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Posted: 2/10/2008 6:48:17 AM | I have read alot of threads that talk about how men provide very little foreplay and then I have read others (from men) that say how they like please and explore a womans body and really please her. My experience has been that the majority of men don't take the time to get the woman adequately aroused to have an orgasm.
Why don't men seem to provide more foreplay, are they too damn lazy or do they honestly think that they have such a great member down there and that is all they think a woman needs to enjoy sex?
If men would tap into this concept of foreplay, they would have much more gratifying sex!!!! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 7:49:30 AM | Ok, with the possibility that I might get ostracized from the male fraternity, I'll let you in on a few secrets:
Firstly. When we turn... hell, in my case, 17 ;-), and finally get access to a honest-to-gawd naked female body, it doesn't come with a manual, hint book or cheat codes. It DOES, however, come with an owner ;-). You gals have, sorry to say, MOST of the responsibility for building our foreplay skill.
Second secret: We positively LOVE the idea of you telling us what feels good, what doesn't, what works, what doesn't. Unfortunately, more often than not, at that age, our ego is usually as swollen and fragile as our... *anyway*, at this time, so we're probably not going to ask. You have to offer. And yes, we'll listen.
Thirdly: popular media (aka porn, both actual and in 'normal' TV) gives us the idea that foreplay lasts thirty seconds, you gals positively melt at the slightest bit of preamble, and therefore learning that nibbling on, say, the tendon behind your knee will cause you to quiver, is unnecessary.
The good ole popular media also tells us that the goal post is the O (definitely ours, and maybe yours, but you guys fake it all the time ;-), and the faster we get to that goal post, the better.
But, luckily, some of us DID get that oh-so-important training at an early age and by gawd we loved it dearly ;-). Turning a normally strong, intelligent, witty woman into a soft pliable mass of giggles and moans who can neither remember her own name nor retains the ability to stand upright from being weak at the knees is indeed a heady tonic ;-).
There are tricks to picking us out of the crowd, but that's a topic for another day ;-).
Cowboy | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:19:24 AM | Re:Msg 2
Cowboy knows what he's talking about. Oh, to be in Wakefield and 2 decades younger! I'm getting weak in the knees just thinking about it! Bravo, Cowboy!!!! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:24:46 AM | | well - there is always the "quickie" - fun and spontaneous - but when time provides for it, I've been accused of fiveplay ... so it's not all men you're talking about.... | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:30:37 AM | Do you ever remember any polls or articles on how women usually are the ones that call the shots? We give the OK for the man to approach us at the bar, we flick our hair, or show some sort of body language to communicate what we want. It takes two to communicate well for gratifying sex, not just for the man to know when to and where to touch your clit, where to kiss your neck, where to touch your body, what to say, what to lick, gifts, how to kiss, etc.
You need to help him do what you like and in turn do what he likes as well. Gratifying sex is usually a two-way street. I watched a movie last night and as the couple jumped into bed, the guy screams "What about foreplay?" She saids we have had foreplay for three months. Foreplay doesn't always have to be physical. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:57:09 AM | thanks Cowboy for the insight.
So, please tell me the tricks for picking these guys out of a crowd....I would love to be left weak at the knees and forget my own name. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 7 | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 9:16:29 AM | Add-on to Cowboys~ second point. Some...noooo, most women are not very good at verbalizing what feels good, where to go / what to do next, etc.. And frankly girls, you don't need to be. Moans, whimpers & soft laughter are wonderful clues...tell your guy how you react in bed. If you're verbal, tell him 'I like to use words to let you know what I want'. If you're more gutteral, tell him 'Listen to the sounds I make, they'll tell you a lot about how I'm feeling'.
Also, you have hands, and body movement...use 'em. For instance, if we're lying side by side and I've been caressing your breasts, your belly, and starting to caress your inner thigh, you know best when you feel warm and tingly enough to part your legs, inviting my hands to play further. You know when a guy is trying too hard on your nipples and to gently move his hands somewhere else.
