| female bullies?
Posted: 2/5/2008 5:48:10 PM | | What should a man do if he's harrassed by a female bully?...you know at work or school...etc;....should the guy take the high road and the "she's a harmless female" mind-set while he ignores her and she continues abusing him?....or should he curse like a sailor at her and maybe threaten her?..(to scare her) | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:58:40 PM | | I think he has other choices. Stand his ground gracefully. If that doesn't work, involve the next level. supervisors, open door, whatever. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:24:39 PM | "Harmless female?" I hate to be the one to have to break this to you, but there are some females out there who are a lot more harmful than most males are. (Just ask John Bobbitt...lol.)
I agree that you need to take this to the next level. If the harrassment is happening at work, there are laws against it. Take it to the HR department and let them deal with it. They will; they won't want to risk a harrassment suit being filed against the company if they do nothing. If it's at school, take it to the administration.
Ignoring her will only piss her off and cause her to step up the harrassment. Threatening her could cause even more problems for you...or ummm.."him." | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/5/2008 8:23:25 PM | return it with kindness.. I personally have a sharp tong and a quick wit, but when someone rubs me the wrong way my first reaction is to rip them up with a onslaught of either f bombs followed by the STFU's or a well Constructed comback of look at yourself. In my upbringing I had to be tuff but now in my older age comes wisdom..
They want you to react and they get a charge out of seeing they got your goat, don’t give them pleasure.. When they say the things like that.. smile and say. Yep your right your very perceptive are you like a Dr phil or something?.. And don’t say it in a smart a$$ manor.. it will defuse them.. or another one that has worked for me in the past was.. what makes you think your opinion of me means even the smallest difference to me? I’ve taken craps that meant more to me then your opinion.. in fact..... they even smell about the same.
They tend to put others down to elevate themselves, and to hide their own sort comings and insecurity’s
If there the verbal jousting types.. Just smile and act like they said something really stupid. Or act board. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:49:37 AM | | How exactly is she bullying you? Is she pushing you around and taking your lunch money, or is she just kind of a b!tch? Is she in a position that has official power over you? | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:00:33 AM | | Bullies, be they male or female, get a rush from their victim’s reaction. Your reaction is what gives her power over you. Walk away, ignore her, and don’t let her see a reaction. If it persists, as it was previously suggested, go talk with HR. There is no good reason to put up with such abusive behaviour. Who knows, perhaps someone else has made a similar complaint about this person and she might end up being put on probation or being fired for her bad conduct. I hope things work out for the best. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:10:16 AM |
or should he curse like a sailor at her and maybe threaten her?..(to scare her) Unless you don't care about your future AT ALL, do not attempt this at work, or anywhere near work, or anywhere within earshot of another human being. She can AND WILL, since she's a bully, use it against you in a court of law, or at your EEO manager's office. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:50:40 AM | Don't react emotionally, do make a record of every incident and do have a chat with your personnel department or equivalent, to find out where you stand. If it's a company of any size there should be something specific written into their policy on workplace harassment. In my experience, female bullies are worse than male because the psychological manipulation that they go for has a deeper impact. If you feel anxious about appearing weak or vulnerable in front of your managers, express your concerns in a general fashion, such as: "Sometimes certain people do this to other members of staff and I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with such a situation or on how the company would deal with the situation".
As a first step, I would advise having a quiet word with the bully and stating clearly and seriously that her behaviour bothers you and that you are requesting her to stop doing X, Y and Z and just making her aware that the things she's doing would be considered to be harassment and you will report any further incidents that occur. Sometimes, often, bullies are genuinely oblivious that their actions are hurtful: they say, "Well he never said it was bothering him...". | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:59:45 AM | ignore her, if that doesn't work, tell her to stop, quietly but very firmly, then tell her that if she doesn't stop you Will report her behaviour (either to the principle or manager or whoever's in charge)
i wouldn't overlook it and i wouldn't react emotionally to it either - bullies feed off reactions and emotions | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:51:28 AM | | Do you think a woman like that might have feelings for the guy and since she's immature and insecure she only knows how to communticate with him using hostility?.....or is that too far fetched? | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:11:47 AM | Log the harrassment daily, word for word abuse.
Make plan to display and submit log to manager.
Contact lawyer if only to relay info should management take her side.
Be prepared for the worst. These things are sticky, and usually makes a bad name for the whistle blower. Could limit future growth possibilities.
A friend of mine who worked a W@!! M@$t had the same issue. She reported it, and faced a world of company inpossed guilt and shame. She finally sued them. She is now of the capacity and has the luxury of attending school full time, and living free for quite some time on the suits compensation.
But be careful! It will be stressful and you will be thawarted by co-workers, and management for bring this to light.
