| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:47:14 AM | | I enjoy reading these forums, amongst others when bored in work and one thing that i notice is that people really over analyse every single little thing in a relationship about what he/she meant, does/doesn't do bla bla bla ZZZzzzzz.. i mean, am i the only one who just doesn't give a flying feck and who takes the whole dating thing at face value i.e. are we connecting? am i having fun? and that's it, if those two aren't hitting the right spots, whats the fecking point, but no, people on here seem to need to find out why, or how to improve or whats going wrong, or is it just me that likes to keep things simple and fun and not turn dating into some day time tv soap crap | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:58:48 AM |
if those two aren't hitting the right spots, whats the fecking point, but no, people on here seem to need to find out why, or how to improve or whats going wrong, or is it just me that likes to keep things simple and fun and not turn dating into some day time tv soap crap
I was in a long, long marriage (26 years). Once you are married and have children, you can't just say 'feck it' and find someone else every time something goes wrong. You learn to find out why and try to fix it. Any relationship that's going to last doesn't just happen by magic; it will take work and compromise. If all you are looking for is dating until you hit a rough spot, then finding someone new, you're doing fine. I'm looking for a lasting relationship, so I DO care. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/24/2008 4:02:21 AM | | It's not just you. :) In my case, I think I finally mellowed with age, and also hit a point of "if it won't be this one, there'll always be another one", lol. Once I relaxed and realized there's value in relationships even when he's "not the right one" for me, I was finally able to live in the moment, just as it was, and began to really enjoy the people/experiences I encountered. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:44:38 AM | Well I don't think you really give yourself an advantage with that attitude either OP. People aren't choices on a menu, they're people.
Now I agree, it makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork some days reading people shred apart the structure of a relationship like a pack of hungry wolves. I find it somewhat discouraging to think something that feels like such a simple desire can get so rediculously complicated. Especially when the best parts of being with someone are, infact, universally sweet and simple.
But (ofcourse) you can't just go frickin 'seinfeld' on people either. No realistic person is going to suggest that a first impression doesn't matter, but if you're tossing people like tissues, don't expect to be given any more consideration. Or you shouldn't be atleast, in the grand scheme of things.
Chemistry is important, but the infatuation that comes with it will always, with out a doubt, fade, leaving the shallow fickle person discouraged enough to drop the person like yesterdays trash to go searching for that "spark". A person who dates like that is essentially a drug addict, searching for the next fix, only it's "chemistry" not crack. You won't accidentally fall into a healthy relationship like that. You won't even purposely.
I can think of a million incidents in my own and my close friends relationships where there has been some rough patches, unsure patches, just plain don't like you patches, but then I know of plenty of old couples who said "I would have never had the chance to love him/her now more, than I did then, if I didn't see past some of his/her faults."
So I don't know, maybe re-assess what you really really want. Long lasting or flash in the pan. Don't assume though, that every single person who's got a relationship complication is wasting their time though. Perhaps seeing things through,(and not all troubles deserve that, just some) may just be considered a waste of time for you. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:50:24 AM | | Over analyses? I think that would be a good thing! At least they are thinking about how they can change or fix the problem in their relationship or perhaps themselves. I praise people for trying to OVER ANALYSES! I bet if a lot more people would do it, Americas divorce rate would decrease by at least 50%. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:59:22 AM | Yes, they do over-analyze the relationships, before these actually happen.. the analyzing part sometimes takes much longer than the relationship. Afterwards they may think they just got rid of something that would end up in failure anyway. And so, they end up always being single, as if you try hard, you'll find fault with everything and everyone..
So instead of getting so logical and reasonable, they should get their crazy side out from time to time, and instead of calculating they should let their hearts rule (don't mistake with 'butts').. but they know better.. :] | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:32:05 PM | | Yes they are! I don't know who (They Is) but, they have got a whole lot of people uptight. People spend so much time listening to this one and that one that they no longer know how to think or feel for themselves. People who analyze often do so because they have had a series of bad experience's and are trying to avoid a repeat of such event's. No two people are a like so analysing and comparing one date with another isn't helpful to the analyzer or the people they date. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:45:04 PM | "It is not the quality of analysis that makes the difference, it is the quality,"
nick...sure it's a typo..."not the quality...it is the qualilty" I'm sure one of them was supposed to be quantity?? Maybe if you clarified. Thanks!
