| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:42:23 AM | Ok I guess this is going to kind of be a little rant, But I have a read alot in profiles and in the forums that people are just to busy to date. What i gather from reading peoples profiles that these single busy people dont understand that if you dont invest any time with getting to know some one, then you will never find some one.
So if you are so busy then why even try to date?, I have meet alot of busy women that are trying to date and it never seems to work. I do understand that single parents dont have alot time and that the kids come first, thats not what I have a problem with. It thats everything in there live comes first and if they have some time in the next month that they will try and get to know you. Ok i am going a little over broad but you get my point.
Ok well I had to do a little ranting, i feel better now | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:57:11 AM | | Glad u feel better! I totally know what you mean... and it's a lot more fun to date someone that has time to actually date! To not feel like ur on a back burner! | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:06:35 AM | | you bring up a good topic and subject as I see no reason people should be dating when they don't even have enough time for themselves but they do... I've met women who want to "upgrade" into a better house with a better man. The problem is none of the women are worth it so far... | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:00:49 AM | | LOL......I have run into this myself. I think that when they find somebody they REALLY want to date, they will suddenly find the time. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:25:46 AM | | I totally agree but I think you find out pretty early on if they have time in your life by how much time they are willing to spend even chatting to you. If it's not enough for you move on to the next quick before the sparks start to fly and your stuck liking someone and left wanting. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:28:04 AM | | Good topic OP. I am experiencing that right now. Makes you wonder .........if it takes a whole month before they can squeeze you in for just a first date.........how on earth will a relationship ever happen. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:36:17 AM | I hear you..... I have been guilty of that, but I say it upfront in my profile.... I like to see what I have in my net before looking at anyone else.
Also, if I am chatting and talking over the phone to a local guy and we do not have definite plans to meet within a month, I have no time to wait or to play games.
If they are from out of town, I give them more time than a month, but not more than two.
And if they are from another country I do not press it..... but I do not allow the chatting to become so frequent that it becomes everyday obsessive. I figure if I fall in love before they get here it wasn't meant to be.
~Tina~
I am with PainterPaul.... if the desire is there , they will find the time. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:06:29 AM | Maybe it's all the questions you feel the need to ask... ( how many threads do you need at once?)
Maybe it's there way of dumping you in a nice way?
That could be it! You sucked the same way on every date, so their excuses where all the same!
~Belly~ | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:13:55 AM | Painterpaul (Msg: 4) wrote:
> LOL......I have run into this myself. I think that when they find
> somebody they REALLY want to date, they will suddenly find the time.
A very good observation: folks who seeming don't have enough time to
date will find the time for somebody they REALLY want to date.
And why? Because in spite of all our complaints about not having enough
time for this or that, we always seem to have time for our priorities.
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:29:00 AM | Since I am trying to take care of 2 elderly parents, I'm definitely one of those you are complaining about (tho if Nachogirlfriend lived closer, I'd make the time ) :)
It does suck when someone is busy w/ nonsense, I know what you mean. BUT, that means two things:
1) they don't see you as important, so the relationship wouldn't go beyond sex--and that is what you are looking for, right?
or
2) they are so wrapped up in themselves they don't see anything outside of themselves as important, which means you won't get a healthy relationship--and that's what you are looking for, right?
Either way, yes it sucks, but it just means they are not good enough relationship material...better to find this out now before you make any further investment, right? | |
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courtx
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:29:57 AM | I went out with a girl once. she was in final year of college (18). she was doing alot of courses which are apparently really hard and we were going out. and i only saw her once a fortnight at most. in the end she dumped me because she felt really bad that she didnt have time yet she loved me? Its not like i expected her to take whole days seeing me i'd of been happy seeing her for a few hours a week. but no. apparently she coudlnt' even free up an hour during the week.
