| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:06:27 PM | Am often indecisive as to what exact pub we're going to to eat or what exactly we're doing on any given day as i don't want to choose a certain place where the female isn't entirely happy and goes along, eats whatever purely to keep me happy. I mean, i'm not like, you choose what to do, but i constantly ask what they feel like doing.
Never noticed it as a problem but was thinking about it the other day and it dawned, possibly very belatedly, that this has gotta be reasonably boring for women sometimes having to decide almost everything.
Conversation and opinions please ladies  | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:23:42 PM | | I've always been like it, just occurred to me that maybe we should just rely on the woman putting her foot down and saying that she would rather not do something, if she wouldn't, rather than worrying that she may not be entirely happy with it when, in reality, she's not bothered. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:32:54 PM | | Yep, it's pretty much annoying when you have a man that can't make a decison about where to go on a date. Especially when he knows that the women is versatile and enjoyies many, many things. So, it's not like she's boring or anything. I don't mind picking places but I like a man to plan the date, make the arrangements and then execute it every once in awhile too. I like a little creativity. I hate when he says "all the time" I don't know, what do you want to do. That gets a little old and boring. | |
|
| |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:53:54 PM | | I couldn't date someone so passive. While it's nice to know my opinions and feelings matter, men who can't decide on a pub or place to eat aren't attractive. I like take-charge men. At the very least, come up with 2 options and let her pick. But don't be wishy-washy or have no idea what to do. | |
|
| |
| |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:56:50 PM | I like it when a man lets me have some control once in awhile.lol
On a serious note,I would be annoyed if I was dating someone that always made me make all the decisions in the relationship.
Relationships are about give and take,and I want to date a man who has a mind of his own. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:57:00 PM | Yeah, there have been a few times that I've tried to be accomodating and realized that I was coming across as wishy-washy. Not a good impression.
A woman wants a man who can make up his mind but isn't overbearing. So, my solution is to state my preference but give an alternative: "Hey, I thought we'd do seafood tonight. Hemmingways and the Fish House are both good. I haven't been to Hemmingways in a couple of months, lets go there."
My impression is that it comes across as decisive, but if she has a thing against where i've chosen, I've given her an out to express her preferences. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:06:26 PM | Hmmm, that's what I was thinking. May have to change that little trait, then. ~ dan pf
> Right.
> And while you're at it, dan pf, while you are changing that little trait, why don't you unearth all your other traits - those little foibles, personal characteristics, quirks and unique idiosyncrasies - that make you the man you are, the man you have become over the years, strip your soul bare, present it all on a plate for your date's scrutiny, and ask her if, now that you have neutralized and sanitized yourself, now that you have handed your power over to her, is she satisfied with the way you are as a person - or what is left of you?
> My opinion? And it's only my opinion - be satisfied with the way you are. Be happy with dan pf, no matter who else finds you wanting. Because, in the end, when you shuffle your mortal coil, the journey begins and ends with you and no one else. These people, these potential 'dates', they do not pay your rent. They do not buy your groceries. They do not pay your taxes. You don't 'owe' them anything, my friend.
> Be true to yourself, and get to love your 'little traits', for they are an intrinsic part of you.
> ~ Peter. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:10:14 PM | | here is my thought on this. I have met quite a few men, and if they allow me to pick the place initially so I feel safe, I like that because it tells me that he is considerate. Now if we hit it off, and there is a second date, then I would like for the man to tell what me what he would like to do. I am pretty much up for anything. On a second date, we went hiking because he really liked it, so I said it was fine, because I like to compromise. So, on a first date, make her feel safe and let her choose, but if you really like her, give some suggestions on what you would like to do on a second date (if there is one), and see how it goes. | |
|
| |
vro312
|
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 13 | |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:46:38 PM | I agree . . . indecisiveness is frustrating. It especially annoys me when someone asks me again what I want to do after I've already told them--like maybe I didn't really say what I wanted the first time, like I can't be trusted to be honest about my wants and needs. Indecisive people seem to assume that others are indecisive, too.
I'm all about making a decision and moving forward. I don't want to spend my life in the state of decision-making. I want to spend as much time as possible in decision-made. | |
|
| |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:53:03 PM | Wow, all these specific time tables as to when a guy should or shouldn't take charge. Too complicated. But I do agree with this:
Yeah, there have been a few times that I've tried to be accomodating and realized that I was coming across as wishy-washy. Not a good impression.
As someone said, lay two or three options out that you've given some thought to in advance, and let her chose. Seems fair. If she doesn't like them, then put the decision making back in her court. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:55:32 PM | | I personally do not like always being the one to decide. The best thing is when ideas are thought up by both and then agreed upon. Though, if the guy I am with really wants to do something or go somewhere in particular I want him to say so. I would if I had strong feelings or desires about something. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:02:39 PM | DanPF, this is the catch 22, for the ladies.. We go out with men that are indecisive... Ok fine, lets do this, or that... Then all the sudden, joe I know what I want US to do comes along, and we are KIND of ok with that, but perhaps instead of that smoky noisy bar, we would LIKE to go to some where a little more personal. One where we can actually hear the other person.
