| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:51:40 AM | | I think that something gets lost in the virtual shuffle of emailing and talking on the phone to someone before you decide to meet them. You can talk yourself (or the other person) out of it before you get out of the gate. Without the benefit of any possible chemistry to motivate you, the perception is scewed. It may have been just luck or coincidence, but the best meeting I ever had was prefaced by 2 short emails and a couple of logistical txt mssgs...no phone calls, no email questionarie just "hey I like your profile lets have coffee". What do you think? | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:54:48 AM | I won't just meet someone for coffee after one e-mail. Although, you can click online and on the phone and have no chemistry when meeting.... I'd still rather talk to someone prior to meeting them.
I told someone I'd meet them prior to talking to them on the phone.... I'll NEVER do that again! | |
|
| |
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 1:58:06 PM | Great opening post, I agree completly... the emails and phone calls are just to fatten them up for the kill! Words mean very little until you have met for the first time in person.
3-5 emails and set up a meeting at a restaurant, it's as simple as that. | |
|
| |
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:38:37 PM | | I agree with you clover plucker. Meeting someplace "safe" for coffee or whatever you usually know if there is something you want to get involved with. I was chatting with a lady when she said why are we doing this it would be much easier to talk on the phone. | |
|
| |
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:54:47 PM | When I was dating I always preferred to meet someone sooner rather than later. Face to face is the only way to discover if a person is being honest about their appearance and if there is any chemistry or compatibility between you.
And besides… if you were to meet a person in the “real world”, say at the grocery store or a bookstore or whatever, and they asked you out for a cup of coffee or a drink, would you insist on going home and exchanging a half dozen emails or talking on the phone for a few days before you agreed to sit down and chat with them in person???
LH | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 5:05:11 PM | | To be fair I'm sure that some(particularly women)would find it risky. In my line of work I am acustom to meeting people I dont know and am somewhat conditioned to be cautious but not fearful. I would ask this though as a follow up question: if you meet someone at a club, or store or carwash and choose go out for coffee, what more do you know about them from a safety stand point than anyone you meet in here(aside from knowing youre attracted which brings us back to my original point)? | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 5:57:52 PM | | I read an interesting article recently that said dating online is better when you break it down into steps. And one thing it said was that when you email someone and they reply and want to meet as well, try and meet asap and see if there is anything there. If there is then take slow steps into a relationship and if not don't continue to see them thinking that something may spark later. You can usually tell after one meeting if that person is someone you could see yourself with. Although I've known people who's worst mannerism's and such didn't surface until a few meetings later. Like I'll give an example of this theory. A few weeks back I met a guy online(not this site) and we immediately clicked. Now he has some health issues, but I'm into reading up on it and staying informed because there is something there even though right now it's just friendship. However the other night I went on a first date/meeting with a guy from here and even though we'd chatted breifly before we met and such, after meeting him I could immediately tell that he wouldn't be someone I would date. He just said things and it made me uncomfortable. Personally I like to know a bit about the person before meeting but I don't want their life story though. Then it leaves you with nothing to talk about when you do meet them. | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:44:23 PM | | I have even been surprised that in many cases the best dates and the ones that have led to actual relationships were when I met someone without a photo, a few emails and the only phone call being to let them know I was in front of the chosen meeting place. It just seems that the longer you wait the more chance of “false” expectation or perception developing. | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:00:22 PM | I'm with you. I don't understand the women who needs to e-mail someone for months and "get to know him" before meeting. Before the internet you got to know someone in real life, now it should be done online?
Many women's justifications to wanting to do this is that they want to feel comfortable and so on but I can't wrap my head around that.
I rather meet a person to see if I feel comfortable in his prescense or not. I find extensive e-mailing and phone calls are a waste of time that usually doesn't lead up to anything but expectations and then the meet might not happen anyway.
We all see things different. Some women are so afraid of meeting what's so fondly referred to as the catch-all phrase "phsyco" that they need to ensure themselves that the person is harmless. They think the way of doing so is by dodging seeing them for months and only communicate vial mail and phone. I say that's not reassurance, it could be the other way around.
Numerous phone calls is beyond me. I cannot waste that much time on a person I'm probably won't even meet.
I think if you have established basic interest in each other, meet and get it over with.
I think too much caution holds people back. I mean, how bad can it be? I've never run across a "pshyco". I just run across flakes but they have been pretty normal flakes.
Also, if a person is a flake or pshyco, don't you want to find out asap? | |
|
| Internet...anything...vs Blind Dates (1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:25:11 PM | I think we've all met *someone* who buys/sells a plethora of stuff online--books, travel, cars, clothes, shoes--new/used--things that we would deliberately avoid buying without seeing in person before deciding. The bulk/mass big-box and convenience stores also abound. There are also individuals who prefer to make certain purchases--eyeglasses, prescription drugs, automobiles--from a reputable source rather than a discount outlet. Or those who buy premium gasoline from a full service station, those who buy the cheapest at the Go-Buy corner 7-11.