I honestly think she was genuine and nothing was going on behind my back, I think some people just can't manage their time. And people like that will probably end up very successful in their 40's but still be single while others around them will have found someone and be very happy. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:31:43 AM | HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE SAYING, "SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"? BELIEVE ME, IF A WOMAN IS REALLY INTO YOU, SHE'LL MAKE THE TIME. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH SHE WORKS, OR HOW MANY KIDS SHE HAS, SHE WILL FIND A WAY TO SEE YOU. OTHERWISE, MOVE ON!!!! YOU ARE WASTING TIME ON SOMEONE WHO IN THE END IS GOING TO LET YOU DOWN.
SAME APPLIES FOR MEN. I JUST DANCED THAT DANCE WITH A GUY WHO CAME ON LIKE GANG BUSTERS. THAT IS UNTIL HE FOUND OUT HE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION, DO SOME OF THE CALLING, GET OFF HIS ASS AND DO THE WORK OF GETTING TO KNOW ME BEFORE SEX.
TOO BAD, I WOULD HAVE ROCKED HIS WORLD. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:05:18 AM | | Respect is a two way street. If someone doesn't have time for me, I don't have time for them. If, they do have the time, I will make the effort. Its that simple. What crawls up my arse is someone that sends numerous emails w/out possibility of a date. I stop responding and they can figure it out. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:26:09 AM | | This thread is a repeat...but aren't they all. The last two women I have dated ended because they were too busy. They want a relationship, but just can't make it a priority. And that what it comes down to. Must of us are very busy, but if you want someone in your life you have to make that person a priority. They have to be understanding too of your situation. But meet half-way on things. The were sweet enough to talk about it and I am friends with both still, but not dating. I don't see the reason to be out looking when you don't have time for someone. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:30:09 AM | Somehow time becomes available for dating when the right person shows up. I was very busy for months before I met some potential candidate. No time for this and that and dating seems only another time robbing activity.
Then the right person became know and I did find time for her...over and over again.
Doc Sage  | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 6:44:59 AM | Yeah, I get a kick out of people...they make it so und like they work 24/7, I can kind of understand if they have kids...but with no kids..there's no real excuse
Why work more hours than you have to?
I say, "IF you dont have the time, you MAKE the time!!" | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:31:03 AM | Some folk are just plain busy. Especially single Mums with teenagers in my experience!
I dated one lady who had very limited time due to work, kids and study. We spent qulity time together weekly or two weekly. It worked largely because we talked, I knew she made time when she could and I had flexibility to fit round her schedule.
You've got it right that as a Mother, her kids always had first call. I accepted that - Of course it helped when the kids accepted me as a substitute taxi driver occasionally! :-)
We are still good friends and manage to meet up every few months! Doesn't make us less good friends when we do snatch time for a catch up.
I live a busy life too - not just work. I have an active social life outside dating. I make time for dating if it fits for both but also accept that a relationship can fit around a busy schedule if both parties want it to work.
For someone who is genuinely busy it can be the only option. They need to be honest and find someone who can accept that | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:36:21 AM | | If something or someone is important enough to be in your life, you can find the time! Priorities is the question! | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:47:20 AM | Too busy???
I have to agree with some of the comments on here-if you meet someone you are really into, you will find the time to get to know that person.
I speak from experience. I am a single mom, a full time university student in my 3rd year, AND I put in 30+ hours a week at my job.
I have my priorities in order, kidlet always comes first, but when I am in a relationship with someone, I make the effort to get to know that person/spend time with him.
I have never back-burnered the things that are important to me OR someone I am dating. We are all busy people, I really think that if you can't make time in your life for your SO, than you really do not want to get to know that person. If someone is worth the effort, you find a way, and if it turns out that person was not worth the effort, then hopefully you find out sooner rather than later.
Or, maybe I am just too hopped up on energy drinks, lol. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:47:21 AM | Vitamix, good thing you have a pic of your house to dangle in front of those that wish to upgrade. Perhaps your bait is drawing those to you that wish to buy up.
