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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:56:25 PM | | We have all been through the horror dates. Yet we all know our own faults. Our own secrets, that only a few very close people know. Relationships are suposed to be give and take, and accepting the other person, as they are. If we did that, we wouldnt all be single, still. I'm wondering, 'what is your bargaining tool'?. What will you give for what? What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you? Please dont reply to this on a whim. And to some of the more "argumentative" types on this site, its just an opinion, not life or death. What flaws can you accept, or not accept, from someone else, and what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself? Please, dont only answer this halfway. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:11:02 PM | | The Buddhist believes that you should welcome the bad times, so that you can recognize and appreciate the good times. So then, should you welcome a compromise; so that you are more appreciative when a compromise is made on your behalf? | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:04:30 PM | OP, I don't think there is an answer to your question. I have put up with things, even thought they were cute, in one guy that I never would have in another.
I have been with men who I thought had everything I wanted, and they proved me wrong with one word. I've been with others who did not seem at first to be my type, but with whom I had really great times.
There are things I will compromise, but not many anymore. I also expect less compromise from a man as I get older.
I know for sure there are certain issues upon which I will never, ever compromise and there are others that I might or might not, depending upon the level of attraction I have for him and the level I feel back from him.
And that all goes back to my first sentence. It depends on that certain indefinable something that makes me think this relationship might be worth some effort and might require some compromise. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:31:39 PM | | I would compromise on some things if he had other things I like that I feel are worth keeping him for. I have an ideal image of the perfect guy for me, but I know that I have to compromise if I want to be with someone. Sometimes you may find qualities in others that you never pictured your ideal guy having and you decide that maybe there are many ideals you can have. Different ideals. Give yourself a break and a chance to be happy, even if the person is different because different can be good and a learning tool. Ideally, I would like someone with the same interests as me, but I would give it up if we were compatible in other areas. Ideally I want a guy that is older and wiser, but I would settle for someone that can grow with me. I want others to accept that I must be in control of myself and that I will not give that up for anyone. I need them to accept that I am smart, assertive, confrontational, and that I argue to win or compromise. I will not accept an addict, abuser, or controller. I will not accept someone that I am not attracted to sexually. I would accept so many things for the right person. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:33:12 PM | What flaws can you accept, or not accept, from someone else, and what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself? Please, dont only answer this halfway.
I can accept your poorly worded post, when you accept my answer ... and damn well like it.
vvv Sounds like your expecting us to give specifics to those things that (for the most part) have yet to be discovered.
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:58:27 PM |
That's nice, but it still doesnt answer the question.
Seems to me, there are more than ONE question. Maybe you could dedicate a thread to each question, or get to the point and figure out what you really want to know.
Too much gibberish is distracting.
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:04:50 AM | albino :::::::::
That's nice, but it still doesnt answer the question.
{{{{{{{Seems to me, there are more than ONE question. Maybe you could dedicate a thread to each question, or get to the point and figure out what you really want to know.
Too much gibberish is distracting.))))))))))
That is English, is case you werent sure. Dont be one of the jerks that take over the thread. I was just wanting some honest feedback. If you dont have it, please go on to the next thread. Your put downs are really not needed or wanted here. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:11:13 AM |
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Your thread title has two questions, and two ideas.
Your intial post has a dozen(or so) questions, each is a different topic, and most are already covered in other threads.
I will never compromise my values, and anything else is negotiable.
And that probably doesn't answer your perceived question either.
Your put downs are really not needed or wanted here.
Quote the put down ! | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:26:17 AM | A difficult question to answer my dear forum101..
I will accept almost any number of "faults" ( as I gather that is what you are fishing for) but I do have some that I will not. I have secrets that will not be shared here, or anywhere, other than the confines of a bedroom free of recording equipment. And they will be shared with an understanding that the same will be returned in kind. I will give up my sport and sports industry job, for the right person if she thinks that it is too dangerous... That's what I'll give up, but the cost for that is the love of a soulmate ( and sex in the mornings please). | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:29:47 AM | Now see I think I can answer this. Perhaps because of being in the divorce process and also in the process of wanting to date again think about who and what I am looking for.
What I must have in someone in order to date them:
1. Basic attraction - I know that chemistry is not always immediate. BUT...I need to feel some basic level of attraction, some sort of chemistry, otherwise it'll feel like a friendship and I don't date or kiss friends.
2. RESPECT - this is something that died in my marriage and that is why I know it's important. I have to feel and be respected by the other person. Respect - viewed as worthy is about the best way I can express it.
3. Decency/courtesy - Another intangible. But, common courtesy must be there. A decent person - who treats others well, isn't rude to waitstaff, or their kids, etc.
