| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:03:19 PM | I never thought I'd ask this, but having read a few entries in the Profile Review section, it seems that women who receive a large quantity of e-mail are either extremely photogenic or extremely near-naked.
I am neither, but I sure do receive a lot of mail here, and yes, 99% of it are from toothless, plaid-clathed shut-ins who are often half or twice my age. Of that 99%, half are openly racist (that's a genuine problem I'm facing on this site and there's no way around it) and most of those assure me I will either fry in an eternal hell for being single at my age or because I work in my chosen profession.
My profile is honest. To change it, I'd have to lie.
Be gentle - I write for a living....but I'd love some insight into this issue.
Thanks.
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:45:35 AM | Your profile is very 'literate' - I would have expected that to frighten off the half-wits? Obviously not.
Women often complain that men never read their profiles ( I quite often get spam messages from Women who don't appear to have ever viewed my profile). So I guess you need to put your "filters" at the start of your profile - maybe in your headline. Perhaps something like "Well adjusted woman for professional man" - change the word 'professional' to 'erudite' or 'renaissance' or whatever suits you. Hopefully the unwanted ones will not be able to imagine being professional, erudite or whatever.
Then in your first paragraph, state that you have very liberal politics and perhaps your religion or ethnicity too, so it is clear to the republicans and bigots that they are not a match for you.
That's my considered opinion, but then I live in a remote rural settlement on the far side of the world, so I could be totally out of touch  | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:05:45 AM | Hi urbanlegend,
Dont change your profile to a lie but maybe a little shorter, I didnt read it all, Im someone that gets bored quickly.
Your pictures are great, shows a person smiling and happy.
No matter who you are unfortunately your going to get the weirdos. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:13:30 AM | Delete the following:
Of course, letters containing less than 50 characters as well as any racist, hostile, evil, creepy or criminal hobbies - and yes, the repeat offenders, parolees, internet trolls, shut-ins, Republicans, stalkers, disgruntled people who devote hours of their days to whining and complaining and generating hostility and violence just to burn caloric energy - will be deleted.]
With the exception of Republican and parolee (which he would only hide and still contact you), and possibly shut-in (if crippled), no one will believe he falls in any of those categories. All it does is make you appear super critical. If you don't want smaller messages, use the POF option to limit the minimum number of characters.
You can exclude Republicans if you wish; although, I would think that makes you appear very narrow minded by suggesting that everyone in a political party has a certain mind set. It is just not so. There is far less difference between the averages of any two political parties than the differences within any party. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:14:55 AM | | Yes I agree with cassandra. Shorten your interests to the ones that are really important to you. Maybe 10 or 15. You don't want a guy knowing all about you, takes some of the mystery out of the pursuit. Leave a little to let them wonder. You wouldnt have to lie to shorten your profile either again don't tell all leave just enough "bait" to interest them then use the rest when you meet to " reel" them in with. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:33:42 AM | I read your profile and found it quite well worded yet it is not wordy. You have a wide range of interests, you have a lovely smile, there is nothing in it to invite the racism. You are being honest about your likes and dislikes.
Still, at your age, you are naive enough to not realize that there are people out there who are so miserable in their lives that they have nothing better to do than bash the people who are not miserable -- misery loves company and they are going to try to get it. Then the miserable people are joined by the intolerant who just can not stand it that everyone else does not think as they do on the subject of religion, race, politics, music, art, automobiles, manufacturing, favorite color crayon, ad nauseum. From them come the whiners and blamers who fixate their wrath on usually one public person (like the president, a movie star, whoever) and whine and blame everything on them rather than do something constructive about it.
In a nutshell, there is nothing wrong with you or your profile. Not everyone appreciates the sunrise ... or even the sunset. Not everyone sees the beauty in the leaf ... or the ugliness in racism, fanatacism and hatred. Not everyone appreciates a well-worded line ... or an honest person.
Smile and enjoy the day! :) | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:25:30 AM | I do not agree that you should have to shorten anything on your profile. The obvious excuses are that it will take out the mystery. BS. After a conversation lasting several hours, I'm pretty sure there would be a lot less mystery. If someone's only excited about mystery of getting to know someone, they are going to lose interest eventually. The other excuses for shorter profiles is that it will lead to more conversation later...
