| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:19:46 AM | This is a thread we might have fun with.....................
Sometimes you just need to find that right thing to say, and some people are not very quick witted, however here on the forums many are. I found these classy insults and was wondering what the fine people of the pond could up with or share some of their favorite lines that make others stop and think......
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill... followed by Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one."
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, when they go."
Oscar Wilde
Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!" Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"
Here is one of mine........."I have a question for you, As an outsider, what are your thoughts on the human race?" | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 8:01:33 AM | My personal favorite.
Oh I get it, you must think you're talking to someone who cares.
PP
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:25:13 AM | How about thies ones
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt"
Abraham Lincoln
"He is lucky that his father was born before him"
"You are just like school in the summer time ... No class" | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 11:00:31 AM | "Hey man ......you look good in a speedo"
Translation..... My chances are looking up. | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:40:58 PM | | "If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to propel a flea on a miniature motorcycle three times around the inside of a Cheerio" | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:48:39 PM | yup .... now do we have class or do we have class ..............
PP | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 3:04:10 PM | | LMAO Piklee, I LOVE that one... I know a few people it describes perfectly too | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:59:54 PM | | The problem is that the modern lunkhead isn't smart enough to appreciate the carefully crafted insult of a wordsmith. That is why F-You is so popular and effective. | |
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Piklee
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Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 10 | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:21:55 PM | Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. | |
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Piklee
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Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 12 | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:58:47 PM | You couldn’t get a clue during clue mating season in a field of clues if you smeared your body in musk and did the clue mating dance.
No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering. | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/14/2008 11:12:15 PM | You don't even have an inkling! . . .
( and it takes 10 inklings to make a clue! ) | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/15/2008 4:42:00 PM | " I was just going to pray for you at St. Pauls, but with no very lively hope of success."
Rev. Sydney Smith 1845
"I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion"
Robert Louis Stevenson | |
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once_
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Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 16 | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/16/2008 8:35:43 AM | | Your brain is so small it bounces around in your head like a B.B. in a boxcar. | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:08:21 PM | I almost wish I wasn't so indifferenet to your problems.
I can't believe that someone would be rude enough to tell you what they really think of you.
I really admire your ability to ignore your shortcomings. | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/17/2008 12:00:30 AM | "Just because we have different opinions doesn't mean you're less correct than I am....just less interesting."
"He's hit rock bottom and has shown signs of starting to dig"
One I actually used a few years ago to put someone in his place in front of his peers
"Hey let's be nice to this guy, I saw him in the bathroom earlier getting a drink of water....then the seat fell and hit him in the back of the head"
And let us not forget self insults...and who better to refer to that the master himself.....
"The other night My wife told me to take out the garbage, I told her 'you cooked it, you take it out'"
"me an my wife, we have this aggreement, we only smoke after sex....I've had the same pack of cigarettes for 14 years. What's worse is she's up to 2 packs a day."
"I caught her in bed with the milkman, she made me promise not to tell the Butcher"
"Steak and sex, my favorite pair...I have them both the same way....Very rare!"
"I went on a blind date one time, I waited at this corner for an hour and a half, finally this girl shows up, I say 'are you Linda', she says 'are you Rodney' I say 'yeah', she says 'I'm not Linda' "
3 guesses which guy who never gets respect said these gems.
Have a happy people! | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/17/2008 5:40:43 AM | Our Canadian politicians have had a few good ones during question period....
"I get sick ... not because of drink [but because] I am forced to listen to the ranting of my honourable opponent."
– During the election of 1863, Sir John A. Macdonald threw up during a campaign speech and when his opponent pointed this out, Macdonald shot back with this answer.
"The finest woman ever to walk the streets of Kingston."
– Former PM John Diefenbaker on fellow Conservative Flora Macdonald after having a falling out with her.
"There, but for the grace of Pierre Elliott Trudeau, sits God,"
-NDP Leader David Lewis in 1969 during a House debate.
"The Hon. leader of the Opposition knows all about butts. He has had his hands on more butts than there are members of this House."
– Transport Minister John Crosbie in November 1987 to Liberal Leader John Turner. Crosbie is referring to Turner's 1984 election campaign gaffe on TV when he was caught slapping Liberal MP's Iona Campagnolo's bum.
"Pass the tequila, Sheila, lay down and love me again."
– John Crosbie, minister for international trade, at a fundraising dinner in Victoria about Liberal Opposition MP Sheila Copps in February 1990.
"It is better to be sincere in one language than to be a twit in two,"
-Crosbie said in 1983 about former prime minister Pierre Trudeau.
"Slut."
-What Tory backbencher William Kempling called Sheila Copps in 1991.
"Sheila, that a was a shitty thing to do and confirms you are one bitch."
– Ian McClelland, Reform MP for Edmonton Southwest, to Sheila Copps during a debate in April 1997.
"Frankly, if I was going to recruit somebody, I'd go further up the gene pool."
– Liberal cabinet minister Reg Alcock when asked by reporters on May 4, 2005, whether he offered an ambassadorship to Tory MP Inky Mark in return for Mark giving up his seat in the House of Commons, thus making the Liberals' minority government a little more secure.
SOURCE: The Oxford Book of Canadian Political Anecdotes (1988 Oxford University Press) Ed. Jack McLeod. | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:59:20 PM | You got a nice personality, but not for a human being.
-Jack E Leonard
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality
-Anonymous
There he is folks, the poster child for Planned Parenthood.
-Bob Dehnhardt | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:21:28 PM | The best part of u is still running down ur mom's leg..........aaahahhah | |
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| When Insults Had Class
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:39:43 PM | Smiling One, thanks for the reminder...............................
I have often told my kids that I should rent them out for a weekend and that would make people want to use birth control...............................I just cant understand why that pissed them off.............................. | |
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