| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/11/2008 10:07:43 PM | | Now I'm in my late 20s and I'm out on my own finally in a nice apartment. My closest friends have told me that moving out will greatly improve my chances of finding and dating someone, but here's the thing. I am single and out on my own now, but the thing is I have never truly dated or been in a serious relationship before. That's not to say that I've never tried or have never fallen in love, but I'll admit I'm generally shy, though not as mush as I used to be when in school, and I do tend to open up quickly once I feel comfortable around and get to know the person. My question is, even though I'm out on my own and can support myself, do I still have a chance of finding/dating someone even though I've never been in a relationship before? Am I truly doomed to never date anyone because I've never dated before in the past? | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/11/2008 10:53:42 PM | First off, congrats on moving out on your own, dude. Get ready to learn lessons you wouldn't learn living with the 'rents. I'd say that being on your own vastly improves your chances of dating more women, granted they know you're living on your own. If you're in your late twenties and tell a woman that you're still living with your parents, she'd make an assumption about your financial security and wonder if you're still suckling your mother's teet.
If you've never dated or even been in a relationship, you still have a lot of experiences to go through. If you're shy... stay shy, some women find that endearing. Self confidence and humor go a long way too.
My take on dating websites is that I don't believe in paying for them; it's much easier for me to meet women in public than on a dating website. A girlfriend of mine told me about this site, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I simply put a profile and check it about once a week; this is what you should be doing. You're out on your own, now it's time to value your time getting out there and living your life. Don't look for women, they'll come along when you're not looking (unless you're like I am); stick to what you know. Good luck, chief. | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:48:33 AM | You did not list your occupation on your profile. I looked to see if maybe the reason you were not in your own place before this was due to getting a Phd or doctorate degree of some type....
As I see it the only reason a person should be living home in their 20's is in the event of advanced education or some major accident of some type.
In my opinion... you have lost out on a lot in not being on your own prior to this............. and many women are not going to be able to relate to someone like that.
You are almost 30... by that age I had already been in the service 4 years, gotten a masters degree and married with 2 kids. You are someone who has never had any real responsibility it seems if your almost 30 and just now being able to support yourself.
if you were a female.........
and in your situation I would run for the hills for the fact.... developmentally your on the level of a 19 year old or high school graduate and not serious dating material.
You will have to find a girl who is about 30 and still lives with her parents or off someone ( not independent) to even have someone relate....luckily, your in the right place to do that as I have met 30 year old women like that. Not that I would date them... but someone like that would be of the same mindset as you.
The girl your looking for...
not only lives at home, around 30.. overweight and most likely a virgin too. That would be your match....
who you need to look for. If you can meet her, you will maybe have lots in common. | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:58:40 AM | I don't agree with mrvitamin at all
and stunted vision it is.
he went on the FREEBIE education via the military so don't listen to him > His math doesn't work out.
If everything he did was SO great he wouldn't be on a website like this would he if he is STILL a married man now would he? pfftt never mind him he has a redneck vision of the world.
Be yourself and don't worry about what you've done or haven't done
In Europe it's very common, living with parents til one is set. The granparents sit, not daycares.
in North AMerica people have made a habit of moving out in their teens, scrounging, crap jobs, kids and BIG debt, BIGGER REGRETS, parents alone, then sent to nursing homes or state homes WORSE acckk
but here in N.A. no, it's all about what " other people think" and other assorted crap
ughh I can't read these forums, they're too depressing knowing people like the vitaman are out there.
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/12/2008 10:50:45 AM | | Somehow I think you're biggest disadvantage will be your lack of dating experience. You will most likely come off as awkward and unsure of yourself in this regard. This could be off-putting to a woman. Be prepared to answer questions as to why you haven't dated much and why you were at home so long. Best thing to do is just date as much as you can for the experiences and to get a good idea of what you want in a woman. Until you've been around the bend a few times, so to speak, you really won't know. | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/12/2008 10:53:28 AM | | why should being in your late 20's matter? peolpe don't need to know your past, its what you are at the present time that counts. i'm simular to you in alot of ways but i know i will date and who knows more. its all in the mind just got to convince it its wrong. listen to your friends and enjoy the freedom your own place brings. | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 2/12/2008 11:01:37 AM | Ok, I think you need a reply with a little less testosterone....
