| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:20:10 PM | | I was wondering if there is anyone that has been rejected one to many times? It just seams like everytime I start to care about someone and am dumb enough to tell that person how I feel that I get the lets just be friends speech. I really don't know what to do I haven't been on a date or had any real relationships with anyone since my divorce and am at the end of my rope here. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:41:21 PM | You dont give up thats what you do. You just keep trying. It does get a little hard to take after awhile especially the games people like to play. Its something I just dont get.
But you keep looking because someday you might find a keeper. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:56:55 PM | | Might being the opertive word. I know that there is never any thing for sure but I can't even get anyone to give me a chance not even a simple date to see where it goes if any where, this latest instance we have a lot in common we get alone great we laugh together and have a goodtime when we are around each other but as always I am not her type "for dating" I am begining to think that I am just one of those guys that women think of as the big brother type, they like to hang out and be friends but thats it. I am really ready to just give up here after hearing the lets be friends line as many times as I have I really don't think that I can take it any more. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:31:18 PM | | Well your ex-wife was clearly attracted to you, since she married you and had kids with you. So if one woman was attracted to you why wouldn't another? Perhaps you should go after a different type of woman, since the ones you're chasing aren't attracted to you. Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So try something different! | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:42:10 PM | | Maybe you should try getting in shape. It will show women you aren't lazy and will do wonders for your confidence. Working out will also improve your mood and women will pick up on that. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:42:57 PM | | Hi Jack. I had my 1st date of POF a few weeks ago. The guy was fab & had been completely honest with was he had told me. I fell for him, hook, line & sinker, only to be dumped 3 days later by text as he had problems. It knocked me for six! Plz dont give up. Nice guys like yourself are hard to find. All The Best. Princess19704 x | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:44:16 PM | | Sorry that you're having such a rough go, must be tough. But this is what I don't understand.....why do you have to put so much effort into the fact that you're not dating or haven't yet found that special someone?? Just give it time....enjoy the things you like to do, hang with your friends, spend more time with your family. I find people on here take dating way to seriously....and totally takes the fun out of it all. Being in a relationship isn't always what it's cracked up to be. You're only35. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:55:38 PM | | Be happy with you! Once you are....... no one can bring you down. And Patrick.... your not helping.... don't be a jerk. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:06:26 PM | Hate to say it but,rejection is a staple in life.
You'll move on and find someone,maybe it'll work,maybe it won't.
but don't let other's define who you are,
by their rejection of you.
Define yourself,by yourself and you'll never be rejected again.
You can't please all the people, all the time.JMO.  | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:19:54 PM | | try opening up to a guy and then have him think you are vulnerable and try to sleep with you after youve told him clearly what you want (a relationship). Just hang in there OP. I know its lonely and there are days when the loneliness is just too much and you feel like there is nobody out there for you. Someone will come along. Its happened once before, it can happen once again. have faith. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:37:24 PM | I feel you man. I get rejected constantly, enough that I have to contemplate odds on how many women I'd have to meet to NOT get rejected. I'm actually considering giving up myself, I almost want to recommend it to you. Perhaps as a temporary solution until you meet someone that is truly compatible..sort of akin to what Miffys suggests, except of course she has "met the most amazing guy on here" blah blah blah lol. We all want to feel valid and not just crawl into holes to wait for someone to find us. The suggestion that you don't meet anyone until you stop looking is offensively bogus.
And Patrick, you're not in that great a shape yourself...skinny pale guys might be all the rage up in MN but its not so everywhere lol. While we're on a discrimination kick, your cliche leather jacket and sports car pitch kinda reminds me of that Simon character Bill Paxton played in True Lies. Unbridled modesty my foot. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:58:55 PM | i say go on a diet, get into shape, and start to care about yourself. don't go on forums and post about how you can't get the women you want, thats not going to solve any of your problems.
you know what you have to do, you just have to do it. you're 35 years old, its time to really look at yourself, and realistically decide what you're going to do to change something. because whatever you're doing now obviously isn't working.
you don't have to be a model to have women pay attention to you, but you do have to look the part, you have to look like you care about yourself, and you have to present yourself in that way. wear clothes that fit, groom yourself, smell good, join a gym, and eventually you're going to feel so good about yourself that you won't be relying on women to make you feel good. nothing that anybody says on HERE is going to change YOUR situation. you're the one that has to do it. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:18:38 AM | I was wondering if there is anyone that has been rejected one to many times?
