| | Over 50 with younger kids?Page 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | If anyone is in a similar situation, has thoughts or advice, I'd love to hear. I'm 54, had my children later in life, and have a 14-year old and 10-year old who still live with me. Plus we home school. That on top of my jobs keeps me hopping. Most of the men I meet around my age have children who are grown and seem to find my situation to be a deterrent to getting to know me. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:42:18 AM | I am also 54, and have an adopted daughter at home who will soon be 10. My stepson is 19 and lives here when not in college as well, and I have two grown sons 28, and 31. I make it a point to talk about my children's ages very early in communication. It is often something that men in my age group are not interested in. I understand that most people in my age group have raised their children, and are now hoping to enjoy their lives wihout worrying about school and babysitters, which is perfectly understandable. I want to know that up front. Being honest and open about this has helped me to be able to be realistic about the men I would chose to meet and date.
I also am very particular about who I choose to introduce, if at all to my children, particularly my daughter. It is always wise to error on being overprotective when children are involved. I feel that we are a package deal, and to the right man we will be an attractive deal. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:14:25 AM | | Well good for you in telling up front about your children. I was just talking to a man that is 61 and just had my first meet with him. Guess what ...he has a 10 yr old. Now truly I love children but I have grands that are older than that. Sorry I'm not trying to be rude but I really have no ties to hold me down and I state that in my profile, I am not into dating a man with a 10 year old. It was not a question that at my age I even entertained asking, but I will from now on. Being involved with family is one thing, as I am very involved with mine, having a child yet to raise is another atory. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:31:48 AM | People have their personal preferences and have to right to have them. I won't date anyone with dependant children.
Some of us have never wanted children, and some are done with raising children. We can't be expected to change how we want to live our lives for someone we don't even know.
Certain people we aren't going to have anything in common with. Your situation Op is that you need someone who either really wants to have younger children around, or someone who doesn't mind to much.
Becareful though that your children don't get jealous, and act up until a new mate heads for the hills. That seems to happen a lot. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:53:16 AM | I chose to be childfree, many decades ago. Made it a permanent decision.
Through the years, I made the occasional mistake of dating women with children at home. Bad choice, that, for me at least.
At this point, I will grudgingly accept grandchildren, if they are far away.
No children in her household, though. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:53:30 AM | | I'm 52 and have 2 children, age 12 and 14, who live with me. So far it hasn't stopped any men from dating me. Their father doesn't see them regularly, though, so it's tricky when a relationship gets to the 'sleep over' stage. I have to wait for their father to cooperate and take them for a weekend (and NOT keep showing up back at my house all weekend because... well he makes up excuses, but I think he's just being nosey) | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 9:00:59 AM | Cheer up, OP. We have a client at work who is 65 -- and he has 5 year old TWINS!
He may be a little worse off than you ...  | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 9:54:43 AM | I am 50 and have an 11 yr old and an 18 yr old. Some men don't mind and some men do.
You're probably go through a phase where you're meeting those kind of men at the moment. In all honesty, when my children are grown and gone, I'm not going to want to deal with raising any more either. I did my time ha and wouldn't want that type of responsibility any more. I will want my freedom.
I've had the opposite problem, I went through a phase where I met younger men who wanted to have their own kids. They were nice, but why get involved if you want different things in life? The last thing I want to do was start over.
Could it be that there is 1 particular man who you'd like to get to know, but he's not interested because you still have kids at home? Just wondering.
Hang in there, there will be someone for you who will accept you for what you're about and who you are. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:11:20 AM | I am thinking about this now... Im 46, and I have 3 little girls.... in 4 years my children will be 12, 13 and 17...
I tell you it is rather awkward now meeting men. A lovely POFer contacted me last week...he wants to get together. I wrote him a long email letting him know that I have kids and I wanted to be forthright with that. His profile stated Does Not Want Kids, and I thought although it was only coffee and a meet, well he had to know that I am a Mom on the weekdays, and that having kids is not a liability to me.
He emailed me this morning, got my message and my telephone number and he said he would call.
A lot of pple my age have kids that are 18, 19 plus....out of school and ready to leave home. Here I am in a mommyvan now running to art classes, swimming, doing crafts, teaching violin... it's fun...and it's who I am now. I quit my career to be a Mom.
