| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 12:49:10 AM | | Hi everyone......Im new to the dating scene, and well, have never really dated even before I had my daughter! ANyways, I was just wondering at what point do you tell a person you have kids? Of course I mean when you meet someone other than here ( cause hopefully your profile says you have kids). Do you tell them after you meet and they call you? right away when you meet? On the first date? Part of me feels that I want someone to get to know me just for ME before they know about my daughter and part of me feels that if they dont want to get to know me after finding out I have a daughter than it wasnt worth getting to know them anyways. I suppose I just assume people make judgements right away as Im fairly young to be a single mom.........then theres the part of me who doesnt even want to tell men cause I dont think it will go anywhere anyways ( Im not ready for a serious relationshipyet). Arrggg! Any thoughts? | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:00:48 AM | If your not ready for a seriouse relationship then why even consider telling them? Just so they aren't shocked when you bring them home and see jr. running about?
For myself, being a dad is part of ME. If they don't like what I'm about, including being a Dad then who wants them anyway? | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:07:18 AM | I just got out of a serious relationship with a man that met me when i was 6 months pregnant and adopted my son. I also have a now 9 year old daughter. He obviously knew what he was signing up for and still decided after 1 1/2 years together that all of a sudden he wanted to see what its like to be single again. Jacka@@. Anyway, it is important to tell them the day you meet them in my opinion. Especially when your not sure what u want. Because either way, they shouldn't meet the child until you have something solid to hold on to. If you keep it to yourself, what r u gonna say if you run into them at Walmart buying diapers or something? Deny your child to cover your butt? That would make you an idiot and hurt any chance of having anyone trust you, especially your child.
not being harsh, just being honest
Besides, your angels are something to be proud of, FLAUNT EM! THEY'RE your BEST FEATURE!  | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:04:59 AM | My two bits...
Honestly is ALWAYS the best policy!
Tell a man right off the bat. Omissions are pointless and almost always imply "shame" for whatever it is that you're not disclosing. I shout it from the roof tops that I have the sweetest babygirl in the world! I don't know about you, but being a mommy will always be the best title I'll ever hold. My time is too precious to waste it on men who have issues with the fact that I have a child. If a man has an issue with it, then he's simply not the one. Period.
BE CAREFUL:
Also, you don't have to introduce your lil one to a potential someone. Through dating you can decipher whether this person is even worthy of meeting your child. Remember, it's the two of you now. If you think its hard for you to deal with a break up - try explaining it to your munchkin why "so and so" doesn't come around anymore. It's hard on them, more often than not children think it's because of something they did. Protect them from unnecessary pain. Be selective. Be mindful of their feelings.
I know you said you weren't ready to date yet, but when you are - I hope you take these thoughts in consideration.
Wishing you all the best!
TGFAZ | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:56:51 AM | | I tell people STRAIGHTAWAY. Im proud of being a mum and I am proud of my daughter. She is one of the first things I tell people about. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:57:46 AM | | I always tell that I have children in my very first conversation. I am proud of my kids, and if anyone wants to date me, eventually they might have to get to know them. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:53:10 AM | Hey there,
Well i would just like to say that normally if i sign into a dating site i would already have filled in on info section that i have a child that way people already know that you have a child. If not i would normally tell them on a date or in a phone call that i have a child. If you wait until they know you and then they find out that you have a child and they are not interested in children well then you perhaps have wasted some of your good energy that could have been used on someone who is interested in the whole package. Well all the best and happy fishing x | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:12:20 AM | Immediately, especially when you are 24. You might weed out the bad ones, the party guys and the losers straight away.