Unless you tell the girl out right that you have no dating experience....how will she know? Many guys are shy and take a little time before they warm up to someone. Why let the girl know that you are unsure of yourself? Fake it til you make it...that's always worked for me. Just be confident and treat her like a queen...she'll never know.
As for finally getting out on your own....congrats...there is no greater feeling than having a life that is all yours....and full control of the remote  | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:59:45 PM | Dude,
I'm in my middle 20's and just moved out on my own as well. I've only ever had one real relationship (that lasted a year) and it was difficult with both of us living with our parents. Now that I'm on my own, I feel the same as you, that my chances of meeting someone will improve. I say just go out and have some fun. You're on your own now and you can do what you want. Join a club, find some activities to do. great way to meet people. Walk around you neighborhood, maybe you have hot neighbors. You never know.
Enjoy your freedom! | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:19:54 AM | You can fill the gaps in your dating resume by claiming to have been busy volunteering somewhere exotic helping orphans, or somewhere local helping the sick, the homeless or the marginally acceptable (in terms of fashion).
But seriously, are you kidding me? Compared to the players out there with jaded hearts, multiple babies and undiagnosed STD's, you're fresh from the kitchen and steaming hot. | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:54:24 PM | I don't agree with mrvitamin at all
and stunted vision it is.
he went on the FREEBIE education via the military so don't listen to him > His math doesn't work out.
[If everything he did was SO great he wouldn't be on a website like this would he if he is STILL a married man now would he? pfftt never mind him he has a redneck vision of the world.
Be yourself and don't worry about what you've done or haven't done
In Europe it's very common, living with parents til one is set. The granparents sit, not daycares.
in North AMerica people have made a habit of moving out in their teens, scrounging, crap jobs, kids and BIG debt, BIGGER REGRETS, parents alone, then sent to nursing homes or state homes WORSE acckk
but here in N.A. no, it's all about what " other people think" and other assorted crap
ughh I can't read these forums, they're too depressing knowing people like the vitaman are out there.]
very well said. :) It's a cultural thing too especially in Asian countries where we are expected to live with folks till married. There's no shame to that.
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:55:09 PM | Here's what you do:
1) Chit-chat with any and every woman you can. Old, young, ugly, pretty - don't matter. This gets you comfortable around women.
2) Study psychology, dating and relationships. And yes, even read the garbage. In other words, *learn*. Get wise to the games people play - find out what makes people tick. Be prepared, cuz more than likely you're gonna get hit with BS sooner or later. 
3) Keep doing things for yourself (like your new place you mentioned). You should be your top priority, so take care of yourself. This also keeps you busy with your own life.
4) If you're gonna ask a woman out, don't make it a huge deal, cuz it isn't. If you get turned down, big whoop - you got your thang goin' on, and there's plenty more to pick from.
5) Never put a woman on a pedestal until she's *proven* she deserves to be put on one (i.e. you're married to her or in a LTR and she's stuck by your side through thick and thin). You'll run into plenty of women who expect pedestal treatment from the get-go. Otherwise, just use plain common courtesy and manners.
6) Don't tolerate BS in the least; including from women... have respect for yourself. | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:58:50 PM | ~OP~ Of course you can find someone. You'll gain a lot of insight, and may lose some of the shyness the longer you are on your own. Don't worry ~ you'll have no problem at all. There are many women (especially in your age-range) who wouldn't be bothered that you haven't had a girl in every port (so to speak!) Good luck to you.  | |
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| Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:16:54 PM | There are some good comments (and one or two stupid ones)... SuperLizard pretty much covered all the angles. Just have fun.
On SuperLizard comment about psychology. I like that one. I'm 41, and still recently have been blindsided by some bs games. It happens. The more you know what make people tick, the more you'll understand various games they're playing. Good Job SuperLizard!
Enjoy your life. Don't lose sight of yourself. Just don't mistreat someone else in the process. Have fun. | |
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