What I am flexible on:
Most everything else. Age, appearance, interests, personality, religion, etc. Obviously there are limits. I have limits on age, but am open to a range. There are a few religions that would be dealbreakers for me, but again open to most, including no religion at all. All that kind of stuff makes a person interesting, colorful. I am not seeking a clone, but companionship. And quite frankly, I obviously didn't do a good job the first time around or it wouldn't have ended in divorcing. So how the heck do I know what I want? LOL
I think that when I have met someone I want to date, there is a feeling of "rightness"...a comfort level already present. But at the same time, of course, the butterflies in the tummy, the excitement and anticipation. I guess that's partly attraction/chemistry and partly compatibility. But how to define compatibility? Impossible. I think most of us are multi-faceted that we can "match" with people in a million different ways...some will work out better than others, but I don't think we always know in the beginning what they are.
Kaylie  | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:43:15 AM | I have yet to go through a horror date, although I have been through a few in my life that did not work out.
I think perhaps the trouble you're perceiving in getting an answer lies in the fact that each case is unique.
I can tell you some things I cannot accept: addiction, abuse, financial irresponsibility, lack of loyalty, rudeness, someone I am not sexually attracted to, overwhelming immaturity, lack of a sense of humor.
Pretty much anything else depends on degree.
I'm not sure what someone would need to overlook in me...that depends on THEIR list. A lot of women won't accept a bald guy. I am not short, but I'm also not tall.
The rest, I think, is a voyage of discovery for every individual relationship. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:53:10 AM |
We have all been through the horror dates.
Another example of why folks might want to 'speak For ThemSelves'.
I have Not been through 'Horror Dates'. Not a one. Sure, i have been on dates , that are better / not as good as others. No 'Horror Dates' to speak of though.
. Yet we all know our own faults. Our own secrets, that only a few very close people know
Secrets? Yes, i figure that folks Do know their Own 'secrets'. Faults though? Seems to me, that there are plenty of folks UnAware of Their faults. no? yah?
Personally? I believe that I am Fully Aware of My Many faults - All of them. However, if '3rd parties' were surveyed for input? The consensus Could *skew* that statement of what i Truly Believe to be Fact.
Relationships are suposed to be give and take, and accepting the other person, as they are.
Oh, so is this topic/inquiry in reference to 'Dates' , or ... 'Relationships'?
Because... i do think that the 'response,feelings,commentary' would vary - quite vastly, depending on which one of the 2 it IS. Personally , I would have a Drastically different response.
EX : There are Definitely 'things' , that one might 'deal with' , accept / not accept in a Relationship , that ... would probably ('hopefully'?) Not even 'come up' on a date - even within a 'few' dates? Personally, ...'''''' ^^^
If we did that, we wouldnt all be single, still.
Uh, *oops* ... Again, one of those 'speak for self thangs'. There are just Far Too many reasons , of Far Too many Differing varieties , that folks are single - to make such a sweeping statement. no? yah? Personally, I AM single because i Choose to Be. I am NOT single because i have not / could not , or Won't / Can Not accept people (others, or MySelf) for who they are - faults , all.
I'm wondering, 'what is your bargaining tool'?. What will you give for what? What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you? Please dont reply to this on a whim.
Think ^ makes the absence of 'whim' fairly clear. Personally , i don't feel very fondly of 'bargaining' - in ~Matters of zee Heart~. I lean more towards items/things of material content , when i think of 'bargaining'. Or, brings to mind ... some sorta 'Hostage situation'.
And to some of the more "argumentative" types on this site, its just an opinion, not life or death. What flaws can you accept, or not accept, from someone else, and what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself? Please, dont only answer this halfway.
No 'argument' to be had (for me, Personally). I simply Accept those that i ~LOVE~
Fully , completely , for Who they ARE , can only 'hope' , that they afford me the same.
Of Course there are 'things' , that I can Not accept. There are 'things' , that others can Not accept. I wouldn't think of those 'things' as ... Flaws. The 'things' , that are UnAcceptable? Are 'things' , that would prevent Me from even being IN a relationship/Love in the 'First Place'.
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:59:59 AM | Damn. That's a whole lot of question.
Things I won't tolerate: Well apart from slovenliness, which I despise, and assuming that we are "compatible" in the important ways... the main thing that I can't tolerate is bigotry.
Things that have to be tolerated in me: ha ha ha. I'm sure there's a bundle... most of which are somehow caused by insecurities. We all have those....right? (*she asks, insecurely*) | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:08:01 AM | Forgot to answer my faults.