As far as how to find him...my suggestion is to find someone that makes love to your mind first. If the man doesn't give you a sense of eroticism, as sense that your panties are feeling damp and clingy, then he may be a great mechanical lover...but afterwards he's probably going to ask you if you had an orgasm. A man who knows how to look you in the eyes, to feel your soul embracing him as your pu$$y eagerly pulls his c0ck deep into you, as your arms and legs open up to receive him and pull him tighter...will know when you orgasm, and will know how to build to and prolong that experience.
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Posted: 2/10/2008 9:24:23 AM | *sigh*...we do, at least some. Cowboy's dead-on - your experience may vary, but don't paint with such a wide brush.
Annudder | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 9:26:36 AM | WHEW!!! Is it gettin' hot in here or what???? Well, at least now I know there are two...no, THREE men on the planet that know how to get a woman's toes to curl and her eyes to roll back in her head, lol.    | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 9:41:50 AM | | I think that most men, or the ones that I have slept with are lazy and don't know much about a women as they think that they would like to know. They think that rubbing our clit for 3 seconds will get us instantly wet. This is why i JUST pleasure myself first and make sure that I am ready to go 'cause it's not always that men have the patience or desire to invest in making us properly aroused. | |
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ngat73
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 11 | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 9:45:37 AM | | Isabelle_guns: Actually some men know more about our clits than we do. My ex use to be able to tell when the clit got hard and when it was about ready to cum. I'm in finance so I am not a medical person but the clit is like s mall penis. However, there are other aspects to foreplay than the clit. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 10:49:10 AM | | I didn't realize some guys don't do that for women. Foreplay is essential. I wouldn't know what to do if foreplay wasn't involved. Well, I would know, but if the woman I'm with isn't being satisfied, then I wouldn't get as much pleasure out of the experience. That is I need for her to be as excited as I am in order for me to feel the full and incredible impact of the sexual experience. But that's just me. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 11:07:53 AM |
I think that most men, or the ones that I have slept with are lazy and don't know much about a women as they think that they would like to know. They think that rubbing our clit for 3 seconds will get us instantly wet.
They actually knew to look for it? Wow...
I've slept with...well, I can still count the number on my fingers...only 2 of them were what I could call good lovers, and only one of those really enjoyed foreplay (would go all day if I wanted it). So who is hogging all the good lovers? | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 11:09:23 AM | | well, Heart Bandit, they THINK they know, but like someone said in a previous post, alot of men think that brief stimulation to the nipples and clit get a woman ready, and if she is wet, that she is ready. I don't have a hard time being verbal, but they still dont seem to get it. It seems like you when tell a man you need foreplay and you aren't ready, it makes them mad. If they aren't willing to work to get me ready, then there isn't going to be any action. I am into mutual satisfaction only!!!! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 11:15:36 AM | I have to totally agree with Cowboy and the other guys who have posted a response to this thread. I've always gone by the 1 to 1 ratio most of the time. By that I mean if i'm hoping that the sex will last about an hour then the foreplay should last pretty close to that. What it seems to me from reading this tread and so many others like it is that a lot of women seem to be running across the guys or 1 guy in thier life who are totally into it for their personal satisfaction and don't really care if the woman enjoys it or not and they label the rest of us as non-foreplay.
I look at it this way, yes men want sex (not all the time like most ladies think), then again so do women. Anyway getting to that part in a relationship usually takes quite a bit of time and physical/emotional connectivity. Yes in a relationship I want sex as often as I can get it, gee let me think how can I accomplish this. Oh yah, make sure that the woman is pleasured first (foreplay) and make sure that she is enjoying it before I even consider thinking about my own self gratification. (in other words I make sure that they are weak in the knee's before I consider the sex part). You do this and sometimes it changes everything. It isn't the guy who is always wanting some it will be the lady, why because she knows that her needs in foreplay will be satisfied.
