| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 1:44:24 PM | I'm pissed off.
I was perfectly content with my life. Happy with what I was doing and where I was at. Going back to college, a good (although stressful) job, a beautiful daughter, mom moved in to help me out with taking care of my daughter, good friends, happy being single because I know I am a great woman and I don't need a man to be happy. Sounds good, right?
Then, J... he got under my skin. Talked me into dating him even though I told him I don't date. "Give me a chance. I think we'll be great together," he said. And it was great. INCREDIBLY great. For two weeks. That's it. They were a perfect two weeks too. He said all the right things, made me laugh like I haven't laughed in a long time, was great with my daughter, even said he wanted to be the man she ran up to and hugged whenever she saw him. Didn't even pressure for sex cause I told him I wanted to wait until I was sure this time and he said he felt the same way. We even had "our song". Don't Blink by Kenny Chesney. I've NEVER had a "song" with someone. Well, kinda with my deceased husband, but not from the very beginning.
Then something happened. He was blowing me off big time and I couldn't understand why. I cornered him Valentine's Day and made him talk to me. He said it's because he's still in love with his ex-girlfriend (the woman he said actually peed on his clothes after an argument) and although he THOUGHT he was ready to date, it's been 8 months since they broke up, he realized when things started getting closer between us that he isn't and it's not fair to me to keep it going. Oh... and he also found out that his last one-night-stand is pregnant.... along with another one from two months ago. And although one is getting an abortion the other is thinking of keeping the baby. This from the guy who told me he hadn't been with a woman since his ex left.
I got uber drunk Valentine's night. Can you blame me?
Started crying like an idiot in front of him. Then I grabbed his baseball cap and started hitting him over the head with it and telling him what an idiot I thought he was. Here I am, probably the best thing that'll ever happen to him and he's throwing me away. I told him that if he ever pulls his head out of his ass and decides he wants to have a real relationship to let me know... maybe I'd still be single. It didn't help that it was the day before my period and I'm ALWAYS an emotional wreck at that point in time. So I made an ass of myself.
He texted me the next day asking if I was mad. What? Ya think? I told him I was more disappointed than mad.And embarrassed for crying in front of him. I view it as a sign of weakness and I'm not a weak woman.
But he got under my skin... big time. I thought, hey! Maybe I can fall in love again and not get hurt. Yeah, right.... Maybe I just fall in love too easily. Maybe it's just that all the guys around here are****.
So, now I'm pissed. At myself, mostly, for believing in him. And my self-esteem has taken a beating. I had just finally built myself back up from the fiasco with my last boyfriend, "S". Only took almost two years to do that. Now I feel like I'm back at square one. I can't even hold the interest of a drunk. Yeah for me...another failed relationship!
I have a feeling though that J is gonna be just like S. Another man I can't stay mad at. And that pisses me off too.... because if I'm right, then all he'll have to do is crook his finger and I'll come running back. Just like a fool. I don't like acting like a fool.
I need a vacation. Just a weekend away from from this town and everyone in it. I just want to get drunk and party ("like a rock star" LOL!) and not have to worry about getting home to take care of my daughter. I want to dance, and flirt with cute guys who flirt back so I KNOW I'm worthy of attention and have a good time and stop feeling so down in the dumps. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:00:45 PM | | I completely understand. I stayed away from men for 6 years after my divorce. I was seriously never going to have a man in my life again. Then, HE came along. I was way foolish and let me heart rule my head. Well guess what? I got hurt and he moved on. He got under my skin, big time. However, I did learn something from this. I do want to be in a relationship, and I will NOT let what he did to me send me back into my safe little no man allowed world. There is someone out there for me. I just have to find him. I am OVER him!!! He does not deserve me or the love I have to give. If he is alone forever, so be it, it's his call. DO NOT let this man make you feel like a fool. He's the fool, not you. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:10:53 PM | welcome to...
idiots r us
you have great company..
maybe next time...trust must be earned? | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:11:27 PM | You're not an idiot. You took a chance with him and it didn't work. He started seeing how thing were with you and it scared him. (IMHO) Yeah, maybe you did make a fool out of yourself crying like that but I can bet you he is feeling like the bigger fool.
Also, look at it this way: if he was going to freak so easily, its beter he did it early in your relationship then later. If you thought it hurt you when he walked out, think how bad it would have been AFTER you two slept togther a few times and you (and your daughter) developed deep emotional ties with this guy.