I sure have, no one likes rejection, but some can handle it better then others,
I really don't know what to do
you said it yourself, you hav'nt been on a date since ya divorce, so get back out there start dating, and you never now you may find that special someone!
Serenity~ | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:44:22 AM | | It sounds like you're coming from the wrong place man. Search for some dating advice on the web. There's a bunch out there now and a new consensus/consciousness in dating philosophy spreading about how men should handle dating and your sex life than there was even 5-10 years ago. Study it like anything else. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:45:15 AM | | Im back again...don't listen to any of the shallow crap. That's the children of the "me generation" (the 60s) talking. Maybe it's just America? I hope so. If you want to work out, groom, whatever, do it. But only do it if you want to achieve the results that benefit you physically and mentally, not how other people will perceive you. That is the basis of shallowness and will only undermine what would otherwise be a good relationship foundation. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 1:54:54 AM | If you want to work out, groom, whatever, do it. But only do it if you want to achieve the results that benefit you physically and mentally, not how other people will perceive you. That is the basis of shallowness and will only undermine what would otherwise be a good relationship foundation.
that's an oxymoron. if it will benefit his physical, and mental state, why would people perceive him the same as they do now? people normally perceive you as you perceive yourself. you ever notice that if you buy a new jacket that you really like, you may get attention that you otherwise didn't get? and after a while, that same jacket, no matter how new it may look, doesn't do the same....its not the jacket. he will be perceived the way he perceives himself, and if he feels good about himself, other people will too. i'm not saying that he *shouldn't* feel good about himself, but from his post here, its quite obviously that he feels pretty lousy about himself. which is why my advice is geared towards getting into a better mental state by changing things outside. you can be a great person inside, but if you don't have the tools to make people want to know that person, that person will remain hidden for eternity. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 2:04:03 AM | Ya, I think that even once is more than enough!
Too many can crush a person.
If you're strong enough to survive the rejection, then you'll be around later to look back on it and think that it was a lifetime ago, and that you are truly happy with what youve got.
Tell you one thing, going out and doing things has kept me too busy to think about the bad stuff, and when you go out and do things and go places you are more likely to meet that special someone.
If you read my profile, you'll know where I met my true love, and we're gonna get married! | |
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Rage44
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Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 2:22:11 AM | | It happens to everyone pal. Just keep faith in yourself and believe in who you are. I am sure someone will come along for you in time. I have to say this to those who have posted in this thread " Go to the gym" or "lose weight" those are the type of people who judge people purly on looks. Having no clue what type of person they are judgeing. So for those of you who think only looks matter and want the op to diet or workout. I think you need to go back to school and increase your IQ because you really have no clue about life or the people in it. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 2:44:30 AM |
that's an oxymoron.
It's not an oxymoron. The intent is what I'm talking about. You're suggesting he work out in order to be more popular. Hes not feeling lousy because he doesn't work out, hes feeling lousy because hes getting rejected. You're suggesting he works out so he wont get rejected. Duh. I don't buy the jacket to get attention, I buy it because I like it. The attention would be an UNEXPECTED side effect. If he wanted to work out and liked working out he would (and lets not be morons and assume he doesn't get exercise, in the first place!). As you pointed out, you think there's a link between a proper mental state with a person's exterior. The only link there is how people treat you, hence the superficiality of the suggestion. That's a slippery slope to being the kinda person who will do whatever it takes to be liked.
I get really steamed when girls ask me why I don't wear contacts, it's the same damn thing. Cause I DON'T *(%%*^ LIKE CONTACTS!
