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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?      Home login  
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 piscescutie2002
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 1
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Thought this would be an amusing thread. I am referring to a guy winking at a woman to show interest. Is this considered old fashioned and offensive to women these days? I don't mind a wink. Why don't men do that anymore? It occurred to me the other day so I thought I'd put it out there for you all to write back. I guess times have changed. Do women consider winking a turnoff? Do men feel corny doing it? Women have evolved so much since the days when my parents dated. They do a lot of the asking out now but I am not good at asking men out or showing interest at a social venue where I want to let a guy across the room know I am interested. If they winked at me however, I'd be more open to showing some interest back.

I had a friend comically show me her 3 part, eye contact move, the third being eye contact with a smile. I can't see myself doing that unless it came naturally to me. I would rather the man make the move whether it be a smile, wink or just approach me but they often don't. I've had enough positive reinforcement in my life to know that it's not because I am ugly. Men are so afraid of rejection these days. I guess the politeness of dating and all it's cues have gone out the window. Women are more likely to speak their mind, not be so polite and I guess men are afraid of rejection more than in the past. We don't have a dating ritual anymore. It makes dating more difficult. I guess that's why it's easier to chat with someone online. We get to hide behind the computer.

I find it works out better meeting someone when I am out and about rather than online but how should a woman show a man appropriate interest? I have a friend who MUST give out a signal because she's no beauty and the men surround her like Scarlet O'Hara. Then again, I've heard that she looks like an easy f**k! I really don't want to act like that to get a man to come over to me.

That's why I rather the men pursue which incorporates the wink. If I am playing it safe too, then we have 2 interested people not getting it together. I think a nice, genuine wink would help. Do men think of winking anymore? LOL It's actually very easy. I would wink but it seems manly. ha ha

Perhaps I've lost my Mojo. When I was a bit younger with a little, gymnast body and long, bottle blonde hair, the men weren't shy with me at all. I was like a prize they wanted to win over. Seems either you have to be gorgeous or act like a slut to get some attention. Is this true? I think younger men haven't been scorned enough so they go for it. At this age, men seem to be more afraid of rejection. Can we bring the wink back?
 Athulatha
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 2
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:46:43 AM
Some still do...most are over 40...but a lot of the younger men still do it too.

I think it is a regional thing. It seems more acceptable in the south and in the "flyover states".
 Captain Incognito
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 3
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:49:39 AM
It might be taken and a mental condition tic. (I really don't know.) I know when I'm goofing around I'll do a highly over exaggerated one for a sexual innuendo joke, but at that point it's just to lighten the mood and to not take the joke as anything more than that, a joke.
 Render
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 4
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:53:23 AM
I winked at a girl once. She asked me if I had something in my eye. Rather than explain that I was flirting with her, I let it go. Perhaps people don't know the significance of the wink anymore.
 piscescutie2002
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 5
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:55:38 AM
More acceptable in the south? I think you are right. In fact, I've come to this belief that if I lived in another part of the country, not NY or LA, I would be snatched up by now. Men in NY are soooo picky. (The women are too.) They want their woman to be so freakin skinny to the point of looking anerexic. Then they can make like they are dating a model. Being stuck between Manhattan and the Hamptons ain't easy! :) I recently had a guy tell me that his friends would never consider going out with a girl unless she was real skinny. And, this guy was 40 years old and kept asking for more pics of me as if he wanted to make sure I wasn't a fatty. I am far more forgiving at this age than I was in my twenties but the men aren't and they have some nerve because they age worse than women in my opinion. At least we don't lose our hair and get a gut, we can fix up our hair and some makeup. I like a nice face most of all, not a fat or chubby man but otherwise, it's all about the kind of person he is and how I feel when I am around him.

Besides, I figure they all get fat and bald in the end anyway. As long as I get one good wedding picture out of it!

As for men in other parts of the country, they seem to like me. I dated this guy in the air force and he had a house full of men from around the country. They thought I was the hottest thing since baked slice bread! hee hee.

Maybe I should move so I could get some winks?
 piscescutie2002
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 6
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:56:47 AM
Render, that is frickin funny. Had something in your eye? Okay. Now I'm understanding why men don't wink as much.
 Jason402
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 7
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:58:05 AM
When I try to wink the corner of my mouth goes up and I look like I had a stroke on one side of my face.

Just tried my wink out. I think the lady just called the cops.

I'll confine my winks to this:
 Blueskies123
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 8
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:59:08 AM
I know exactly where you are coming from OP..I'm a total sucker for being winked at..love it!
Like you say..it rarely happens anymore.
It's cheeky, sweet and can be very sexy too..

I'm rubbish at doing it though!
 Chet B
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 9
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:13:50 AM
I winked at an elderly woman once to try to be nice and give her a thrill for the day... she hit me with her purse.
 kevinmach
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 10
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:14:13 AM

When I try to wink the corner of my mouth goes up and I look like I had a stroke on one side of my face.


It's funny how silly this sounds to say-like how hard can it be to wink? But it's true, and I think it may have a part in why people don't do it much. If a woman does it right, I admit, it can be very sexy. But that's a big IF, and easier said than done. If it's done poorly, it looks a goofy and awkward, so I think people tend to avoid it.

