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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 10:31:30 AM | This is the thought that came my way today.
I don't feel relationships are about games, and winning, and losing. I feel they are a way to know about ourselves. I have simply, and I will humbly say, found it difficult to find anyone who would join with me in a kind of togetherness that places the power struggles aside, and who finds the games unnecessary.
In thinking about this I wrote my thought for the day:
My thought for today: It's not about the who you are with, or the why, or the where, it is about a decision to allow something Greater to enter your heart than what your past thinking, past beliefs, and past decision, repeatedly have told you is true. That is why people endlessly search for the "one," because they do not realize it is not the who they are looking for, but a needed decision to bring something Greater to their mind through any encounter with anyone they choose, in mutual agreement, to take the journey towards a relationship of a higher order. | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 10:38:31 AM | Thank You.
It's a lot to think about.
We spend sooo much time looking for the *right* relationship, instead of perhaps, thinking about what the reason for relationships is all about.
Although I am not a Church person, or a religious person, I feel, we need to look at, why we desire a relationship of love in the first place. What is it we are really looking for? For a good deal of it is truly a spiritual pursuit.
Myself, included, most humbly, in this process of wondering.
Seeker | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 10:49:04 AM | woodlancritter,
Few people even want to communicate, I have found.
They would rather speak about superficial stuff, than anything that really strikes a chord inside.
I feel it is due to fear. And it is difficult to built trust enough to really reveal yourself.
I've reached a point where I am going to offer my thoughts, and well, if there is a naysayers group in my life, I'm not here to sell myself anyway, just become more personally authentic. There is a difference.
Seeker | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 11:02:19 AM | | When we interact with others it gives us needed feedback for everyone involved. When we all start to see everything we have been missing about ourselves and others our goals and results will change. The more we understand the more we will receive | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 11:45:56 AM | | Being in my 30's, on reflection, I think a relationship that is long lasting works not so much because you have alot in common, although you do need that, but that certain things that would bug you in others, you allow in that person because everything else is so good.........Its about accepting the faults cause its easy to love all the good stuff.... | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:11:29 PM |
I'm not here to sell myself anyway, just become more personally authentic. There is a difference.
Me too. That's why I stay -- because it's been a journey. One of self-discovery and discovery of the beauty in others if given enough room in the pond for them to do likewise. | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:18:13 PM | | Beautiful. There ARE others like you, just not that many....as I'm sure you see by the number of posts that are about playing games and being jaded, having time tables etc... | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 1:43:32 PM | I thought this might fit here:
Knowing how to pass GO?!
No need to collect
harmful memories
abusive scenes
bitter words
or the screams
Around the board---keep going
Roll'n the dice
Til you can get to home again!!
I wrote that shortly after I had given up on a "real" relationship from online dating. I found my home again, wishing you do to!!!  | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:19:47 PM | | There is this book "Calling in the One" and it says something very similar ---- the One may be completely different then what you have prescribed in your mind so you have to open yourself to possibilities that are very different then your laundry list of desired traits ---- I think the key to your statement and this one is to be a truly open person wanting to meet others with no prejudgements. | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 5:47:00 AM | alwaysagirl,
I'm currently reading _The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success_ by Deepak Chopra.
He teaches how we constantly get in our own way by holding past belief systems in our mind as they manifest over and over again.
He describes possibilities as Potentiality.
Brilliant man.
Seeker | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 5:57:20 AM | great thoughts, OP.
i agree. i've learned that being here, conversing and meeting new people has not necessarily been about "finding" the Right One, but a journey of discovery in who i am and, thus, what i want / need in my life, and in a partner.
i've met some great people and a few "jerks", but each one has taught me something significant about myself, my expectations, what i am willing to compromise on and what i value too much to settle for less than.
your insight is refreshing! | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:23:06 AM |
Few people even want to communicate, I have found.
Yes this much is true....There are many who don't use the one tool that could keep a relationship going. It's hard to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't communicate but thinks that you should be able to read their mind and just know what they are thinking. No, you have got to talk to me. and Yes trust is a major part of communication. Trusting yourself and the person that you are sharing yourself with. IMHO If people talked more about what they really felt inside, they would get even closer. | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:47:04 AM |
My thought for today: It's not about the who you are with, or the why, or the where, it is about a decision to allow something Greater to enter your heart than what your past thinking, past beliefs, and past decision, repeatedly have told you is true. That is why people endlessly search for the "one," because they do not realize it is not the who they are looking for, but a needed decision to bring something Greater to their mind through any encounter with anyone they choose, in mutual agreement, to take the journey towards a relationship of a higher order.
In my spiritual searches, it always keeps coming back to "choice" - always. Or as you say, the "needed decision" to have the relationship. A decision is a proaction. It requires us to.
The choice is but the middle part of 3 things. The first thing can be one of two or a combination of awareness and/or belief. Either of these are the required precursor for a choice to be made. After the choice come execution, or follow-through. Commitment if you will.
It's funny, to be or not to be is neither a good or bad thing. But to be or not to be is to choose or not to choose. If a relationship (inter-dependence) is the 3rd level of maturity (after independence which is after counter-dependence), then whether or not people choose to have one is whether or not they choose to grow - to live. When you stop growing, you are busy dying - I don't necessarily mean in the physical sense.
