| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:23:38 AM | | i don't understand this whole spark thing. I think it takes more than one date to find out if there are sparks unless the person repulses you then its safe to say its no go. But so many say there was no spark. What is a spark and how do you determine this spark? If 2 people get along on a first date and are attracted to each other but there is no spark, i think the spark thing is over rated lol. I know people who dated and said there was no spark and after a few dates there were sparks all over the place lol. So one date is a bit premature to say there is no spark. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:29:36 AM | To me spark is attraction, and in a first meeting you just know if you're attracted in that 10-30 minutes you're there. I think the people that have sparks eventually had a slight attraction in the first place, and it got better as they got to know each other. But if it ain't there in the beginning at all, it's never gonna be there.
No need to continue talking/dating if you don't feel it. Many times it's one sided (I assume you were interested and she wasn't), but that's the game of dating. Someday, it will be mutual, and you won't have to ask. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:36:53 AM | If being with that person ~
- makes you smile involuntarily.
- is hugworthy.
- makes your toes flex (that's a giveaway with me)
- causes time to zip away.
- just plain feels nice.
The 'spark' is NOT there if you ~
- are thinking more about having to drive back in heavy traffic.
- keep wanting to know what time it is.
- don't like making eye contact with that person.
- are uninspired to say more than a few words per response.
- can't imagine waking up next to that person .. EVER.
Remember that Smirnoff commercial?
"There's vodka, and then there's Smirnoff." ..
Two identical pictures, except that the Smirnoff scenery is in more vivid colour.
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:40:43 AM | | I think spark is the wrong word altogether, My friend at work decided that she knew someone who would suit me down to the ground and after 6mths of saying don't want to go on a blind date, to shut her up I went. As I aproach the guy I thought he was good looking and after speaking to him for no more than 5 mins found that I felt comfortable and that my tummy was doing flips, we chatted for over 6hrs which seamed like 2. At that point I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, (my soul mate)I was 31 and had been in relationships before but the feeling was totally different this time. We were engaged 5 weeks later | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:41:49 AM | | You can tell at the first date, but it does not always occur on the first date (nerves etc...some people act differently) With me it usually happens, if it happens, during subsequent dates as we really start to feel more comfortable with eachother.. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:52:44 AM | | by "sparks",I guess you mean physical attraction.....it has to be because that is the first and easiest part to recognize..emotional,mental,in other words,personality sparks,those things which make you feel comfortable or drawn to the other person,such as liking the same things,sharing common thoughts,ideas,lifestyle, don't come as quickly,and even may be "put on" or really just in your fantasy or desire to see people as compatible,and really aren't there...I don't deny that there can be charisma,attraction,that grows,and vice versa, those "sparks" can get a little dimmer too...the problem is when they start growing..lol....and become little fires...then you start seeing things in the other person that may or may not be there...and the charisma,attraction,has to be a two way street,...if it isn't then the spark just won't ignite...and yes,I believe it takes more than one meeting,but I think that you can tell whether or not he or she can light your fire by the first meeting...it's the "possibility" that intrigues us. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:24:57 AM | | I am not sure if sparks are physical attraction because I can be very attracted to someone but not feel like i want to get to know this person for what ever reason. Maybe a bad attitude, stuck up, sarcastic, arrogant, rude, too into themselves. I am talking about both acting like everything is cool and there seems to be a physical and mental attraction with kissing and affection and then the next day, get the sorry i didn't feel sparks letter. lol. Maybe I should being one of those little electric spark shockers on a date. Its so silly that sparks have to fly on the very first date. there is way too much emphasis on sparks. The person may have had a bad day or was nervous or not up to par. This is after many emails and phone calls with total interest on both parts. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:50:54 AM | OP writes:
am talking about both acting like everything is cool and there seems to be a physical and mental attraction with kissing and affection and then the next day, get the sorry i didn't feel sparks letter
Was this a first date with some sort of intimacy? If so, she just may have been using you for sex or just didn't like the way you kissed.
It could just be that after kissing you, she didn't feel the 'chemistry' that she wants to feel. I mean it could be like she was kissing her brother or something. Who wants that?
I like it when the first kiss rocks my world. I'm sure if you've experienced it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
Sorry to say it OP, but it sounds like you just didn't do it for her.
