EH1
| | Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| | How to refuse romance without pissing a woman offPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Ok I've become pretty good friends with this girl in my auditing class and we do most of our homework together. We became freinds when I recognized her because she works evenings at a local sports bar that I got to on rare occsions. Her body language when we are sitting close and looks she sneaks at me is telling me that she REALLY wants something from me but I think she is not really attractive and always smells like cigarettes which is another turnoff. Still I want to stay on good terms and keep a good realtionship but it is becoming pretty clear that if I don't make some kind of move on her she is going to be really pissed and dissapointed with me.
I've been in these kind of situations before and they always end up with me pissing her off or making myself seem like an ***hole or a coward. Any advice for a way to gracefully put a stop to the false hope I'm creating and maintain friendship.
(By the way, the blunt approach of telling her"look, I don't know what you think is going on but we are just study buddies and nothing more" makes me feel like an asshole. I'm looking for somekind of creative way that maintains a feeling of grace and freindship.) | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:11:42 PM | Maybe just tell her how much you've enjoyed being her study buddy and you're glad you've become friends. If you mention the friends zone a bit... hopefully, she'll get the clue that's all you want. Maybe you should talk about other girls you're interested in.....
Rejection is hard for both men and women. You can't hit on her if you're not attracted... | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:14:14 PM | Tell her you have a girlfriend but do so casually. "Man, I was talking to my girlfriend last night about this stuff, and she says she doesn't get how I can understand it."
But also mention the friend thing to her. That was great advice. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:22:14 PM | | You can...make sure you only focus on study. Don't go to each others homes. Go to a library or public place to meet that doesn't also have social connotations. Invite other people (male and female) to study with you. Let her know you ONLY want to focus on school right now. You don't have to come out and have a big heavy discussion if she hasn't actually made a play for you. Just be conscious of your own actions and don't let opportunities arise for her to make a pass or something. You can also get a new study buddy. | |
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EH1
| | Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 5 | |
| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:23:11 PM |
Tell her you have a girlfriend but do so casually. "Man, I was talking to my girlfriend last night about this stuff, and she says she doesn't get how I can understand it."
But also mention the friend thing to her. That was great advice.
That is a great idea but unfortunatly my best friend is a huge football and basket ball fan so he is one of the most faithful customers to the sports bar she works at and he already told her I was single and a million other things. After I found out dealing with him was easy, a good old fashioned charle horse and slap upside the head I think got the point across but dealing with her is going to be alot more difficult. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:44:53 PM | Yeah, it sounds like your buddy may have set the tone for this one.
If you're completely non confrontational, you can always try to brush her advances off until she gets the idea. Or along the lines of pretending you have someone, you can always come in skipping on day and say "Hey, I met this great girl..." and go on and on about her, like your chatting with best friend.
Either way, if she's into you, it's gonna sting. There's no easy way around that. It happens to all of us, and all you can do is try to convey the message in the nicest possible way no matter what method you use. After that, the amount of pain she feels and how she responds to it are completely out of your hands. That's probably the most important thing for you to remember in all of this. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:47:48 PM | Just because you didn't have a girlfriend last week doesn't mean you can't be getting one this week.
You are a nice guy who wants to protect her feelings. I hope you can remain friends with her. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:51:46 PM | Maybe you could try smelling worse than she does. Douse yourself with buck lure or have a run-in with a skunk.
Seriously, I don't see a way of launching a preemptive strike without coming across as presumptuous, even if you are certain your presumptions are correct.
However, if her body language or the looks she's sneaking make you uneasy, it is not unreasonable to tell her so. You could use her behavior as an opening to say something like: "When you look at me like that (rub your leg against mine like that, brush crumbs off my crotch like that, etc.), I feel uncomfortable and distracted. I want us to concentrate on our studying and ace the class. I feel like we're good enough friends that I can say this to you. " | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:58:11 PM | | Gawd no, do not make up a girlfriend. If you value this woman's friendship continue to treat has as a friend. Trust me, she probably knows that you are not interested in her romantically. It doesn't mean that she isn't interested in you not does it mean she will die if you turn down a sexual advance. Unless she asks you straight up if you want her for more than a friend, let things be. She'll adjust if she values you as a friend. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:33:48 PM | What kind of friends are they if you can't be honest with them? What kind of friends expect you to be sexually interested in them and get pissed off and disappointed if you're not? What you're saying is, "A friend wants me to behave in a way that I don't want to, and she'll be mad if I don't."
Be honest. If she can't handle it, why would you consider her such a good friend? | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:35:46 PM | | You can also have your friend take care of the mess he helped create. The next time he goes into the bar and talks to her about you, he could also mention the friendship between you and her, along with the fact that you're not looking for a romantic relationship until after you finish school, or something like that. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:49:45 PM | Give her a few clues. Ladies will pick up on that sort of thing faster then guys. If that doesn't work then gently tell her how you feel in a nice way...or you can (or infer) that you already have a girlfriend. Good luck.  | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:53:20 PM | Let her know she's in the friend zone undoubtedly! Maybe the convo could go something like this:
"Hey Jane, since you've become such a good friend to me, I thought I could ask your advice about something?"