Or how about joe indecisive, so we suggest something, and no he doesn't want to do that, but what else would ya like, so we suggest something else, no don't like that either... Finally we say... How about YOU decide...
I was asked by someone I have known for a long time to go to the car show...FRANKLY, I had been a couple years before, and it just wasn't that appealing... I told him, ya know, thanks but not this time... He was P!$$ED...
So Dan, it is true ya do have to be yourself, BUT it is nice when it is a mutual kind of decision. If one person doesn't like sushi, but you do, well figure out something you both like...
Totally planned dates are fine, but as with my friend and the car show... Not the biggest interest of mine at the moment, and I well remember how crowded it was the last time wondering from car to car.
Another example, someone I have chatted with on the phone for 5 months decided it be time to have a date, his plan was dinner, I pick, then we are seeing some movie HE chose... Didn't ask me or anything... HOWEVER I made no complaint, because it's something HE wants to see.
If it bores me to tears... NO PROBLEM, key term for "how'd you like the movie" it was intriguing...
I do think the whole thing is communication, but if you are getting to know each other that can sometimes be an ackward venture. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 7:04:40 PM | | I'm decisive enough when i do or do not want to do something. Most of the time i'm easy though and genuinely am happy to do whatever. I realise this must be irritating though so i'll be a bit more deciosive in future. | |
|
| |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:20:25 PM | I don't think it is indecision that is the issue, it's not like you are struggling to decide, more like you simply don't mind either way. Rather than focusing on making yourself be superficially more decisive, you might be more sensible to work on being less passive by actively suggesting things instead: it is more frustrating to spend time with someone who never has any suggestions for what to do but will just go along with whatever you suggest -- the person doing the suggesting is doing all the work and may well feel responsible if the film they suggested turns out to be rubbish or whatever.
I have a friend who is completely passive: she will go along with pretty much any activity that is suggested and will never make any suggestions of her own. I find it exhausting to be with her because I feel that she's sitting there looking at me waiting for me to come up with an idea to entertain her, and I have to get it right because she'll never say no or express a preference. If she even would make suggestions like "we could go and visit that castle" or "we could go to the beach" then it would make a huge difference. I don't see any point in pretending to have a preference if you really don't mind, but failing to contribute to the decision process or the planning puts too much weight on the other person's shoulders in my opinion. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/29/2008 3:07:05 AM | If you ask a woman out you should at least have a plan. By picking a restaurant yourself you can control the cost to some extent. I hate having to pick because if the man is paying I feel he should be the one to chose within his budget. You can always offer two choices "Chinese or Italian" and then go to your favorite place.
I saw a couple once at a very very casual Italian place in a mall that serves good food. She was dressed to the nines and he was in khakis shorts and a golf shirt. It was very obvious a first date, and that he had probably told her she was going to a great Italian place and she had dressed 'appropriately' I felt sorry for her. Had he told her where they were going she would not have dressed that way. So communication is key. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/29/2008 4:02:04 AM | | OP, did you notice how quickly the way you do things turned into a character attack and how you are "passive"? Dang. That'll teach you (us guys?) to ask for feedback on anything, right? It's a good thing that you weren't on a date and had to pay for the pain. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/29/2008 4:39:58 AM | When I say "I'll leave choosing the pub/restaurant up to you (the man)", I mean it - there is nothing more annoying than arriving on the night and spending time going "where do you wanna go - I don't know - you decide - I don't mind"
What is wrong with some men with making such a straight forward, unimportant decision... | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/29/2008 5:03:09 AM | Aurora, were we reading the same thread? I am looking to see where the attacks against this fellow is, and with the exception of Peter who said be yourself, I don't see anyone attacking him personally.
I see people saying it is annoying, or they wouldn't date someone like that...
Perhaps I am missing something... It is 5 am couldn't sleep maybe that is the problem.. | |
|
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/29/2008 5:50:42 AM | I just ignored Peter as he was talking shit was a sort of, don't even think about changing anything, if someone don't like it then it's down to them, i'd rather not think that way to be fair, proper personality traits, yes, little irritating things you do, no.
I'm not as bad as some people on this thread think with my indecisiveness. I'm talking more about when you are out with someone the entire day rather than just going out for a drink or meal.
Suppose in a way it's a fear of going somewhere with a woman where i'm perfectly happy but she would rather go somewhere else yet is too nice to say so.
As i said before, i'll rely on women saying they would prefer to do something else if they genuinely don't want to do as i've suggested. | |
|
Home
login 
