JWRed
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Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:44:22 PM | | I have been dating a girl for 2 months. (6 dates). This is the longest I have gone dating a girl without getting sex. I like this girl a lot, but I feel like I am sacraficing my self respect by waiting more than 2 months. At this point, she should know if she wants to have sex with me or not. IMO, not girl is worth waiting longer than this. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:51:38 PM | | You feel like you're sacrificing your self respect? lol That's kind of rich. She does know if she wants to have sex with you. But maybe she doesn't want to rack up another number with someone who might not be around later. She's thinking about her own self respect too, JW. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:59:07 PM | | If you don't feel that she's worth waiting for, then get rid of her...she'll, I'm sure, thank you for it if she knew you were only hanging around for the sex. Maybe she does know and maybe she doesn't want to have sex with you. What makes you think she doesn't know if she wants to or not? Like I said, maybe she doesn't want to. Just a thought. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:01:44 PM | | maybe this is why you are single. good things come to those who wait and maybe she wants to see how the relationship is without sex, for someday when you are old and unable to do it, you'll need to have some things in common. you should have more respect for yourself at this point, not less. Go jerk off and keep waiting, IMO. 2 months is not a long time in the big picture. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:36:54 PM | 6 dates....
man... you would really hate dating me......
shouldn't be hoping into bed with someone you have only seen 6 times... that is less than one time a week in the two months... my guess is... you guys are casual... and she doesn't sleep with casual... show some actual interest and go out more than once ever other week... | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:44:58 PM | Ok... in one sense this is refreshing because the forums is usually given from the guy or girl who feels that he or she is not being respected because he or she is being pressured to have sex.
But really a relationship involves meeting the needs of both partners.
6 dates over 2 months isn't going out too often so perhaps you should show a greater interest in hanging out with her. Also two months isn't that long considering you haven't seen each other all that much.
But my biggest question is why you haven't talked with her about this? Why not see where her mind is. After all, bringing up views of sex before actually having sex is always a good idea. | |
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K-lo
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:48:40 PM | | I read this post for 20 seconds and feel as if I sacrificed my self respect . . and, yet . . . I continue to degrade myself by typing this response. OP - at this point in time . . have enough respect to jerk yourself off. And then set this girl free. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:51:53 PM | If you read my profile you'd be surprised that even I'm shocked by this thread....
It's obvious the woman isn't your type.. and you are not her type. I believe you like her but you sound like you want a woman you can lust not like. Makes me wonder if you are looking for a sexual partner or a sexual conquest. Because it is sounding like you're getting huffy cos your not allowed to conquest her. Perhaps I'm wrong.
You said she's a nice woman and you like her, so leave her as being this nice woman and go find yourself a bad woman you like. Do this and all will be left on happy terms. But if you continue on this route with her, you're both just gunna be cheesed off at each other. You for not getting any and her for you pestering her. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:57:58 PM |
I read this post for 20 seconds and feel as if I sacrificed my self respect . . and, yet . . . I continue to degrade myself by typing this response. OP - at this point in time . . have enough respect to jerk yourself off. And then set this girl free
I agree with the post above also. Kind of rough around the edges to read, but truth. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:01:23 PM |
I have been dating a girl for 2 months. (6 dates).
One date every ten days?
This is the longest I have gone dating a girl without getting sex.
Two months without sex. Gee.
I like this girl a lot, but I feel like I am sacraficing my self respect by waiting more than 2 months.
Your self-respect is tied to your having sex in less than sex dates?
At this point, she should know if she wants to have sex with me or not.
Boggle.
IMO, not girl is worth waiting longer than this.
Then why are you posting about her? | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:14:09 PM | | wow you obviously have a high regard for yourself.2 months is not that long boy and i say boy becouse thats what you sound like if you like her and things are good, wait it will be worth it to see if you have anything in common or not | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:22:31 PM | OP. You said that you...
feel like I am sacraficing my self respect by waiting more than 2 months. WTF that does mean? You have a convoluted idea of self respect. That's a new one. And don't go around bragging about it either.
All in all if that's how you feel then you should leave this girl alone and go on about looking for someone who will give you what you want in 6 dates or less. Sheesh! | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:55:06 PM | | I understand that there are a lot of negative comments and I can understand where those negative comments are coming from, however, I will try and relate to my expirence to try and shed some light. I know within the first two dates if I want to have sex with someone or not, however, there are many things that hold me back and the main thing is STD's. If it were a safer time (if there was ever one), I would be all over the person who I had sexual chemistry with). I think that she's just being careful and if there's a real connection there, she wants it to, she is just scared maybe. That's how I was. I want to know that when I have sex with someone that I am going to be safe, nevermind the emotional, but in case he doesn't talk to me the next morning, I don't want to have some nasty ass STD, which you can get with Condoms as condoms are not 100% when it comes to STD protection. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 10:01:17 PM | Gosh OPie, maybe you should give yourself a boost by picking up a hooker! Just think about how high your self-respect will be after you score within minutes of meeting!
Seriously though, if your self-respect is tied to how soon you can bed the babe, then you're in dire need of some personal growth. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 10:34:34 PM | OP
she knew if she wanted to have sex with you within about, oh, the first seven minutes or so. Now she is just determining if her desire to sleep with you and the benefits of that course of action can outweight the possible costs. And if you are hanging around just for the sex, she probably picked up on that an is hoping that you throw down something a bit less 'leave a $20 on the nightstand and shut the door on your way out' and a bit more 'oh, you have something to offer other than the appropriate biological apparatus and material'
Now, this is not meant to be offensive, and I am by no means intimating that all you want is a good lay, just a straightforward insight into what this girl could be thinking.