I DO still do it, but really only after I say something in a teasing manner, to let someone know I was making a joke or goofing around. But I really don't do it much in a flirting/sexual context, probably cuz it seems a little 60s (Austin Powers) and because it doesn't look so cool when it's done wrong.
 Captain Incognito
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 11
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:17:44 AM
There's a book idea. "Winking for Dummies". Go over technique and methods. Proper etiquette and what situations are proper and excesses for muscle control. #1 bestseller material right there.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 12
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 12:18:44 PM
I have been known to wink, no idea if it looks good or not. My niece is an expert at it. It's really cute on her. I only have had guys wink in jest, you know with that cheesy "back atcha" thumb and forefinger shot.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 13
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 12:24:24 PM
Yes, let's blame the "feminists" for outting the idiots, instead of the idiots who are actually doing the stupid stuff.
 54online
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 14
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 4:29:00 PM
Hey blueskies . . . . .



(couldn't resist) . . .
 AdrianEsquire
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 15
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 5:55:51 PM
I'm all for it!

I'm all for it!

I'm all for it!

I'm all for it!
 Mr.Santiago
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 16
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 6:16:10 PM
I enjoy the wink... but I'm goofy which works for me. My guess is goofy women will repond favorably and the ones that don't, I wouldn't be interested in anyway.
 sugar*spice
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 17
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:18:43 PM
i think winks are the creepiest thing ever..big turn off.it either comes off as cheesey or creepy neither of which are good.maybe its and age thing though
 Fractalheart
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 18
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:46:47 PM
I live in Oklahoma, the whole South idea sounds nice... But women here are extremely picky here. A lot of Oklahoma is rural and I have noticed that rural mentality sets women/girls up for this lifestyle: Graduate Highschool, marry the cutest, easiest to control, have babies, get divorced, develop identity, find man, leave man, find another man, leave man, find another man, man leaves, find another man,leave man, find another man, marry man, divorce man, find man, leave man, and so on.

Anyone else notice this, I have noticed this in about 80% of the women I have spoken with over 23 in the last 4 years.

Winks are creepy.
 Sierra117
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 19
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:56:59 PM
Why are you so opposed to show a guy you're interested in him? Why does the guy have to risk everything? It doesn't hurt at all for a girl to give a guy a hint and let him know you're interested so he knows it's ok to approach you, etc.
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 20
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Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:21:02 PM
Well, I tell ya...I'm goin on 45, lived in the south most my life, and not ONE TIME has a guy ever winked at me except in the context of bein in on a joke we were playin on a pal. I always thought winks were cute, and a nice way for someone to let ya know they are interested...especially if you were shy like me. But I think it disappeared primarily because it isn't done so much in movies anymore...people tend to go with trends, some of those come from every day things, but alot come from how the media portrays them. When was the last time you saw a guy wink at a gal? Now, when was the last time you heard a line that really stuck with ya in a love scene? Chances are, you'll remember the latter before the former. Wish the wink would come back, it's cute and sexy as hell!
 vanillajoe
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 21
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:25:05 PM
I never thought about it until just now. I think I will be practicing the wink tonight.

Great rehashing of an old idea.
 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 22
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:27:45 PM
I would't take it as flirting. I can't speak for all of Toronto, but in my experience it's be used to indicate that one person is telling another that between them they're playing a trick on a third person. Could just be a practical joke. Could be something said with a serious face between adults to a kid when it's nonsense...stuff like that.

If a guy winked at 'me' from across the room - in a bar I'd never been to before, for example - and the rest of his body language didn't clearly indicate he was flirting; I'd hold on tight to my purse and turn around to see which dude behind me he was signalling.
 FrenchieMarie
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 23
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 9:17:52 PM
Because its creepy, and overdone lol
Sure way to get me laughing tho, but might be just me....
 Athulatha
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 24
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:25:55 PM

How close or how far apart should the two people be.based on chets answer, at least arm's length away.

Good news guys, If you do wink at a woman...its not as bad as talking to her first..but then watcha gonna do?

Hmmm...maybe it's more popular in the midwestern states than the south. I grew up in the Wisconsin, Minnesota, Dakota areas and I was winked at quite a bit.

Usually, it's not done as an "introduction" (as Match.com seems to think). It is usually more of a casual flirt when two people are passing by each other, but not a sign that you intend to pursue any sort of relationship......"you're cute" not "let's go out"

Like...if I am walking one way and he was coming from the other, it would just be a simple wink and a smile about 10 feet away (no pause in the step) ....about the same point in passing that you would say "hello" to a stranger that you are passing on the sidewalk.

Winking is probably not effective in any city or region that people don't normally greet strangers and smile while passing.
 garnet73
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 25
Why don't men wink anymore to show their interest?
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:47:58 PM
You know... I don't think I've ever winked. I sort of like to say what I mean and mean what I say. Winking? Buying you a drink? Do I have something in my eye? Do you look thirsty? Forget that.

Everyone knows the real deal is or and pheremones. What really matters here, is how I smell to you, and how you smell to me. So, from now on, when I meet a woman I think I might like to know better, I'm going to get her to hand me her panties, and then lock her face into my arm-pit. No room for misinterpretation there.
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