| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:07:03 AM | A guy contacted me through this site over 2 wks ago. We have spoken in length each night. If I didn't call him, he called me. I have been living away from home and am returning to the same city where he resides this week. He has talked to me about helping me move, spending most of his time at my place, worrying about when he meets me kids and what they will think of him, telling me how serious he is about me, calling me from his friends house to talk. We talk at about 9:30pm at night until sometimes 2:30-3am. He is living at home while he "rebuilds" his life. He has 3 kids that he sees every second weekend. He does not drive anymore. I am seperated and told him that I was interested when he asked and told me how strong he felt for me and that he was telling everyone that he met this great woman and all his friends kept remarking about how he was glowing. He says he thinks about me all day. We had made tentative plans for this weekend as I was going to be there to do some errands and I had stated on many occassions that there was no rush and we could see each other when I moved back. He seemed excited. He started conversations about going away on a weekend in the near future and said he was attempting to change weekends with his visitation to collaberate with mine so we could manage it. I told him if it was difficult for him I could try to change mine. Just this past weekend he asked me if I had checked my Favorites Testimonial and that he had put something on there. He did and it was very "lovey dovey", maybe a little over the top. He also changed his status to not looking and not single.
Now comes the strange part. I spoke with him this past Wednesday and he was busy and said he would call me back before 10pm. He didn't do so. I left him a message around a half hour later saying that I was sorry he didn't get a chance to call and that I was going to bed and would talk to him another time (the ball was in his court). He then leaves me a message on POF that night at 11:30pm that he took longer getting home and that he was really hoping to catch me and called my phone at 10:45pm that night and only let it ring once. He said he was sad he only got to talk to me for a short time and was really hoping to get to spend more time talking with me that night.
I attempted to call him on Valentine's Day and he wasn't home. No message from him either. Attempted to call him again last night and his mom said he was sleeping. Both times I left a message that I had called. I responded to his email and said that I wasn't sure what was going on but that whatever it was he could be honest and just say so outright and that would be it. I told him that I knew this wasn't anything exclusive or serious and that I realized it had only been 2 weeks and that we haven't even met. I told him that I had called him back and that if he no longer wanted or could get together on the weekend that it was fine but I would like to know as I had been asked out by someone else. The message has been left unread and he has not been on POF since leaving me that message. On his profile he puts that he cannot stand people that play head games and that he is not looking for one night stands or F**K Buddies? I cannot think of anything I may have done to set this off, so I AM OFFICIALLY STUMPED???? Can anyone PLEASE help me out with any thoughts on what might be going on?
I am not desperate, clingy, or pushy. I haven't rushed anything. He was the one to actually profess more and make something more of it. I thought we had a great connection.
ANY insight into this would be MUCH appreciated. Thank YOU!
I have stopped calling and have not sent any other emails. I am fairly new to this site and haven't been single for a long time. Is this normal? Am I stumped about nothing? | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:18:09 AM | | Well unfortunately its normal on POF from what I hear on the forums. Some are ok as long as the conversation is on here or on the phone, but when it comes right down to the meet they, for whatever reason start backing away. Maybe the fact that he is living at home with mom he feels he has nothing to offer a relationship. Who knows......I wouldnt give him another call. You have done what you could to alleviate any anxiety in him by offering to wait to meet,and/or change weekends. I would just check to see if he reads your mail . Do you have him on favs to see if he was on line but just didnt open your mail to read it? It's just 2 weeks out of your life. Dont stress if you dont hear anything. Some thing just do not have answers. | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:24:50 AM | Ahhhh the emotions you develop on the internet can cloud your judgment before you meet in person. You might be unwilling to see the truth (or red flags) because you feel you've invested so much time in the online/phone relationship, or feel it "should" work.
The truth of the matter is , You haven't met, yet he is planning things out, I for one would be wary of a person who does that and proclaim their feelings for me without even meeting me.
I guess you are either naive or for some reason avoiding the red flags, Separated, living at home to rebuild his life, doesn't drive and hangs out with his friends, he called you before whether he was with friends or not and now you haven't heard from him especially on Valentines day.
So what if he puts in his profile what he's not looking for, do you know how many game players are out there that says the same thing?
Online connection and real life connections are two different things, sounds like he's playing games, my advice wave buh byeeeeeeeee , until you have met in person there is nothing to discuss. | |
|
| |
| |
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:44:53 PM | Plenty of divorced women your age have a filthy attitude to guys and don't even realise it. Thats not a problem with easygoing guys in their early twenties but a disaster with recently seperated guys in their thirties.
Have a look at the previous comment about guys who are livign with mum and don't drive. Well durrrrrrr stupid. There are no shelters for seperated men. No government assistance programs and nowhere for them to go but the parents or the gutter.
But the spiteful attitudes to these battered ex husbands still continue.
You almost certainy made a spiteful remark, which you didn't even see as spiteful but which he was touchy about. Touchy enough to end the relaitonship.
I'll give you a good example "All men are baarstards" Common comment from women of all ages up to age forty. But when you use the word "all" then you are definitely including the boyfriend that you are talking to. You are saying to him "you are a baarstard"
You won't really understand this stupid attitud that all men are evil by definition, decleration, and proclimation and that all women are vitcims untill you turn forty five and your first children get married.
Thats when you cease to be the poor abused women and automaticly become the totally evil mother in law.
Only then will you truly mature as a person in your own right . At present you are a cliche. Only then will you truly understand. | |
|
| |
| |
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:56:31 PM | Sorry I couldn't read the whole book you wrote. But in essence I'm sure if he's not chasing you down or at least returning your phone calls - HE FOUND SOMEONE ELSE. This is the answer to 99% of the questions about "why doesn't he", "why is he", "why won't he"....