So many of the lovely men I would love to meet and get to know are not willing to take on a woman with young children. They consider it baggage, not offering the flexibility, the attention that they want from a partner. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:25:30 AM | op, if you meet a man and he has a problem with you still raising kids then you will be better off without him. i believe that as long as you aer up front early then you will weed out anyone who thinks that way. i know i raised my sons when they were young, and i would meet women at various events and they would compliment me on being a good dad, but often times when they found out i was a 24/7 dad they didn't want to date anymore. so it just depends on the person. i do wish you luck, because at nearly 52 i don't know if i would have the energy to raise kids and try to date.  | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:25:50 AM | Actually, I think you're likely to find LOTS of men on here who are 50 and beyond who have very young children. Many of them seem to have two sets of kids...the ones from the first marriage, and one or more from a second marriage to a much younger woman...who left them for a much younger man. I've also found they often have sole custody of these children, that the 2nd wife was very irresponsible and not as dedicated to the whole wifey/motherhood thing.
It's an issue for me as I had my children when I was young. They're 25, 25, and 22 now. I have no interest in raising more children. I have the freedom to go places fairly spontaneously, and the time to spend with someone who is really interested in getting to know me. I don't think it's possible to get to know someone if they can only see you in person every other weekend.
But you should be fairly successful Op, if the guys around your age who have young children aren't still doing that fairy tale search for someone 10 or more years younger. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 4:39:23 PM | OP - you've made the choice to bring children into the world when you did. First and foremost, enjoy the time that you have with your kids, it can't be replaced. By choosing to have kids later in life, it narrows down your mate selection pool. It's not impossible, but it requires more understanding, patience, and having a positive attitude. You'll find that there will be those who will pass on you because of where they are in their own lives versus where you are at in your life. You need to keep that in perspective. It's simply 2 ships passing in the night.
I've faced this issue in the last 10 years. I'm childfree, and it's darn tough out there. I find too many men do have kids under the age of 18. It wouldn't be a good dating situation because of where I'm at in my life and where they are at in their life. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:09:08 PM | | you aren't the only one OP .. I am 50 this year and my children are 10 and 8 and live fulltime with me .. like you I find most men my age aren't interested in me for the fact I do have young children .. there are a few that value that I put my children first and foremost. I am very honest about my child state .. I have it up front in my profile and I make sure that any men that contact me know that my time is extremely limited, that getting to know me is going to be an investment in time, things will proceed slowly when I have childfree time. There are men out there that will not exclude you because you still have children at home, but you are right it is going to limit your dating pool substantially. I prefer to look at it from the other point of view .. it isn't them that are deterred by my children .. but the cream of men are floating to the top contacting me knowing of my situtation! | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:27:13 PM | I give kudos to all you ladies my age raising young children! Mine are 19 and almost 16. Working a full time stressful job, a house etc etc, I am damned tired! lol
I can and do make time for someone special if need be. But tis such a juggling routine for sure! And honestly? If I was to meet a man my age with a 5 year old? Sorry, but I just coudn't do it. I am and have done my time. I honestly look forward to spending my upcoming years doing things I have always yearned for.! | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 7:37:06 AM | You never know. . . I have a 10 yr old at home and am seeing a 50 yr old man whose kids are grown. I was upfront from day one about my daughter (who is a handful!). In the months we've been seeing each other, it has been a recurring topic of conversation - because I keep bringing it up. Frankly, if the roles were reversed, I don't think I'd be willing to take on a relationship that involved dependent children. Call me selfish! But he always says he understands what he's in for - and I'm worth it.  As he says 'I've got grown kids, it's not like I haven't done this before.' We're even talking about living together. So there is hope! I guess alot of it hinges on how good your relationship is. If you love someone, you're willing to move mountains, right? | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 8:35:44 AM | Thanks, everyone, for all the great responses! I am being very honest in my profile and in first contacts with people. I get the question, "Do you have time for me?" and I try to answer that as honestly as possible. I have run in to a couple of people who have busy careers and tight schedules themselves who don't seem to understand that I have a professional career as well as a career raising my children. And expect to see me on their schedule. Obviously those get ruled out.
I would never bring a man into my home to sleep with even if my children weren't here. I wouldn't even introduce them to anyone unless it was serious. Maybe that makes me old fashioned. My kids are very intelligent, mature and independent (ok, I'm bragging) and they want me to be happy after everything I, and they, have been through. They are very accepting of my having both male and female friends whom I occasionally do things with.
Thanks for the good discussion. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:07:20 AM | Advice on what?
