| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:41:38 AM | This is not a self-pity thread or a gender bashing thread just wanted some encouragement and support having gone through the vanishing act and going through it again right now. I know there are many other threads on this topic but I just wanted you to share how you felt when you realized the disappearing act has happened.
For me I went through a whole lot of emotions. I think at first I was just shocked with that feeling at the pit of my stomach how things go from hot to cold suddenly, then anger, then hurt and sometimes these feelings come and go many times. Then there is that feeling of being a stalker for trying to contact them even if it is just like one phone call, text message, and an email with no response. Of course you move on but it is more emotionally draining for the person to just up and vanish and it also makes you fear it will happen again. So if the person dumps me will I be hurt? yes, but I can at least have that closure and respect the other person for being honest.
All I know is that I am fully aware of how it feels and how much it hurts and I know I will never do that to anyone no matter how hard it is or how they take it, at the end of the day I can say I was honest with them and gave them closure.
I appreciate any feedback and replies. Thank you. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:56:42 AM | | All I am asking is to share how you felt when you realized a man or woman you have been dating has just up and vanished with no explanation if this has happened to you. I don't understand how this is a nonsense thread. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:02:37 AM | As I said in my first post,I have never had a man disappear or vanish on me.
And if a man ever did decide to do this to me,then that would indicate to me that I am not the one for him. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:18:31 AM | I laughed. It happened to me last nite. Was going to meet for dinner, got there, said he was in the back parking lot, said he would meet me in front and never showed up !! In five minutes I was back in my car, got myself something to eat ( better than the stuff they served at Chilli's) and was back home relaxing. This person is on POF and says he is retired, a ex Marine??? Army ..53 or 54 yrs old 6'3 , Reddish blond hair and says he is a " Gentleman" HAH !! and will take you out to dinner with flowers.......I'm sure Marines have more balls than what he had and he certainly was NO gentleman to play his silly tricks. I feel sorry for any of his kids that come from his gene pool!!!
I just wonder what vacarious thrill he got out of doing it.....Its alot of sick people in this world unfortunately........ | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:41:52 AM | it happens to some of us at one point or another...glad to hear its happened to others though I was starting to think there was something wrong with me lol.... We just need to seperate the weirdos fm the guys who actually want a date, to get to know the other person properly and who have the balls to take it from there...dont you think? | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:50:09 AM | I get where your coming from. Have had someone do it to me,and then show back up,do it again.
I dont think much is worse,kinda makes you feel totaly insignifacnt and there is no closure.
But,I realize its hard to see now. Why would you want to call him? To deal with somone who is not capable of dealing with someone as an adult.
To me....him just vanishing made me feel like I needed him to validate me,my feelings...NO.
Be glad your rid of him,validate your own self worth from now and dont give it to anyone.
We allow people to treat us as they do if we do not set boundries for ourselves.
Hope that made sense.......
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:51:23 AM | It's a booty call. I mean when he comes on hot and heavy, and too much too soon, it's a strong possibility. If he really likes you, he will wait. If he doesn't, he won't. Whether he gets what he wants or not, he's gone so why get hurt in the process. A lot of them aren't "bad boys" otherwise. It's a shame and why they get so many women falling for it. I don't like to think of men like this. It sounds like you have respect for men and consider since you wouldn't do that, he wouldn't. Well, he could, would, and just did.
It's not you. Not all men are like that. So, if he starts to sound like hot and heavy, too much too soon, say so, and tell him to go cool off. Few of the hit and run artists are creative. Nothing can happen if you don't go anywhere alone with him. It seems like they're all alike, and on the front lines. A real man will respect your boundaries and will cool off. Like others have suggested, these horny toads don't like to be seen or called anything other than a gentelman, which he isn't, and he will back off. It's awful to have to say that but it beats the emotional hangover of not. Yeah, he'll tell you everything you want to hear, like a dress rehersal because his lines are down so pact. I don't know why they won't go out with women like themselves. Maybe it's just not such good sport? I dunno, but don't let it get you all bitter and that. There are some good guys here. Unfortunately, you have to put a wall up, and defend yourself if necessary. Nobody else will. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:58:05 AM | | this actually happen to me too but I found out why. We met up at a bar, I just got done playing guitar. So I talked with her we went out for like 3 months . I ended up really liking her. Funny how I didn't catch on to the ol' my place is a mess lets go back to yours. lol. One day she stops answering phone calls emails or anything really. Turned out she was married and her husband was overseas in Iraq the whole time. I wish I knew the guys number cause I would have so ratted her out. Cheating on your man while he's off fighting in a war is just plain wrong. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:50:20 AM | ~
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Had it happen once - serious relationship, he'd asked me to marry him, etc, LD, but plans were made for him to move. When it came time for him to move (he set the date to move, not me) he vanished instead.