If life is a gift, why wouldn't you choose to grow? I think we forget that life is a gift, and then we are out of touch with joy. I think if you and your partner stare into each others eyes long enough (the window to your soul), you just might remember that life is a gift and you'll rediscover joy.
Just a theory. I reckon it's worth a try.
PS. You just reminded me, need to listen to my "Power of Now" audio book. | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:26:16 AM | I shove myself out of my own way a million time each day...lol
I have never really believed in "the one" because I have sensed, long before I could ever find the words to attempt to describe it, that it is an expression of the desire or yearning to find an answer outside of ourselves. Which seems to run counter to the adage of "love and accept your self" As if, once we found the right one person, everything would be good and we can all relax now. We're not, really, searching for the one... we're really yearning to connect with ourselves in a more meaningful way.
If you accept that, then the "answer" can only be within ourselves... how do I get free from the me I have created so I can connect with the me that I am? The me we create has a high level of expectation and "answers" already determined... how life should work, who people should be, how things should work out. I think much of the game playing and power struggles we have with other people is the desire to keep things secure and to preserve our selves. That can only serve to keep us stuck within our own limitations and prevents growth.
Which creates its own paradox... to get free from me I have to let go of the answers I have as security about "the way life works". Connecting with an other alters the way we connect with ourselves which makes Relating with another person one of the most powerful ways we grow as a person.
Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find
all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.
Rumi | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:50:49 AM |
" I don't feel relationships are about games, and winning, and losing. I feel they are a way to know about ourselves. "
Very sweet. Seriously.
But ok, then... so what do you say when she asks "do these pants make my butt look big?"
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:21:10 AM | So well put OP.... This is a thinker thread, which is nice for a change. lol 
I have a similar philosophy these days...
1. Make your request known in prayer.
2. Be still..... and listen for the answer.
3. Be open to ANYTHING that comes your way after that.
Prayers are never answered the way we think,
but always in a way thats best for us! | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 1/31/2008 9:32:17 AM | Hello,
I appreciate all your further commentary. I have read it carefully, and taken it to heart.
peiganjan: "your insight is refreshing!"
Thank you most graciously for your comment. And I agree this is about a journey of self-discovery. It continues lifetime into lifetime. The mystics say we actually plan our lessons, and let them manifest throughout our lifetime.
SensualAquarian: "It's hard to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't communicate but thinks that you should be able to read their mind and just know what they are thinking."
Sexual demands, financial demands, time demands, and general activity demands seem always front and center. But make a demand for deeper communication and you are usually met with ignorance.
And frankly, deep inner communication together is the energy that causes great intimate sex.
MrSnapHappy: "The choice is but the middle part of 3 things. The first thing can be one of two or a combination of awareness and/or belief. Either of these are the required precursor for a choice to be made. After the choice come execution, or follow-through. Commitment if you will."
Chopra defines this as first identification with the Law of Potentiality, second the process of Creative motion, and third, the manifestation (formation, making it tangible). As you so well state the belief, the decision, and the commitment.
And isn't it more than just coincidence that minds that choose to meet and speak of these matters tend to draw the same conclusions. Evidence in itself that relationships are about more than arguing over sex and money.
ItsMargo: "I have never really believed in "the one" because I have sensed, long before I could ever find the words to attempt to describe it, that it is an expression of the desire or yearning to find an answer outside of ourselves." "If you accept that, then the "answer" can only be within ourselves... how do I get free from the me I have created so I can connect with the me that I am?"
It is a paradox which you so beautifully described. And I also find it is through intimacy of relationship, that is sharing with the intention of being vulnerable and healing, that we truly find ourselves. Two by Two entered the Ark, so says the Bible. This isn't a journey meant to go alone.
I also thoroughly agree that we must let go of past beliefs, past instruction, past decisions, past conclusions, even dwelling on past experiences, so that these are not the focus, and keep repeating themselves in our lives. The book _The Secret_ is a telling example of how we must change our thoughts in order to change our lives.
acapellafella: I love comic relief.
TURMALI: "3. Be open to ANYTHING that comes your way after that."
I completely agree, and this is the keynote of Joel Osteen, Chopra, and others. I just need my hand held sometimes in the process.
(I have chosen to post in this fashion because of the 2 post rule. I am also very open to mail exchange in any conversation we have. I have read every message in this thread, and appreciate your responses.)
After I formulate other comments/questions in my mind I hope to open another thread for discussion. What we can do together is no less than miraculous. Even thought in regards to what is of value can attract loving relationships for each and everyone of us.
Seeker | |
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| Having been in this pond, or net, if you will . . .
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:01:15 PM |
so what do you say when she asks "do these pants make my butt look big?"
ALWAYS say, "yes, they do" with no exception. It's even funnier if she keep trying on different pairs to find one that doesn't.
get cheeky with her. Grab a fist full of her butt, and then say with a serious and concerned look on your face - "you know what, I think those pants make your butt feel bigger too".
Try it, seriously.
And in a belated effort to bring this back on topic, the moral of the story is "don't take all this stuff too seriously". | |
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