It's in your profile so that is a good start. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:56:43 AM | | Hmmm... I've never really had to give when or how to tell someone I have kids any thought. It's just such a huge part of who I am. Generally someone will say something like "What do you do..." for a living or for fun. Somehow the fact comes up that I'm a divorced, working mother who has chunks of non-office hours committed to kid-related activities. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:39:01 AM | | I think having children is part of who you are. Being honest with yourself and others is a quality people should be proud of. If there is a potential "date" out there for you, they should be aware that you have this bonus package. Family makes you whole. If they don't like kids then they aren't the one for you. Be proud of being a mom. It's the hardest job on this earth. Doing it as a single parent gives you strength. Be proud of the fact that you have children. Many people never get to experience this. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 8:06:44 AM | | I've always just told guys that I've dated or talked to that I have a son. He's part of me and if they can't handle that, then they aren't for me. Your daughter isn't going anywhere, she's always going to be apart of your life. It's what they refer to as a package deal. You don't have to introduce them to your daughter right away, but I would suggest in small talk that you enjoy doing something with your daughter, just to put it out there. If they are mature and don't mind, then they will accept that it's you 2. A friend of mine always says that the guy isn't dating just her, he's also dating her kids. In the end result you want to find someone who accepts you for you, but someone who also accepts your child, as they are apart of you and vice versa. Good luck! | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:15:43 AM | | Well being a single mother of a large family its not realy easy to hide the fact that I have kids, So be upfront and tell them right a way. No one ever said you had to say how many you have, but atleast you are not wasting there time if the guy is not in to being with some one with kids. For me as soon as I am asked what I do for excitment it comes out. I am a buzzy hockey mom. The hardest part of telling pepole is telling them how many...... | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:49:31 AM | Online- you're right it's on your profile. (you don't need to ever really go into detail about your daughter) until you're really seriously dating someone... that way they've gotten to know you for you.
If you meet someone outside of online dating. I'd rather find out on the 1st date especially, if it's going to affect the availabilty of dating. I've met men that have their kids EVERY weekend... not every other weekend. I adore kids but I won't meet them until I know I'm in a longterm relationship. I'd get attached to the kids!!! | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 12:27:22 PM | | I tell people I have kids upfront. I'm a single mom and have 2 small children that live with me. Whether or not I'm looking for anything serious, my children affect the time I have to devote to anything social and having to cancel things at the last minute because of my motherly duties will (in my humble opinion) tolerated much better than making up some lame excuse. Besides, I know if I were seeing someone who didn't bother to tell me he had children I'd wonder what they had to hide. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 12:30:20 PM | I can't imagine not telling someone right off the bat. My daughter is a much a part of me as well, me and I don't think I could resist the bragging.  I say tell them from the get go cause you never know when that one date willt urn into a relationship even if you don't intend for it to and if you don't tell you'll have that hanging over the relationship. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:50:25 PM | | I would not hide my parental status from anyone. My life is way too important to me to waste time talking to people who see that as a deal-breaker. That said, I actually prefer men that have kids. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:59:45 PM | I tell people right away, I dont see a reason to hide it. If you find the need to hide that you are a parent then you have some issues with being scare of rejection I find (JMO). And the reason why I say that is because you are scared that if you tell someone you have kids off the bat then they wont like you because of it.
Well I am sorry if you dont like me cause I have kids then that is your problem not mine. S0 I tell them right at first conversation cause I am proud to be a mom. | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:01:32 PM | I mention it right off the bat, they are such a big part of who I am and I'm proud of the parent I've come to be.
That said... other than their ages, I say little else about my children after that. Once I'm comfortable with the person I'm communicating with, I don't mind sharing more, but still keep it very minimal. I also don't ever introduce my kids to people I see while we're on a dating level. When there is a potential for something committed? Then I'll arrange for some time together, but not until then.
Good luck!!
-T | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:06:50 PM | No kids myself, but I have high respect for parenting. If someone did not tell me from the get-go, I would seriously question why they would want to hide this information and would wonder what else they are hiding. As another poster stated, it affects their availability for dating. Of course, I would not insist on meeting them right off the bat because I feel that it is something that is best saved for if we become an item, and it would not be fair to the kid(s) to have strange people in and our of their lives. I know what I'm talking about as my own parents divorced when I was 3 and I've seen it all.  | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/21/2008 8:07:23 PM | Well, if they read my profile, they'll see it's right there. A lot of people (men and women) don't want to date someone with young children, so I nip it in the bud and tell it like it is. If they choose not to date me, so be it, that's their choice. Yes, it's tough sometimes - especially when you're my age with a young one  , but you just have to have faith, believe in yourself and don't give up hope. In the meantime, have fun with your child(ren) and your friends! There is no point worrying about what may or may not happen  | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:28:14 AM | if was to date someone and then chatting away in their house, imagine the comments if the door burst open and some kid ran in....
better to be up front and honest about it :) | |
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| when do you tell people you have kids?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:31:52 AM | | I tell people I have a kid ASAP, but nobody gets to *meet my son*. They can know I have a kid, but wont be involved with him unless the relationship goes somewhere. A lot of guys say "oh you can bring your son along too" but i'm like, no thanks. I am single after being with someone 5 years, married for 3. I never had much "dating" either, since I was 16 when we got together and I was 21 when we split. I haven't even had many dates since we split last July. | |
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