I still don't know what happened. Heard from him a few times after that and then he vanished for good (so far).
I can relate to the emotional rollercoaster it puts you on - it hurts and it sucks when someone is such a coward. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:55:24 AM | | If he's going to leave you, he will leave you. In my opinion ,I'd rather have the disappearing act (it's quick and over with) rather than something that's drawn out and painful. It is nice to have closure though but sometimes talking about it is worse than not knowing because both parties can't take back what they said especially if anything was said in anger which is often the case. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:34:14 AM | OP you're not alone. It happens quite a bit. The only consolation is that the person is not someone you'd want to be with anyway.
Chicken chits that use "I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you'd be hurt" are not worthy to be called men or women in my book.
Like NOT telling and leave you wondering whether they are alive or dead is NOT hurting?
Like NOT telling and leave you with hopes and plans and arrangements is NOT hurting?
I know exactly what you mean. You invest, you plan, you dream and they don't even have the guts to do the right thing towards you.
You would think that the fact that you love them would at least make them respect you and end it in an adult, responsible fashion.
Yes it hurts and you're not alone. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 11:42:51 AM | Hey, it happens.
The most unsettling thing about it for me, is if I consider that the time which I have spent with the person, was a waste, or the fun times an illusion.
Then, I realize, that it wasn’t a waste at all, if I enjoyed it. Also, even an illusion, can be fun, while it is going on.
This is why, it is so important to me, to enjoy the moment, and savor it for what it is, instead of worrying about what might, or might not be, in the future.
If we can learn to TRULY accept people for who they are, at the time that they are with us, then it is enough.
When they are gone, we can realize that it has been fun, it’s over, and know that we have one more fond memory.
Then, we can go to the supermarket, buy some cookies and milk, curl up with a good book, and enjoy that moment. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 1:59:44 PM | | This is getting to be the "norm".....its so sad that we can't just be honest with people........been there........it sucks and hurts but life goes on. Happy fishing and good luck to you! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 2:21:31 PM | I think the feeling of ... OMG what did I do wrong? Why doesn't this person like me? Why can't they even tell me they don't want to see me! WAAAHHH
yeah that's what has gone though my mind! | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 2:36:21 PM | | I don't agree with the disappearing act. But it does happen fairly often especially if there was only 1-2 dates. If a man can't be upfront and take 2 seconds to send an email / text message stating that he's not interested, then I wouldn't want be with him anyways. People need to remember it's not necessary their fault if the other person ignores them. The other person could be very picky or has some character flaws. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:41:49 PM | | ^^^^I have to agree that this kind of insensitive behaviour does happen quite often. Really, how simple it is just to sent a text, leave a message or email? If a man dosen't have the decency to do any of these; be very,very happy that he has indeed "disappeared" because who knows what else he wouldn't have to guts to do.... Don't worry about it OP, soon enough these kind of situations won't even phase you. They will only disappoint and hurt you, if you let them hurt you, be strong... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:51:23 PM | Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 2 31 PM
I think the feeling of ... OMG what did I do wrong? Why doesn't this person like me? Why can't they even tell me they don't want to see me! WAAAHHH
yeah that's what has gone though my mind!
ok i dont get that.i think "oh well ..next."if i get no response i have no reason to worry why. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:07:32 PM | I say count your blessings. I'd look at it as that person doing me a favor and saving me a lot of heartache by disappearing sooner rather than later.
In any case look for patterns, ask questions and go with your intuition.
Best of luck. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:25:08 PM | Oh yeah... I know the feeling. At first, I was confused. We had had a great date and then "poof" nothing. I tried to call him - no response, then I sent an email and still got no response. Only after I texted him did he respond. The coward told me I had the wrong person - when, in fact, I did. I even checked the number twice to make sure!!! He couldn't be bothered to give me an honest explanation or anything.
Of course it hurt, but in the end, it's that lazy bum who's missing out and, as far as I'm concerned, he did me a favor. I'm looking for a REAL man: balls and backbone included!
As for these men, what goes around, comes around!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:34:24 PM | Happened to me too, chatted with this guy, everything went real good. he said he was moving down here and looking for some new friends. So, I had told him when he came down we could meet some place to talk an say hi. And poof, he was gone. Then 2 weeks later he sends me an e mail, and once again, we agreed to meet up some place. He seemed like a gentleman and everything, real nice. Then poof he was gone.
I am still baffled by it.
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