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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:00:43 AM | Ok so in the last week I have met one guy in Kelowna who didnt own very much stuff.. His house was pretty bare and for someone who is 39 should have some assets (not that I am money hungry or anything) it just seems weird that at that age you should have something to show and not just a bare fridge, a tv that is soo hard to read cause the writing is all blurry, and no books or dvd's... and I know he makes good money to so I think to myself hmmm drugs or what?? Then this other guy contacted me said he really likes me, texts me all the time blah blah blah and then totally lies to me... Here is an email he wrote to me tonight after I busted his ass:
" Well...congrats...you succeeded in catching me in a lie. To be honest, I was very nervous about meeting you. Ya, I am a big talker, but when it comes down to it...I am actually very shy and nervous.
I am hurt that you pursued this until finally you forced me into it. I hope that you don't do that with all the guys you meet. You just kept pushing and twisting your words trying to make me slip up. You said you were just curious about the Coq? Bullshit...you knew all along, and just were trying to catch me up. I certainly hope you don't do this will everyone, cause you will be single for a long time, and never learn to trust anyone at that rate.
I was sincere in meeting you, and my intentions were not to hurt you...but aparently I have. I wish you all the best in your search. Good luck to you Melissa.
Chris
The whole reason why I twisted my words is so he would slip up and I would catch him in a lie and well it worked!!! I am very cautious and thought right from the get go that I couldnt trust him and well I guess it paid off... As far as me never trusting anyone, well for one dont tell me that your driving the coq when everyone knows its frickin closed, I mean come on I am not that stupid....  So if you give me a reason to not trust you then I wont but I am a pretty easy going gal..
Soooo anyways what I would like to know is your thoughts on this!!!! Please and thank you!!!! | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:11:09 AM | Not sure about the lying guy thing, but if you're not trusting, it wont take long to push someone away at all, no matter how truthful they are.
The material things is a bit more interesting.
I gathered a life together, and possessions enough to start a nice place when I met my gal that I married. Since the split, I gave up most things that I would need, but mostly things that I thought that she would need more, but then again, I would give of myself to anyone in need, especially to this one who was selfish and selfcentered.
I didnt really care about material things after, and could care less about rebuilding. I had done that for many years, and had it all torn down.
I have enough, and I have books, movies etc, to live comfortably, but its gonna be an interesting new road to travel on. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:20:40 AM | | I dont care about material stuff either, I am not like that but the guy didnt even have a kitchen table or chairs... as far as trusting like I said unless you give me a reason to not trust you then of course I am gonna trust you fully... I just dont want to be hurt anymore been hurt too much!!!! So maybe I am being a little over cautious but I just dont want to end up being a sucker, you know what I mean.. I would like to think I am pretty intelligent not as someone who will just believe anything!!! I went out this weekend with a bunch of people from pof and had soo much fun and met soo many nice people and I am sure they can vote for me that I am really a easygoing nice person.. So I dont want people to think that I am money hungry or anything.. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:30:23 AM | | you didn't do anything wrong - in fact, I do the samething. I stress the fact that I want honesty, and if he wasn't going to be honest, then we don't have anything. It's also the women's intuition - deep down, there was something not quite right. He's mad that he got caught, andyou were just too smart for him. Good for you. Keep trying, don't let the dishonest ones get you down. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:42:44 AM | I know sometimes my intuition can be wrong and I have made mistakes but for the most part if you tell me for the 2nd or 3rd time that something has come up and we cant meet and then the next day you tell me ohh u have to cancel cause of a family emergency and u have to go out of town but then I see you on pof throughout the day.. I dont know about you but if I had to attend a family emergency the last thing on my mind is pof... then you tell me u drove the coq and it was ugly especially near the slide and that it was a little sketchy of course I am gonna see if infact the coq has reopened and well its not... Why not if your gonna lie say you took another route or make it a little more believable...  | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:57:48 AM | Thats true!
I tend to be really trusting of people, and am honest so expect that of others.
When someone lies, it wont be too hard to catch them in it, for the truth doesnt quarrel with itself, and lies never stop quarreling with each other.