"Sure EH1, what is it?"
"Well, there's a girl that I REALLY like in one of my other classes and I'm not sure how to approach her. What do you think?"
Getting girl-tips from her will let her know in no uncertain terms that you value her friendship and advice, but are in no way interested in her. Also, don't allow yourselves to sit too closely or that might be leading her to believe you WANT her close to you.
Good luck!! | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 2:00:20 PM |
That is a great idea but unfortunatly my best friend is a huge football and basket ball fan so he is one of the most faithful customers to the sports bar she works at and he already told her I was single and a million other things. After I found out dealing with him was easy, a good old fashioned charle horse and slap upside the head I think got the point across but dealing with her is going to be alot more difficult
I'm not that big on telling some a lie to gracefully get out of something. The truth usually comes out somewhere and then you really do look like an a$$.
I like the advice about emphasizing the positive. "Hey, you know I really appreciate the fact that we are study buddies, it's been a real help to work to me, Thanks for being such a good friend".
pretty much yanks the romantic rug and yet it is a very nice compliment. Especially if it comes with something like a mocha or latte or whatever you youngsters are drinking these days. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:20:29 PM | | How about telling her that she is way toooooooooo special to make love to. Tell her friendship means more than a roll in the hay. I am sure 'said' lady will appreciate that. Most women want a man that likes them in a NONSEXUAL WAY.... if not ALL!!! | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:38:07 PM | how about pissing a guy off.
i have noticed many times when i have been chatting a woman up and in some sort of way ask her question i usually get the " yeah my boyfriend likes them "........or something similar with the one word i dont want to hear - " boyfriend ".
not sure if these women were just trying to put me off ( most likely tho...lol ) but i guess the " boyfriend/girlfriend " works when trying to put some one off....lol | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:31:35 PM | OOOOh OOOOh! I know!
Here's what you do:
"Hey.... are you hitting on me? Or am I just getting mixed signals?"
"No...../ Yes!" (If no, say "Awesome! I was getting worried there.")
"Ahhhh... I see. Well, I just thought I detected a little something that I'm really not in the correct mindframe to deal with. I enjoy us being study buddies/ friends and all, but I really think I won't be able to take it any further than that."
Why oh why can't we be direct?
Come on, try it! | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:08:03 PM | Dear EH1,
Sometimes the "blunt" approach is the best but you can be "blunt" and "diplomatic" at the same time.
Try this: "I really enjoy studying with you but I've been getting this feeling that you may be interested in just more than studying. Is that correct?" Ya gotta feel her out (not literally...lol). Find out where "she" stands. You miss "signals" when you don't "ask". If she is leading you into something more with her body language and admits it, then you can simply say. "I don't smoke" and the smell of cigerette smoke really makes me sick and it bothers me." Don't tell her you don't find her attractive but revert to the cigerette smoke instead and see if that works and if that doesn't work just simply tell her you don't feel the same way about her and that you have your eye on another "man" (JK...LOL). Sometimes it's best to put all your cards on the table. Otherwise, how else is anyone going to know how "you" feel. People aren't mind readers. You may just find out she's not attracted to "you" at all and thank you for the compliment and you just might have misread her body language.
P.S.-->>I don't agree w/someone's advise of telling her you have another girlfriend because if you too really become just "good" friends and nothing more she'll find out you lied to her etc.....Don't lie to her. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:59:30 PM | If it's making you uncomfortable, it's better to just be up front about it and tell her that you're doing so because you'd really hate to lose her as a friend. I've been "the friend" before and it really helped when I met someone else I was interested in  So maybe set her up with someone you know ;) Preferably a smoker I guess... | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:33:38 PM | just tell her to " get lost and stop bothering me ".........lol
so what if a guy does piss a woman off, its not like its the end of the world, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
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EH1
| | Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:29:19 PM |
If it's making you uncomfortable, it's better to just be up front about it and tell her that you're doing so because you'd really hate to lose her as a friend. I've been "the friend" before and it really helped when I met someone else I was interested in So maybe set her up with someone you know ;) Preferably a smoker I guess...
Thankyou, this is an idea I haven't thought of, although most of my friends who aren't already in a relationship or married are just as ignorant acting as me if not more so this is probably going to make a great script for a comedy. | |
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| How to refuse romance without pissing a woman off
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:02:50 PM | | The smoking vs non-smoking in my opinion should be a “gracious” way to rebuff someone. If it is viewed as an insult by either side of the coin it would seem that any reason wouldn’t be acceptable. There is never really a good way to reject someone, but on issues of lifestyle or habits it should be graciously mentioned and graciously understood. | |
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