| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:04:08 PM | So I've been talking to this guy for some time. The only problem is that I have never met him in person! We talk on the phone or chat online and we get along great. However, every time he invites me to go out, he doesn't call the day we are supposed to go out and is no where to be found! I am fed up with this. I consider him a friend. I don't have a relationship with him. However, I am not going to sit here and tell you that I haven't cosidered the possibility of being something more to him. I NEVER call him. NEVER. I take his behavior as a clear sign that he wants to be friends. Thus, when you are friends with someone you don't call often, right? So that is why I don't call him. But when he calls me he flirts and shows consern for the things in my life (activities,career ect). But what ticks me off is his lack of consideration of inviting me to go out, setting up a time and then not call to let me know he is actually not going to make it and disappearing for a couple of days and then calling like nothing happened. Men, what is your take on this? Give me some insight into the male mind!  | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:11:04 PM | A couple of things come to mind.
1. He could just fear a real relationship
2. He could have been fudging on what he looks like/what he does for a living and he's embarrassed now to tell the truth.
3. Hes married and is unable to get away.
4. Hes a CIA operative and has a busy schedule. LOL.
Just tell him how you feel and ask him outright what the problem is.
Len | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:14:19 PM |
Thus, when you are friends with someone you don't call often, right? So that is why I don't call him.
Um...friends call each other all the time.
Since their feelings are just platonic, they don't obsess over when to call or when not to. If a friend wants to talk to a friend.......they pick up the phone and dial.
NEVER calling someone does NOT say you want to be their friend. It says you either don't like them at all and want nothing to do with them, or you REALLY like them and are too nervous to call. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:16:04 PM | OP... stood up once might be excseable... if there's a believeable reason.
Stood up EVERY TIME = forget the jerk
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:16:52 PM | I could tell you what was on my mind but that probably wouldn't help you out, you should probably ask this guy. I flirt with female friends from time to time but just because it's fun, if he went through the trouble of asking you out and setting it up I'd say there's some interest there, although I can't tell you how strong it might be. Just say "Hey, why did you invite me out, stand me up then call me up later and pretend like nothing happened? It really irritated me." If there's one trait I'd like to see more in women it would be directness, say what you mean and mean what you say, so long as you don't say it in a negative way. Nothing irks me more than having a conversation with a woman with an elephant in the room.  | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:18:35 PM | After seeing your profile, I'm at a loss as to why he doesn't go through with his plans and get together with you.
There are always possibilities though.
There could be small things he perceives in the conversations he has with you, that make him think he shouldn't make an extreme effort, since the two of you are just friends (regardless of his flirting).
Maybe he is playing some kind of game, trying to seem distant and relatively unattainable, because he thinks this will make you want him more, and make you wonder what is going on with him that he won't pick up the ball. This possibility kind of fits the situation.
Maybe he is hoping that you will show more interest in him, but then again, you do agree to go out with him and he blows you off. If you weren't interested, you wouldn't agree to go.
Maybe you intimidate him, and he chickens out.
Maybe he's just a jerk who is trying to mess with your head.
Since as you say, you never call him, I'm reasonably sure that he has no clue as to whether or not you are really interested in him trying to build something with you. Maybe that in and of itself is enough for him to just maintain contact with you, while he explores other options. If the two of you were communicating with each other, he might actually go through with his plans, or at least call you to tell you he had to cancel. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:19:39 PM | | Ha ha Jacob S I like that last line "...with an elephant in the room". That means I should maybe confront him but not be too agressive, sarcastic or have an attitude, correct? | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:20:47 PM | Ugh..
You need to be in his life more so he WANTS to call you and be around you. Call more often than 'never'. Do random things, like call and ask if hes doing anything, if he wants to go for ice cream and a beer.
Silly random things that won't make sense if you do those things alone. Basically excuses to be around and let him KNOW that you are ATTRACTED to him. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:22:52 PM | I agree with athulatha me and this one girl would talk all the time. We're still good friends but not as close as we were. We'd talk at work, then text constantly and also IM constantly it was great for both of us. I had problems that needed her advise and visa versa.
But if he sees you as just a friend then him not showing up or something isn't as big of a deal as if you two were dating. But if you are starting to have feelings for him then tell him or flirt back or something to let him know. Maybe he feels like that your out of his "league" or he figures that most women don't "want" to date a good friend. So why try.
I mean I'm just generally speaking so idk just ask the dude who knows you might get lucky and catch a fish.
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:23:45 PM | The problem is that when we met, it was actually on this site, he told me that he wasn't ready for a "relationship" he was only looking for hang out...so I respect that he is not looking for a relationship, that is why I don't call him or show any signs that I like him. I don't want him to "use" me. See I am trying to play it safe.  | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:29:45 PM | HMMM idk sweetie. I've been the one ready with the girl not ready but hardly the other way around the only reason I'd use that line is if I didn't like that person. Please don't get me wrong thats ME not him. So like I said idk.