For me it would be hard to just assume that everyone I meet is lying, but if youre female dealing with guys, its not that hard to imagine. I have known my fair share of females that just lied to get whatthey wanted, but thats another story. Its why I wont put out on the first date anymore. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 3:09:21 AM | | that's funny! but why does everyone lie? I don't understand it... why can't guy say they're playing the field... they're seeing and searching for lots of women... I get it if the chemistry isn't there.. but the chemistry was there in my case... and he lied again. 3 strikes and that's it. Think about this... if you had this great job offer... $200K a year, all the benefits you could want, all fantasies to come true... and you say... ummm I have another interview. Why would a guy put that offer on hold, for a possible whatever? He's still fishing, that's why. .One offer is not enough. Oh well... it's another day. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 3:11:32 AM | I think you should take a break from the personals for now...
Not saying it to be mean but just like me..I found that 90% of guys on this site is telling lies. So why spend a lot of your thoughts and energy in being a spy and hunting for lies and deciet ........when you already know it's THERE.
I know....you know..everyone knows that what is behind the computer screen is just smoke and mirrors.
I would not get too chummy with gents ........until you can exhale.
Happy Valentines day! | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 3:34:05 AM | Wow!
I guess Im lucky to be in that 10%
Thats not a good average! | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 8:49:40 AM | | You know what peacefulsail, I just dont get it... I try soo hard to wrap my brain around why guys and women too just cannot be honest and say what they actually want but then I get sooo exhausted just thinking about it... If you want just sex let me know because I am NOT looking for just that, if you want to be friends and go hang out GREAT, let me know when and where and I will be there OR if you want to be with me and think it could work then I cant wait to meet you!!!!! Its about time people start being more honest on here and I know that will never change but I would like to hope that there are more than the 10% on here that dont lie cause I will delete my profile right now.... | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 10:10:21 AM | wow..I thought I was cynical, and untrusting!..You have me beat by a mile!
Waiting for people to "be more honest" Especially on here, Just isnt going to happen. You basically have to take everything with a grain of salt and go with the flow. Its a long slow process but if you are here you may as well relax a bit and enjoy yourself.
If you keep playing these silly games trying to trick people to see if they are being honest...then I am afraid that guy was right..You will be alone for a long time.
There is nothing wrong with being cautious....but you are going above and beyond.
"Dont sweat the small stuff and dont pet the sweaty stuff"....
Your a smart lady...let them slip up on their own. Eventually it will happen! In the meanwhile..just dont wear your heart on your sleeve. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 10:43:32 AM | Why would I want to be with someone that lies to me, I would rather be single!!!! I am cautious for a reason!!!! As far as "the games" you say I played to get him to slip up I was only asking him a simple question he was the one that chose to lie so there are no games being played here!!! For a RN he really wasnt that smart...
I cant help but wear my heart on my sleeve I guess that is how I was brought up... I respect others and i'm a very caring person.. Cant help it!!! I'm sure thats partly why I always get hurt!!!
"Dont sweat the small stuff and dont pet the sweaty stuff"....
To me lieing is not something small and is not tolerated.. If you cannot be honest with me then its just not gonna work out!!!! Its not that hard to be honest is it?? | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 10:45:47 AM | I love this quote from the email he wrote her:
<div class="quote">I am hurt that you pursued this until finally you forced me into it. I hope that you don't do that with all the guys you meet. I certainly hope you don't do this with everyone, cause you will be single for a long time, and never learn to trust anyone at that rate.
Coming from the guy who was lying to her. The guy who isn't helping her with her trust issues. Very very funny. Good for you. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 10:55:15 AM | hun..meaning no disrespect..but you said yourself in your first post...
You just kept pushing and twisting your words trying to make me slip up. This man accused of this for a reason.
thats not a matter of asking a simple question.....thats a game!
Seems to me that something inside you wanted him to slip up and he did. Also makes me wonder if you would have given up if you had discovered this guy was actually telling you the truth? Not to mention..would you interogate him everytime you asked him something?