Any person who has to say they are "different", "don't like games", etc -- means that they are trying to convince themselves, not you. | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:59:18 PM | Men can be a bit thick emotionally sometimes. My best guess is that is the case.
He has cut an run on you, that means he doesn't want to deal with his own issues regarding you. There are a number of common reasons why he would cut and run and I'll try and list the most likey ones.
1. He isn't really ready for a relationship so he is too scared to meet up.
2. He has been dating someone else at the same time, it got serious on V day and he doesn't want to deal with feeling guilty.
3. Something you said sent up a red flag for him and he believes its best to just get out now without seeing if it is a real issue or not.
Whatever the case the point is, it's not you it's him. It's regrettable but not everyone knows themselves and is capable of being sincere. Take a deep breath, be a bit sad that peoples insecurities and lack of ability to deal with reality often leads to themselves and others gettng hurt and move on.
You never know he might get back to you but don't hold your breath, breath :)
Good Luck | |
|
| |
| |
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/16/2008 9:00:37 PM | Thank you all who were kind enough to reply to my question. I appreciate you taking the time to give me your insight. I realize I must have sounded a wee bit sensitive and wouldn't usually worry about a chat or phone buddy, but a reason for it I couldn't figure out. Anyhow, I won't waste my time worrying about something trivial and will move on happily. Thank you for your kindness!
As for CRAYONZZ-Grow up!! Get over yourself! You are certainly one to be giving any kind of advice when all you do is spew wasted garbage because of your bitterness and insecurities. Didn't anyone ever teach you if you don't have anything nice to say...don't waste everyone else's time with your nasty, not worth listening to rants! People like you waste pond space. Nobody fishes for bottom feeders that always sink and scavenge along the floor. | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:59:07 AM |
As for CRAYONZZ-Grow up!! Get over yourself! You are certainly one to be giving any kind of advice when all you do is spew wasted garbage because of your bitterness and insecurities. Didn't anyone ever teach you if you don't have anything nice to say...don't waste everyone else's time with your nasty, not worth listening to rants! People like you waste pond space. Nobody fishes for bottom feeders that always sink and scavenge along the floor.
OP: I so wish you would tell CRAYONZZ what you really think of him................ | |
|
| |
| |
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:24:08 AM |
I have some advice dont get so "invested." I'll agree.
You meet this guy online 2 weeks ago, and have never met him in person.
But he was already talking about spending most of his time at your place, and you were planning to go away together for a weekend?
I don't think it's a good idea to be making plans like that, with someone you meet online 2 weeks ago and haven't seen in person yet. | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:27:13 AM | I am so the kind of woman that doesn't like to chitty chat a lot online or even on the phone before I meet someone. Seems harsh to others, but why waste a lot time on something that may or may not end up in the end.
Don't ever let a man come over to your place if you have met. Thats not a good decision to let someone over you do not know. | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:46:28 AM | You said that you have made a great connection. You did make a great connection. But, with who? With an irresponsible, unemployed, homeless, (lives with Mom), adult child. You are preying on the mentally and physically ill. You should be ashamed of yourself to ask of anything from this person. Two weeks of fantascizing and dreaming , over the phone, about what? A DREAM. NOT REALITY. This guy is happy to be tucked into bed by his Mom. What makes you think he wants to get out of bed and support you and your children? He is the weakest of the most weak, yet you expect him to perform for you and your kids..... when he doesn't even know how to care for himself! Maybe you are looking for another kid, so you want to take this one on, too.  | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:32:53 AM | | OP, one can only believe that your "Joker" has lost interest in persuing a relationship with you for whatever reason. It certainly would have been nice for him to have been big enough to let you know the reasons rather than just disappear, but life and people are not perfect, and perhaps he just cannot face up to all of the smoke he was blowing up your ass! Maybe you should just drop him a short note to inquire how his "glow" is getting on. You're an attractive young woman! Keep fishing, all of us men aren't like that "Joker"!!! | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:23:49 AM | | Hey honey, Im sorry but I think this has happened to most of us!! You can't expect that after two weeks his going to be totally committed, my guess is, he has meant someone else. He possible told you all that stuff becasue thats what you wanted to hear and it kept you interested and talking and no doubt he was keen for a while. Try not to take things too seriously until about that 3rd month it takes that long, at least ,to really get to know someone. In the meantime, don't give up hope there truely are nice guys out there, Well im hanging on to that hope anyway.... | |
|
| |
| |
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:17:16 AM |
Seriously stunned...
OP you are a mess! You talked chatted with someone you have never met for TWO WEEKS about:
spending most of his time at my place
worrying about when he meets me kids and what they will think of him
going away on a weekend in the near future
attempting to change weekends with his visitation to collaberate with mine so we could manage it...if it was difficult for him I could try to change mine.
You then proceed to say:
I am not desperate, clingy, or pushy. I haven't rushed anything.
Wow. I checked your profile to see how old you are and I'm shocked. I hope you put some serious thought into making some grown up decisions to (at the very least) protect your children. | |
|
| Seriously stunned..Talk with guy 2 wks each day and now won't return call?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:31:22 AM | I will admit that I didn't read that entire book but here is my 2 cents none the less.
Why are you shocked? A guy changed his mind about you and instead of telling you he wants to move on to other opportunities he just left. The fact the guy lives with his mom combined a few other cues you stated make me believe this guy is underdeveloped and immature so it shouldn't be much of a surprise he just up and left.
If you continue to date such guys this will most likely continue. It might help to reevaluate what you are doing to attract such a guy and change it.
Again, just my 2 cents. | |
|
Home
login 