I don't think POF represents a clear cross-section of the dating world, but it certainly has a broad array of personality types, styles, and expectations. some folks are in fact just fishing for *any*thing...or for *some*thing, but often are not going about their quest with much more than "what I want" rather than "what can we learn about each other while having fun." Some are fishing, some are hunting, some are going in for a kill; rarely for merely social or friendship intentions. More likely, we want that turn-key ready-to-move-in model that doesn't need repairs.
I just think people are not commodities or acreage. Granted, I want to go out and have fun, but my fun might be someone else's grief (or vice versa), so even a first date can be a...ah...nice environment, wrong personality. Some ads that I find clever may belong to someone who doesn't care for my style--some posters are so terse that it's impossible to generate friendly repartee.
So, if an ad is intersting and one or two emails prove to be enjoyable, deciding to meet is a definite option--sooner rather than later. However. We all bring expectations. And I think THOSE are important to articulate--which can offend someone who's just being friendly.
Here's an example. Talk on the phone was nice. Meeting, the conversation was about--going away for weekend getaways. Not here, not with complete and utter strangers, unless we're going to a fabulous convention that both of us have been yearning to attend. The likelihood of me taking a weekend trip to Hawaii or the Baja with anyone--even a family member--is very slim. So the guy is disappointed and relays the past trips he took with the secretary at work, and someone else he met on POF.
Can any woman out there say that they're ATTRACTED to guy who appears to be planning serial vacations with a long string of pearls and wants you to be among them? Um. I'm looking for something that will last longer than a vacation. End of date, end of potential for friendship. But I think a lot of men think "hey, that's OK." So there's a basic flaw here. What if I told him about my last 5 trips with differnt guys on weekend getaways? Yet, this didn't come up in their ad, nor in their phong conversation. But the repartee dies pretty fast--because that was The Plan. Ain't that a pathetic "dating" scenario? I try to flush out this kind of single-mindedness before meeting anyone. | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:15:29 PM | | I personally want to exchage some emails before agreeing to meet face to face, only because I want to get a gist of their personalities and have some topics to discuss when we meet.....I dislike ackward silences! So emails back and forth and then face to face....forget the phone deal. Exchanging of #s is just to call to confirm the meeting, needing directions, etc. | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:27:38 AM | All your comments are valid. I have to say again that I may infact have just gotten lucky. We immediately clicked and had a great time, but it could easily have gone the other way. I still think that there is something to be said for getting out of the house away from the laptop and just living. This process can be nerve racking. I think I found it easier to meet this guy without having much expectation because I had done it 5-6 times. So when I saw him(even from behind ) and got that tightening in my chest it was just all that much more exciting. When we finished grinning at each other and started really talking I was in full flirt mode. This was not the same way I would be talking to someone on the phone who I hadnt met. Im just saying that if you pre-screen too much the mesh may be so fine that you'll miss out. Case in point: I met a guy back in December who is a friend now. He told me that he was at a club and saw a woman there who was checking him out and flirting from across the room who he recognised from this site and had replied to his mssgs by saying she didnt think he was someone she would be into. | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:37:00 AM | Yeah, I got engaged to a guy I had met through phone line dating. The whole online thing makes things worse, THAT'S why I like to go to the events - it's more real world..... Wish more guys in my age range would go out to the events! It's not a date, it's not a meet - it's like a friend having a party where you meet new people. Friendships and relationships have been made from these events.
Before online dating, we saw no profile about anyone. We saw them at a party, at a bar, at school and liked what we saw IN PERSON.
So many people look sooo much better in person. Plus their personality and positive vibes can be felt IN PERSON.
Met a guy in a club, we danced, talked and exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and we went out that very day. THAT never happens online - but it does happen at the events (IN PERSON). | |
|
| |
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:36:19 PM | I remember when I first started meeting people online, I felt I needed to get to know them before I met them...but many dissapointments later I realized the faster we meet the better.
of course there has to be some kind of interest in the first place before meeting. I won't meet just anybody that wants to...but its a lot easier to end contact with someone you hardly know than someone you been talking to.
Less hurt feelings | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:52:51 PM | | Im a little gun shy after chatting a few times, swapping head shots, and then chatting on the phone. I ended up on a date with large size women who was telling me she was athletic, boy did she sure fooled me. | |
|
| |
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/17/2008 10:10:14 AM | | Dating online can become boring if you don't meet soon enough to feel the spark. I tend to get interested in a person's laugh, mannerisms, body language etc... easier than their potentially cut/paste conversations. I would rather exchange a few emails then meet in person it really gives you a sense of who someone is, alot more than how they type and if their grammar is good or not. | |
|
| Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 2/17/2008 11:00:51 AM | Well for me, I'm very shy, so I need to get to know them awhile online, then on the phone, that way I get to know him well and see how he is. then when we meet, we have things to talk about rather than a blank slate. When someone wants to meet up immediately, it tells me they have no patience to wait, and they want to do a lot of fishing at that time being. That's great, but it doesn't work for me. I've tried it, and I end up being gun shy and really quiet. very awkward moments.
So to each their own! | |
|
Home
login 
