| | Is it okay to date your ex's friend?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | My ex and I broke up a while ago and I have grown to have feelings for a friend of his. I have not told this person since I am not sure about whether this is okay to pursue. I really would like an opportunity to see what could happen and I want a guys perspective on this question please. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:59:04 PM | erm... I've had this happen to me. It breaks up friendships.
Plus, you might only have feelings for the friend because you still have feelings for your ex.
I would suggest not to do it if they are close to each other. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:00:00 PM | | I wouldn't care, but I think I may be unusual in this respect. Ask yourself, how would you feel if he started dating one of your friends? | |
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Calray
| | Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:07:56 PM | | If their friendship is real, and there's not too much blood between you and your ex, it can work out. One of only two women who were ever capable of breaking my heart ended up marrying one of my best friends. I took the initial hook up hard at first, but eventually got over it. Truth is they both mean a lot to me and now I can see how they make each other happy. take a look at your situation and make your judgement, but I strongly caution against missing an opportunity because of some strange game of six degrees of separation. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:51:02 PM | Feelings are neither right nor wrong. If you are broke up than you are free to do what you want to do. What is that saying ... Alls fair in love and war  | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:58:59 PM | | It really depends on how long you dated?... how recent was the break-up?... and how close are your ex and his friend? Personally, I would never date a girl that had a long relationship with one of my close friends. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:01:26 PM | | EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW.... That's just nasty. Find someone else to date lady, why would you want to come between this guy and his friend?. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:12:53 PM | | Dating a buddy's ex is a huge violation of manlaw. Odds are, your buddy probably loved his ex more than his mom. You wouldn't date your buddy's mom would you? He may also still have feelings for her. | |
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My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:19:44 PM |
why would you want to come between this guy and his friend?
A lot of people do this as a means of spite, revenge and/or jealousy.
In my opinion, I think the OP has the same M.O. as others who ask such a question. Their mind is made up on what they're going to do... she's simply wanting at least one poster to support her as a means to justify the end.
Chances are, she'll tell everyone that others said it was ok to date him.... once her plans backfire and others bust her chops for doing so.
(purely speculative on my part)
On the other hand....once she dates this guy (I think she has intentions to do so) the OP may start another thread in a short while titled, "Men are jerks"
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Calray
| | Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:10:19 PM | | You know it astonishes me how people can create all these rules that essentially eliminate everyone they come in contact with. Never date someone from work, don't date your buddy's ex. Don't date your brother's ex. don't date your sister's ex's sister. I'm sorry but I'll be brutally honest. My long term happiness is more important than my buddy's short term hurt feelings. If he has the kind of character that I assumed he had when I decided he could be my buddy, he'll get over it. As long as there was no betrayal on her part, and I really think she might be worth it...let's just say I'm through with missing out on opportunity through some misplaced sense of loyalty. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:04:42 PM | NEVER EVER. HOW DARE YOU!
Shame on the friend too, but lets face it, You are the problem in this picture so remember your role.
If you MUST-- then do the right thing and tell your ex, before you make any moves. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:02:13 PM | I think it really depends on the situation...
I was in a LTR with a great guy, but frankly, we just started to grow away from each other romantically. We both realized this. We stopped living together but kept "seeing each other" (yeah, read that, FWB) for a while, but eventually even that morphed into friends only. And he remains one of my best friends to this day.
He started dating someone else, and a couple of months after that started teasing me and his best friend about our "flirtation"... we were surprised because we weren't flirting at all. He kept throwing us together and teasing about the flirtation thing, and sure enough, eventually the flirtation with his friend materialized... Finally (yeah, I was a little slow on the uptake) I realized he was TRYING to fix us up, thought we'd be a good match.
So in this case I wound up dating my ex's best friend, and we are all cool with it. | |
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My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:11:43 PM |
You know it astonishes me how people can create all these rules that essentially eliminate everyone they come in contact with.
Before you judge others you may want to consider this. The OP has stated nothing about her ex and her relationship with him. She never mentioned what drove them apart. She never mentioned what her relationship was like with this guy prior to and during her split with the ex.
For all we know her ex bailed because she was flirting with this guy.
I don't take sides in on-line debate when matters like this arise. A one-sided story always tends to lean in one direction. Of all the divorced people on this site, how many admitted they were the cause of the divorce? I can't think of too many.
Given that fact, I tend to think there are a ton of liars on this site - both genders. Given that, why should I believe someone who fails to give more specifics?
Answer: It's a one sided point of view. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/13/2008 6:20:44 AM | | The situation that forumeow described in post 13 is optimal, if your situation is like that then you should definately go for it. If it was a bad break-up, if he still pines for you, if there was any cheatyness or jealousy going on, or just if there'd be any discomfort from you and your ex being around each other alot then you should not do it. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:19:23 AM | | This happens all the time, there are many small towns where the number of available partners are limited. I know I lived in one for a time. Sometimes there is animosity sometimes not it depends on the maturity of those involved. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:40:25 PM | It's between the men. I was once hiking with two friends of mine, and we realized that all three of us were ex-boyfriends of the same girl. It was hilarious, I told her the story at her wedding.
That said, before joining the Ex-Boyfriend Alpine Club, I did have many beers with the founding member, and then told him what was going on. He did not care but appreciated the head's-up, and that it had come directly from me. If they're that kind of friend then it won't matter. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:25:35 PM | My ex-fiance is getting married this October to a good friend of mine.
I don't hold it against him. He's had a thing for her since they met, and he kept his distance while we were together. He didn't cross any lines. She didn't either, by the way, but I know this was an exception to the truth of the normal...
Talk to them both, if need be. Use your words and communicate carefully, plainly, and truthfully. Better to be honest and flub than to keep your mouth shut and miss out on an opportunity and kick yourself in the butt for years to come.
Besides, have you ever tried to really kick your own butt? Seriously... easier said than done!  | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:33:34 PM | One of my rule is I will never date a buddy's ex-girlfriend. Acquaintances come and go, but friends are here to stay.
Although I've seen positives coming out of it. I know a few couples in high school that dated their buddy's ex-girlfriends and they're now married. The guys are still good friends too. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:34:40 AM | YES! All is fair.
Let his friend worry about his friendship with your ex. Just don't kid yourself; you might really hurt their friendship. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:47:21 AM | | I'm gonna let you know, it depends how serious it was with you. If a woman I was seeing for years left me only to wind up dating my friend, I would probably break off all contact with both of them. If it was just a light thing that didn't go anywhere, yeah I don't think I'd mind. I'm not the type of person though to break up with a woman and remain on speaking terms, it's fine if we don't actually really get serious, but like I said going from a serious relationship with him to hittin it with his friend.. not a very classy maneuver if you think there's any chance he has any residual feelings. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:02:46 AM | NO!
Don’t get between two guys that are friends, guys are naturally territorial and competitive with each other, and friends are even worse!
I was in a situation similar to this last year, two guys one girl, all old friends… it very quickly went caveman.
Men fight over money, they fight over sports, they will even fight for fun, but they will kill each other over women. | |
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| Is it okay to date your ex's friend?
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:30:43 AM | | In general it’s never a good ideal but it all depends on you and your ex. Talk to him see what he thinks. But understand that it may cause some grief. | |
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