You could let him know that when the time is right for him to get in that relationship then your ready. Just be his friend maybe talk to him kind of find out why he's not ready. Is it that he was treated bad by a ex g/f or something.
But good for you playing it safe I wish I could sometimes. lol | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:34:02 PM | | Yeah I see what you mean. Well, at least he said that when we first started being "friends". I don't know where he stands now. Oh well, I really should just let it go. bmcconnell you answered my other posting, thanks! | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:36:01 PM | your welcome any time its funny I can give advise all day but I cannot get a date myself. lol Oh well.  | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:59:15 PM | | In my opinion there is player, written all over him...He is misleading you and stringing you along just fine here...and friends do talk all of the time...my female friends phone so much, that is drives me nuts...lol...I would say, forget about him and upon viewing your profile and pictures..."his loss"...lol...you are to gorgeous to let this guy, be calling all of the shots, not to mention being stood up all of the time...Let someone in, where it will reciprocate properly...You are being mislead from this guy... | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/20/2008 12:12:48 AM | | You're both friends, don't be afraid to ask him where you stand. It might not be a big deal to him, it probably isn't, but that doesn't make the way you feel wrong. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to uncertainty, especially romantic uncertainty, saves a lot of problems later down the road. The truth will set you free, it might piss you off first, but it will definitely set you free. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:39:27 AM | I was in a situation similar to this last year. I started emailing 2 women from 2 different dating sites about the same time. As it happened, I met the first one and we hit it off really well. The second girl I wasn't sure about. I had emailed her about something in her profile and her response was more in line with friends than anything else so we just continued to chat about whatever. Meanwhile I'm dating up a storm with the first girl and things are going well. However I did like this second girl and wanted to meet her, just to see.
Well, we talked a bit about meeting but we never settled on a date or anything. She wasn't pushing it, I wasn't pushing it (mostly because girl #1 was taking up a lot of my time) and eventually we stopped chatting and I decided that girl #1 was the one I wanted to commit to. I'm glad I did, we're approaching our first year together! | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/20/2008 10:13:40 AM | He could be:
1) married
2) insecure/too shy
3) meet women off the internet and they ended up being players so he's taking it slow
4) a player | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/21/2008 9:38:49 PM | | Honey I'm sorry on behalf of many many apparently stupid guys out there. I cannot imagine for the life of me why a guy would bother to set up a date and not show, I could NEVER do that. Especially with a girl like you, it's rediculous, but I donno, maybe some guys are nervous? If I tell a girl I'll do something.....ANYTHING, I do it period. No questions, no further objections. I have respect for a girl's time and effort and apparently this guy doesn't. i'm sorry. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:53:39 PM |
The problem is that when we met, it was actually on this site,
Stop the presses - Evalent, he will read this thread, through the links on the bottom of your profile.
Please let us know how that turns out, but I'm with the other folks - someone who consistently, repeatedly stands you up without even so much as an apology or even some lame excuse is not even a man. You should ask him when he got his testiclectomy.
I hope all the real men in Texas gang up and beat the snot out of him. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/22/2008 2:41:58 AM | Being stood up once on a date, with a really good excuse = remember, but rearrange.
If it happens again - dump them, no exceptions.
However, *yes* you should call people you like. If you don't call, I will not chase, I will assume you're not interested and find someone better.. | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:13:57 PM | I have a bit of a different take on this....I've done this to a few women on here....They weren't initially attractive to me but not a total turn off either. I tried to get to know them more to see if there's something clicking personality wise. This is something all women seem to complain about...men who won't look past the physical, well I try to do just that if it's not too extreme of a leap! What do the women do?....just as you're doing, accusing the guy of being devious if he doesn't fall head over heals for you right off the bat....if he does though, he's desperate right? Some women try to set up rules to the game without thinking them through...then they hate the game they've created!
I will talk to a girl for awhile to see if the personality can overcome the looks...unfortunately I'm finding that the personality CREATES the look! Hear me out:
low self esteem= overweight + poor posture
non educated= trying to stay hip with the younger crowd, smoking, tattoos, piercings etc.
shallow=overdone makeup and hair, clothes too small, too revealing, needs attention
wrinkled beyond current age= not very feminine, drinking and smoking, partier not real classy.
Think about those for awhile before attacking me! | |
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| Why doesn't he want to meet
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:36:16 PM | Well OP
There could be a million reasons why he gets cold feet meeting you.
The first thing I looked for to see if you are attractive or not. And well you are (very much so) so that rules out he is trying to overcome bad looks and good personality. Others have stated other plausible options as well like he isn't as good looking as he has portrayed or he has something to hide. Who knows.
I would say, why waste your time with a guy who doesn't want to be with you? There are plenty fish in the sea so move on. It isn't about him, it is about you. You have shown more than enough patience with him and he deserves no more. NEXT! | |
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