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 chas123
Joined: 1/11/2008
Msg: 1
Why do women string me along?Page 1 of 1    
I or my friends can't figure this one out.
I'm on several sites, I make connections. A theme as developed.
I've had what seems to be a good dialog going, then they will stop replying, just ignore me, I ask if they are no longer interested and I don't get a reply.
I've had some that give me their phone number and personal email, they don't return the call or email inquiry. Could this be a "catch and release game"?
Then there is the "next week" meeting loop, they tell me they want to meet, but keep pushing me out to next week with excuses. I ask them if they are still interested and they tell me yes. Are they hoping someone better comes along, or could it be cold feet because they realize they have found someone that is not afraid of commitment, and maybe they are afraid?
I've gone back through my messages, there is nothing I wrote that could of offended them as far as I can tell.

C.
 Blueskies123
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 2
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:42:53 AM
We don't know without seeing the messages..or knowing the women and their schedules.
Some weeks I am free most evenings..but others I'm packed to the rafters with things going on and I won't cancel arrangements which are already made.
If they say they are interested then maybe ask them when they are free..say in two weeks time, keep in touch and stick to it.

For me..if I'm busy I can always bet someone will ask me out on a date! Typical!
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 3
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:48:56 AM
someone better came along. Seems like both men and women play this game. If that more interesting person doesn't work out, they'll be back around to you at some point.
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 4
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:05:23 AM
Happens to me too! Good thread topic, never heard that complaint
around here before!

One must STOP making assumptions about anything related to other people,
ESPECIALLY on here!
 Luv Karla
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 5
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:21:51 AM
They aren't stringing you along,they just don't seem interested in you.

Remember,social etiquette does not apply to online dating,although it should.

Follow your instincts more,and learn to take a site like POF with a grain of salt.


Edit: When a woman really likes you,she will go out of her way to set up a date.
 AKA Jazzer
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 6
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History
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:31:21 AM
I agree it is a manners thing combined with a minimal amount of interest. We really need a Miss Manners forum here!! To each their own.
 Monikerjak
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 7
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:33:39 AM
Happens with any dates really, not just the POF thing. Ive gotten phone numbers from girls or had then given to me on a napkin with no follow up.

Ive done it with women before too and im not exactly sure why, just sometimes your the one that has to do the pursuing and other times your the one being pursued. If its early on in the dating scheme I wouldnt worry so much about getting pushed to next week a few times but if you like the girl and she keeps doing it to you a few months down the line then she probably isnt worth your time.

Best thing to do is not give up and not seem to interested at the same time. Showing too much interest never works.
 sassyaquarius
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 8
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 11:31:48 AM
... because you let them.

Eventually you will recognize the pattern and walk away... it feels much better :)
 swfl_dan
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 9
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Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:38:04 PM

Why do women string me along?


Because you let them.

Seriously, if you've already communicated in that short amount of time that you "aren't afraid of commitment" then it's likely you're coming off as needy.
 soulmate08
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 10
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Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:10:48 PM
Hi, YEs I would wonder if your coming on too strong too fast..... emotionally?
Heart..... is different from emotions, .. And takes time to join/connect etc.. At a certain maturity/experience dont we learn to share our heart slowly...but surely? building a foundation.. guys that come in too hard too fast. scare me. because I c in time their emotions will change....... time shows me the character of a person and their agenda...
I wont lend my car to someone...I would have to trust them...know them... respect that they respect others possesions... I dont give my house keys to anyone either...it takes a special person to get into my close circle... MY heart is more valuable than house possessions..
my heart can not b replaced.. my car can.. so I take alot more care looking after my heart..
Basically if you want the right person for your heart/life/love... then dont worry about it.. ITs all just telling you they are not the 1 for you, regardless of how that info comes to you..bottom line. theyre not for you. so dont let your ego get affected..
At least your not getting heart/attached/hurt and wasting too much time on the not the one for you... besides I think some people are just looking for anyone..anyone will do , cause theyre sick of being alone. and that can be a turn off. dosent everyone want to be irreplacable to their so? special/desired. unique only to each other?
I think that is very easy to feel/detect as well, desperation can be smelt../felt.
just my opinion..
smiles/peace
 Sabinee
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 11
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Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:52:47 PM
They like you enough to chit-chat, but not enough to go through the trouble of setting up a "pre-date" and meeting you.
When I realized online dating was all about the "pre-date" (as in, let's meet for 10 minutes so we can see if we have enough "chemistry" to maybe make plans for a real date later), I decided it really wasn't worth the effort. Not unless I find the man exceptional, rather than ok-ish