Yes!! you did in fact catch him in a lie but did you really get that much gratifacation from it?
there is a quote..I think goes something like this..
"its harder to livewith a lie, then to remember the truth" I believe this to be true.
of course you dont want to get hurt from lies...no one does!!
but there has to be a balance somewhere. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 11:03:49 AM | | Sounds like a hollow victory to me OP :/ | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 11:40:45 AM | Rain that is what he assumed.... I am sad that he lied but happy too cause atleast I found out he was not for me this early in the game!!! Well we dont have to worry about me interrogating him cause he is no longer in my life and yah the trust thing with him is shot I dont think I could really trust him until he gained it back...My step dad was the biggest liar on this planet so I know the feeling I get when something just isnt right... I wont immediately tell them they are lieing until I research it myself but that being said I only do this with people that I know have lied to me constantly and not someone I am trying to build a relationship with until that trust barrier has been broken...
One other thing I am not only looking out for myself but also for my daughter... I have to make sure that the man I decide to be with is not gonna hurt her either.. SO if I leave this earth single then so be it!!! | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 12:30:26 PM | | Mellisa, you are right in wanting a man to tell the truth about things. I read your profile and think you have alot to offer a man in terms of beauty,hobbies, and general outlook on life. I have lied myself on here and lost a beautiful lady as a result. I have enough material goods to fill a museum , due to family background,but I don't make alot and was embarressed to tell the girl the truth about my income. I know now that if you really like the person, the truth will come out sooner or later and end the relationship. My confession was good for the soul but bad for trusting ever again. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 2:18:16 PM | Thank you Gato!!! I totally agree 100% to what you said!!! If the feelings are mutual the money is and should not be an issue (unless your money hungry).. But sometimes we feel insecure or what have you, that the person on the other end may not like us for who we are cause there is this perception on how we "SHOULD" be and I know I fall in this category.. I am always worried that the person is not gonna like me cause I am a few extra pounds but if they arent gonna like you for who you are on the inside then S*** them, they arent worth your time!!!!!
To me its all about personality and the vibe I get from the person... I dont think I ask too much and would never intentionally hurt someone and I also would never be dishonest with someone because I know how it feels and it sucks.. Like I said before if your gonna lie to me please make sure that its believable.. LOL I just think its soo funny... The Coq has been closed for over a week you dont think that I would clue in lol Some peoples kids hahahaha | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 4:33:19 PM | | Thankyou too Melissa :) | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 6:30:03 PM | wow.
I'd say that if your gut tells you that someone isn't being honest with you that you just listen to your instincts and move on quietly and graciously.
Why be childish and turn it into a game of "gotcha"? Nothing is gained other than embarassing the other party and potentially making yourself look bitter and incapable of trust. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 6:53:29 PM | | Well maybe I am bitter and incapable of trusting ( that guy gave me no reason to trust him)... That is why I am writing in this forum.... I want to know why people do what they do??? I never thought of it as a game of gotcha... I guess I just dont understand the opposite sex and thought by coming here, it would kinda help me out... I am not here to embarrass anyone and if I was I would of put his username in the email but I am not... | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 7:17:46 PM | It might be easier to try and determine why you do what you do?
Look in the mirror. | |
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Posted: 2/14/2008 11:42:34 PM |
What I am looking for:
- NO LIARS!!!!!!!!!
From OPie's profile. I can hardly think of a way *more* guaranteed to make sure that you get them, lol! What you think about, talk about, put vibes out there about is going to be what you get. It's like a magnet!
Hope you learn soon, or you're going to have a very tough time.
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Posted: 2/15/2008 12:05:47 AM | | I actually just put that on there yesterday..... Since I wasnt having much luck I decided to put that there.... | |
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Posted: 2/15/2008 5:38:00 AM | | Melissa, you are right with wanting someone you can trust. Like respect,trust has to be earned. Please do not change, you are a great woman and worth waiting for. If I had found someone like you when I was in my twenties, I'd have married them. When the right man comes along, you will be glad you did not lower your standards. | |
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