I also agree with Cowboy on this other issue, most guys do enjoy it when you tell us what you like and don't like in some manner whether it be verbal or moaning in some form, that way we know whether we are doing what you like or dislike. Tell us how you want or like certain things done.
Trev | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 11:16:55 AM | Heart Bandit; you would be amazed at some of the men out there. I guess women don't ever tell them how bad they are because they come on like they know what they are doing. Five minutes later, the only thought you have is "Is that it? Is he done?" Then they wonder why it's hard for us to get all worked up over the idea of sex with them. There are a million books out there on pleasing a woman; I wish these guys would read them. It would give us a place to start...they don't even know basic female anatomy.
As pta1024 said, some do get mad if you even hint that they need to do more. There are men that I couldn't even SUGGEST oral...they had such a negative reaction to my milder suggestions....I got the impression they would have gagged at the thought of oral. And, in my experiance, men who DON'T do oral are in the majority (like 2 out of 8 or 9 have been willing to do oral...but ALL want it done to them). | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 12:01:17 PM | | I personally love the idea of having a diet that consists of an all night all you can eat buffet. My experience is that most women (that i've been with) are not very apt to take as much control as they could. I've only had maybe 2 women that have actually told me what and how they wanted it or helped me position/aid my hands to help them achieve maximum pleasure. I don't think it is necessary to be vocal about what you want (literally telling us what to do), but little nudges in the right direction are nice (all women have their subtle differences in what pleases them best). I also think all women do give their own little subtle clues as to whether we're pleasing them or not (some clues women cant help giving if you do a little research). You have to realize that us men have a tendancy to be worrying about whether you like what we are doing or not and it makes it difficult for us to relax and we can't devote our full attention to listening to every subtle clue when we're trying to last more than 2 minutes. And men, 4 tips: listen, feel, slow down, RELAX! Have fun, thats what sex is meant for. A stress reliever, not builder. Adult 'play'. A way to forget about everything, the ultimate form of meditation. Learn to feel, listen, and respond during sex, not think. Clear your mind. If you finish too early (hey its reality, it will happen at least on occasion to the best of us), you better be putting them hands to work if you want her to have you again (let her know your in it for her as well because im sure you are). Im sure for most of us it only takes a max of 10 minutes to be ready again, and (in my experience) you will last until morning (or nighttime if your a morning person ;) ). And practice practice practice. =) | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 12:49:50 PM | How to pick us out of a crowd?
Well, when our eyes meet across the room, we'll look you square in the eyes about two seconds longer than we should, and with a look that's bouncing off the back of your retinas, not just a superficial glance, and we're probably smiling, but just a bit, not overmuch ;-).
If we end up talking, we're not going to talk about our boat, our house, our job or our car. We'll tell you funny stories we can both laugh at from life experiences that let you know a bit more about who we are, not some movie we saw on cable. And we listen when you talk.
We'll definitely treat you like the ladies we know you want to be treated as, whether you're a cop or a stripper ;-) ; what a woman does isn't always who they truly are inside, and if we've decided to start talking to you in the first place, we've already figured that out.
I do admit that we have realized that a woman's body, all of it, from those muscles at the top of the back of the neck to the soft pad of your little toe is a lot more fun than a fully loaded Wii, and we do like the feel of it. And no, not some grope session in a dark booth at the back of the restaurant ;-), but soft touches, more or less appropriate to the location and situation. Heck, I remember talking to one girl and without actually realizing it, almost made her catatonic with just a hand massage I was subconsciously giving her while we chatted. Oops ;-).
A soft touch just along the cheek bone, maybe brushing an errant strand of hair back... a finger tracing the tendons on the inside of your wrist...
And... that's all the secrets I'm prepared to give up at this time ;-).
Good luck, good hunting ;-).
Cowboy
And PS, for the lady asking where all these mythical great lovers are... well, we end up getting chained up in basements or snatched up and married in pretty quick order (sometimes both), don't we? After all, that's what you're looking for one for!