1.Well, first one: DUH...my memory! I can't help it, but I have an awful memory. I write things down and whatnot, but just general little details of things slip my mind.
2.Um...I'm very opinionated and that bothers some ppl. Drives my mom nuts, I know that.
3 .I have a very messy car.
4.I am no longer planning to procreate. LOL My childbearing days are over and since I"m only 35, well, that matters to a lot of guys in my dating age range.
5. I talk *a lot*...just like I write. I can jump from subject to subject as my mind makes connections. And I like to analyze things, talk them thru, figure things out.
6. Oh, and the weirdest fault I have is that I will say the wrong word sometimes. Like I'll call a door a "boat". It's usually when my mind is crowded, like I'm doing 2 things at a time, or I'm distracted and someone asks me a question. It just happens, I can't control it. And I don't do it often. But boy is it embarassing!
7. Lastly, I tend to run late...I'm always late. I try not to be, but, well, it happens often.
They are faults...things I don't expect will change anytime soon. Seems I have more faults than expectations in others. LOL I have more faults than that, of course, just as my stbx. But that's enough to share publicly!
K
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:20:00 AM | | I will compromise a little on looks, a year or two on age, and some on income and/or potential income. I will make efforts to adapt to his interests if different from my own. I want to feel a connection and be compatible in ideas and plans for the future. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:35:51 AM | I think people are having problems answering your question because they would need to have a particular individual in mind to ascertain what they would trade for some qualities.
My X was a mean person, period, so anyone who exhibits this more than very occasionally (anyone can be in a bad mood and be snotty or harsh) is someone I will not allow into my life. Now, will I be happy with the nice guy if he chooses to spend ALL of his free time on the golf links (or on some other hobby or interest) instead of with me, or if he likes weird crap on t.v. that I don't watch but will watch things with me that I like, I am probably willing to keep guy two but golfing guy has probably got to go.
This question is uber hypothetical and I think the only good answer you will get are things that are absolute deal breakers, things that people will not live with no matter the number of good qualities of an SO and the irritating things about themselves of which people are aware.
On the other hand, when you are embarking on a relationship, this is not a bad conversation, to find out what you need or want, what are deal breakers, and what is negotiable. If you are with the wrong person, even the most innocuous behavior can drive you crazy. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:38:36 AM | R u an ndn?What do u have to barter with or trade off?meet them at the stump and get to trading........I won't compromise my self-respect and I won't trade off my morals and intergrity.I won't ask someone else to do it either! | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:01:56 AM | Re the Opost:
"We have all been through the horror dates."
Horor is a tad exaggarated a term, IMO.
"Yet we all know our own faults."
Hm, self awareness, some are closer to that, some not.
"Our own secrets, that only a few very close people know."
Not sure what is meant here.
"Relationships are supposed to be give and take, and accepting the other person, as they are."
The optimum I guess is to give what one likes or has a skill or "competence" in giving and to receive what he/she needs, wants or appreciates. When that is not so, simply giving and receiving does not "do the job" (1).
"If we did that, we wouldnt all be single, still."
a) Assuming we do not want to be single
b) See (1), above.
"I'm wondering, 'what is your bargaining tool'?. What will you give for what?"
My full attention to the woman, an intellectual and emotional bond, humor, good natured fun, in general (zest and joie de vivre/of life), passion, creativity. For what? For the same.
"What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you?"
I will not accept emotional manipulation, mind games, and the like, I expect straight thiking and straight talking and I offer the same, and I expect to be accepted AND appreciated.
"What flaws can you accept, or not accept, from someone else, and what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself?"
Cannot accept: Emotional manipulation, drama, beatching, narrow mindedness, inhumanity/cruelty (to others), hidden agendae, obsession re commitment, clingyness, absence of logical thinking, being hyper, lack of self and world awareness (parochialism), intra-rel competition, do-all-know-all mentalities.
Can accept: Difference of opinion, individuality
I will not compromise on the "cannot accept" items listed above. I most of other areas, I am willing to entertain compromises. The same apply for what I offer and want "tolerated". | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:43:45 AM | | well if u truely love the person u will accept them for how they are. and if they truely love you they will accept u for how u are. end of story. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:10:49 AM | What flaws can you accept, or not accept, from someone else, and what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself?
At the beginning of any relationship beyond the first date the other person always looks flawless. After the first year is when you start to notice the little quirks that annoy you. If they did not annoy you they would not be called flaws. The other problem is that I normally do not see my own flaws. The only way for me to notice any flaws in my personality would be for someone to point it out. However, I would only put faith in to those that have known me for a long time. | |
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