EDIT: I see your profile states exactly what I find so distasteful: "how about a quick cup/glass of whatever, if we click, THEN we go on a first date. "
Ummm how about not.
 secret_star
Joined: 1/11/2008
Msg: 12
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 3:13:45 PM
Based on my own pesonal experience, if someone wants to see you, there won't be any excuses made. Being too busy, or just having a bad day, is no reason to not make plans. Those girls are stringing you along. They have other dates, but don't want to "lose" you in case those other guys don't turn out to be Prince Charming. It is the dating game. There is no fear of commitment, because if Brad Pitt comes a-knocking, they will be answering the call. Just forget people like that. They are fickle.
 passionteman
Joined: 3/7/2005
Msg: 13
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 3:17:32 PM
OP: You need to make yourself a "Catch" for the ladies, someone interesting and funny, but at the same time unpredictable and not clingy. From your post I get an idea that you just let everything out on a first few communications and once the boring part kicks in, everyone runs away.
 SecretKiss
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 14
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 3:39:29 PM
They string you along because that is part of the on-line dating game. I chat with different people, give it a chance, give it time to see if I'm interested or not. Then if I'm not I stop writing. It may take one chat or a few chats. People do it to me, they stop writing. I don't take it personally. It's not the best thing for me to invest too much too soon, especially since I don't know these people very well. I usually don't tell people I lost interest to avoid unnecessary confrontation, avoid getting insulted, and avoid being uncomfortable. Sometimes I put them on a shelf and wait it out. Maybe I'll be interested later. So this is why I understand when people do it to me. If someone doesn't reply it's because they don't think you have potential with them or they are undecided. Something you said, they may feel uncomfortable, awkward or just don't trust you. As far as the next week meet thing they might be undecided about you and whether or not they trust you and whether or not you are worth the trouble of meeting. I've had bad dates so if I'm not at least 80% sure on meeting them I will wait maybe a month before I decide. Can't wait forever. Especially with all the fish in the sea.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 15
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:19:04 PM
Online dating has more strings than the New York Philharmonic. It does no good to ruminate about it. Just keep casting and reeling, and eventually you will meet a gal who won’t make you second fiddle. Once you get to move up to first chair, you’ll find she was worth the wait.
 UniqueManinSoCal
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 16
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:20:07 PM

... because you let them.

Eventually you will recognize the pattern and walk away... it feels much better :)


I am with sassyaquarius on this one. You allow the behavior it will happen. It may also have to do with the selection of women as well. If you come across as a guy who will take any attention from women you will attract the type of women who will give you whatever they want to and lead you by the nose.

Quite honestly they might be looking for some balls from you and when there are none to be found they look elsewhere. I don't know the details but those are my guesses.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 17
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History
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:52:26 PM
People string others along because they can and you allow it! At the first incling of BS and games - be the first to back off and move on to where there is none of that!!
 Bethlett
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 18
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:58:26 PM
Because they can.
 Further
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 19
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:44:48 AM
They do on dating sites because of the amount of attention that they get, so they short list you like, your a resume, waiting to be hired into their domain and keep giving you the impression that their is a chance, and they are doing this while they are "interviewing" other men...I personally don't tolerate it and send firm goodbye
e-mails and block any woman that, I feel is playing this selfish game with me...The only way I have found that, you have any sucess, off of here is to date the girl 'fast"...
I have met women off of here and with only one or two e-mails and met them within
a day or two, some with in the same day as the e-mail was sent, others play the game of making you e-mail and e-mail and I just tell them to stick it and block them...
not all women on here will string you along but, it isn't that uncommon...

So smartin' up you gals who do this,,,it isn't very nice...and when you date out in the real world, you don't have to email someone, 10 times and wait for them, to finish dating other guys, do you???....yuk...to girls who do this..it is the equivalent of being a female "player"...shame shame...lololol....
 swfl_dan
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 20
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Why do women string me along?
Posted: 2/22/2008 5:22:17 AM

Then there is the "next week" meeting loop, they tell me they want to meet, but keep pushing me out to next week with excuses.


You're giving off that "nice guy needy" vibe. Why would you put up with being pushed out to next week? Agreeing to that is failing the "needy" test.

Try this instead:

Her: "Oh, I'd like to meet, but how about next week because I have to pluck my eyebrows and wash my dog this week!"

You: "Hmmm. Well, I'm busy this weekend, but I have some time available monday night. Let's get together at (local coffee shop), say around 7pm?"

Don't ever let her push you out to some non-specific time sometime in a non-specific future. Is your time not important? Cause these women are treating you like your time is worthless, and you are, more or less, agreeing with them. Stop it!
 forum_reader
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 21
Why do women string me along?
Posted: 2/22/2008 6:25:51 AM
well I don't think they are necessarily purposely "stringing you along".

When I was actively online dating I got lots of emails. I really could only get to know a few people at a time. If someone didn't interest me enough they'd eventually fall off my radar. I wasn't purposely leading them on or anything like that at all - maybe there was nothing really "wrong" with them, but I wasn't 100% sold that I wanted to get to know them further.
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