It's all in the timing to try and run into one of us between incarcerations ;-) | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 12:57:44 PM | | Why do all the men who have responded to this thread live sooooooo far away! My God, I'm getting hot just reading your responses. How sad is it that reading what you men have written is more sexually stimulating than my last last 4 lovers combined? That should give you a clue as to what it's like in 'The Real World'. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 1:14:29 PM |
I didn't realize some guys don't do that for women. Foreplay is essential. I wouldn't know what to do if foreplay wasn't involved. Well, I would know, but if the woman I'm with isn't being satisfied, then I wouldn't get as much pleasure out of the experience. That is I need for her to be as excited as I am in order for me to feel the full and incredible impact of the sexual experience. But that's just me.
I realized some do, but I take pride in making my partner orgasm. I often won't enter her until I have accomplished this with mouth/hands/toys. Also, it's all wet, quivery and tight for when I do enter her.  | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 1:17:17 PM |
WHEW!!! Is it gettin' hot in here or what???? Well, at least now I know there are two...no, THREE men on the planet that know how to get a woman's toes to curl and her eyes to roll back in her head, lol
Hmm,well if this gets you hot I`m afraid to know what the real thing would do for you..... | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 1:29:26 PM | Not sure you can ever "pick one out in the crowd" but I would think with some initail conversation you might find out he views women in general.
Personally, to experience a woman who's arousal is building from foreplay and what I am doing to make that happen is a turn on in itself.
Scott | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 1:41:14 PM | | Now thanks to Cowboy, I spend all my time looking into strangers eyes.... | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 1:49:04 PM | | foreplay u got to have it there is nothing that gets a women ready for the main course alking from u have to meet her needs first to make special im talking from experience ladys ur not getting foreplay u let me know . | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 1:55:45 PM | :blink: :blink: That's really what's out there? Honestly?
I just don't understand... If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then men are logical and women are emotive; what we have in common is a desire for great sex. What makes for great sex? Is it quantity or quality? Every man should have got the Memo on this one: Quantity = Quality = Quantity = Quality.
1)Quantity: When a sexual interlude is underway, there is a physical limit on the length of time you can engage in, and keep up, penetration. When that time is up, you're going to cum, and you're probably done. Before the penetration, there is absolutely no limits placed on foreplay. Sure, you could, conceivably, give your lady 3seconds of foreplay... but 3hours is also a reasonable length of time.
2)Quality: All of those features that made you work your mambo to get the lady to invite you to share her treasures are suddenly free and naked to Touch, Taste and Treasure. If you don't care about the Three-Ts, you might as well be spanking it into a tissue. [Note that I may copywrite the Three-Ts. You can use'em but you gotta credit me.  ] Of course, foreplay goes both ways... once a woman is properly aroused, she wants to do mad crazy stuff to you... again... men who don't want women doing mad crazy things to them should settle down with a Hustler and a Hanky.
3)Quantity: The fact is, when you're sexually active your hormones change. Some little Pituitary Foreman shouts out "Crank up the Testosterone!!! We're BREEDING!!!!" (What he doesn't know won't hurt him). You become more interested in having sex, and your sex drive and sex pheremones make you sexier. And, because you took the time to really, really blow your lady friends mind, she wants a repeat performance. You want. She wants. Everybody wants. It's go time.
4)Quality: Now that we've established that you're the Reincarnation of Cassanova, or Apollo made flesh, you don't want to screw it up by turning into a minute-man. All that awesome foreplay, all that sexual good-will you've built up needs to keep getting built up. Sometimes you will want to collect, nothing wrong with a quickie, if you've already proved you can go the distance. It's also very, very important to know that a woman who is having unbelievable sex, is more likely to say things like "I've never let any guy do this before, but..." Also, women who are grinning in a slightly deranged way and who can't quite focus their eyes are more receptive to sentences that start like "I've been shy about bringing it up, but I've always wanted to try..." | |
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