(No worries about typos...geez, I make PLENTY of them myself!!)
Analysis like anything, has it's place. It's fine to think things over, but it's also good to communicate what you're thinking at some point. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:51:29 PM | I agree OP!
It makes me think back to when I was at school and some of the conversations there.
Drives me crazy sometimes!
Just get on with it..if you are failing to get a date look at yourself..get some new clothes or something.
If you cannot keep a date then work on your confidence.
If you cannot keep date happy in bed read the Kama Sutra
Try those before analysis of why he/she didn't call 18 hours 24 minutes and 17 seconds after your date. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:58:58 PM | There comes a point in your life when ..........people come and people go.........
I used to overanalyze when you spend 9 months with a great guy who had a whole lot in common with me...then get's a hair up his rear end and decided to end it because he didnt want to get serious at this time in his life..
After four of these episodes.....I quit overanalyzing...I can read between the lines now and know "key" words that tells me not to waste my time........ | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 5:02:40 PM | I think that yes at times there is too much analysing in realtionships. For some each and everything that their partner is worked through in their head over and over, what did s/he really mean when s/he said/did this. I think it is too much work. But perhaps those who overthink have had bad past experiences and did not see those red flags and now they overthink everything.
There are times when you do need to analyze your relationship and communicate things to your partner. But not every little thing needs to be.
If s/he normally sends you an email before work each day and one day they do not, it is not worth it to lay down on your bed, cry and think that it is over and s/he has moved on and let the snowball thinking take over.
~Carrie | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:19:09 PM | ~OP~ I'm with you. It's either happening or it isn't. No need to analyze or drone on about little things ~ if those things are needing analyzed, something isn't quite right in my opinion. If I like him, he likes me and we are moving at a pace that works for us both ~ there's nothing to worry about in my mind. I guess I just don't see the need to make a problem when there isn't one and if there is one, he's the one I should be taking to, not a bunch of strangers in a public forum. Then again, I keep my private life reasonably private. JMO  | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:33:01 PM | Yeah, I think you're right on this one. I think there is a lot of over-analyzing here. But it is entertaining sometimes. Makes me feel good about myself. I'm not as wack as some people. | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:43:56 PM | | yessssssss they do....see it all the time. why cant people just enjoy the moment for what it is. look i dated a guy, 6 months later he went back to his ex....i was bit disappointed but realized he wasnt for me but it was fun while it lasted and the fact he lied from the start.... but i still had the greatest time with him, I cant deny that. i met another, again months later, he went back to his ex...doh...seems to be a pattern for me..lol...but again, i enjoyed his company for the time we had. isnt it better to be loved then not loved at all? I took it for what it was and moved on. I even met guys and knew it wasnt going any where with us but i still enjoyed their company at the time, why not...doesnt everyone deserve a chance when given?? | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:52:41 PM | I'm not so much into analyzing but when things go stupid on me I know there is a reason. For sure, if I were dating someone who started taking meds and we suddenly had problems... I now have more confidence that it is the meds and less problems questioning what I did wrong.....therefore less time beating myself up trying to figure out why I did this or that. I've read so much on these forums that confirms what I strongly suspected about many situations. I also see that kookiness is alive and well.... | |
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zom
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Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 24 | |
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| Are people over analysing relationships to much?
Posted: 1/25/2008 10:03:06 PM | | It's called analysis paralysis. I analyzed so much I become paralyzed and couldn’t decide on what to do, which when I did, it usually turned out to be wrong. So, like Funny_Girl, "I was finally able to live in the moment, just as it was, and began to really enjoy the people/experiences I encountered." | |
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