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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Read, but not deleted... Interested?      Home login  
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 peachtek08
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 1
Read, but not deleted... Interested?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
What does it mean when guys read the message, but don't respond and don't delete the message?

Up until this point, I've just assumed they might be interested, but don't have the time to respond just yet. But almost all of the msgs I've sent, are just being read so now I just don't know.

Assuming they're slightly interested, how long after the initial msg was sent should I contact again? Or should I bother contacting again at all??

Thanks for the help!
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:46:31 AM
It doesn't mean a damn thing, unless or until you hear something back from them. You can't overanalyze this internet thing, so take it at face value, meaning if you hear back from someone, they are interested, and if they don't write back, they aren't.
 peachtek08
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 3
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:47:36 AM
I get the whole read/delete thing. It was the non-delete that confuzzled me. And I never send "Hi" msgs (that irks me too).

Do you ever reply back at another time after you've read one? Or if I don't get a reply back then, should I assume I'm never going to?
 Not_a_FAT_Slob
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 4
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:49:48 AM

It was the non-delete that confuzzled me.


As was stated above by the other responders, it means NOTHING

I don't delete messages. I let the system delete them.
 peachtek08
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 5
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:53:45 AM

I don't delete messages. I let the system delete them.


Great info... thanks!!
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 8:00:30 AM
^^^That's it exactly. I've had women tell me they get to many messages, so they may read them and forget to delete them immediately, and then never get around to doing it later. They know the system will eventually flush 'em. Yes, that seems a little self-absorbed and impolite to me, but to each their own. I write once, and if I don't get a reply, well, that conveys their intentions clearly enough.
 bkg07
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 7
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 9:49:02 AM
I know I'm not a guy but like to check this forum out often. Seen this question which has crossed my mind often too.
When I get an email from someone, I look at their profile right away and if I see anything that looks like we would not make it very far in conversation I choose not to respond. It seems kind of rude to me which I hate because I am not a rude person but I feel like i am doing us both a favor in the long run. I may not know who they are from just their profile but I know me. If they don't smoke plus profile says they are looking to date then I know i wouldn't be a good date for them so I don't want to even get started. There are lots more examples too. I call it prevention in my head. if they don't smoke but just want to be friends, I would try writing.
 paulguy
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 8
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:22:53 AM
i don't delete messages either...the system here has an auto-delete function, it will delete messages that are more than 30 days old, so i just let the system take care of it.
 kevinmach
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 9
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:33:16 AM

It's encouraged that you don't even go there as people read way too much into it. Leave someone a message, then forget about it.


This is a good practice. The only time I ever check the sent message box is if I haven't heard back from someone I consider a friend on here, and I want to make sure it was sent.



I think this is about the only thing you could be wondering with this post: Are they planning on messaging me later?

In the vast majority of cases, no. I let the system delete my messages too, so the only difference here is that it's awaiting execution instead of being deleted immediately.

On occasion, sometimes people will decide they might message you later when they are more in the mood, but don't end up getting around to it. Which means the same thing, they weren't that interest.

There is the rare occasion that I check my mail from somewhere where I can't or don't have time to compose a response. But if I am really interested, you will probably have a response within 24 hours or less.

Like the others said, you definitely have to "under think" things around here, never mind over think. People just do strange stuff- I lost count of the times a woman has sent me a message, I was interested and responded, and they never wrote back. They didn't delete their account and I could see they read my message. Originally I was tempted to blame what I wrote, thinking it was silly or sounded anxious, so I gradually became more careful about what I wrote (over thinking it), and it's still happened. So I just don't think about it much anymore.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 10
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:41:08 AM
really is there any way to stop the auto delete deal i sometimes leave messages to jog my memory and get back with someone later ..i would just as soon the system keep its hands off my mail...i know how to delete it for myself
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 11
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:08:31 AM
o/p: no response is still a response.
(think about it? why wouldn't you respond to someone?)
 alternativechick
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 12
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:27:08 AM
Over analizing things is never a good idea, regardless if it's on this site or not. I think that you just have to look at it this way. If they are at a place in their life where they are interested in getting to know someone, then they will get back to you with a message. Too often I have run into ppl on here who still have their profile, but are not looking anymore. So if you're interested, send them a message. If they don't respond then let it go...they weren't interested. Usually if I get a message from someone, and for whatever reason I'm not interested in them, I send them a message back trying to explain to them that I'm not interested. I know if it were me in their shoes I'd want a message back, but that's just me!
 copperpotq
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 13
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:32:25 AM
Shit! It tells someone when you delete their message!? Talk about pressure.
I get a lot of, "I know you are not looking for someone like me..." translation, "How can we make this any more awkward..." It takes time for me to delete a message. I try to reply to everyone, just to be nice, but replying to said question above is just painful.
 justins32883
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 14
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:35:51 AM
read but not deleted and no response is 90% "not interested" 10% "didnt get a chance to respond yet". its like someone not answering and not returning your phone call. you can assume with little chance of error that they are not interested in communicating with you.
 peachtek08
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 15
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/28/2008 12:20:19 PM
Thanks everyone. Guess I'll just send it and forget it from now on and worry about my inbox instead of my outbox.