Don't let this drive back into a shell. Not every guy is like him. I'm sure there are plenty of decent guys in Iowa. Get out there and look. The alternative is spending the rest of your life alone and that can only be worse. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:19:24 PM | You are amoung great company...unfortunately. I too have fallen for someone who will only break my heart. I have been divorced for almost a year and have let someone I have known for a long time, someone who has been a friend to me, get under my skin. I find myself sad, and mad, knowing that I am going to lose not only a person who I want more with, but a friend as well. I am treading lightly, but know I am heading for a heartbreak.
But what do you do, give up? I don't think so, but I am very cautious about what I put out there now. My heart has been broken too many times to crash to the floor again.
I hope you can get past this one, he is apparently lying to a lot of people out there. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:20:09 PM | Then I grabbed his baseball cap and started hitting him over the head with it and telling him what an idiot I thought he was. Here I am, probably the best thing that'll ever happen to him and he's throwing me away. I told him that if he ever pulls his head out of his ass and decides he wants to have a real relationship to let me know... maybe I'd still be single.
YOU GO, GIRL!!!
I don't even call it "Dating land" or "Adventures in Dating" anymore...I call it IHOP because of all the waffling guys.
I've NEVER had a "song" with someone. Well, kinda with my deceased husband, but not from the very beginning.
See this is the problem with losing a "keeper" to the Reaper. We expect that most men have their heads on straight and want a meaningful and committed relationship/marriage.
Guess what? They don't. Above the age of oh, say, 18, any man who is unattached has been through some sort of failed relationship that has left him f'd up in the head. Some of them actually do get over themselves eventually,but in the meantime we have to either deal with the BS,drama, and headgames, or totally disassociate from relationship -oriented dating.
Sounds like maybe you kind of have a case of "winter blahs" or "cabin fever"...a getaway might be just the ticket. Just be careful( remember accidents cause people)
Cindy O | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:25:33 PM | 
don't worry, we are all twits at some stage and let the wrong people into our lives.
you learnt a good lesson, so it wasn't a waste of time.
go easy on yourself, you haven't done anything wrong, it's not your fault that he is such an idiot. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:26:09 PM | "and he also found out that his last one-night-stand is pregnant.... along with another one from two months ago. And although one is getting an abortion the other is thinking of keeping the baby. "
If he has admitted to unprotected sex with one night stands I'd say you have probably had a lucky escape! | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:28:24 PM | Looks like there are other fish in this pond. I have floundered around in it too. You are not an idiot. You have to take risks at some point. Some you win, some you lose. But would it be better never to have taken any? and would it be better to spend the rest of your life wondering if there was anyone out there.
Don't give up. As someone else has said, if it had to happen, It was better that it happened that early on.
When I was feeling this blue, I went to Luxor in Egypt on my own for a week. It was scary but I had to focus on survival, stopped me dwelling on the hurt, had a great time.
Go for it and | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:33:04 PM | | What really kills me is that we know A LOT of the same people so I know that unless I become a total home-body I'm going to keep seeing him around (we live in kind of a small town). And if he would just pull his head out of his ass he does have the potential to be a really great guy. But he's a drunk..... I didn't realize how much so until recently. I guess he really is one of those who will have to hit rock bottom before he realizes how bad he's gotten. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:37:16 PM | You're not an 'idiot' - though as some have already said, if we get labled we're in good company  . There's a great religious song calld 'We Fall Down', that you could tell all kinds of stories with, right after those 3 words.
You know that unless we trust, we'll never find out if the other is who they say they are and if a partnership is possible - thus, we will always get hurt to some degree when any of them do not work out, which is usually the case until the right one comes along. But how can you find the right one on the first go 'round - that would be rare I'd think.
I'm sorry for your heartache, but would say atta-girl for giving it a shot, and for keep on trying, as we all should do if we're really ready for this.
p.s. - had to give a hug to a homey (I'm from South Dakota) | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:38:47 PM | | OP, you are definately not an "idiot" you took a chance on someone and he screwed it up, don't be afraid of taking chances because you just never know when the right person for you will come along. The simple fact is he just wasn't for you, hold you head up and never doubt who you are and what you deserve, you certainly deserve a lot better than you got with him. There is a little word called Karma, don't worry he will get back just what he dished out, in good measure!! | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:39:01 PM | | Yep sounds hard.... But don't you go back with him and have to reach rock bottom in the relationship before you bail. His "relationship" with alcohol is destructive... Don't fall into that type of relationship with him. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:39:41 PM | The only time you can sincerely and really call yourself an idiot IF you let him back in your life...