You chose to have your kids later in life. Raise them. It's not like you can do anything about that choice at this point in the game. You make your choices, you live with them. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:16:20 AM | If anyone is in a similar situation, has thoughts or advice, I'd love to hear. I'm 54, had my children later in life, and have a 14-year old and 10-year old who still live with me. Plus we home school. That on top of my jobs keeps me hopping. Most of the men I meet around my age have children who are grown and seem to find my situation to be a deterrent to getting to know me.
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No they don't.
And stop blamng your childrren.
That can destroy a family. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 11:48:28 AM | | Bethlett, you said it correctly, although it might come across to some as harsh. We all must live with the consequences of our choices -- good, bad, or indifferent. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 12:03:21 PM | galonthemt:Did this man ask you to raise his child?....probably NOT....As I have stated before ...I am 51 and I am raising a son who is 10.....Am I looking for someone to raise or help raise my son?...NO ..I am not....Am I looking for someone to be a dad to him?...NO...I am not......He has a dad...may not be a good one ...but he has one....It is your choice...but you could be missing out on a true blessing....because ...God doesn't make mistakes...My son is here for a reason...and a very good one at that......If everyone had the mind set you do...I guess we would miss the boat for sure...but thank God there are some passionate ...caring .....loving and considerate people here on POF....You know.. you done him a big favor by stepping out of the pic......I hope you find your fish....and good luck....I will say this before I go.....I go and do what ever and when ever I want.....Just because I have a 10 yr old son...doesn't mean I am limited to what I do....absolutley not......And I take parenting very serious ....but I also enjoy my life....and Thank God everyday for my life and my son........I Am Blessed!!!Angel | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 4:24:56 PM | Unfortunately for you and the men is your same situation. Most others in our age group have raised their own and paid their dues, are ready to enjoy their lives again.
Or if the have not had children, it is because they likely don't want any, or an instant family.
Check for men in you same situation, they might be grateful you came along. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:45:24 AM | I'm a 49yr old guy and have 2 older, on their own boys, and two little ones at home (7-9). That's the package. Take it or leave it. It doesn't seem to be a deterrent for guys. At least it hasn't with me. I let my dates know right away they won't be meeting my children anytime soon. My kids will be lucky if they see me with three different people in their lifetime. And that includes their mom.
There are many types of "packages". I could be with a woman who had little ones, even if I didn't have mine. But they'd better not be animals or I'm gone. How your children behave (ie. have been raised) will reflect on you. If I hear a kid say "b!tch" or worse to their sister, I'll assume mom was too lazy to correct them when they were young. Not my type of woman.
Most women I meet and date are in "I want to go out" mode. Party, travel, dinner, you know... the panic they get from not having lived a fairytale life yet? With kids involved, that's not exactly what their in for. Sure I can travel, their older married brothers are great with them and even take them to Disney land or other destinations for a week, but that doesn't mean I can drop my life at the drop of a hat. Going out during the week is out of the question. Hell, I don't want to anyway.
Arugula:
Actually, I think you're likely to find LOTS of men on here who are 50 and beyond who have very young children. Many of them seem to have two sets of kids...the ones from the first marriage, and one or more from a second marriage to a much younger woman...who left them for a much younger man. I've also found they often have sole custody of these children, that the 2nd wife was very irresponsible and not as dedicated to the whole wifey/motherhood thing.
Funny, I seem to notice that these women tend to keep the kids for the paycheck. And believe me on this one, the "very irresponsible" part is not enough for a man to get custody. It's not even enough for him to find her on the floor with a needle in her arm. The cops have to find her that way.
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:00:28 AM | | Question OP??? Would you date someone over 50 who has young children, or are you looking at men who don't have children to look after? People who do and who do not have children have very different lifestyles. I couldn't go to kids movies, Disneyland etc. I would be bored out of my mind. I certainly would never consider dating someone with children. Different preferences in lifestyles is something we all have to consider when considering whether to date someone or not. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:04:11 AM |
I certainly would never consider dating someone with children. I've heard that before. But she'll still go out with me if I get tickets to a hot show. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:08:48 AM | I'm "over 50," and have two "only children," ages 9 and 26. I guess my focus is on keeping my priorities straight. I want to meet a man who has similar beliefs and interests. If a man doesn't like kids or pets or the outdoors, the relationship isn't going to go anywhere anyway. Since I'm a widow I don't get every other weekend off from being a mom, and childcare for dating is a big problem. But I don't see having a child at home as a deterrent for meeting great guys.
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