Better luck next time
HR | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:52:12 AM | There's only 2 things I look for:
1: I look for that sexual attraction-that I just want to rip his cloths off and do him right there....of course I don't...but I can imagine I am 
2: Then I check out the kiss. If his kiss wets my panties, he's in......Basically, its a simple as that! 
For those of you that know me through the forums, the above paragraph may not sound like my "moral guru/virgin mary/Puritanical" self. I guess no one can really see the whole person through a few posts.
HR | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:01:22 AM | Yeah the Kiss that never ends, The thought of being with someone and ripping each others clothes off all work!
The contemplation of seeing each other again!
Then of course there is the actual sparks that fly when metal touches skin that has been charged up with lots of actual electrical charge! I have actually shocked someone with touch before.
I am sure were not talking actual spark flying here.
I wonder if anyone has actually shocked someone during a love making session?
lol. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:14:00 AM | It can take more than one date.
To me sparks mean more than just what happens when you kiss. The sparks will be there in conversation, laughter and the wanting to go out together again. That makes the kissing sparks even better lol.
Some people think sparks are a physical thing while others think it's both mental and physical. Sparks/chemistry etc.
Also if someone doesn't know HOW to kiss = no sparks. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:14:03 AM | ive not kissed any one since start of last october.......the sparks flew for me but not for her............her loss .
i personally will find looking for a " spark " very difficult as i find trusting women very hard these days.
if a date got as far as kissing then my defensive wall comes up, just like if a woman showed any interest in me i would instantly be thinking " what is she after "..............lol | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:16:22 AM | It starts with physical attraction, if it's not mutual then it's going nowhere. If the conversation seems to flow naturally and you have a lot in common, and you enjoy the company, you might have a chance. But if the first kiss is a miss, you may as well go home. Some inexperienced guys kiss like school boys, others are just awful, and then there is the magic kiss. If you want to know what makes a good kiss, ask me! 
Pink | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:20:01 AM |
I am not sure if sparks are physical attraction because I can be very attracted to someone but not feel like i want to get to know this person for what ever reason. Maybe a bad attitude, stuck up, sarcastic, arrogant, rude, too into themselves.
You can feel a physical spark for someone and not want to date them. Attraction has nothing to do with whether or not they're any good for you.
I am talking about both acting like everything is cool and there seems to be a physical and mental attraction with kissing and affection and then the next day, get the sorry i didn't feel sparks letter. lol.
It's just someone being polite, usually.
Maybe I should being one of those little electric spark shockers on a date. Its so silly that sparks have to fly on the very first date. there is way too much emphasis on sparks. The person may have had a bad day or was nervous or not up to par.
That has nothing to do with attraction. That's not something you can control...either someone feels it or they don't. You can't change or throw it off. It just wasn't there.
This is after many emails and phone calls with total interest on both parts.
There's always interest and anticipation before you meet because you don't know anything yet. Meeting in person either confirms you're interested or not by your attraction and face to face conversation. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:43:37 AM |
i don't understand this whole spark thing. I think it takes more than one date to find out if there are sparks unless the person repulses you then its safe to say its no go.
I agree with you OP. There has to be at least a small bit of attraction though. I wouldnt expect to feel my heart pulsate etc, just an enjoyable day, find that person attractive to me, and decide at the end of the date that i would like to see that person again, thats enough for me to be going on with.
The best relationships i ever had were with someone i gradually got to know and trust.
I feel alot of people want that instant wham!! That's lust isnt it???? Are those sorts of people actually looking for a relationship whether they realise it or not? Either that or they just use the "no spark" thing as an excuse. Alot of people are looking for that someone that doesnt exist  | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:47:09 AM | "Sparks"simply ignite an interest .It isn't something one understands;it's something one feels.Makes one want to know more,and possibly get closer.Could lead to fire, and everyone gets hot.Be careful you don't get burnt,lol.