Then we will all shake our heads and wonder wth???
We have allllll fallen head over heels for someone that had just the right chemistry, the right look, the right words, the right smile, the right well you get the picture.
Reminder yourself ever day, and if in the beginning every hour that You are worth so much more than trouble.
There is NOT one of us that can say why he was backing away, because with this guys history...It doesn't seem like thinking is one of his better qualities.
If all else fails take a look at your daughter, and remind yourself it is UP TO YOU to be a great example of GOOD relationships...
TRUST ME ON THIS.
I had two little girls, was in school all of that, but boy did they both see me make total boner mistakes. SIGHHHHH.
My oldest is 24, and she seems to pick the guys that need a heck of a lot of emotional fixing. The next 21, seems to do pretty good all considering. My oldest is now working on her MA, and the second is a pre med...
I DO always worry about the choices my oldest makes. She can make relationships work, but as I said she picks the one that have the most emotional baggage.
If you can't take a weekend, take a day trip with some GF and have a really good time. Flirt with cute guys at the mall. Maybe look like a girl with no worries in the world. It will do you wonders.
Girl, just remind yourself we only become idiots after knowing the facts and going back again.
Good luck... | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:43:17 PM | ....however, now that you know he's addicted to alcohol, and it sounds like sex with anyone who'll roll in the hay with him going forward is a different thing. People's character rarely changes. It takes a life changing event in my experience, and those are few, though not impossible. I think what you say and the way you say it is very telling. "If only he'd...................". Facts are, he hasn't and the probability is, he will not. The guy's a player - duck and run girl - the right one may not be right around the corner, but then again he might - keep a weather eye out! (hops of soapbox  ) | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:43:17 PM | | Live and learn and most of all................Move on! | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:44:14 PM | MSG 10 Ok now you are an idiot..lol, he has potential....at what making babies... | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:48:27 PM | Yeah... potential at making babies. Thank god, not with me!!!
You're all right. HE's the idiot. Not me. Just gotta keep telling myself that. And get away for the weekend once I get my tax refund. I'm thinkin' New Orleans...... | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:48:55 PM | | I'm sorry this happened to you. I've had similar experiences of opening up to a guy and then getting hurt badly. It happens to the best of us and is the risk you take when you love someone. You are a lovely woman who seems to have her head on straight. Keep talking and venting, and try to resist the urge to go running back. Remember he has been dishonest with you and irresponsible with one-night stands. Is this the kind of person you want in your life even as a friend? You are not an idiot at all--you just loved someone because you are a loving person. Remember, the love is inside of you and is yours to give to someone who really really deserves it. You can ride this out and get past it, I promise. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:50:21 PM | you poor thing!
I bet that writing it all out like that was good for you.
My favorite part was when you hit him with his hat.
I have been reading these threads, and it is a very friendly group of folks.
You are a fantastic person,and he is a butt.
Keep your chin, you have many blessing.
Better njavascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('')ow , then later, that you find out about his problems! | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:58:02 PM | | Yeah, he sure wasn't expecting to be beat over the head. The look on his face when I did it was priceless! | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:58:24 PM | | Ok im new to this dating thing again and luckily I have found someone that treats me right but, I have been around enough to tell you this. Dont get your hopes up too quickly. Its ok to hope but dont count on men to be telling you the truth at first. Dont get the children involved until you are sure his actions match up to his words. Dont let a few bad men ruin true love for you. Keep trying and move on if someone isnt treating you right. That doesnt mean he has to be perfect, but if hes a jerk hes a jerk and its obvious. Move on and fast, why waste time with a loser. You arent going to change him and your wasting valuable time you could be enjoying with someone else. Be you and enjoy who you are. You dont need a man to valadate you. Just have fun and its ok to hope something turns into more if that what you want. But just let it happen and dont invest to much to soon. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:01:03 PM | | You are not an idiot. You believed in him and he lied to you. With knowing that, why would you even consider taking him back when he got other women pregnant? You are a very pretty lady, so take this as a lesson learned and move on. | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:04:09 PM | | marcia don't do that to yourself,life is a long learning experience we are all here for,we are all not at the same place in life,if you were happy with yourself before and being the best person you can, you have nothing to feel bad about,you cant change people we have to learn to be better. sounds like he said all the right things but actions speak louder then words!!! | |
|
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:06:31 PM | | The only thing you're an idiot for is having him spend time with your daughter after dating him for only 2 weeks. If they were as great together as you say, then your daughter is the big loser in all of this. | |
|
Home
login 
