| So Confused and Lost
Posted: 9/12/2004 10:23:30 AM | I am 46 yrs old soon to be 47 yrs old. I was married over 20 yrs to a man I loved very much. Sadly he loved his booze and drugs more and I had to get out before he killed me. During my divorce process, I met a man at first I didn't care for him much, he was arrogant, and thought all the women wanted him. I had actually met him off the Internet, he was local and usually the people I chatted with were to far away from my area.
He started showing up at places I would go to. Eventually I started to like him a lot, but of course how the story goes as soon as you get what you want, you don't want it any longer. And he didn't want to date me after a few months, because I found out he was sleeping with many women and also was hooked on drugs. It broke my heart to think I followed the same path twice. After about a year I was fine, Actually today he is clean and we are friends. I lost contact with him for a few years, in the mean time I met another man.
We became friends, at first all I wanted was to be friends nothing more. He was OK with that. We did everything together.and then I found out he was married, so I ended that relationship,, not right away, but I did, I had never had a man be so good to me, But then he had two lives. He told me that if I didn't break it off he would leave his wife, and I believe that, but after I stopped seeing him, I realized it wasn't love, it was nice to have someone with a kinda soul and treat me good.
When I got the divorce, I met a man off the Internet (Michael) that lived in the same town I did when I was married, We met but for me I. Just didn't want another man. I had been single and burnt by the Player. He was nice, but he wanted to date and I didn't, this is back in 1999. Well, recently after being single, lost contact with chuck and dropping the married man, Michael had been constantly asking me out. So one evening I decided to go. And we started dating after that. this has been two years.
When Michael and I are together he is very nice, when he isn't drinking. He doesn't drink all the time, just in the evenings he will have a couple. But for the past two years, he constantly asks me about my other relationship he has actually written down word for word or email or ims that I have said to him. Now knowing me, I have the worst memory in the world so I tell the truth, so I don't have to worry about lies. After I started dating Michael Chuck started calling me and I ran into chuck with Michael one night, and I introduced them, I don't hate chuck and he is fun to go out with just not a man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Michael hates him and doesn't understand why I want to remain friends with any men. He says that when u are in a relationship, there should be no one else in our lives but us. He doesn't want to share. I told him he is the only man in my bed. That everyone wants and needs friends. Chuck isn't a bad guy, he just needed to grow up and he never did. But anyway over the past two years, I cant even count how many times we have broken up. He will get drunk and call me and say terrible things to me, and call me a liar. But I guess I am, once chuck called in the middle of the night and I told Michael that it was my son, because I didn't want to upset him, I told chuck not to call again, that we were in bed and had to work the next day. Michael knew better and left anyway.
Well, we broke up again, Now he is wanting to try one more time, I care for him but after spending two nights with him, I enjoy him so much during the day, doing things with him, I wonder if my heart is in it, IM scared and I am tired of the roller coaster ride. I guess because I am not a jealous person, I feel that if someone is going to cheat there isn't a thing you can do about it and it is their loss if they cant be faithful in a relationship and eventually that will come out.
I am scared and tired and sick of all the crap of dating. Its hard for me to meet a man let alone a good man, because I work a lot of hours and I rarely go out to where I can meet them, Should I. Let Michael go and not try again or should I see how my heart feels. I know inside he is a good person, but like his sister said, he is a child in a mans body, wanting all the attention, he is insecure, and very controlling, HELP ME IM SOOOO CONFUSED. All I ever wanted was one good man to love and for him to love me for the person I am.
Suecott | |
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| Re: So Confused and Lost
Posted: 9/12/2004 10:56:14 AM | Sue there is nothing wrong with what you want our of a man. The problem is the one you are with is not being a man, but a child ok. If he is not going to change ( sad to say but probably will not happen ) you need to move on ok. You should not have to settle for less than you want out of a man and life. You dont owe him anything and he doesnt own you. Its time to let go I think and instead of finding another man, go out and find yourself. Relationships take time to get over, take that time, find yourself and what you want then go hunting. Finding yourself and what is meaningful to you in your life is a quest worth doing. I hope this helps some, just be strong and do what you feel is right to you.
Gado
Cant never Could, Wont never Will ! | |
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| Re: So Confused and Lost
Posted: 9/12/2004 4:25:22 PM | Hi Sue and welcome to POF.
I will be perfectly blunt with you about what is happening, you are continuing the sam pattern of behaviour in all 3 of the relationships you described. Before entering into another, I would make the recommendation that you spend some time by yourself. During this time it would be wise to seek some suppurt from ALANON, and abused persons support group, and perhaps get yourself some victims counselling.
There is nothing wrong with you except you have been conditioned into accepting less then respectful behaviour to you, when yuo follow the three steps I mentioned to you above, you will then see, the real you and your true value, you will also realize that what I said above is true.
PLease Sue I beg of you to take these steps before you become involved with a man who really hurts you. | |
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| Re: So Confused and Lost
Posted: 9/12/2004 5:14:40 PM | | Get out of the relationship as soon as possible, you are only going to wind up hurt, either physically or emotionally. Find help as it seems you've lost your way somewhere. | |
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| Re: So Confused and Lost
Posted: 9/12/2004 5:35:49 PM | I live in a small town. And I thought I did, I thought I took time. After chuck I took several years and I am a totally different person that I was when I was married. When I finally left my ex. I never thought I would make it. I am better than I ever was with my ex. I Have a full time job, a small business that is killing me (working to much) and a home and two cars. I have friends for the first time in my life. The only thing now is the love of a good man that I can love back. It has been since 99 since my divorce and I have been to counseling and I tried alanon when I was married. Back then I was to shy and backward to join in and felt very uncomfortable. but I feel good about myself. Its really isn't about me, its about what is available in this world or this little town of mine. I am not a total prude, I do have a bit of a wild streak in me, and I enjoy doing things I didn't or couldn't do when I was married. I just miss having a man in my life. Someone I am compatible with, someone I click with. Believe me the Nights get very lonely and I have been alone for a very long time. When women leave there men good men because they are bored and they think the grass is greener boy I just want to shake them. Thanks for all the responses.
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