Paul I think has hit it correctly because I am probably one of those people that doesn't have time to date if the guy is not flexible. With kids, their activities, other responsibilities and my business, I cannot always plan my time so that there is X amount of time before 10 p.m. on weekdays. I dated someone with similar issues but part of the problem was that when he could and was up anyway, he would not meet for a late bit to eat or just sit and have coffee and spend time together (there was a 50 mile distance so I proposed meeting somewhere halfway in-between).
But as the OP mentioned, I will also not put friends and other people, virtually everything in my life, first so that anyone I date will feel on the back burner. Many of us are trying to destress our lives and create more time for ourselves which will include greater ability to date. On the other hand, my kids are older so the weekends at least in the evenings are usually not a problem. I can also often do lunch because in some ways my schedule is flexible, not a typical 9-5 job.
If one of these guys or gals meets someone that is of real quality and wind up losing them as a consequence of scheduling problems, they will likely reprioritize their lives. People should also consider whether the situation is temporary. Sometimes activities and obligations all hit at once. You know, you don't have an invitation to anything for six months and suddenly there are weddings, parties and other things that come up all on the same day.
Maybe if you give someone a chance they will see that you are worth it, appreciate you hanging in, and really make the effort to make room for you. Wild Wallaby also has a good point. If I know someone well enough to have them around my kids it can free up a substantial amount of time if they are willing to put on the taxi driver hat occasionally, and is a really endearing thing to do when you feel like you are trying to run in six different directions. Sometimes the other person can do things to help free up time for the person they want to spend it with. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:58:12 AM | I have learned the hard way, that if someone tells you that they have just been too busy to get together or even make a phone call....its a RED FLAG! If they don't disappoint you right away....wait for it...they will.
Like others have said on this topic, if you are important to someone they will make the time. I have it in my profile, that you must be willing to make TIME for me.....that I won't just be a convenience. Its a matter of respect and caring.
Sometimes the "writing on the wall" can be subtle......rejection comes in many forms. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:03:58 AM | Yeah, I get a kick out of people...they make it so und like they work 24/7, I can kind of understand if they have kids...but with no kids..there's no real excuse
Why work more hours than you have to?"
I have no children, but my schedule is insane. I'm in my final year of college, work full time and do freelance work on the side to help pay for books and supplies. Financial aid barely covers anything school-wise, so I have to work extra to pay for school. I work more hours now to benefit myself in the future.
I try to make the time, but just because I'm not available all that much, does that really mean I should stop looking?
Edited to add: My schedule will also be getting much better after graduation, so it's not like this will last forever.
OP - I understand why this annoys you, but please, don't overlook someone just because they have a busy schedule. We're hard workers after all. We might be worth the wait. You never know. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:06:17 AM | | I do find this somewhat annoying. I think if you want to see someone you make the time, or if that is not possible over a couple of weeks that you keep the lines of communication open so they know you are in their thoughts. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:12:59 AM | I will pass on a woman that puts everything before me. My ex started doing that right before our wedding and you can see where that got me.
I have contacted some women on dating sites before and get a reply back that they are to busy to date. Makes you wonder why they are on a dating site. Also if they are that busy, how do some of them find time to be in the forums. | |
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| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:36:37 AM | Wow, I just went through this recently with a guy.
He works from home and is constantly working. I mean on the computer 24/7. We have been on YIM at midnight and he would suddenly ignore me and when asked he would say he is still working (yeah right, I was born at night but not LAST NIGHT!)
Although he said he wanted to develop a relationship with me, his actions spoke a much louder story.
When I called him on it once, I said if he really wanted a relationship he would make more time, he got very defensive and said I was being insecure and demanding.
OMG, I had to laugh at that one.
Needless to say I told him this was not going to work out and moved on.
I think some people use work/busy schedule as an excuse or alibi for they are players and have to say they are doing something else when in reality they are seeing other people.
If that's what you want to do that's fine just be honest about it.
TC
Deb | |
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