one reason, but I'm not convinced that is the reason why so many men send a flurry of messages...and, even phone calls, and then just disappear into the sunset.
I wonder whether we'll even get any men to give us any answers as to why they do it. It would sure be helpful for us gals to know.
In all fairness, though, I did get an email the other day where the man explained to me why he didn't think we'd be compatible......but......I'm saving THAT one for a Thread of My Own. (I gotta admit, at least he WAS truthful.)
Sincerely,
Knittin Kitten | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:39:33 PM | Women can never seem to grasp this concept. You ignored his emails until your feelings changed. You did not feel the need to explain the reason why you ignored his attempts to make contact. So after a certain point, your feelings changed and you responded.
Potentially his feelings also changed. He on the same note owes you nothing. Not even an explaination. He potentially got tired of stroking your ego and chasing you and went somewhere else.
If you 'liked him from hello' perhaps you should not have played games with im and been receptive to his attempts to contact you.
Utter nonsense! | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:39:33 PM | Well...it's a good thing you are not going to chase him. How much do you want to bet if you don't chase him he will contact you? Don't be surprised. But, that is a very wise thing you are doing...don't contact him.
I can't answer the why he disappeared. I doubt anyone can...only he knows. But, I do know why most people just don't tell you "you are not what I am looking for." It is because it is uncomfortable and they would rather just disappear.
Sorry that happened to you. All I can do is guess why he did it. My guess would be he likes a challenge and once he knew he had you he cut you loose. Another possibility is he found someone else. Maybe you said something that turned him off. Maybe he grew tired. Maybe you were too available. Mabye he was looking for something else. Maybe he got sick. Maybe someone in his family died. Maybe he is married. The list of maybes are endess.
Don't drive yourself crazy | |
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DEB-Z
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Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:40:01 PM | Hi Emeraleyz,
Perhaps it has nothing to do with you personally...
He might have discovered that you are not what he is looking for in
the areas of similar values, goals, social groups, or cultural/religious
needs...
It might be he discovered someone that he is more attracted to or
it could be he was attracted to you and was scared and decided to
pull away due to committment issues...Do not blame yourself...
We might never know reasons why men or women just pull away and
do a non contact! It might cause some initial pain...Just jump into the
pool again...Many fish waiting for their turn to love and adore you...
Just have to keep fishing!!!
Best of luck finding the partner of your dreams...It is a two way street
and it has to be both attracted to one another or it could be a mismatched
experience that will bring on much more pain in the long run...
DEB-Z  | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:45:53 PM | | As the only male yet to respond I have a question. Why does her opening statement of ' I ignored his e-mails" not give the impression that she very possibly played the hot cold game with tis man and turned him off? Everyone constantly states that they do not want game players yet this is obviously at least a part of the scenario here. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:46:10 PM | Maybe he was abducted by aliens.
Who knows? It is as good a theory as any in these cases of sudden disappearances. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:46:10 PM | We women have all sorts of ideas why men do this, but, at least we did hear from two men. Their suggestions were worth hearing (after all, OP probably wants to know from a MAN, why MEN do this.) I hope more men will help us to learn.....even if we're NOT particularly doing anything WRONG, it's important for us to get an idea what men are thinking.
Just my thoughts,
Knittin Kitten | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:48:37 PM | | I must have given you the wrong impression. I did respond to his emails but would not 'talk' with him right away. Once I got up enough courage to meet him in person, I was glad I did. That's the hello nI am talking about. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:48:53 PM | | At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, you say you had been intimate with him "several times" in the one month you dated him? Maybe that was the problem. I would consider it a lesson learned and take the next relationship more slowly. Again, just my 2 cents worth. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:49:24 PM |
I wonder whether we'll even get any men to give us any answers as to why they do it. It would sure be helpful for us gals to know.
You aren't going to like the answer. The mystery lies in this little gem here:
He contacted me first. I ignored his emails. He was persistent. I gave in and was glad I did.
Men have to work really hard to get their foot in the door. On this site men have to work really Really REALLY hard to. So, if we only even bother to try with women that we are absolutely positively very VERY sure we are interested in, then it is becomes crushing when that one person who seems so great for us flat out rejects us. So, as men, we cast a wider net.
We don't concern ourselves with every detail of the women we are pursuing. As long as there is some physical attraction there based on her pictures, and no real huge turn offs in the profile, we'll chase. We chase a lot of women, and the vast majority elude us by not even replying. Occasionally we'll catch one, establish communication, and even meet face to face. At that point we have the luxury of determining if we really wanted this one anyway, most of the time we don't, so we let her go, and start chasing again. Now, if you are wondering why we often won't let them go until AFTER we have gotten them to bed, well, as bad as it sounds, you could say that we consider it a consolation prize for the amount of work we had to put in to even get that far.
Basically, you women get all picky & choosey before communicating & meeting, so men don't get their turn to be picky and choosey until after communicating & meeting. Women established this rule, men are just playing by it. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:58:10 PM | Your OP certainly wouldn't give me any idea that
you slept with the guy! You have told us very little
for us to draw any conclusions!
You did say, he said all the right things!
I don't know, but yes, believe it or not, some guys
will say all the right things, just to get laid! | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:01:14 PM | Why were you intimate with him so quick? You came off as EASY. I gotta tell you, men will have little respect for you when you do that. They will never say it out loud but I have heard enough men call women sluts and every other thing in the book when things went sour. Then they start saying she gave it up after X amount of time.
I don't have much experience in the relationship department but I have heard enough stories from friends, family, and strangers to last me a lifetime. It's helped me to keep my eyes open to what to look for and not let my guard down. Try not to do that again okay. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:01:34 PM |
after blowing up my cell phone, home phone and email here @ POF for a month....POOF He has disappeared.
One month, ONLY? I thought the first six months to a year or so was still getting to know one another. After only one month I would think that he doesn’t owe you anything as far as an explanation as to “why” he has decided to disappear.
Now if it were two, three or five years, I might have a different opinion, but only one month… No, doesn’t owe you anything nor you him. But that’s just my opinion.
Good luck OP. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:06:35 PM | I will try to answer you question canam miles. It is not so much that games were played. Males are attracted initially based on visuals....if they like what they see they go after it. Women need to get to know the person to develop feelings. The thing is that once the male knows the woman better he could loose interest for some reason.
As I was saying sometimes it is because the thrill of the chase is gone. By this man persisting like he did...I think he liked the challenge of a chase because to me persisiting is chasing.
The OP was also intimate with him. Another thing is sometimes once the male achieved what he set out to do he looses interest. Where with women, having sex will bond them to their sexual partner. The opposite often happens with the male. It is a cruel trick of nature. I think that is what happened here. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:10:05 PM | | I think you are right divine! I am 42 years old, the chemistry is there. We saw each other and chatted daily before we became intimate and yes, he called afterward many times. I am an Aries and believe in going for what I want....life is too short. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:16:22 PM | | I am sorry that happened to you. Don't make yourself crazy. It happens to so many people the forums are filled with this topic. But, I know it is different when it happens to you. Like you said, don't chase him and I bet anything he contacts you. But, I wouldn't have anything to do with him if I were you. If he could do this to you once he could do it again. Anyways, if you met here he can probably read this thread. It is best to move one. Good Luck | |
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