And Jack...buddy. I'm really not meaning to hijack your thread, I really think being yourself and going with that flow is the best way to go. Finding someone RIGHT FOR YOU isn't easy, no matter how much some people think it's related to how you look and how you feel about yourself. Remember, the reason shallow people feel justified in their views is because they find each other easily, and the only reason it's easy is because of how little they ask and look for. They don't understand this bias, and so they suggest stupid crap like "hit the gym because it will make you feel better," when in reality all they're doing is pulling focus onto things they think are wrong with you that you MUST feel bad about. Without such preconceived notions we would all feel like total badasses and be happy with ourselves, fully glowing even! I can't believe I'm writing so much in support of a total stranger, but I'm feeling impassioned :D | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 4:04:58 AM | I have recently been rejected by a guy that I met on here that seemed really interested at first and kept sending me texts etc so I replied back, only to be told that I had become too intense. Why do men give out mixed signals by one minute being really communicative and sending texts all the time, to saying that you were the one that was being too intense and sending messages all the time?
I was really gutted when I got his message on here as I thought he really liked me and things were going somewhere.
You just have to keep your chin up and keep smiling!!! | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:33:52 AM | Jack, keep your chin up! As Frogkisser said, some woman already thought you were good enough for a relationship and marriage. There will be others. It's just a matter of time and opportunity.
Don't be hurt by rejection. 50% of all marriages fail and the dating world is much, much tougher than that!
The right one (or ones) will come along. Just keep being you and hang out with people you like and with the same hobbies and interests. Get out and meet people. More exposure=more chances.
Be a friend first....you can never have too many regardless of where it goes later. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:49:48 AM | | Serenity, only a moron would reject a beauty like you. Anyway, having been brought up listening to my mom and older sister about treating women like gold, I had the same problem. I still fall for the glam type women who want the "bad boy" and my last serious girlfriend is now stuck in a relationship with a physically abusive alcoholic who calls her names I can't even repeat here. When we dated, she told me I was being too nice all the time and becoming wimpy. The point I'm going for here is to not treat women badly, per say, but to not be a pushover and realize that if you develope feelings for a person who later wants only to"be friends", either move on to the next one or keep them as a casual aquaintance,hiding your heart and making them wonder why you won't accept things as they are. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:06:30 AM | Jack,
as everyone else has said----just hang in there for dating is learning process.........you are newly divorced....find out "about Jack"....what you like,what you want....your goals.......etc.
come to the forums and read and read again! it's good to read that it happens to everyone not just you..........
I always tell my friends and me,too....that's there's always another bus around the corner.............sometimes slow BUT it's getting closer to where you are going
Happy Valentine's Day!.......do something for You for once!
my best | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:11:53 AM | Me think's
"Grannie Annie" should get realistic and not have a go at " PatrickMN"
I happen to agree with PatrickMN the op needs to get to grips with getting himself into shape !! he will then be in a strong position to talk with and deal with all of the women that will then be attracted to the new Jack !!!
Op, in this life you will find that not all but most women are attracted to a male of the species based on Bank Balance, Hight (over six feet !!) looks, normal face will do but not overweight . . . . if he can dance !!! and if he has humour in his sole !!!
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:21:55 AM | First off, ignore the ‘friends’ speech. She doesn’t want to be your friend, she’s just letting you down easy (but it never really works that way). As you may be slowly learning, women are far more emotionally based than men are, and if you fail to bring her into a sexually receptive state of mind, she will view you as nothing more than an emotional tampon – someone to drag around while she’s shopping for clothes for the men she’s trying to attract so she gains validation. I used to hate women for doing just that, but the more I realized what I was doing, the more I discovered it was my own fault for tolerating and rewarding that kind of behavior.
The women you try to get with – do you notice yourself orbiting your life around them? Walking on eggshells and getting nervous so you don’t say something that might offend them? This is not the behavior of an attractive, strong, confident, secure man. You have to focus on the advancement of your own life first and foremost, and never apologize for what you want. Live life by what’s on your menu, don’t change it up for a woman – if she wants to tag along for the ride, great! To gain your validation from others is only going to cause you pain. If she doesn’t like you, who cares what she thinks? There are too many girls out there to let a few ruin your sense of worth.
The working out part is good advice if you’re doing it for you, but if you do it for someone else, it’s not going to stick, plus you’re giving control of your life to someone else. I’ve known a few fat guys that dress like bums get with some good looking women. | |
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