You will be the bad guy for blowing the whistle. Companies do not like this kind of trouble. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:44:38 PM |
Do you think a woman like that might have feelings for the guy and since she's immature and insecure she only knows how to communticate with him using hostility?.....or is that too far fetched?
there's a difference between teasing and bullying - if she's got a different sense of humour than yours and thinks that by rubbing a balding spot on your head and saying "hi baldy" (no idea if you are balding or not, no idea if this is what she does or not - just an example) it's a funny/cute endearing thing to get you to notice her.. and to you it's making fun and bullying... then there *is* a Possibility that there's simply a confusion thing going on and by all means, talk to her about it and ask her why she does/says what she does/says...
as i said before, asking her to stop is a healthy thing (asking her why is an option)
but if she's just being unmistakably hostile then no, i don't think that she's trying to communicate to you through hostility because she likes you - i know that little boys might pull a girls pig-tails, but that usually ends by the time they're 7 or so... and if it *were* the case that she couldn't communicate except through being cruel, then that is certainly Not a healthy thing, at all, imo. | |
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Mulva
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 13 | |
| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:11:41 PM | You kill me, jimi77 
A customer tried bullying me over a dollar coupon - yes, there are bullies and then there are cheapskate bullies
I just looked at her and said I wasn't going to argue with her. That cut off all communication | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:06:19 PM | its a shame ... I know all things should be equal...but it bothers me greatly.
My girls get bullied at school by girl bullies...
My neighbours son is in grade 9 and he is bullied by girls in high school...there is a gang of girls who are known as the Mean Girls...and their daily routine is to pick on the quiet kids...and to be loud and obnoxious to the other kids.
btw.. I know the mother of the head mean girl...and yes...a chip of the old block...nothing to do with genetics either...the girl and her sister are both adopted...it is learned behaviour from what I have witnessed.... mothers superior attitude and very snobbish.....very spoiled attitude. I am very good friends with themothers family,..her brother in law and sister in law... I know her well.
it pisses me off so much...somehow the administrators feel that the boys should be able to confront them and to brave it out..to let it roll... I think it is wrong...these same bullies go out into the world and are the bullies that we deal with in post secondary...in work... it is wrong. They need to be disciplined early on and make an example of....told it needs to stop..there needs to be consequences... I have seen extremes to the bullying.....like suicide...kids dropping out of school. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:03:31 AM | Listen to rune3...document everthing. If you can, get a miniature tape recorder and quietly get a tape of her verbally bullying you, if you can. Get a laywer....and then approach the person who is over her head with your complaints. Show them the documented abuse, and let them hear the tape. Don't take this crap off anyone...male or female.
Just be prepared to back up your statements.
Never "threaten" anyone...bully or not. This will be used against you at some time or another...and not necessarily by the one you threatened. It is a two-edged sword that can cut you as easily as you intend it to cut others!
If it is a physical abuse....get the cops involved...even if it is your spouse, mother, whatever...this way it is documented that this person has violent tendancies. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:45:59 AM | Here is some information (Courtesy of Canada Workplace Council):
Determine the type and tactics of bully with whom you are dealing:
1.The Screaming Mimi: humiliates targets in public settings in order to control the emotional climate at work.
2. The Constant Critic: falsely accuses and undermines targets behind closed doors, attempting to control the target's self-identity.
3. The Two-Headed Snake is a duplicitous, passive-aggressive destroyer of reputations through rumour-mongering, controls target's reputation.
4. The Gatekeeper controls target via withholding resources (e.g. time, budget, autonomy, training) necessary to succeed.
Knowing the type of person you are dealing with can help determine how best to defend yourself. Often these bullies will recruit others to help. Males tend to favour using other management, while females recruit from the social network.
If you feel you are a target of bullying, some experts suggest this three-point plan:
1. Name it. Calling it bullying or psychological violence or harassment makes the problem external. Shame is reduced; healing can begin.
2. Take time off to accomplish these four tasks:
1. Check your physical health for stress-related complications
2. Get mental health counseling
3. Check for violations of employer policies and labour laws; and
4. Gather data showing the fiscal impact of bullying to the employers.
3. Present your business case and evidence to the highest ranking individual at the company or agency. Workplace bullies create a tremendous liability for the employer by causing stress-related health and safety problems and driving good employees out of the organization. Employee turnover and stress leave are costly.
Whether or not anti-bullying policies are required by law, they make good business sense. For example, the Australian state of Victoria estimates that in 2001-2002, businesses lost over $57 million due to workplace bullying.
Bullies poison their working environment with low morale, fear, anger, and depression. The employer pays for this in lost efficiency, absenteeism, high staff turnover, severance packages and law suits. In extreme cases, a violent incident may be the tragic outcome.
The target's family and friends also suffer the results of daily stress and eventual breakdown. Marriages suffer or are destroyed under the pressure of the target's anxiety and anger. Friendships cool because the bullied employee becomes obsessive about the situation.
Moreover, our health care system ends up repairing the damage: visits to the doctor for symptoms of stress, prescriptions for antidepressants, and long term counseling or psychiatric care. In this sense, we all pay.
Be very careful though, because taking the direct approach may result in undesired and unpredictable consequences.
If your safety is not restored, you may be forced to leave − but do not go silently shrouded in shame.
OP: I hope this helps. All the Best! | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:11:03 AM | | Same advice no matter what the sexes involved - do not retaliate, but don't let them get away with it. Report them, and document it. Good luck. | |
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| female bullies?
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:43:11 PM | | Thanks....everyone for the advice | |
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