 8ball master
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 16
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 1/29/2008 10:50:28 AM
or how about just tellin her that she lives too far away, she has kids, or that youre gay this week. i always answer em but make them come on to me, but dont put too much into it... she'll prolly chicken out anyway


i always tell them theyre single cuz theyre snotty when they delete my message without responding..
 Vibe1271
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 17
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:16:55 PM
So let me get this straight... the delete function is there, to delete incoming mail or read mail. But 97% of the people on POF choose to NOT use the function ??

That is what we are trying to get an answer to. There are some people who have sent numerous messages to different people, and have NEVER had one of their messages deleted by the other person. Whereas many people (it seems more than half) have sent messages and have had them deleted in most cases. So why is it that some of us can never ever get any of our messages deleted by the other person? But still no response?
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 18
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:25:29 PM
It doesn't matter what it means. Probably they are busy dating another prospect. Maybe they are busy with work.

If they didn't hate your email/profile so much that they blocked you (you can still see them), and if they didn't email you back saying to not contact them again, wait 3 months, and try again.

It is very hard, but try not to let the "rejection" get you down.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:32:56 PM
I know I'm not a guy, but some get distracted...

Sometimes I open an email and I am not particularly interested in what they have said but I will go check their profile. I get to their profile and a few things happen. Someone might catch my eye up at the top in the tiny thumbnail online now row... I click on them, onto someone else and so on forgetting about the email that did not leave an impression on me.
Or I am just not interested after reading their profile and don't go back to delete... or I do go back to delete and see I have a new email, read that one and forget about the other.
ORRRR when I am checking their profile I see they post in the forums so I go to some threads, start reading, get interested and forget to delete the mail. Sometimes as I am responding I get an intrusive IM that bugs me so I just close out the site...

In any case, if I was truly interested I wouldn't forget about the email or let myself get distracted. The emails that I leave read but left undeleted I feel 'ehhh' about - not excited about it but not repulsed either... Occasionally I want to write back because I see they put forth some effort in sending me a nice email. If I don't have time I leave it for another time... and you guessed it, the next time I have more emails and forget the old ones.
I'm a flake I guess. I'd rather play in the forums then respond to emails

If they sent me another email it probably wouldn't hurt. It would probably jog my memory and nudge me to give them an answer.
 MP31971
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 20
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:52:04 PM
Your guess is as good as mine!

You look very familiar. Have we met on some online poker site?????
 TakeMeTheWayIAm
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 21
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:12:15 PM
You sent a message to a guy and he didn't respond (within a reasonable timeframe)? He's not interested. It's that simple. Trust me, he doesn't have a full Inbox like you do.
 curveyone
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 22
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 10:55:54 PM
i'm sorry but i'd have to say that they are NOT interested. doesn't take a hell of a long time to type a few words. if they have enough time to read your message, then they should have enough time to respond to it!! not responding is rude and shows a lack of manners.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 23
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:44:42 PM
OP: it MIGHT mean something (at least it was read), but it generally means very little. Sometimes, I open an Email out of curiosity even though I know I probably won't be interested. Then when I read the message, I know I'm not interested, but I'm aware the other person knows if I delete it, so I leave the message read/undeleted so I don't hurt the other person's feelings by deleting. On the other hand, I'll sometimes read a message and I find myself somewhat interested, but not quite ready to reply for some reason, so I won't delete because I have the intention of eventually (maybe) writing back....but then a few weeks pass and I haven't gotten around to it, so I just don't bother.

What I'm trying to say, it could go either way. Wait a week or two to see if he writes again. If he doesn't, send one more Email. If he responds, great....and if he doesn't respond, then you know for sure he's not interested (or if he was mildly interested, he has now lost interest).
 RedCassandra
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:52:35 PM

So why is it that some of us can never ever get any of our messages deleted by the other person? But still no response?


If you keep practicing and sending many, many messages out there, you will finally reach read/delete status.
Isn't that what you want?

In fact, if you email me in the next 10 minutes (before I go to sleep and forget all about it) I'll do you a favor and delete it even without reading.

Coooool, huh?

 crazytimes1
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 25
Read, but not deleted... Interested?
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:15:52 AM
I unread/delete on ocassions, but otherwise never delete. They delete themselves after a month, why bother? If I have read it, it just means that I do not recognize the person as one of the fat patrol from the forums or someone who I really do not want to read for some other reason.
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