As for the woman who was all over you one night and distant the next,It's not deserving of the energy it takes to figure it out.This is her stuff;not yours.Could be a number of things.I,myself,have appeared interested in a man when, in fact, my heart was with someone else and I was trying to distract myself from thinking of him.Wish it worked...but it doesn't.Hope this helps.While I appreciate your position on "sparks"being over rated,it does present an attitude that women can most likely see through.Men tend to feel with their heads where women feel from their stomachs which can be more difficult to control.She may have sensed a reluctance in even a small(big to her,lol.) moment in your interaction...and acted on it the next day.Hard to say.On a lighter note,alcohol is usually to blame for the chemistry to begin with,lol.Could be as simple as that.Good luck. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:51:44 AM | just my point exactly.
iam reading here that some women would turn a guy down and not date him again just because his kissing is not what she thinks is perfect.
absolutely a typical response.......no wonder there is so much gender bashing.
i have been saying for ages that most women are far too fussy.
iam not shallow enough to turn a woman down especially if i liked her just because her kissing methods were not the same as mine....tut, tut. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:52:56 AM | Love doesn't find us and announce it with erotic trumpets. It isn't available from outside showing up as sparks. It's always inside us, waiting. It waits for us to be ready. It waits for us to see what's both good and bad in another person. We show love the path out from inside us. That can take time.
So I agree with the OP that sparks on the first date are over-rated.
Time: All of us take time to show who we really are. Time gives room for honesty and connection. If there is also compatibility and patience, then there is room for intimacy and even commitment.
"Sparks" are exciting and sudden. They might be real, or they might come from your dysfunction. A flame that burns suddenly and brightly can burn out quickly. You can't predict this.
Sparks can lead to silly decisions. I remember half-way through a dinner on one first date, with sparks, the woman demanded exclusivity from me: no chatting to other women -- or else be gone now! She made an inappropriate request driven by insecurity. I actually conceded, which was equally inappropriate.
I read here of many people who gave up on someone because there was no chemistry in the first meeting. But many long term relationships started with no initial chemistry. Instead, because two people had repeated contacts in a social group they met each other often. Gradually they learn about the other, begin to see their inner gifts. Weeks later, they look across at each other, and for the first time feel that "something". This is more real than first-date sparks.
Now, if on a first date you're repulsed, appalled, insulted, offended, or get the feeling you're being played -- well. That's different. A word of advice -- RUN! Otherwise, calm down and give it time. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:57:32 AM | Sparks are a combination of attraction and personal connection. Its easy to be attracted by someone and feel that primal lust for them. But feeling a personal connection is something entirely different. I think many people who find themselves in a date situation with someone they are attracted to fool themselves into thinking there are sparks happening. To me sparks are more than just attraction.
When I met my gf, we had exchanged several emails and a phone call already and were enjoying each other so far. But when we met there was definitely sparks as our good reparté carried over to the face to face meeting. We both were very attracted to one another and our conversation flowed easily as it had over email and the phone. That to me are real sparks.
I've had this feeling 3 times over my life and each time it was the same. Both physical and mental attraction. The other attractive women I've dated? No sparks, just an appreciation of a great looking woman. Some of the less attractive women I've dated? Great connection on a personal level but nothing else. Basically a friend. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 12:09:26 PM | It appears that most women are saying that there needs to be some physical attraction, not an enormous attraction. Then the spark can be heightened or snuffed out, by the conversation, attitude, manners, wit, ETC.
Is this an accurate translation?
From reading the men and women replies, most men think that spark comes from physical attraction and associate it more with lust then women.
BTW I concur AKA Joe. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 12:16:26 PM | ^^^Yes, that's about right. You can't turn someone on consciously if they're not attracted to you already, but you can snuff out an initial interest with stuff you say or do. By that same token you can add a good foundation to an initial attraction with common interests, a good personality, or by being a match in more ways than just the physical.
The "spark" to me, is a positive chemical/physical reaction I get being around someone. That will either happen when I say hello and start talking, or it never will.
I am sure some can feel sparks for someone they've known a long time, but with me it's either there or not. If there is attraction (lust, spark, whatever you want to call it), and you have half a brain, you can remain levelheaded and then look beyond that spark in the time that follows to see if there's anything substantial. Just because you feel a spark doesn't mean you're doomed to fail...just do your homework.
Or you can just say "let's get outta here" and hit a hotel. But IMO, spark CAN lead to something long term. The people who have had instant sparks and it didn't work out either didn't match in other areas and didn't take time to find out, or got physical too soon and allowed their libidos to make decisions for them. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/6/2008 12:19:36 PM | | sparks do not come from physical attraction. being physical attracted to someone is jsut a tiny part of it. the sparks fly due to feelings about each other. u meet him or her and think they are so wonderful and you feel very excited that u met them and cant wait to see them agian. thats a good sign there were sparks. | |
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