I look at the list of interests, and I can't necessarily see the length being a problem. There are a lot, but it's not a problem. I see a few that pop out, and several others which I'm unfamiliar with. This entices the interest and enhances my curiosity.
If there was anything to change, it'd be to include a close up head shot picture. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:42:38 AM | The extensive list of interests above covers absolutely everything I could think of, rather than providing a bloated essay on likes, dislikes and non-objective self images. They're only in alphabetical order, so they appear random. None of them are necessarily related to one another.
[Please, please please be so kind as to NOT USE CODE WORDS in any language of your choice. [if utlk ths, we no cmmmicte] Of course, letters containing less than 50 characters as well as any racist, hostile, evil, creepy or criminal hobbies - and yes, the repeat offenders, parolees, internet trolls, shut-ins, Republicans, stalkers, disgruntled people who devote hours of their days to whining and complaining and generating hostility and violence just to burn caloric energy - will be deleted.]
If you can't spell, say "holla" or "hit me up," then you probably shouldn't. But if a few of the listed common interests match up, (or compliment any of them) you're perfect.
I guess you needed to make a point. Point taken. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 10:28:43 AM | | I don't necessary agree with others suggestions about shorting ones profile or "leaving something out" to create a bit of mystery. When I had a profile it was relatively long and it was described as being amazingly descriptive. I think we all have different expectations when it comes to online dating and where we are in life ultimately dictates what we are willing to put into it. I personally have high expectations with regards to finding "the one" as I've accomplished a lot in my life and I really don't have the time string or be strung along by somebody who I know I will not be compatible with. It is for this reason that I think we owe it to ourself and others to be as descriptive as possible with who we are and what we want. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:10:52 PM | | How shocked am I to find that although I'm an intelligent, educated, hispanic single mother... I have been lumped into the same category as parolees, racists, evil, creepy, repeat offenders?? Geez, if I were only a more TOLERANT liberal democrat like you... | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:18:18 PM | | Alright, I will try to be gentle, but honest. Your profile said something about not wanting the too laid back, pokemon kind of guy, but when you are trying to sell something, you have to target the market that you are wanting to reach. You must get them to the part where they actually read the profile, and your picture definitely says I love chess and watching documentaries on the history of mathematics. For one, you cant see them very well, and for two, you arent much older than me, but you could pass for my mother in those clothes. Now, You do not have to be the type who dresses sexy daily, but every man likes to know that even his librarian can have sex appeal. This is a different world out there, show your sexy side, at least a little. You can attract the less game boy types if you just show a little marketing magic. but dont overdo it, too much will attract the wrong attention. You still want to retain who you are. I can be quite long winded myself, but your list of interests? omg, I couldnt , and didnt want to read all of that. Men are impatient, they need instant messages, put too much into it, and they lose interest. I understand that you are a writer, but dont over do it, narrow it down some, the profile was quite boring, and i got no sense of who you are really, very well written, yes, but overdone and i lost interest, and I had a purpose to continue reading to try and help out, yet still did not get thru it all. The men reading it will just get bored because you have nothing to peak their interest. Get a good photo for your main picture, put the others on to show all of you once they noticed you. Sorry if this was offensive, you asked for help, I hope i am helping. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:58:35 PM | I have to sincerely thank all of you who took the time to make such thoughtful and diverse comments here. They're all valid, but some really need a disclaimer. I'm sorry to lump you all together, but to do this individually would be rather spread out.
To Frmkyz: Actually, I AM a librarian by education, and maybe we do dress funny! But in reality, those photos were taken outdoors in 35 degrees and were PR shots for a conservative line of clothing by a local designer. Free clothes! But I was only out of a snow parka for a few minutes to even do this set of about 300 shots. I do mention in the profile that more personal photos are available upon request.
To Zbest: I did say I was liberal. I NEVER said I was a democrat. I respect your strength, you're a tougher and more resilient gal than I am.