On the other hand, she might really like you a lot, and wants to build a good foundation for a relationship that is a bit more permanent and has basis in a closer personal connection. Maybe she wants more than a fling of some kind, or maybe she is shy about her body or your possible reactions to it. Sexual arousal and sexual inclinations are mostly mental for women, so if we feel something is off, it is often harder to let down the guard enough to get it on.
I wish you the best of luck with this situation, and hope that you one day find a relationship that is meaningful enough for you to not judge its length in terms of physical intimacy. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:04:10 PM | I like how you worded the thread title.. it shows that you are contemplative about the answer as opposed to impulsively cutting this girl loose or quickly finding yourself some easy gal to fill the gap...
IMO, not girl is worth waiting longer than this.
---> then why are you posting about her? Excellent point!!
Would you be bothering to post this thread if she meant so little? Would you have stuck around this long already?
You are young and used to getting your way a lot quicker than this... I don't think you would be sacrificing your self-respect (interesting word choice.. perhaps you secretly respect her for waiting?).. I think you would be sacrificing selfishness........ and in the process gaining more maturity and an ability to go beyond the purely physical in order to connect emotionally as well...
But no one can answer the question you have posed.... only you can detremine how important a fleeting orgasm is in the grand scheme of things.
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JWRed
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Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 19 | |
| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:21:59 PM | | The reason I am posting about her is because I am at odds between liking her a lot and what I view as maintaing my self confidence (What is more important than that? Certainly not waiting around for any girl to decide she wants to sleep with me). I want a girl attracted to me enough that she can't hold back after 3 dates. And no, it is not just another notch in my belt. I am not nearly as shallow as everyone in this thread is portraying me. My attitude usually is; if a woman is not into me after 3 dates I am going to move on. I am not going to wait around for any woman to want to sleep with me. I am going to find one of the many other women that will like me enough after 3 dates to want to sleep with me. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:24:36 PM |
I feel like I am sacraficing my self respect by waiting more than 2 months.
How has Humanity survived this long ? And will it survive much longer
as we become more and more connected via various web sites ?
OP there are no rules. You feel like your “self respect” is up for grabs
because your date hasn’t f#cked you ? Besides the two of you, and
now the population of POF, who would know ?
The reason i say there are “no rules” is a wee bit convoluted. If everyone in
your Village of 200 agreed on a set of rules, you and your date would have
a common starting point, a common understanding, a shared set of morals.
Despite the other posts here who are more than willing to share THEIR moral
beliefs, that situation seldom exists in 2008. We have to many different influences
from Religions, Cultures, Mass Media, piers, self serving hypocrites, Misogynists
disappointed and lonely people etc etc etc . Obviously you and your date disagree
about when and how long to wait to have sex, so it shouldn’t be to hard to follow this.
YOU want sex NOW. She doesn’t. What is hard to understand ? How
you can think your “self-respect” is up for grabs here while not thinking of
her and her feelings, and why they may be different than yours, tells me
you have little empathy and lousy communication skills. Work on those things.
They will serve you better in the future with many other relationships. You
might even “respect” yourself a wee bit more. | |
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JWRed
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Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:34:22 PM | (Can someone tell me how to quote another person in a thread?)
From "esad" above
"YOU want sex NOW. She doesn’t. What is hard to understand ? How
you can think your “self-respect” is up for grabs here while not thinking of
her and her feelings, and why they may be different than yours, tells me
you have little empathy and lousy communication skills. Work on those things.
They will serve you better in the future with many other relationships. You
might even “respect” yourself a wee bit more."
Thank you "esad". This is the help I was looking for. Maybe I should evaluate her feelings a bit more.
All of the people in this thread that felt the need to criticize the way I should feel about myself clearly have your own issues. I am a firm believer that people project their own weaknesses onto other people. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:35:32 PM | | 6 Dates in 2 months???? Are you sure you're actually DATING? If you want sex that bad, look for someone you see all the time. Imagine having sex with someone then waiting at least 10 days again before hearing from them again... yeesh. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:38:23 PM |
The reason I am posting about her is because I am at odds between liking her a lot and what I view as maintaing my self confidence Perhaps the girl likes you for more than just the physical and would like to get to know those other aspects more before she takes it to a sexual level? Now there is a girl to respect...
It sounds as though you cannot see that because your confidence is all wrapped up in whether a girl wants to rip your clothes off on the third date. Surely you have more of value to offer than that? Are there no other redeeming qualities about you to base your self-confidence on?
If you feel the answer the answer is no.. then perhaps that is something to work on?
[ quote ] Can someone tell me how to quote another person in a thread? [ /quote ]
^^ like that, only without the spaces. | |
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| At what point am I sacrificing my self respect waiting for sex?
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:45:27 PM |
All of the people in this thread that felt the need to criticize the way I should feel about myself clearly have your own issues. I am a firm believer that people project their own weaknesses onto other people.
Yes, the rest of us have problems with basing confidence or whatever on having sex by 3 dates, because we all do it and don't like it. Clearly that's the problem we all have. | |
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