| Neither Here Nor There
Posted: 2/15/2008 2:56:25 PM | I posted under Humor silly me but it IS humor:
Once in awhile I delight myself by visiting the site www.fark.com to find the never ending news of the weird which pervades everyday life on this tiny, blue speck that travels in a never ending elliptical orbit throughout the solar system and universe in general. If I read this site too often it does begin to depress me since I do believe many in the world to be dysfunctional in psychological behavior to begin with and others stark raving mad. This site re-enforces this belief and also substantiates my theory of the 90% Lunatic Fringe. Behavior which is exhibited by many currently would have had them incarcerated in a mental facility just a short 25-30 years ago. I remember that my moving to California coincided with then Governor Ron Reagan shutting down state mental facilities and placing the patients onto the street. This was quite noticeable at the time when I traveled downtown to eat at a restaurant and had a gentleman on the street barking at me and attempting to sniff my butt. Many do not know that Mr. Reagan was also more then just the governor at the time and wholly believed that plants were actually pumping CO2 into the air causing pollution and other problems. This was of course a man that was out acted by a chimpanzee in a movie and after his stint as president, was discovered that the chimp was his main advisor on politics and why Ron had a mad posh for bananas. So today I take a look and find several things that make me laugh.
A mulllah bomber that was preparing to use a land mine to kill innocent people had it accidentally go off and kill two other associates and his 2 sons. Nothing was mentioned about livestock so I guess this is not as bad as it sounds. This follows on the tail of a suicide bomber that accidentally had his explosives go off in his home before he could kill anyone hence it was a REAL suicide bombing if he were depressed. I do not believe in the existence of God but after you encounter similar news stories you kind of wonder. I am sure this happens quite a bit and we should all be gleeful it does. Thank goodness for incompetent murdering scum! To think we actually were training dolphins to plant explosives on ship and other targets. Now people just want to have sex with them!
I was ecstatic to discover that the head of the California Medical Association is a gentleman named Doctor Frankenstein. This only goes to show what someone can accomplish with their life if they focus hard enough. One moment you are stealing body parts and sewing them together and imbuing it with electricity and bringing an abomination of nature to a semblance the life to wreak death and destruction in its path, the next you are the head of a prestigious and respected profession and organization! Reporters attempted to ask the Doctor how he felt about this as opposed to his old preoccupations but were halted by 2 mysterious 7 foot tall men of a very pale color with bolts protruding from their necks. They say you can never get it out of your blood!
We of course have the obligatory what to do on Valentine’s Day when no one could care less about your ass. Here are ten things to do with extra comments inserted:
1. Have a movie night- Invite some friends over for a movie marathon but leave The Notebook out for this. You don’t want to provoke feelings that might lead you to consider Zoloft®. Now is a great time to catch up on Freddy vs. Jason.
Personally then you can have a group of depressed people in one location and sign and execute a suicide pact. Personally I would be inclined to watch movies whose main plots revolve around killing women that have jilted the main character.
2. Think- …about how much money you save NOT buying flowers, boxers, lingerie, teddy bears and jewelry. You can use those funds to buy half a textbook for next semester.
Jesus, who wrote this crap? I want to kick their ass! Yes, half a textbook will placate me other then someone that sexually desires me wearing hot lingerie or running around my place topless in boxers! This angers me greatly!
3. Listen to some angry music- This genre always seems to have many therapeutic properties. Some recommendations are:“Man in a Box”- Alice in Chains“Lithium”- Nirvana“Bullet with Butterfly Wings”-Smashing Pumpkins
I prefer the tune “I am Going to Cut You into Small Pieces With a Dull Knife” by the Serial Killers. To me that is ANGRY MUSIC!
4. Call- …your mom, dad, uncle, grandma, or second cousin twice removed. Let them know you are still alive and if you’re feeling really adventurous, have a real conversation with them, something beyond “Yo, can you send me some money?”
Yes like “Yo can you send me a friend so I do not feel so alone and like such a loser!”
5. Bake something- You don’t have to go all Betty Crocker on this one. If you have the skills to whip up a triple layer chocolate mousse cake, go for it. For people that are baking challenged, there’s always break and bake cookies.
Personally those break and bake cookies once hardened in the freezer make a great weapon so why not take up mugging since you have unending emotional pain being choked down and everyone you look at seems to resemble Satan?
6. Play some tackle football- Taking someone down is so rejuvenating. And after an evening of football, you can write Tom Brady a letter with some pointers on how not to get sacked 1,287 times in one quarter.
So not only am I to believe that I and maybe a friend may not have someone special on Valentines Day but I have 23 friends that have no one that cares for them either. We refer back to the suicide pack solution or doing a lemming’s imitation near a 200 sheer foot drop.
7. Make a craft- Remember friendship bracelets and those lizards made of beads? Time to resurrect them.
Yes, tying 4 of these bracelets together makes a great garrote. Quick, easy and no mess to clean up!
8. Do some pre-spring cleaning- If the dust bunnies under your bed look more like dust dinosaurs, Swiffer® is calling your name. Your lungs will thank you.
I don’t know about you but the first thing I always do upon finding no one loves or cares for me is to SPRING CLEAN!!!! Personally I find myself covering the room’s floor with plastic and wonder just how painful that nail gun really will be.
9. Go workout- If walking from the Engineering Quad to Lincoln Hall is your idea of exercise, this is the perfect day to upgrade. Since many people will be getting a workout of a different kind, the gym will be next to empty and for once, there won’t be a three hour wait for the treadmill.
This is probably one of the closest to a sane suggestion on this list. At least you can focus pain and anger upon weights. Then you can go home and cry, take a bath and pull out that razor blade!
10. Realize-…that it’s ridiculous to be wasting time and brain capacity worrying about being single one day out of the 365. Put that effort into doing something useful: like watching a Family Guy marathon.
That is one of the most “USEFUL” things I could do under these circumstances. Watch a Family Guy marathon. How about a “Sex in the City” marathon so you can cry while in a fetal position that you have no romantic babes in your life and may never!
Amazing contributions are made by dolts everyday in our society and this is an exceedingly prevalent example of the remedial mind set that is presented to we the public as wisdom. I am currently oiling up my Iron Maiden and sharpening the spikes and will then going looking for this person. I will show them what I like to do on Valentines Day when I have no one that loves me. : ) | |
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