To Sbnt: You're so kind. Actually, the distance of the photos is intentional. My work life is too visible and I'd really prefer to retain a small element of anonymity and privacy in my real life. As I mentioned to FrmKyz, I'm happy to send folks more personalized photos after at least contacting people a couple of times. But I've been stalked and gawked at enough in my lifetime to be just a teeny bit cautious of public websites with a sprawling smiling headshot. I appreciate anyone and everyone's patience with this.
Thank you all gentlepeople.
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:16:01 PM | UL384,
I have to be honest, I was expecting a more blistering response from you. I mention this because that is the "vibe" I got from your profile. To lump Republicans together w/the lowlifes, is a completely unfair characterization and doesn't resemble the truth. While I can understand wanting to have the same politcal beliefs (I do too), you never know where you will find love. While I personally couldn't do it, look at Mary Matalin and James Carville. They make it work and they are politically polar opposites. BUT... if you are polarizing one half of the male population, how many more (of your own political persuasion) would you possibly turn away in the process? Your response to me was quite respectful and I do appreciate that. All I'm saying is you might want to reflect that in your profile, as well.
Happy fishing. :) | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:08:20 PM | Zbest, there is no sense in going through life trying to alienate and offend people. Your own profile exemplifies this - you're an impressive lady!
I don't believe in arguing about personal preferences or virtues. No one wins, and the differences cannot be appreciated.
"look at Mary Matalin and James Carville. They make it work and they are politically polar opposites. BUT... if you are polarizing one half of the male population, how many more (of your own political persuasion) would you possibly turn away in the process?"
Very true. You would never have known the answer to this, but it would be damn near impossible for this to occur in my case. I spent my childhood in a socialist regime, so the chances that I'm going to dismiss others with that background are too small to even consider. But the particular portion of my profile listing my dislikes (today, my bias towards Republicans seems to be a hot potato) was meant to make no connection to one another. It was more of a laundry list, but it looked ridiculous to put them in bullet order. I'll certainly consider removing that item, but the others ARE staying.
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:54:54 PM | UL384,
Thanks again, for your very respectful response. It's obvious to me now, that you did not mean to make that connection (between Repubs/lowlifes). It just wasn't so obvious, at the outset. So yea, when you remove that from your list, please DO leave the other stuff!! :)
I really do wish you happy fishing. You seem like a very intelligent woman.
God Bless. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/11/2008 10:10:57 AM | | understood completely! but you were basically asking how to appeal to a bit of a different group of men than has been your experience so far. I work in marketing, you must first attract attention to your product before you can make the sale. If you have more personal photos, maybe you should include them instead of offering to send them. You have to get the right guy to notice or stay interested before you can get the request to send photo. But, you will also have to weed out the unwanted from that group as well. I apologize if i offended in anyway. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:20:11 PM | Can't be done. The first and last time I put a revealing headshot on a networking website, the police had to cart some whack job away. It's obvious how I can attract a mismatch even without a photo. I'd rather reject them online than have the local precinct guys know me by name.
There's humor is this sort of thing. I think.
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:07:04 AM | I'm not here to review the profiles of others, but personally, I prefer longer profiles because they simply provide more information. More is better. Less is withholding.
As for boredom, well, I apologize for that - I can't improve anyone's attention span.
Best of luck, 46. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:36:46 AM | i do have the attention span of a cat. it was probably all the big words. sometimes more is better. sometimes less is more.
good luck to you also. just trying to be heplful. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 11:11:06 AM | | Great Profile. You can further improve it by using formatting to break up the sections and put emphasis on certain words. | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:21:58 PM | That's OK, forty six! I'm trying to convince you to write s'more about yourself!
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:23:46 PM | Formatting? You mean, there's a means to lay these profiles out better? That'd be great, sam i am. I have no idea how to do it, but it sounds good!
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:25:42 PM | Formatting? You mean, there's a means to lay these profiles out better? That'd be great, sam i am. I have no idea how to do it, but it sounds good!
/I | |
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| Defying profile reality?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:30:35 PM | | The formatting options you have available to you are BOLD Italics and [u]Underline[/u]. You won't be able to do tables, center or right alignment, but you can use the text formatting options to make specific things POP out of the text you have to enhance readability. Just look between the About Me and the First Date boxes on the edit page for the specific method of including these formating options. | |
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